Daily Banterings

Life

2012-01-15T01:39:00.001-08:00

Big sigh.

Thanks #5: Cauliflower Soup

2012-01-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for the introduction of cauliflower soup into my life. Hillzy made it for us the other night, along with a yummy yet simple pork sandwich, and I was in heaven. I love soup. Soupy soup soup. I love it to the bone. But I'm very particular about my soups. Who knew that such a simple soup made from a vegetable I've never liked that much could be so delicious? I've also had mashed cauliflower made to taste like mashed potatoes, and that was quite good as well. Cauliflower, you're a sneaky vegetable, but you're alright. In fact, you are quite delicious.

Valley

2012-01-06T22:41:00.001-08:00

A slow panic set in today as I paid some bills and looked at my depleting account. The job I was suppose to start next week got postponed another week, and from talking to a coworker, it sounds like it's going to be a nightmare. It's just making me antsy because I want this job behind me so I can find something more fulfilling. But for now it'll pay the bills, so I can't really complain. But I probably will. It's just so easy to spend money you don't have when you have so much time on your hands.

But when you have time on your hands, cooking suddenly doesn't seem so time consuming (except when you're starving). I think I've made and eaten most of my meals at home this week, which I haven't done in a while. I've made three tasty recipes which makes me feel like an accomplished woman with gloves. It's also making me eat less (most of the time), so I can shrink the monster in my stomach back to pre-holiday gorging needs. It'll be too bad when I won't be able to keep this up when I start working. But I'm hoping my growing list of tasty recipes will help with some decision making at least. It's amazing that my job consists of making thousands of decisions but when it comes to what I want to eat, I can never decide.

A friend said to me today that 2012 is the year to take risks. I thought, heck, why not, I'm already 30, unemployed, I have nothing to lose. And also, the world is supposedly ending, so what better year to start taking risks right? I would like to take the jump, but I still feel like I have some preparations to make before the jump. But then again, is anyone ever prepared for risk taking? I guess it wouldn't be considered a risk then, if you're prepared.

I did apply for a job yesterday in NY. I guess that was some sort of a risk. But it was such a long shot of a thing that not doing it would've seemed lazy. I guess I'm just trying to be open to whatever opportunities are out there. Except, when I thought about how much of a long shot it was again this morning, along with my depleting account, I got somewhat discouraged and depressed at my upcoming prospects.

I'm hoping things will work themselves out, like they usually seem to...eventually.

Thanks #4

2012-01-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for things that don't seem to work out when you want them to but realize later that it led to something else that worked out much better later. I'm sure there's a word for that but I can't think of what it is right now.

For instance, to piggy back on thanks #2, had the burglary in my old apartment never happened, I would've never found my current wonderful apartment. Or is that just things working out on their own? I dunno.

I feel like most of the time things work out pretty well for me, from either me working really hard for something, or that I get lucky in a situation and they end up working out. Things like...my good parking karma. Skill or just good luck? Finding my apartment: good timing or good luck? Who knows. I just know that I've been in a few fortunate situations, so that is what I am thankful for today.

Thanks #3: Limbs

2012-01-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for: my limbs.

I know that is a weird thing to be thankful for but I am SO thankful for it. My arms and legs, thanks for being there, and for working. Properly. I think this came from a time when I was younger and got hurt a lot more. There were times when I was bandaged up and couldn't get an arm or a leg wet in the shower. You know how hard it is to shower when you have to stick out a leg? Or when you soap up with only one arm? Well you can't really. And when those injuries happened enough, I always took the time to stop, and be thankful for the day when I would be all healed up and can lather with two hands.

You see people do every day things without limbs all the time. They paint, they drive. I saw this video of a really good looking guy with no arms or legs doing things you would never imagine. So I know its possible to live without them and life goes on. But I wouldn't want to. I'm too independent for that. I can't imagine having to rely on someone to wash me or feed me or clothe me. I hated asking for rides in high school. I like to live as a self sufficient woman. SSW, ftw!

Besides all that, I love my hands too much. I rely on them too much. I have urges. And no, I'm not going down that path. I just have these urges to create. Not all the time, but...a lot of the time. And it's always this deep seated urge. Like lately, I've been too static. When I get too static is when I feel the need to create. And when I can't think of anything, I end up cooking. To me that feels like creating. So I guess I've been doing some cooking lately. But I wouldn't be able to cook without my hands. It'd be hard. And I want to sew. And draw. And mold. And clean hard to reach corners that only my fingers can get to. And hold one pound weights. And play my violin, my keyboard, my guitar, my accordion. And type words into my computer for this post...

I am so thankful for my fingers and opposable thumbs and my arms and my legs and my feet so that I can wear my heels. Even though my toes crack whenever I walk across the warren's floor, I love them just the same.

And that is what I'm thankful for today.

Thanks #2

2012-01-04T17:11:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for: My awesome apartment.

About 2 years ago around this time, I was fighting my landlord over her lack of competency in dealing with the aftermath of my apartment getting burgled over the holidays. Finally, I decided to move. I didn't think anything of this apartment's listing when I saw it online. When I finally walked in, I thought it was nice, but something in me decided not to take it (that something turned out to be bad placement of furniture already in the apt). But when the landlord left, he didn't lock the place, so I went back to take a second look, and started seeing possibilities. I took pictures. Sure it was more than I wanted to pay, but still reasonable for all the amenities.

Two years later, I still LOVE my place to death. Sure, it's still not decorated (well, I did put one (1) thing up). Sure I still have one box that looks like it hasn't been unpacked. But I love my apartment. I love the amenities. I love the attention to detail that was put on this place. I love not having to share a wall (except with critters in the night). I love the neighborhood sooo much. I love that I'm in the back so, if people ever break in, they'd probably go to the front house first. Not that that's a good thing, but at least there's more of them there to call for help, unlike if they broke in and killed me, that'd be it. I love that I have an office like space and a living room space. I love that I can walk to coffee, bars, restaurants, the library, the post office. I love that trader joes is so close. I love that I have a little back yard with real actual fruit growing on the trees. The other day I actually went out and picked a real lemon to use for dinner. I love that my landlord is really cool, quick to respond, and lives close by for those few times I locked myself out. I love the houses on my street. I love that Hills and Chauncey live close by and that we've grown closer. Having good friends live close to you really makes a difference. I love that there is a farmer's market on sundays I can walk to. I love that LA people don't know where this place is (I'm talking about you, Santa Monicans!). I love that sometimes when I go to bed I can see the moon outside my window from bed.

Sure there are things that can be improved on, but for the most part, it's pretty perfect. I feel really lucky to have found this gem. And had I not been a single asian nonsmoking female with no pets, I probably wouldn't have gotten it. (The asian thing to blend in more with my front neighbors, so it doesn't look too obvious I'm living in a converted garage that is probably not too kosher with the codes. And female because the neighbors have little kids.) I'm trying not to think about the day I'll have to move for a job or something. From here I want to move into a house. This has been the most bestest apartment I've ever lived in. And for a homebody, that is a huge deal.

That is what I'm thankful for today.

Thanks #1

2012-01-03T19:29:00.001-08:00

I'm gonna try something different...we'll see how long it lasts.

Today I'm thankful for my BFF who is currently in the hospital, maybe having a baby. BFF and I have known each other for a while now, and probably for the rest of our lives. It's nice to have someone like that in your life. Sometimes I wished we lived closer and had the same aged kids so that one of us can run out and run an errand while the other watched the kids. I know if I ever have kids I'm going to want a trusted babysitter (and watch her while she babysits so I know she's working hard). We've been through a lot together, and probably will go through a lot more. I love that we live completely different lives but still love getting together and sharing our lives. I know about her friends, she knows about mine. I probably have more pictures of her kids in my phone than any other person. Her littlest one picked out a christmas present for me. They play with me through barbie dolls when I'm not there. I'm so thankful that they don't forget me every time I leave. I could go on and on but I feel like we know our relationship so well that I don't need to. Besides, I'm gonna try to keep this series short and quick.

That is what I'm thankful for today.

