Life

Big sigh.

Thanks #5: Cauliflower Soup

Today I am thankful for the introduction of cauliflower soup into my life. Hillzy made it for us the other night, along with a yummy yet simple pork sandwich, and I was in heaven. I love soup. Soupy soup soup. I love it to the bone. But I'm very particular about my soups. Who knew that such a simple soup made from a vegetable I've never liked that much could be so delicious? I've also had mashed cauliflower made to taste like mashed potatoes, and that was quite good as well. Cauliflower, you're a sneaky vegetable, but you're alright. In fact, you are quite delicious.

Valley

A slow panic set in today as I paid some bills and looked at my depleting account. The job I was suppose to start next week got postponed another week, and from talking to a coworker, it sounds like it's going to be a nightmare. It's just making me antsy because I want this job behind me so I can find something more fulfilling. But for now it'll pay the bills, so I can't really complain. But I probably will. It's just so easy to spend money you don't have when you have so much time on your hands.

But when you have time on your hands, cooking suddenly doesn't seem so time consuming (except when you're starving). I think I've made and eaten most of my meals at home this week, which I haven't done in a while. I've made three tasty recipes which makes me feel like an accomplished woman with gloves. It's also making me eat less (most of the time), so I can shrink the monster in my stomach back to pre-holiday gorging needs. It'll be too bad when I won't be able to keep this up when I start working. But I'm hoping my growing list of tasty recipes will help with some decision making at least. It's amazing that my job consists of making thousands of decisions but when it comes to what I want to eat, I can never decide.

A friend said to me today that 2012 is the year to take risks. I thought, heck, why not, I'm already 30, unemployed, I have nothing to lose. And also, the world is supposedly ending, so what better year to start taking risks right? I would like to take the jump, but I still feel like I have some preparations to make before the jump. But then again, is anyone ever prepared for risk taking? I guess it wouldn't be considered a risk then, if you're prepared.

I did apply for a job yesterday in NY. I guess that was some sort of a risk. But it was such a long shot of a thing that not doing it would've seemed lazy. I guess I'm just trying to be open to whatever opportunities are out there. Except, when I thought about how much of a long shot it was again this morning, along with my depleting account, I got somewhat discouraged and depressed at my upcoming prospects.

I'm hoping things will work themselves out, like they usually seem to...eventually.

Thanks #4

Today I'm thankful for things that don't seem to work out when you want them to but realize later that it led to something else that worked out much better later. I'm sure there's a word for that but I can't think of what it is right now.

For instance, to piggy back on thanks #2, had the burglary in my old apartment never happened, I would've never found my current wonderful apartment. Or is that just things working out on their own? I dunno.

I feel like most of the time things work out pretty well for me, from either me working really hard for something, or that I get lucky in a situation and they end up working out. Things like...my good parking karma. Skill or just good luck? Finding my apartment: good timing or good luck? Who knows. I just know that I've been in a few fortunate situations, so that is what I am thankful for today.

Thanks #3: Limbs

Today I am thankful for: my limbs.

I know that is a weird thing to be thankful for but I am SO thankful for it. My arms and legs, thanks for being there, and for working. Properly. I think this came from a time when I was younger and got hurt a lot more. There were times when I was bandaged up and couldn't get an arm or a leg wet in the shower. You know how hard it is to shower when you have to stick out a leg? Or when you soap up with only one arm? Well you can't really. And when those injuries happened enough, I always took the time to stop, and be thankful for the day when I would be all healed up and can lather with two hands.

You see people do every day things without limbs all the time. They paint, they drive. I saw this video of a really good looking guy with no arms or legs doing things you would never imagine. So I know its possible to live without them and life goes on. But I wouldn't want to. I'm too independent for that. I can't imagine having to rely on someone to wash me or feed me or clothe me. I hated asking for rides in high school. I like to live as a self sufficient woman. SSW, ftw!

Besides all that, I love my hands too much. I rely on them too much. I have urges. And no, I'm not going down that path. I just have these urges to create. Not all the time, but...a lot of the time. And it's always this deep seated urge. Like lately, I've been too static. When I get too static is when I feel the need to create. And when I can't think of anything, I end up cooking. To me that feels like creating. So I guess I've been doing some cooking lately. But I wouldn't be able to cook without my hands. It'd be hard. And I want to sew. And draw. And mold. And clean hard to reach corners that only my fingers can get to. And hold one pound weights. And play my violin, my keyboard, my guitar, my accordion. And type words into my computer for this post...