So this is christmas

2011-12-18T21:16:00.000-08:00

I don't like to blog when I'm sick, but it seems to be what I end up doing anyway. To me it's just complaining to people who come here to read about anything except complaints. Maybe that's why my readership has declined. But honestly, I haven't really done anything today except watch episode after episode of friday night lights, so a little change of pace wouldn't hurt me.

This holiday season started off strong. I made ornaments, I decorated. I bought holly barrettes to wear in my hair. But now with one more week to go, I've already lost the holiday spirit. I guess laying on the couch all day can do that to you. I was really looking forward to going to some holiday parties and dressing up a little and eating cookies and good food all weekend, but that didn't happen. I was going to make some avocado fries to bring to the parties but now all I'm left with are just avocados. I also have a bottle of wine staring at me giving me googly eyes, but I know I'll probably feel worse if I give in when I'm already feeling like crap. I guess there's always next year. And if I start now, I'm ahead of the game.

But I'm just really tired of this stupid cough. And I'm feeling quite pathetic and sorry for myself.

I'll allow myself to wallow for the rest of the night. Tomorrow is a new day to a new week. Tomorrow I'll wake up ready to hit the ground running. I'll wear something pretty, put my holly barrette on, and this sick lazy weekend will be a by gone. Good bye, bygone!

Oh yea, and Kim Jong Il passed away this weekend. Not sure how that'll change things this coming week. Should be interesting.

Oh and what is up with all these yearly lists coming out before Christmas? Usually they wait til Christmas is over I thought, and hype it up before the new year, but this year it seems to have come earlier than usual. A bit too early in my opinion. I'm not ready for this year to end yet.

I really wish I had some pie right now.

Blah

2011-12-16T23:59:00.001-08:00

Instead of going out on a Friday night, I just spent the last few hours rearranging the furniture in my apartment. Moved the bookshelf thither to make room for more possible shelves. Spent the time taking all my books out of the book shelf to move it only to then decide I didn't like where I had moved it and so moved it back to where it originally was, and placed all the books back. And now my back is sore, and I'm back to exactly where I was a few hours ago. Oh well, guess no new shelves for me! I've been having this itch to redo my apartment somehow. But that involves money I shouldn't really be spending. I'm actually glad I did this tonight, to reassure myself that I can't buy those new shelves. These are the things I do instead of going out for human contact. Oy.

Oh yea, and looking at pretty things.

I'm so lame.

Warmth

2011-12-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

The worst (or best?) thing about working from home...from the comfort of home...is that your bed gives you the stink eye all day, whenever you pass by it to go to the bathroom. It doesn't matter if you make your bed or not. If it's too neat and tidy, it wants you to jump in. If it's messy and half made, it still wants you to get in, half the work is done for you already! My bed knows that especially on days like this, when it's cold and gloomy out, it has a certain advantage. Every time I come out of the bathroom, I have to try really hard to resist the temptation. To the point where I avoid eye contact with my bed, and run out as soon as possible, like I just did 5 minutes ago. But even still...here in front of my computer, in another room, on the corner furthest away from my bed, I can still hear it behind me. Taunting me....

WTF, and now there is loud thunder outside. I think my bed knows I'm writing about it and is doing all it can to lure me back in. I will resist, because I have work to do. But let's hug it out and make up, later tonight.

What a week

2011-12-04T17:35:00.001-08:00

This has been a jam packed week. I don't know how I could've fit in a full time job.

Monday was mostly spent recuperating from bacon poisoning. I need to remember to stay away.

Tuesday involved a yummy recuperating meal of soon tofu where I learned that the owners love my pal Hills, and hate me, a fellow asian. When I asked for refills they glared and said they'd have to charge extra. And then proceeded to hug Hills and ask if she wanted more. WTF? Sigh, such is life. It was also the annual VS fashion show that I love so much. I watched it while flipping over to the news to see what the police were up to downtown at occupy la. Is it a sign of maturity when you've outgrown half nekked models walking down the runway in elaborate angel wings? Perhaps it is...perhaps I'm growing up. This year, it just didn't do it for me as much as it did every other year in the past. Or maybe models juxtaposed with people fighting for their beliefs in non violent ways just wasn't the way to do it, because it reminded me even more that I was just sitting at home, comfortably, watching stupid models with hot yet unattainable figures talking about things I don't care about, instead of fighting out there with the good people. But the truth is, I'm a scared little kitty kat and I don't want to be pepper sprayed or arrested.

Wednesday started out lovely and normal. Around 5p I was on the phone with a friend and heard shenanigans outside my window. I figure it was the neighbor kid playing with something that happened to be banging on my window. And then as it turned from 5p to 6p, I thought, "well, this is just getting annoying and a little bit rude, don't you think?" Turns out, there was no one outside my window. It was the santa ana wind. By 7p it got crazy, and by 8p my lights were flickering. Throughout the night there were loud bangs from what I assume were things flying around. I went to bed around midnight in hopes that everything turned off would not surge the power in my little apt garage. By then the power had went out three times but quickly came back on. I couldn't sleep all night because the wind was loud and scary and crazy. I just laid there wondering just how sturdy they built my garage, and if they'd be able to find me under a collapsed rubble. And also how strong those pomegranate trees outside my bedroom was because if it fell it would come crashing on top of me. I was woken up by loud winds at 4am, and realized the power had went out again. I was tired of resetting my clocks. And then I thought about moving my car in case the palm trees I was parked under decided to fall, but figured it was too crazy outside to even attempt. Coming from OC, I am accustomed to these yearly winds, but I can't remember ever being in a wind storm this bad. I survived the night and in the morning went out to survey the damage. It looked disastrous. Palm fronds everywhere, leaves and branches everywhere, and the worst part: a large fallen treebranch crushing a car. And then I realized it was my neighbor's car! When I went to let them know, I realized she was out there as well. Everyone on our block was ok, except for their car. Poor front neighbors. The branch was so large that it blocked the whole street, and cars driving by had to turn back around. The pictures don't do it justice, because by the time I took them, some gardeners had sawed some of the branches off to clear the road. I'm just so very grateful it wasn't my car, and that no one was hurt.

Thursday consisted of meeting a new friend for lunch at a place that sells PIES. Let me repeat. A whole restaurant with just PIES. Oh yum. Unfortunately, we got there too late and there weren't many pies to choose from, so when I added an apple dessert pie on top of my mac and cheese pie to share with my pal, they said they'll give it to us for free since there was so few choices left. SWEET! Free pie! On top of that, it was exactly the type of apple pie I liked, plus they gave us wonderful ice cream on the side. I was in pie heaven. We left very full and happy. When I got back from lunch I noticed several neighborhoods without power, and by 7:30, our entire block went down. That's when I booked it outta there! Thankfully I had dinner plans and by the time I got home, the power was back on. Friends in other neighborhoods just got their power back today, that's 4 days without power!

Friday consisted of groceries, cooking, the museum, and more cooking. The awesomest thing about the whole day would have to be seeing this in person at the museum:

As well as this beautiful speaker cabinet made in the 1950s. It was absolutely gorgeous, unfortunately, I didn't think to take a picture of it.

Saturday involved an early wake to make a breakfast casserole that was brought to Sara's baby shower. The shower was fun, and it was even nicer to hang with her and her girls. Also, we made these ornaments while I was there that turned out FANTASTIC! They're so pretty I can't stop looking at them. It's too bad I don't have a tree to put them on. But so far, I have 3 holiday items in my apt which may just be the most holiday decorating I've ever done. I also went to a choir concert (yes, the choir that I quit months earlier) to see Vonne, and oh boy she was FANTASTIC!! Her solo had so much energy and force...I'm so proud of her and her team. I don't regret quitting, I've realized that just because I'm not good at something doesn't mean I have to stick it out til I am. Well, with some things sure, but I have to pick my battles, and this wasn't a battle I wanted to fight. Especially when I can watch my dear friend do it so much better than me!

And finally....today I went to meet a friend for brunch. We had a nice long chat and I ate way too much and had too much coffee and then stuffed myself on beignets with raspberry sauce. But we did walk it off after with a trip to a craft show that I vowed never to go back to two years ago, but figured, what the heck, I may be inspired to make some more stuff. We stopped at this booth with dresses and she pulled one out and was looking at it, and I was trying very hard not to look too hard because so many things were calling my name. But something caught my eye and it was game over. I went to try it on, it was too big. She saw me try something on so wanted to try something on as well, and oh my, her dress fit her like a glove and looked so chic on her. I asked for a smaller size, they said whatever is available is out there. And since I didn't see my size out there, I was ok to give it up. So we debated on her dress for a while and when she went to purchase, I went back just to check again if my size would happen to be there. Welp. Guess what. It was. I tried it on. It fit. So I decided to splurge. Now is not really the time for me to need a new dress nor buy one, but dammit...ladies and gentlemen, meet my new baby:

And then I come home to find out that probably because it was a local designer at a local fair, I paid only about a third of what the internet price is. SWEET! I never would have bought it for the internet price. I'm gonna wear the shit outta this dress!!!

That, dear readers, was a peek at my week. Excited to see what next week brings!

Stalling

2011-11-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

I've come to stall.

I'm suppose to be thinking up ideas for a treatment that's voluntarily due tomorrow, and I've got nothing. Well I do have something involving a fictitious incident that our president experienced in college, but that involves research I don't have the time for. And also, I don't know how well fake stories about real people go over with crowds.

Yesterday I was poisoned by turkey bacon so today, aside from seeing some old friends visiting, I've been house bound. Which is really too bad for such a nice 80 degree fall day. I can't believe my beloved bacon would do that to me. You would think I would've learned after all these years, but still...still I forget and fall into the bacon trap. And I sure paid for it. It wasn't even that good either.

I was in a beautiful home this morning and sitting out on their deck in the nice weather surrounded by friends and kids and a stray cat made me suddenly want to buy a house so that I can have parties and invite friends over. I think I'd make a pretty fabulous party hostess. I would be the one that always had parties and gathering and people would come to see me and my house as the place to be. Then, I'd be able to integrate all my friends and create a community of friends, instead of roaming from group to group. This plan also involves buying a lot of new kitchen ware for party foods, things which my tiny kitchen does not have the room for. Something to shoot for though, definitely.

And now, my procrastination ends. Must get to work. But first...some internet surfing.

Monthly visits?

2011-10-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

Hello old friend.

Haven't posted in a month! What's that all about?

Life. That's what it's all about. Actually no, I wish it was life that's keeping me busy! It's just work.

First up, welcome new anonymous reader! Or maybe old reader newly anonymous. Who knows, who cares. All I know is that my readership is now up to 3.5ish. Huzzah! That is news to get excited about!

But also. My TV is broken. I came home and turned it on and all I got was fuzz. My guess is that the neighbors cut something and screwed up my cable system. And yes, I think I'm getting cable from the neighbors. I'm not really all that clear about it since all my bills are included in the rent. And when I asked my landlord about the cable, he said something that I couldn't quite decipher due to his heavy accent and I was tired of asking him "what" one more time.

So now I don't have tv. Which isn't that horrible because I'd like to think I don't watch that much tv anyway. But I did use it for white noise. And now....silence. Oh the silence. Sure I can use the radio or turn on some music, but I actually WANT to pay attention to those things. I want to LISTEN to my music. I want to pay ATTENTION to the radio or podcasts. I can't just tune those things out like I can with TV noise. I hope this situation fixes itself but judging by the look of the fuzz...I have a good feeling it's gone for good.

I just finished watching An Affair to Remember and it is just as good as they say! And I always thought sleepless in seattle ruined that movie for me but they really didn't! Or maybe I just remembered it wrong. But it was highly enjoyable. One thing that struck me while watching this...and possible spoiler alert coming up even though...I don't think it spoils the ending...

So my beef with romantic comedies is that they always fall in love too quickly. One kiss. One night. One look, and BAM, they're getting married. I know most movies are 2 hours or less so there's not much time to see the progression of a couple's love (except for maybe When Harry Met Sally, that movie did this excellently), but! It's always still too fast for me. So when Nicky asks Terry to marry him, per usual, I was thinking, what! Already! But then she said she'll have to think about it. And something in the way she said that line made me suddenly understand. At one time marriage for people was this...this thing to be done. Sure you have to have some affection in there for each other, but mostly marriage was an arrangement. None of this lovey dovey love at first sight I can't live without you psychotic love that we've built it up to be. It was just a "ok let's do this thing" thing. Like asking someone to go away on vacation with you...but for the rest of your life. The main point is to relax and have fun, and sure you'll have disagreements along the way, but you'll have to find a way to resolve them pretty quickly because you have to travel with this person for the rest of your vacation and you don't want to ruin the vacation...

Wow that was a pretty deep analogy I just came up with there. I just come up with the best things sometimes. Good job brain.

I don't know if the prior point made any sense, but my point is that I kinda get it now. So whereas all this time I've been thinking that rom coms are getting it wrong by jumping the marriage gun too quickly, it's ME that's been getting it wrong. Maybe it is that easy. S, feel free to weigh in here.

I should mention that work has been stressing me out quite a bit, making me feel like I'm not as good at what I do as I thought I was. And sure it's a learning process and all that, but I just want to be the best. Right away. All the time. But i'm getting bored even mentioning this topic so maybe I'll save it for another day.

And lastly, I've been told to write. (Not me personally, just in general, I'm in the creative world, I should constantly be writing my own thing if I want to get noticed.) I've been told that it's the one thing that everyone knows how to do, and it's something that we do everyday. I always tell people and myself, I'm not the poor penniless writah, I'm more the crazy sitah player, I'll leave the writing to Ewan Mcgreggor who pines away at his typewritah for the beautiful Satine. And then I come on my blog and say it's good writing practice while outside I tell people I don't write. It's a weird mindfuck I pull on myself. So enough of that. Yes I write. I'm not a writer by profession. But I do write. And I will be writing more. (Right after I go find some books on how to write.) And then I'll be just like everyone else at starbucks...laptop open, working on the latest draft of my "script". It's gonna be grand!

Be all that you can be. -G.I. Joe

2011-09-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting past few days. My dear friends got married. I hung out with my sister and her baby. Oh, and my dress came in! (Got the pink, and though it fits, it's a bit too tight. I either need to lose some inches or give it to someone else. Not worth sending back to the UK.)

I was surprised at how social I was at the second wedding on Saturday. Maybe because I was on my own and had the freedom to do whatever I felt like. Or maybe because I actually knew some people there and was excited about catching up. Maybe the people were just friendly and my type of people so we all clicked. There were a couple times where I ended up sitting by myself at the table because the other people I had met were busy being social or going to the bathroom or something. But I felt totally ok with just sitting there by myself and just enjoying the moment. I'm not always ok, sometimes I feel like a big loser sitting by myself, other times I feel totally fine and empowered. This was one of those fine moments. Except someone will always come up to me and ask why I'm sitting by myself. As though it's such a horrible awful thing to sit by yourself. People need to learn that being alone is sometimes not such a bad thing.

I felt like I was pretty on fire with the social thing on saturday. I'm often not, and can be quite the Daria. And though I enjoy having my Daria moments, I think I'm a better person when I am being social (the genuine kind, not the fake obligatory kind) and making real connections with people, so I will strive to be that every time I'm in a social setting now. I won't always achieve it, and that will be ok, because sometimes I really do love being Daria (she got her own show didn't she?), but I'm going to try and make a bigger effort to be the best of myself at most times. Except Sundays. I rest on Sundays and go bad.

Speaking of Sundays...I didn't drive my car all day Sunday and came out on Monday very late morning to find a note on my car that read: Don't park in my driveway. I took a look and the butt of my car WAS indeed blocking part of my neighbor's driveway. I'm usually not so careless, but let's just say I came home a bit late Saturday night and did not notice my bad parking. I felt bad about it because it was like that for over a day, and if it had happened to me, I would've been VERY annoyed at whoever owned the car. Maybe even called to have it towed. I also felt like I had been reprimanded for drawing on the walls or something. So since then I made a vow to NOT park on that neighbor's curb. Because I knew that once my neighbor saw me with my car, and saw my asian-ness, he or she was going to blame it on that, rather than my one evening of carelessness.