I am so thankful for my fingers and opposable thumbs and my arms and my legs and my feet so that I can wear my heels. Even though my toes crack whenever I walk across the warren's floor, I love them just the same.

And that is what I'm thankful for today.

Thanks #2

Today I'm thankful for: My awesome apartment.

About 2 years ago around this time, I was fighting my landlord over her lack of competency in dealing with the aftermath of my apartment getting burgled over the holidays. Finally, I decided to move. I didn't think anything of this apartment's listing when I saw it online. When I finally walked in, I thought it was nice, but something in me decided not to take it (that something turned out to be bad placement of furniture already in the apt). But when the landlord left, he didn't lock the place, so I went back to take a second look, and started seeing possibilities. I took pictures. Sure it was more than I wanted to pay, but still reasonable for all the amenities.

Two years later, I still LOVE my place to death. Sure, it's still not decorated (well, I did put one (1) thing up). Sure I still have one box that looks like it hasn't been unpacked. But I love my apartment. I love the amenities. I love the attention to detail that was put on this place. I love not having to share a wall (except with critters in the night). I love the neighborhood sooo much. I love that I'm in the back so, if people ever break in, they'd probably go to the front house first. Not that that's a good thing, but at least there's more of them there to call for help, unlike if they broke in and killed me, that'd be it. I love that I have an office like space and a living room space. I love that I can walk to coffee, bars, restaurants, the library, the post office. I love that trader joes is so close. I love that I have a little back yard with real actual fruit growing on the trees. The other day I actually went out and picked a real lemon to use for dinner. I love that my landlord is really cool, quick to respond, and lives close by for those few times I locked myself out. I love the houses on my street. I love that Hills and Chauncey live close by and that we've grown closer. Having good friends live close to you really makes a difference. I love that there is a farmer's market on sundays I can walk to. I love that LA people don't know where this place is (I'm talking about you, Santa Monicans!). I love that sometimes when I go to bed I can see the moon outside my window from bed.

Sure there are things that can be improved on, but for the most part, it's pretty perfect. I feel really lucky to have found this gem. And had I not been a single asian nonsmoking female with no pets, I probably wouldn't have gotten it. (The asian thing to blend in more with my front neighbors, so it doesn't look too obvious I'm living in a converted garage that is probably not too kosher with the codes. And female because the neighbors have little kids.) I'm trying not to think about the day I'll have to move for a job or something. From here I want to move into a house. This has been the most bestest apartment I've ever lived in. And for a homebody, that is a huge deal.

That is what I'm thankful for today.

Thanks #1

I'm gonna try something different...we'll see how long it lasts.

Today I'm thankful for my BFF who is currently in the hospital, maybe having a baby. BFF and I have known each other for a while now, and probably for the rest of our lives. It's nice to have someone like that in your life. Sometimes I wished we lived closer and had the same aged kids so that one of us can run out and run an errand while the other watched the kids. I know if I ever have kids I'm going to want a trusted babysitter (and watch her while she babysits so I know she's working hard). We've been through a lot together, and probably will go through a lot more. I love that we live completely different lives but still love getting together and sharing our lives. I know about her friends, she knows about mine. I probably have more pictures of her kids in my phone than any other person. Her littlest one picked out a christmas present for me. They play with me through barbie dolls when I'm not there. I'm so thankful that they don't forget me every time I leave. I could go on and on but I feel like we know our relationship so well that I don't need to. Besides, I'm gonna try to keep this series short and quick.

That is what I'm thankful for today.

So this is christmas

I don't like to blog when I'm sick, but it seems to be what I end up doing anyway. To me it's just complaining to people who come here to read about anything except complaints. Maybe that's why my readership has declined. But honestly, I haven't really done anything today except watch episode after episode of friday night lights, so a little change of pace wouldn't hurt me.

This holiday season started off strong. I made ornaments, I decorated. I bought holly barrettes to wear in my hair. But now with one more week to go, I've already lost the holiday spirit. I guess laying on the couch all day can do that to you. I was really looking forward to going to some holiday parties and dressing up a little and eating cookies and good food all weekend, but that didn't happen. I was going to make some avocado fries to bring to the parties but now all I'm left with are just avocados. I also have a bottle of wine staring at me giving me googly eyes, but I know I'll probably feel worse if I give in when I'm already feeling like crap. I guess there's always next year. And if I start now, I'm ahead of the game.