So tonight as I was going to my car, I saw that neighbor out on his driveway, sweeping. At first I was just going to avoid him, avoid all eye contact, and just hop in the car and drive fast. But then we made eye contact and we waved to each other, friendly neighborly like. And by then I didn't feel like I could just ignore it, so I said, "sorry about my car the other day." And instead of going off on me about how bad of a car parker I was, the neighbor guy apologized back, and said he didn't realize it was my car. "It's just that there's very little room to move already and with the car...." I stopped him and said I understood completely and it was my fault entirely and that I was very sorry and it won't happen again. He was so nice about it, that it made me love my neighborhood even more. Neighborly issues happen all the time and we resolved it like the grown ups we are. And he said he "didn't realize it was my car" as though, if he had realized, he wouldn't have left the note. All in all, I was feeling uneasy about the situation for the past few days, and I'm glad things resolved the way they did.

Ugh, boring, who cares right?

I'm also trying to make myself go to bed earlier so I wake up earlier, but it's tough. It's tough when you don't want to go to bed and find all these things to do instead of going to bed.

But again. Who cares. Talk about snore and a half.

2011-09-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

I can't handle all this 9/11 stuff.

I'm not complaining, it's all just so overwhelming. There's this constant lump in the back of my throat whenever I hear a story. It's all over the tv and radio, there's no getting away from it.

And I get that 9/10/11 is a cool date, but did my friends really have to pick the day before the 10th 9/11 anniversary to get married? Just seems like too much going on for one weekend. It'll be hard to be in celebratory mode when everyone else is in commemorating a really horrible event mode.

Yesterday while I ran errands, I finally noticed it. It was hard for me to read something far away! I had a hard time focusing, and everything just looked blurry. I thought, "What is going on?" and then realized what WAS going on and thought "Oh, so this is how it starts." And then a few minutes later, the optometrist called and said my glasses were ready. Seriously, I kid you not. Funny how the world works sometimes. I tried the glasses on a few times yesterday and did NOT like them. I think it made my eyes hurt. I felt like I was looking through a side view mirror that was held up to my nose, where everything is closer than it seems. It was weird.

Thursday

2011-09-01T23:57:00.000-07:00

Went out with some friends tonight but called it an early night since I wasn't feeling well. Really body? Are we back to the sicknesses again? I need to start taking some vitamins I guess. But I hear they're just a waste of money, and they don't do anything. Hills is taking some b vitamins, maybe I'll try that. Need to get my immune system in tip top shape.

Speaking of tonight, it was freezing out tonight. Sure, it's September. But I was JUST getting used to this summer thing, I'm not ready for it to go away yet.

I spent most of today with an old colleague who I was a bit nervous about not having much to talk about with but we spent about 6 hours together today! And I didn't even get the chance to use her pool! Seems like I spend more time with people that I wouldn't otherwise while I'm unemployed, which is actually Pretty Cool.

Choir rehearsal was....well, it was pretty fun actually. VERY INTIMIDATING. Especially since I was sitting next to vonne without thinking about how seating is based on groups, just like in orchestra. Duh. So I was sitting in the soprano section, without knowing whether I was a soprano or alto or what. Most of it I was able to get through, but there were those high notes I couldn't hit. I think I may have to move sections, but I'd hate to leave vonne, especially since she's the soprano section leader!!

Going to bed now, to sleep off this...whatever it is. Maybe I'm just dehydrated from the day?

Which Color?

2011-09-01T00:12:00.001-07:00

Help! Readers, I'm in love with this dress and it comes in so many colors that I can't decide! I have narrowed it down to the following colors, but there were so much more! I think I may go with the pink.

Poppy

Pink

Mustard

Sage

Coral

Champagne

-00-

2011-08-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

I got glasses today.

Went to get an eye exam before my insurance ran out and it turns out I have astigmatism in my right eye, AND I'm near sighted. All pretty minor, but got the glasses just for kicks. Ok, not for kicks, but just for driving and the movies I guess. But I'm really disappointed in my right eye, I really am. All this time I thought my eyes were perfect, but it turns out, my left eye is picking up the slack! Stupid lazy right eye.

Had a nice long lunch with my pal Vonne afterward and it was nice to catch up. At the end of our visit, she casually said she had choir practice tonight, and that I should come. And I said, um.....well......ok! I never did choir in school or on the side or anything, so I'm a bit nervous. But I am trying to practice saying "YES" to things that might intimidate me. Besides, I'm just checking it out, no commitment until the 4th rehearsal. Whew.

And now Bryan Williams is giving me permission to go wild on chocolate. Must. Find. Chocolate.

Stuffing.

2011-08-29T22:50:00.001-07:00

Apparently I need to blog more.

I just haven't been hearing the blog voice inside my head lately. Although I do hear the other voice in a british accent that likes to tell me what to do. Funny how my british accent sounds so spot on in my head and then so awful once it comes out of my mouth....

Even now....

I've got two weddings to attend to in two weeks. I guess the date 9-10-11 is pretty coveted, as I know lots of other people are getting married that day as well. It's such a bummer to have two weddings to attend on the same day, as you can't do both. Seems like I'd enjoy them both more if they were spread out and say, on dates of their own? The plan was to at least catch each couple when they get married, at their moment of coming together. That way I can go to a ceremony in the morning, and catch the second ceremony later on in the day, even though it means missing out on the first wedding's reception. But then everyone says the reception is the main event, and now I'm feeling really bad for having to miss out on the first's reception. Balls.

This unemployment thing is going ok, though time is just floating by while it seems like nothing is really happening. I've got this project I'm working on that seems never ending, and I'm tired of it, I just want it to STOP. And the other parts of my days are filled with...I don't know what else. Errands, lunches, intentions. I actually have a lot of random things I need to have done and off my plate.

I attended a bachelorette party this weekend, and forgot my bikini bottoms at the hotel. No, it wasn't THAT crazy, I just forgot to take them with me. And now housekeeping won't call me back and I know they're just bottoms but I really want them back! Because now I'm down another bathing suit, and a good suit is hard to come by.

I've also been having crazy weird dreams and eating poorly lately. They're probably related.

I'm doing my best to keep my house neat and tidy, because I really like it when things are neat and tidy. However, I can't seem to get rid of this box of STUFF I have. Random little odds and ends in there that I don't know what to do with yet don't quite want to give away.

How is it that I'm unemployed and have all these things I have/want to do but can't seem to find the time to do them? How does that happen?

Oh, and the movie Burlesque is not so bad, and summer finally decided to show up to the party.

Sara took me to see IRIS last week for my birthday, and it was fantastic. It seems like there's always a moment in every cirque du soleil show that makes me want to cry. Something about the costumes and the music all doing their thing at the same time overwhelms me I guess. Hm...I just realized I went to see my first CdS show with her and now how many years later we are still seeing them together. It was with the French club, and I'm still obsessed with all things French.

Speaking of french, that Joseph guy from 500 days of Summer speaks a sexy french. I was at the bowl last night and he came out and did a few french numbers that drove all the girls crazy. The real frenchies behind us were NOT having any of it though. I believe what they were saying sounded something like "are you fucking kidding me" but then again their french accents were hard to decipher.

So france didn't happen before 30. Quel dommage. Maybe it'll happen before 40. Here's to wishing on a star.

Hump Day

2011-08-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

Hello old friend.

Since I've been back from vacation, everything's been a whirlwind. Better busy than bored I guess.

I've been a bit down lately so I took myself to the movies today. I really enjoy going to the movies by myself. I saw The Help btw, which was really fantastic. As good as the book, and as true to the book as can be. Wasn't disappointed at all. Afterward I went window shopping. I know I joke about this but there's definitely a serious link between happiness and pretty clothes for me. Must be the increase of endorphins or something sensical like that. It's almost like a drug addiction. Of course now that I'm unemployed I can't really justify buying expensive clothes. But sometimes, just touching, or trying something on is enough for me. Oh and apparently, fall is here.

The bugs totally ravaged my body this summer. My feet look diseased from all the bug bites that have turned my skin dead. My stomach looks like moldy cheese from all the scars. Since fall seems to be here early, I might as well call it a day on this summer, start a new next year.

Among all the things going on, I do have something to look forward to. A while back I applied for this mentorship program and yesterday I went and had an interview with the people in charge. It went well I think. The more they explained the program, the more I wanted to be in it. It'll be something nice and new for me. Here's to hoping I get in, and that I haven't jinxed myself by talking about it.

Ugh am I still talking?

Stuff

2011-07-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. My dress is for sale! Do I dare?

The doctor's office called me the other day to give me the results of my mole extraction. Turns out it is nothing, just a plain old mole. I know that should be good news...but it made me really sad. I got rid of my mole that turned out to be just what it's suppose to be, and suddenly I really miss it. Also, I really wanted to prove my mom wrong. I know that sounds morbid, not that I want anything bad to happen to me, but I almost wish something was wrong with it so I can tell everyone, "see, I did the right thing" and that I'm not just some hypochondriac. Which...I'm beginning to think I really am. I'm healthy to the max, which I should be grateful for, and I am. So I'll just leave it at that.

Tomorrow I get my stitches out and then I get on a plane for the east coast.

I also turn 30 tomorrow. Egads.

Had my birthday party on saturday, which I was close to canceling, but turned out to be a lot of fun. The warrens were able to make it out and I'm so happy I got to spend time with them! At one point someone asked me if I was already drunk, and I said no, and laurice replied that I was just high on birthday excitement, which was so true, she's so smart. And people actually showed up, which was nice, because that is always a fear when I plan anything involving just me. Anyway it was good times all around, I'm just bummed I forgot to take pictures with my camera.

Today was the first day of unemployment and so far it's going well. I actually still have a lot to do before I leave. I guess I'm not really thinking about unemployment yet, it hasn't quite hit me. I'm still on extended weekend time. But I know somewhere down the line it's going to hit me that I'm unemployed, and oh boy will that be fun. But maybe I'm just still too excited about being freeeeee!

That's all for now.

Goodbye infoMania!

2011-07-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well, today is over. It was rough, ever since I woke up this morning knowing what was to come. Paper work was done, my badge and garage parking turned over, boxes of random stuff moved out of the office. Then there was a screening of our last show, which was actually a really good hilarious last show, and bossman made a speech that nearly made me cry. Then we went to the Standard rooftop to have lunch and hangout. I don't understand why that place is so popular, I feel like I need to disinfect every time I leave. Then it was back to the office to say awkward sad weird goodbyes. Needless to say, even though I left early, it was still a long day.

Yesterday I got a thank you email from bossman in the morning. I received it about 20 minutes after I had just seen him in another office. It was a nice email, but the timing of it was just weird. Things have always been weird between me and bossman, I don't know what it is. I know he likes me and respects me...on paper, but in person there's always weirdness. Like he feels uncomfortable around me. So then I try to be all casual with him which comes off weird and he probably responds to that weirdness. I don't know. Some people you just get along immediately, others will always have a lingering weirdness.

I usually stick to the east side anyway, so I won't really know if carmageddon is going to get in the way, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow how crazy it gets.

So all the crazy this week on top of this weekend is keeping me from thinking about turning 30. Haven't really had time. Having my party tomorrow night which I hope people show up for. I'm getting my stitches out and then hopping on a plane on my actual birthday, so maybe this 30 thing will totally just slip under the radar. Let's hope.

More to say, but tired for now.

Thread porn envy.

2011-07-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm so jealous of THIS girl. Not only is she pretty she's got THE dress I want. Not only is it JUST the type of dress I want, it's hand made, so it's one of a kind. Not only that, it was hand made for Zooey Deschanel. Argh. Some girls have all the luck. If any of you see a dress like this around, give this girl a HOLLA.

Bon Anniversaire

2011-07-09T11:01:00.001-07:00

Shoot. I missed my 10 year anniversary of blogging. I've been blogging for 10 years people. Ten. Still the longest relationship I've had in my life, and yes that still sounds very sad. I feel like I should have a parade or something. I've been blogging longer than the most famous bloggers out there! It's incredible really. Too bad I haven't done much with it. Just a spew of nonsensical thoughts in my head and complaints people don't want to listen to in real life. Maybe when I'm unemployed I'll start a new blog that does something interesting. Until then...Happy Anniversary DB!

Must...Not...Scratch...

2011-07-08T22:08:00.001-07:00

So, as most of you know, my sister had her baby nearly a week ago, so a week early. The due date was suppose to be today. But her having the baby last weekend was such good timing for everyone! It was a three day weekend so we had the chance to drive up and see the baby. Had it happened on a week day, or in a few weeks, it would've thrown things off. The baby is perfectly healthy, and also, it's actually very cute. I was ready for the baby to possibly not be cute, as it takes babies a few days/weeks/months to grow into their cuteness. But I can honestly say, she is ADORABLE. But maybe I'm the biased aunt. I find myself watching this 10 second video I took of her on my phone. She's not doing much, just moving her lips around or something. It could almost be a photo. But I don't know, I just keep watching it. So fascinating...babies.

Last night I went to this nerd meeting. It was an old coworker who decided to get some techy people together to talk about the new FCPX. Seeing how I'm going to be unemployed shortly, I thought it would be a good idea to go. Today, I'm regretting it. Hard. The meeting itself was fine. A lot of nerdy techy talk was thrown out there. Interesting what people had to say. I didn't have much to contribute but I got something out of it. Plus it was nice to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. BUT. We sat out on the patio with a great view of LA. And while I was trying to keep up with the nerdiness, the mosquitos attacked me. At least, I'm thinking they were mosquitos. Someone today suggested fleas. Possible, but I'm still thinking mosquitos.

I think the last time I got bitten so bad was that one dreadful night in Taiwan when a mosquito somehow got through the nets and bit me all night long. That time I counted over 100 bites. Last night, it was 25. But 25 very painful ones. I don't think people believe me when I bring it up. They think I'm being a wuss. But boy if you all could see what I see on my stomach and my legs and my arms...it's bad. Everyone i've shown pictures to have said something is wrong. It's puffy, bulgy, and making my skin very hot. I think i may have an allergic reaction to them. I've been putting creams on it all day. But I'm also afraid of disease. I looked stuff up on THE INTERNET today (BIG MISTAKE. Big. HUGE) and read that symptoms may not show up for a few days. If i die of west nile I'm going to be even more pissed off with FCPX than everyone else already is.

I iced myself with a bag of frozen fruit. (Note to self, make some ice. But the thing is, I never use ice at home! Not even during the summer!) All I can think about is how all these bites are going to leave scars that won't go away until after summer probably. Great. Wonderful. Just in time for my birthday, and JUST in time for my beach holiday where said bitten places will be on full display. At least I can cover them up for now. But I'm going to be a freak at the beach. And yes, screw that last post about me not being vain, I DO care how I look, and being covered in ugly bites was not on my beach agenda. This makes me very angry. Also, the itchiness is making me very angry. It's like I have the chicken pox all over again. Arrrrrgh.

These bites along with my stitched up arm is making me feel very broken and defeated...not to mention irritated. I can't sleep on my right side! And I'm slapping myself all day because I don't want to scratch and slapping is as close to relieving the itch as I can get. Geez, this is pathetic.

Holy Mole-y

2011-07-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

I got my mole removed today. I have very mixed feelings about this. It doesn't help when two people who just found out have asked me why. But not just oh, why. But like....WHY?? (Yes you too S!) Don't people just get suspicious looking moles removed? Apparently not.

It's going to leave a huge scar. On one hand, I don't think I'm that vain, so the idea doesn't bother me too much. Hopefully it'll be less noticeable than the mole itself (which, I know, that hope is vain in itself). On the other hand, it doesn't help that the doctor told me it was going to leave a huge scar in this voice and face that said, ARE YOU SURE? I don't have many visible scars on me, I think it'd be cool to have one...shows that I've lived somewhat. At least that's how I'm trying to rationalize things in my head.