But I'm just really tired of this stupid cough. And I'm feeling quite pathetic and sorry for myself.

I'll allow myself to wallow for the rest of the night. Tomorrow is a new day to a new week. Tomorrow I'll wake up ready to hit the ground running. I'll wear something pretty, put my holly barrette on, and this sick lazy weekend will be a by gone. Good bye, bygone!

Oh yea, and Kim Jong Il passed away this weekend. Not sure how that'll change things this coming week. Should be interesting.

Oh and what is up with all these yearly lists coming out before Christmas? Usually they wait til Christmas is over I thought, and hype it up before the new year, but this year it seems to have come earlier than usual. A bit too early in my opinion. I'm not ready for this year to end yet.

I really wish I had some pie right now.

Blah

Instead of going out on a Friday night, I just spent the last few hours rearranging the furniture in my apartment. Moved the bookshelf thither to make room for more possible shelves. Spent the time taking all my books out of the book shelf to move it only to then decide I didn't like where I had moved it and so moved it back to where it originally was, and placed all the books back. And now my back is sore, and I'm back to exactly where I was a few hours ago. Oh well, guess no new shelves for me! I've been having this itch to redo my apartment somehow. But that involves money I shouldn't really be spending. I'm actually glad I did this tonight, to reassure myself that I can't buy those new shelves. These are the things I do instead of going out for human contact. Oy.

Oh yea, and looking at pretty things.



I'm so lame.

Warmth

The worst (or best?) thing about working from home...from the comfort of home...is that your bed gives you the stink eye all day, whenever you pass by it to go to the bathroom. It doesn't matter if you make your bed or not. If it's too neat and tidy, it wants you to jump in. If it's messy and half made, it still wants you to get in, half the work is done for you already! My bed knows that especially on days like this, when it's cold and gloomy out, it has a certain advantage. Every time I come out of the bathroom, I have to try really hard to resist the temptation. To the point where I avoid eye contact with my bed, and run out as soon as possible, like I just did 5 minutes ago. But even still...here in front of my computer, in another room, on the corner furthest away from my bed, I can still hear it behind me. Taunting me....

WTF, and now there is loud thunder outside. I think my bed knows I'm writing about it and is doing all it can to lure me back in. I will resist, because I have work to do. But let's hug it out and make up, later tonight.

What a week

This has been a jam packed week. I don't know how I could've fit in a full time job.

Monday was mostly spent recuperating from bacon poisoning. I need to remember to stay away.

Tuesday involved a yummy recuperating meal of soon tofu where I learned that the owners love my pal Hills, and hate me, a fellow asian. When I asked for refills they glared and said they'd have to charge extra. And then proceeded to hug Hills and ask if she wanted more. WTF? Sigh, such is life. It was also the annual VS fashion show that I love so much. I watched it while flipping over to the news to see what the police were up to downtown at occupy la. Is it a sign of maturity when you've outgrown half nekked models walking down the runway in elaborate angel wings? Perhaps it is...perhaps I'm growing up. This year, it just didn't do it for me as much as it did every other year in the past. Or maybe models juxtaposed with people fighting for their beliefs in non violent ways just wasn't the way to do it, because it reminded me even more that I was just sitting at home, comfortably, watching stupid models with hot yet unattainable figures talking about things I don't care about, instead of fighting out there with the good people. But the truth is, I'm a scared little kitty kat and I don't want to be pepper sprayed or arrested.

Wednesday started out lovely and normal. Around 5p I was on the phone with a friend and heard shenanigans outside my window. I figure it was the neighbor kid playing with something that happened to be banging on my window. And then as it turned from 5p to 6p, I thought, "well, this is just getting annoying and a little bit rude, don't you think?" Turns out, there was no one outside my window. It was the santa ana wind. By 7p it got crazy, and by 8p my lights were flickering. Throughout the night there were loud bangs from what I assume were things flying around. I went to bed around midnight in hopes that everything turned off would not surge the power in my little apt garage. By then the power had went out three times but quickly came back on. I couldn't sleep all night because the wind was loud and scary and crazy. I just laid there wondering just how sturdy they built my garage, and if they'd be able to find me under a collapsed rubble. And also how strong those pomegranate trees outside my bedroom was because if it fell it would come crashing on top of me. I was woken up by loud winds at 4am, and realized the power had went out again. I was tired of resetting my clocks. And then I thought about moving my car in case the palm trees I was parked under decided to fall, but figured it was too crazy outside to even attempt. Coming from OC, I am accustomed to these yearly winds, but I can't remember ever being in a wind storm this bad. I survived the night and in the morning went out to survey the damage. It looked disastrous. Palm fronds everywhere, leaves and branches everywhere, and the worst part: a large fallen treebranch crushing a car. And then I realized it was my neighbor's car! When I went to let them know, I realized she was out there as well. Everyone on our block was ok, except for their car. Poor front neighbors. The branch was so large that it blocked the whole street, and cars driving by had to turn back around. The pictures don't do it justice, because by the time I took them, some gardeners had sawed some of the branches off to clear the road. I'm just so very grateful it wasn't my car, and that no one was hurt.