I want to say that I didn't remove it for cosmetic reasons. I've lived with it for a long time and have gotten used to the looks. You know how guys will sometimes look at a girl's boobs when they talk to her? Well, since I don't have much in the chest area to look at, people tend to wander their eyes over to that weird looking mole on my arm. Sure it makes me a bit self conscious sometimes, but not enough to make me want to remove it for cosmetic reasons. But maybe I'm just lying to myself. Maybe that "you're so vain" song was really about me.

I want to say that I did it for medical reasons, because it is very suspicious looking, and all the doctors who have looked at it have said that they'll have to remove it and test it to be really sure. But then again, I'm pretty positive that it is non cancerous since I've lived with it for so long. Also skin cancer doesn't run in my family...or asians really. I've already waited 10 years since the last time I almost got it removed, and I'm still perfectly healthy, so I'm sure it probably could've waited another 10 years. I'm 97% sure, so I did this for the 3% just in case? I don't know.

Basically what it came down to was that I have insurance now, and may not have as good of insurance later, when I'm unemployed. That's pretty much the main reason this all happened. Do I regret doing it? I don't think so yet. I really don't know how I feel about it. I guess we'll see when I get the stitches off and see how ugly it is. The tests for the mole will come back clear, and my mom will say I told you so, and now you have this ugly, very visible scar on you. Moms can be so in your face.

But also this was such a big deal in that I went the western medicine route. I grew up not really going to doctors. My grandparents own a pharmacy, so drugs and diagnosis never seemed to be a problem. And eastern chinese medicine has a different way of thinking. The idea of me getting this mole cut out of my body would be pretty ridiculous to the rest of my family. Or maybe just unnecessary. But what this is really about is once again, I'm stuck between east and west. I mostly grew up here so I tend to do more westernized things, but that doesn't mean the eastern ways aren't always in the back of my head, gnawing it's way out. And sometimes going back and forth wondering which one's right, or the better way is just plain exhausting. I'm exhausted.

Argh.

2011-06-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

What happens when you get too egotistical and self absorbed and blog too early about your awesomeness? It comes back and bites you in the ass, that's what, and you end up back on the couch. I'm so tired of being sick!!!!!!!!!

And now I'm going to bed.

Finally!

2011-06-22T22:24:00.000-07:00

I'm on fire today. I'm back at full capacity! Well, 98%, but it's close enough. I'm feeling much more like myself today. No more slumpy dumpy SH. I put on one of my favorite summer dresses today, and my hair was cooperating nicely. I made some very wise cuts in an interview today. When bossman came to take a look he agreed with all my cuts. I even got a slight pat on the back as he walked out. If we were dating,the pat would be on the "hot make out session" level. Seriously. He barely looks at me in the hallway, and sometime when I come into the room. So a pat on the back is HUGE. Also he can do it without looking at me. Anyhoo...

I also forgone (?? forwent?) my favorite show tonight, SYTYCD, in favor of a yoga class. I thought it'd be a slow easy way to get my body back into things. I'm so amazed that I missed working out. This didn't use to happen. But now I actually miss it. However, thinking yoga would be easing my body back into things was wrong. I always forget how hard yoga is.

The only not awesome thing I'm doing today is having a microwave dinner at 10:30. But we'll just skim over that yes?

Decisions decisions.

2011-06-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

I love nyquil. I can very easily be hooked on it. Even addicted.

Last night was the first night I slept without nyquil, and boy did I not sleep well. The lack of it made me realize how well it was making me sleep. I bet one of these days we're gonna hear in the news how bad nyquil is for you, just like eggs and sugar and coffee. And then I'll have to quit. Maybe I should buy some nyquil stock. I know my bossman is on the stuff too.

This year I've been again invited to the beach house in NC by my DC friends. Timing works out pretty well because it'll be the week after my layoff. Only downside to it is that in order to meet up with them in time to drive to NC, I'd have to travel on my birthday. For the whole day! My 30th will be spent on a plane. In the air. Mostly sleeping or watching something. That doesn't seem very fun. But then again, my birthday celebrations will be the saturday before, and I'll have already had my fun. And as of now nothing's really planned on my actual birthday. I could just end up sitting around at home with no plans, in which case, I might as well be flying. Oh decisions decisions. What do you guys think?

If I do go to NC, I was thinking of maybe stopping by NYC before heading back. Thing is I don't have many close friends there other than B, and he'll be on long island, not the city. But it would be nice to hang with him for a few days on long island, he tells me it's nice there. Decisions decisions.

A, if only your wedding was a few weeks later, I'd be in the UK like THAT.

Maybe I'll plan a trip for Paris in the fall...Decisions decisions.

I'm off to celebrate Father's day with the fam. I've been so horizontal for the past few days that being vertical takes a lot out of me. Let's hope I make it!

What are the odds?

2011-06-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

Ok ok ok. The universe is being nice to me because I'm sick.

Last night I spent some time scouring the internet for that red dress from the previous post. I saw it on zooey d in a promo for her new show, and knew I had seen it somewhere. And yes, just because zooey wore it, now I had to have it. Problem is, it's a few months old so it's no longer available at the store. But ebay always has some left overs and I was tempted to splurge on it just so I can try it on to see what it looks like. But then I'd have to deal with whether or not it fits and if it didn't fit then what? I knew that was foolish so I let the idea go.

Today I'm feeling a bit better and thought I'd get out the house a bit and run some errands. (I looked at my door several times yesterday but never made it out of the house. Can you believe that? A whole day in my pjs. I haven't done that in forever.) So while running my errands I thought I'd just pop into my favorite store for a quick lookey, just to satiate my thread thirst when suddenly, what do I see on the sale rack? THAT RED DRESS! On sale! The only one of it's kind left. Someone must've returned it recently. The size was questionable, but I go try it on just to see. The zipper is a bit hard to maneuver, but it fits...it actually fits. What are the odds of me finding that (no longer available) dress in the store on the sale rack, in a size that actually fits?

However, truth be told, even on sale it's a bit pricey for someone like me, who has enough pretty dresses, who will soon be jobless and really shouldn't be spending unnecessary dough on non essential items, who will probably wear it once because she has no one to take her out to nice places where such dresses are needed, and so on. I'll most likely wear it around the house for a bit, and return it in a few days. Maybe have it brighten another sick girl's day. But for now I'm swooning over my lucky find. (But I'm also physically swooning because I think I had too much physical activity and my body wasn't ready for it.)

Thanks for letting me indulge. I know out of my three readers, only one will actually care about this post. Sometimes I think about turning this into a clothing blog. Because sometimes I think I have an addiction that should be addressed. The thoughts I was having about this dress last night surely wasn't healthy. And today's find is really like finding a bag of pot on the ground and looking around to see who dropped it but not finding anyone and then taking it home with the shades drawn and smoking all of it at once before someone comes looking for it wanting it back. Kinda like that high. I know I shouldn't have bought it but I took it home with me anyway. But there's already enough of those clothing blogs out there so maybe I won't, and you'll just have to put up with these posts every once in a while.

Le Sigh...

2011-06-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

So bored.

2011-06-15T20:07:00.001-07:00

Not only did I get a layoff this week, I also received a cold/flu from my boss. OH JOY!

Monday and Tuesday we were holed up in my small windowless edit bay working on a promo, he sitting behind me, sniffling and hacking, talking on the phone to his wife about what kind of soup he wanted. All the while me thinking...hm...this can't be good. Then Tuesday for lunch I suddenly wasn't hungry. NOW WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?? And it's hitting me hard today. I'm itching to get a workout in but don't want to wreck my body. I have errands to run and can't seem to get off the couch. I've only watched half a movie so far but I'm already tired of movie watching. Thank goodness my favorite show is on right now, that'll keep me busy for an hour or so. But I've got shit to do! Ugh, being sick is such a waste of time. Boss man didn't go into work today. I only went in for a few hours. But he's emailing us about being in bed and having matso ball soup and all this time I'm wishing my wife would bring me some matso ball soup in bed. Hmph.

Clothes. I'm currently obsessed with clothes and all things pretty. Must be the coming summer and longer days. I haven't put up any thread porn in a while...so hold on...

Ok, technical difficulties, I won't be showing any today.

Insomnia

2011-06-14T02:05:00.000-07:00

I was in bed. Then woke myself up with some weird arm movement. Then started thinking about a bunch of things and finally ended up just getting up and getting on the computey. I don't do this very much. But I've got lots on my mind.

For my birthday this year, I'm losing my job. Just found out today that the show is getting canceled and we have a month left. I don't think this came as a surprise to anyone, we all saw it coming, but it's still a bit sad. And every once in a while, I'll have forgotten that I'm losing my job and then suddenly remember, and have a mini panic attack. It's fine, it's fine. I've been wanting out for a long time, and have been hoping for this for a while as well. But now it's finally here (well a month to go) and I'm getting mini panic attacks. Mostly because I'm realizing I haven't been as prepared for this end as I should've been. Shame on me. I'm usually so prepared.

The baby shower is finally out of the way and I feel like I can finally take a breather, but this news puts me back in the hot seat, blogging at 2am in the morning. Wondering, will I ever meet someone who is my equal? Will I ever speak french well enough to have a conversation with someone? Should I travel or try to step it up a bit in my career by going backwards? And how is it that I keep spending money on wedding presents and bridal showers and baby stuff on other people and when will the madness end?

You know, usual things like that.

I think this is when people start drinking. You're up at 2am, your mind is going in circles, you just need something to quiet the nerves. But I'm too lazy right now to have a beer. I'm too lazy to be a drunk. That is the epitome of low.

The shower went well but never again do I want to host something for that many people and that many kids. Good grief. We got locked out of the place until 45 minutes before people were suppose to show up, when my BIL finally somehow broke in. There were just too many people to handle. And most of the little candy pacifiers I spent hours making broke in transit, I threw them out tonight.

Also is it weird that I'm craving coffee right now? Not for the jolt, because I certainly don't need that, but I sure do like the taste.

Ok i'm out. Gonna try this sleeping thing one more time.

Calgon take me away!

2011-06-07T00:44:00.000-07:00

I know in a previous post I mentioned i don't complain much. Well this isn't one of those days. I'm bloated and agitated. Sure you can call it pms, but then I'd have to punch you in the face. Right now I'm wishing I had someone in bed with me. So that I can complain about how bloated and agitated I am. Because no one will put up with those kinds of complaints unless they're in bed with you trying to go to sleep and can't get away. Or unless you blog about it so that your readers will have to put up with it. Perhaps that's why you have so few readers....

Kaboom

2011-06-02T23:19:00.000-07:00

My head's about to explode from information overload. On top of that, I'm sooooo so so tired. Might have to skip the diagonal sleeping tonight, and just sleep. And Swarren is right, diagonal sleeping DOES confuse you in the middle of the night when you wake up, but I think that's why it works so well for me. I'm a confused mess when I wake up in the middle of the night, which makes my brain work more which makes it more tired, which makes me sleep harder.

I'm on the last 3 days of my 3 class series. I'm loving this last one, the instructor is awesome. I've taken a class with him before and he just knows SO MUCH INFORMATION. SO much. But I'm not used to so much thinking and overloading my brain. It's really hard work. Makes me wonder if I could actually go back to school and if I would actually retain all that information if I did. But good information makes me really happy. Maybe I am a robot.

Once or twice a week I go to this exercise class. It's mostly all girls all the time. I don't usually notice rings but the other day, while I was in a weird position with sweat dripping out of me, I looked for something to focus on to quiet the pain...and my eyes landed on some girl's engagement ring. Annoyed, I looked away to the girl next to her, who ALSO had a ring. Ugh. And then just to check, I looked at the girl next next to her, and she too had a ring. Suddenly I felt like the world was against me, and I found the focus I needed.

Just random things here and there for today. My current focus now is the baby shower. Once I get that out of the way I can finally enjoy the beginning of summer.

Emosewa

2011-05-31T22:07:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'm not going to do this too often but, if there's a place to do this, this is it.

I'm awesome. On a human level, I'm above average. On a robot level, I chart through the roof. I'm quick. I can do things fast. I work fast. I can drive fast if it wasn't against the law. I type fast. I fall asleep fast. I go to the bathroom fast. I'm not one of those take a book and linger types. I do my business and I'm out. The only thing I don't do is eat fast, but who wants to rush that anyways?

I'm good at problem solving. I think things through. I'm a good planner. I make a good party time. I'm a cheap date. I can do 20 pushups on my knees. I don't complain much. I can pick out cool clothes, majority of the time on sale. I'm a great whistler. I can make soups. I go with the flow. I seek out new adventures. I can go solo to a party without knowing anyone but the host and almost survive. I'm a good hug giver and an even better kisser. I'm good at balance (physically and metaphorically, that should be double points). I'm not afraid to admit that I love chick flicks. I'm funny, and make funny jokes most of the time (unlike some people who shall remain nameless, and makes me laugh at her jokes that aren't even funny or even sensical). I can bend my fingers back so they're perpendicular to my palm. I'm thoughtful. I think about people all the time, even the ones who have long forgotten me. I give good gifts. I'm sensitive. (To the point where sitting in Ruby's on the newport pier on a very windy day for more than 30 minutes makes me nauseous.) But this sensitivity leads me to be aware of many things around me, people feelings, the mood of the room, situation at hand. I'm a great tour guide. I can do the plank for a minute maybe more. I have soft hands. I have good follow through. I'm not a huge flake (but every now and then, things come up, yknow?). I can be silly but i'm mostly serious. I'm good at composing emails.

I'm Szu-Hua, I'm fucking awesome, and I make awesomeness happen.

Thanks for letting me indulge.

Survival of the Fittest

2011-05-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

Well, we all survived the rapture.

Yet I'm still struggling. On an emotional level I suppose.

It's been a busy few weeks. I co-produced a concert. Yup. I did that. I was telling everyone how much I hated using that word when all I really did was help out A just a bit here and there. It sounded so fake and pretentious. But now that it's over, I look back at what I did, and F yea, I co-produced a concert. I co-produced the shit out of it.

A lot of things were out of my control and knowledge, because A had a lot of the information himself, but...but I think if I had to, I'd be really good at putting events on. I have good follow through and organizational skillz. Doing this reminded me of International Week I put on in HS, as ICC president. I held the shit out of International Week, it was the best one in many years. Fast forward a decade or so, and I think I still got it. If I had to, I'd be a good producer. It's just that I have no interest in it, it's too stressful. However, the high I felt after it was all over, after everything went so well and all the good feedback I got from everyone who loved the show, I ask myself...isn't the payoff worth all the stress leading up to it? I still don't know. And heck, if A asked me to do it again with him next year, I don't know that I can say no. Although we'd have a lot to discuss upfront, that's for sure.

I've been taking a few classes to open myself up for more opportunities. Weekend classes are hard. Sitting through a lecture is hard...especially after lunch when all the blood in your head has gone to your digestive track, and you can barely keep your eyes open, no matter how much coffee you have. But I'm hoping it's all for the better.

Tonight as Ben rang my groceries up at TJ's he asked me what was new. I had nothing for him. I said, "nothing." And then diverted the question by asking him about his upcoming move to the new place with his purty fiance. That's the problem, there's nothing new with me. In the mean time, everyone else is busy moving in with fiances and getting married and having babies. What happened? Why did everyone suddenly decide to make life changes? And when I say sudden, I mean sudden. There were years...YEARS when time passed by and I had no weddings to go to, no baby showers to say no to because I was planning another. Things were quiet for a while. And suddenly, these past few months, everyone decided to act at the same time. And I have friends of all different ages. So it's not "that time." They just all decided it was without me. WTF.