Thursday consisted of meeting a new friend for lunch at a place that sells PIES. Let me repeat. A whole restaurant with just PIES. Oh yum. Unfortunately, we got there too late and there weren't many pies to choose from, so when I added an apple dessert pie on top of my mac and cheese pie to share with my pal, they said they'll give it to us for free since there was so few choices left. SWEET! Free pie! On top of that, it was exactly the type of apple pie I liked, plus they gave us wonderful ice cream on the side. I was in pie heaven. We left very full and happy. When I got back from lunch I noticed several neighborhoods without power, and by 7:30, our entire block went down. That's when I booked it outta there! Thankfully I had dinner plans and by the time I got home, the power was back on. Friends in other neighborhoods just got their power back today, that's 4 days without power!

Friday consisted of groceries, cooking, the museum, and more cooking. The awesomest thing about the whole day would have to be seeing this in person at the museum:


As well as this beautiful speaker cabinet made in the 1950s. It was absolutely gorgeous, unfortunately, I didn't think to take a picture of it.

Saturday involved an early wake to make a breakfast casserole that was brought to Sara's baby shower. The shower was fun, and it was even nicer to hang with her and her girls. Also, we made these ornaments while I was there that turned out FANTASTIC! They're so pretty I can't stop looking at them. It's too bad I don't have a tree to put them on. But so far, I have 3 holiday items in my apt which may just be the most holiday decorating I've ever done. I also went to a choir concert (yes, the choir that I quit months earlier) to see Vonne, and oh boy she was FANTASTIC!! Her solo had so much energy and force...I'm so proud of her and her team. I don't regret quitting, I've realized that just because I'm not good at something doesn't mean I have to stick it out til I am. Well, with some things sure, but I have to pick my battles, and this wasn't a battle I wanted to fight. Especially when I can watch my dear friend do it so much better than me!

And finally....today I went to meet a friend for brunch. We had a nice long chat and I ate way too much and had too much coffee and then stuffed myself on beignets with raspberry sauce. But we did walk it off after with a trip to a craft show that I vowed never to go back to two years ago, but figured, what the heck, I may be inspired to make some more stuff. We stopped at this booth with dresses and she pulled one out and was looking at it, and I was trying very hard not to look too hard because so many things were calling my name. But something caught my eye and it was game over. I went to try it on, it was too big. She saw me try something on so wanted to try something on as well, and oh my, her dress fit her like a glove and looked so chic on her. I asked for a smaller size, they said whatever is available is out there. And since I didn't see my size out there, I was ok to give it up. So we debated on her dress for a while and when she went to purchase, I went back just to check again if my size would happen to be there. Welp. Guess what. It was. I tried it on. It fit. So I decided to splurge. Now is not really the time for me to need a new dress nor buy one, but dammit...ladies and gentlemen, meet my new baby:


And then I come home to find out that probably because it was a local designer at a local fair, I paid only about a third of what the internet price is. SWEET! I never would have bought it for the internet price. I'm gonna wear the shit outta this dress!!!

That, dear readers, was a peek at my week. Excited to see what next week brings!

Stalling

I've come to stall.

I'm suppose to be thinking up ideas for a treatment that's voluntarily due tomorrow, and I've got nothing. Well I do have something involving a fictitious incident that our president experienced in college, but that involves research I don't have the time for. And also, I don't know how well fake stories about real people go over with crowds.

Yesterday I was poisoned by turkey bacon so today, aside from seeing some old friends visiting, I've been house bound. Which is really too bad for such a nice 80 degree fall day. I can't believe my beloved bacon would do that to me. You would think I would've learned after all these years, but still...still I forget and fall into the bacon trap. And I sure paid for it. It wasn't even that good either.

I was in a beautiful home this morning and sitting out on their deck in the nice weather surrounded by friends and kids and a stray cat made me suddenly want to buy a house so that I can have parties and invite friends over. I think I'd make a pretty fabulous party hostess. I would be the one that always had parties and gathering and people would come to see me and my house as the place to be. Then, I'd be able to integrate all my friends and create a community of friends, instead of roaming from group to group. This plan also involves buying a lot of new kitchen ware for party foods, things which my tiny kitchen does not have the room for. Something to shoot for though, definitely.

And now, my procrastination ends. Must get to work. But first...some internet surfing.

Monthly visits?

Hello old friend.

Haven't posted in a month! What's that all about?

Life. That's what it's all about. Actually no, I wish it was life that's keeping me busy! It's just work.

First up, welcome new anonymous reader! Or maybe old reader newly anonymous. Who knows, who cares. All I know is that my readership is now up to 3.5ish. Huzzah! That is news to get excited about!

But also. My TV is broken. I came home and turned it on and all I got was fuzz. My guess is that the neighbors cut something and screwed up my cable system. And yes, I think I'm getting cable from the neighbors. I'm not really all that clear about it since all my bills are included in the rent. And when I asked my landlord about the cable, he said something that I couldn't quite decipher due to his heavy accent and I was tired of asking him "what" one more time.

So now I don't have tv. Which isn't that horrible because I'd like to think I don't watch that much tv anyway. But I did use it for white noise. And now....silence. Oh the silence. Sure I can use the radio or turn on some music, but I actually WANT to pay attention to those things. I want to LISTEN to my music. I want to pay ATTENTION to the radio or podcasts. I can't just tune those things out like I can with TV noise. I hope this situation fixes itself but judging by the look of the fuzz...I have a good feeling it's gone for good.

I just finished watching An Affair to Remember and it is just as good as they say! And I always thought sleepless in seattle ruined that movie for me but they really didn't! Or maybe I just remembered it wrong. But it was highly enjoyable. One thing that struck me while watching this...and possible spoiler alert coming up even though...I don't think it spoils the ending...

So my beef with romantic comedies is that they always fall in love too quickly. One kiss. One night. One look, and BAM, they're getting married. I know most movies are 2 hours or less so there's not much time to see the progression of a couple's love (except for maybe When Harry Met Sally, that movie did this excellently), but! It's always still too fast for me. So when Nicky asks Terry to marry him, per usual, I was thinking, what! Already! But then she said she'll have to think about it. And something in the way she said that line made me suddenly understand. At one time marriage for people was this...this thing to be done. Sure you have to have some affection in there for each other, but mostly marriage was an arrangement. None of this lovey dovey love at first sight I can't live without you psychotic love that we've built it up to be. It was just a "ok let's do this thing" thing. Like asking someone to go away on vacation with you...but for the rest of your life. The main point is to relax and have fun, and sure you'll have disagreements along the way, but you'll have to find a way to resolve them pretty quickly because you have to travel with this person for the rest of your vacation and you don't want to ruin the vacation...

Wow that was a pretty deep analogy I just came up with there. I just come up with the best things sometimes. Good job brain.

I don't know if the prior point made any sense, but my point is that I kinda get it now. So whereas all this time I've been thinking that rom coms are getting it wrong by jumping the marriage gun too quickly, it's ME that's been getting it wrong. Maybe it is that easy. S, feel free to weigh in here.


I should mention that work has been stressing me out quite a bit, making me feel like I'm not as good at what I do as I thought I was. And sure it's a learning process and all that, but I just want to be the best. Right away. All the time. But i'm getting bored even mentioning this topic so maybe I'll save it for another day.

And lastly, I've been told to write. (Not me personally, just in general, I'm in the creative world, I should constantly be writing my own thing if I want to get noticed.) I've been told that it's the one thing that everyone knows how to do, and it's something that we do everyday. I always tell people and myself, I'm not the poor penniless writah, I'm more the crazy sitah player, I'll leave the writing to Ewan Mcgreggor who pines away at his typewritah for the beautiful Satine. And then I come on my blog and say it's good writing practice while outside I tell people I don't write. It's a weird mindfuck I pull on myself. So enough of that. Yes I write. I'm not a writer by profession. But I do write. And I will be writing more. (Right after I go find some books on how to write.) And then I'll be just like everyone else at starbucks...laptop open, working on the latest draft of my "script". It's gonna be grand!

Be all that you can be. -G.I. Joe

It's been an interesting past few days. My dear friends got married. I hung out with my sister and her baby. Oh, and my dress came in! (Got the pink, and though it fits, it's a bit too tight. I either need to lose some inches or give it to someone else. Not worth sending back to the UK.)

I was surprised at how social I was at the second wedding on Saturday. Maybe because I was on my own and had the freedom to do whatever I felt like. Or maybe because I actually knew some people there and was excited about catching up. Maybe the people were just friendly and my type of people so we all clicked. There were a couple times where I ended up sitting by myself at the table because the other people I had met were busy being social or going to the bathroom or something. But I felt totally ok with just sitting there by myself and just enjoying the moment. I'm not always ok, sometimes I feel like a big loser sitting by myself, other times I feel totally fine and empowered. This was one of those fine moments. Except someone will always come up to me and ask why I'm sitting by myself. As though it's such a horrible awful thing to sit by yourself. People need to learn that being alone is sometimes not such a bad thing.

I felt like I was pretty on fire with the social thing on saturday. I'm often not, and can be quite the Daria. And though I enjoy having my Daria moments, I think I'm a better person when I am being social (the genuine kind, not the fake obligatory kind) and making real connections with people, so I will strive to be that every time I'm in a social setting now. I won't always achieve it, and that will be ok, because sometimes I really do love being Daria (she got her own show didn't she?), but I'm going to try and make a bigger effort to be the best of myself at most times. Except Sundays. I rest on Sundays and go bad.

Speaking of Sundays...I didn't drive my car all day Sunday and came out on Monday very late morning to find a note on my car that read: Don't park in my driveway. I took a look and the butt of my car WAS indeed blocking part of my neighbor's driveway. I'm usually not so careless, but let's just say I came home a bit late Saturday night and did not notice my bad parking. I felt bad about it because it was like that for over a day, and if it had happened to me, I would've been VERY annoyed at whoever owned the car. Maybe even called to have it towed. I also felt like I had been reprimanded for drawing on the walls or something. So since then I made a vow to NOT park on that neighbor's curb. Because I knew that once my neighbor saw me with my car, and saw my asian-ness, he or she was going to blame it on that, rather than my one evening of carelessness.

So tonight as I was going to my car, I saw that neighbor out on his driveway, sweeping. At first I was just going to avoid him, avoid all eye contact, and just hop in the car and drive fast. But then we made eye contact and we waved to each other, friendly neighborly like. And by then I didn't feel like I could just ignore it, so I said, "sorry about my car the other day." And instead of going off on me about how bad of a car parker I was, the neighbor guy apologized back, and said he didn't realize it was my car. "It's just that there's very little room to move already and with the car...." I stopped him and said I understood completely and it was my fault entirely and that I was very sorry and it won't happen again. He was so nice about it, that it made me love my neighborhood even more. Neighborly issues happen all the time and we resolved it like the grown ups we are. And he said he "didn't realize it was my car" as though, if he had realized, he wouldn't have left the note. All in all, I was feeling uneasy about the situation for the past few days, and I'm glad things resolved the way they did.

Ugh, boring, who cares right?

I'm also trying to make myself go to bed earlier so I wake up earlier, but it's tough. It's tough when you don't want to go to bed and find all these things to do instead of going to bed.

But again. Who cares. Talk about snore and a half.

I can't handle all this 9/11 stuff.

I'm not complaining, it's all just so overwhelming. There's this constant lump in the back of my throat whenever I hear a story. It's all over the tv and radio, there's no getting away from it.

And I get that 9/10/11 is a cool date, but did my friends really have to pick the day before the 10th 9/11 anniversary to get married? Just seems like too much going on for one weekend. It'll be hard to be in celebratory mode when everyone else is in commemorating a really horrible event mode.

Yesterday while I ran errands, I finally noticed it. It was hard for me to read something far away! I had a hard time focusing, and everything just looked blurry. I thought, "What is going on?" and then realized what WAS going on and thought "Oh, so this is how it starts." And then a few minutes later, the optometrist called and said my glasses were ready. Seriously, I kid you not. Funny how the world works sometimes. I tried the glasses on a few times yesterday and did NOT like them. I think it made my eyes hurt. I felt like I was looking through a side view mirror that was held up to my nose, where everything is closer than it seems. It was weird.