And I know, I can't just sit here on my stupid blog complaining about other people's lives. I've gotta make it happen for me, whatever it is. But it's not like putting on a concert. There's no end date in sight for whenever the show's suppose to start. Even though.... I have all the information and all the knowledge to put on the show that is my life. I don't have A getting in my way as an excuse. Hm...so maybe it is like putting on a show. If that's the case, then I'm failing hard, because I've tried so hard and it's just not happening.

Argh, this is stupid, ffwd.

I've been diagonal sleeping lately. I felt like I was wearing down the right side of my mattress so I moved to the middle, but somehow ended up on the left side but diagonal. It worked so well the first night that I've just been continuing to see what happens. I think diagonal sleeping is working wonders. I've been sleeping good and hard. Either that or I've been too tired and stressed to not sleep well. But I think it's the diagonal sleeping...I highly recommend it. First make sure you push all the pile of clothes off your bed though.

Wedding Bells

2011-04-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is and why it is, but I'm getting more and more excited about this royal wedding. Nothing crazy, I just want to see it go down. I'm not going to stay up late to watch it, but I still want to see it. Something about royalty, a pretty wife (who is doing her own makeup, wha?), and well...prince william. We had a thing when I was a kid. Yup. I just didn't tell him about it, he doesn't need to be bothered with such things. Mmmhmm.

I guess it's the whole rags to riches story. Not that kate's family was poor. No...I know what it is. It's the meeting the love of your life in college. I'm almost 30 and haven't met the love of my life, but they met in school! On top of all that, meeting a celebrity. And on top of that, a ROYAL celebrity. A person that a whole entire country knows of. Knows the history of. Knows the nitty gritty ugly scandalous history of. Not that I covet that. But it's something, don't you think? It's such a big thing.

Oh, and I kinda DO want to stay up til 1am to watch it. But I have class in the early morning. Sigh.

Finally!

2011-04-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

Me and my bf, under one roof.

He was with another woman, I was by myself. We were surrounded by hundreds of people, but I still had myself a grand ol time.

Steve was interviewing Tina F. tonight downtown, and lots of people showed up. It was a great show, and even though I love tina, seeing her live and seeing her speak made me love her even more. So much more. She is a woman I'd like to be. Smart, funny, creative, powerful. She got a bigger applause than steve!

He was funny, she was funny. He asked good questions, and she gave insightful answers.

One thing i noticed was that...they're not as close as I thought they would be. They've worked together so much, but on stage tonight, they practically seemed like strangers. I thought they'd be the best of friends, or at least have that mentor/mentee relationship, with lots of inside jokes and whatnot, but she seemed kinda stiff and nervous around him, and he around her. There was just no warm familiarity there. Also at the end, when they stood up, she went in for a hug, and he held out his hand to shake it, so then she shook his hand. I caught that awkward moment, and felt very awkward for them.

Also the sound on stage wasn't working so well. There were issues with the mics, he asked to have the monitors turned up, they couldn't really hear the audience questions on stage. So there was definitely a technical issue. But it also made me wonder...

Was it a technical thing, or is he just simply an old man and can't hear as well as he used to? Because he seriously missed a lot of things that Tina was saying, a lot of funny things she said that we were laughing about in the audience he didn't seem to quite catch on to. Also, the technical issues may have led to this too but...well...

Was it the audio issues, or is he maybe a bit of a jerk? Some of the things he said and his demeanor just made me...love him a little less. Perhaps he's just done this too many times. He's heard all these standard dumb questions that audiences ask when they're trying to impress him. Because I can get short with people too if I feel like they're being slow or asking dumb questions, I've been there, I get it. Or maybe he was throwing a mini tantrum because people cheered for tina much louder than they did for him, and he's trying to show everyone how cool he is even though he's crying on the inside. I don't know. Whatever it is, he seemed a bit out of sorts tonight. But then again, I don't know the guy, I only know him from the tv. Maybe a dash of jerkiness is how he lives his real life.

I'm trying not to let this let down of who steve really may be get in to my head too much. After all, everyone can have an off night. Instead I'll just focus on how great he looked. Very dapper. Very gentleman-like. Great black rimmed glasses to compliment his gray suit and pink tie. Also, he was funny. We all love a man who knows how to be funny, right?

All in all, a great night.

2011-04-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

Another tough workout today. I love that moment when you do that last rep and then sink into the floor for your cool down. Those few minutes make it all worth while. That time when your body and muscles are slowly coming out of the shock you just put them through for the last 55 minutes. I can hear those tingling muscles asking me "Whoa. SH. What was that you just did to us?" It's a pretty cool feeling. That, and limping back to my car hoping my legs won't give before I get to the door. Awesome.

I'm not digging the shows on the CW anymore. I think it's a sign of growth.

Good grief charlie brown, I'm too tired for anything. Going to watch some conspiracy movies in bed.

Small! Vanilla! Latte!

2011-04-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

There's this coffee place I go to on the weekends sometimes, and sometimes there is this guy there behind the counter. We'll call him Peter Parker, not because that's his name, but because I don't know his name and that's how I imagine how Peter Parker would look if he worked in a coffee shop.

The first time I came across Peter Parker, he wouldn't take my order. He shook his head when I asked him for a vanilla latte. Trying to be cute I suppose. So then after he rang me up, he asked me: What's your favorite color? So I told him purple. And because there was a line behind me, I didn't stay to make small talk.

Another time, while in line, I heard Peter Park ask another girl the SAME THING! What's your favorite color? Oh boy. I just rolled my eyes. So then I realized that was his "thing."

And then TODAY, he did the same thing. He shook his head when I ordered my latte. Then proceeded to ask me about my favorite color. I told him purple. Strong color, he replied. So then I asked him what his was. I don't have one, he replied. And when I asked why not, he said, I can't commit to a favorite color. Likely story, I told him, and walked away with my coffee.

Thing is, if you're going to have a "thing," at least remember who you do your "thing" to. Or change it up every now and again, a girl needs variety. I think today was the third time he's asked me what my favorite color is. If you're not going to remember, then stop asking, because it's weird for me to have the same conversation with you every time!

But now for next time, I can beat him to the punch and say, vanilla latte, purple, and none. Or tell him I don't have a favorite color when he asks and he'll be so amazed because he doesn't have a favorite color either that he'll think we're soul mates. Or just straight up tell him, Look Peter Parker, you've asked me already, and I've told you three times it's purple. You don't have a favorite because you can't commit to colors, now give me my vanilla latte!

Thank you.

Addendum

2011-04-05T23:53:00.000-07:00

So I thought I wasn't feeling well last week but I wasn't sure if it was real or a mental thing, or me just being completely lazy.

Well I am here to say, it was real! Huzzah!

I don't get achey or tired during the day this week. I had this hard tough workout and still feel ok, other than the inevitable soreness. I don't feel out of breath. I'm just not feeling generally BLAH like I felt last week.

So yea, i was definitely some subtle sort of sick last week.

No pain no gain.

2011-04-05T20:40:00.001-07:00

It's so amazing what your mind and body can do. It's true what they say: mind over body. Hm...actually i think it's mind over matter...dang it. But body is matter, :. A+B, B=C, so A+C, right????

Just say yes.

I would think that my mind is on my side all the time, because it's in MY brain, and it's working in conjunction with MY body, but it's really not. I've learned this with my short running stint last year, and from my workout classes. When I was running, as soon as I started, I can hear my mind going, no no no, too hard, too fast, you're tired, your shins hurt, you have to go pee or your bladder will burst and you will die on the side of the road by yourself with pee all around you and a broken bladder all because you didn't want to stop and pee for 2 minutes.

Seriously, my mind will think of all these excuses and reasons why I can't keep running, or do 8 more reps of leg lifts. Why does it do that? Why can't it just HELP me out, and wander in the direction of: yes you can, yes you can, SI, SE PUEDE!
(Ok, probably because my mind doesn't think in spanish.)

Instead you have to have coaches and instructors who know better, who are yelling at you saying, you can do it, push through it, work for it. And then I have to try very very hard to tell myself that I actually CAN do it, it's just my mind telling me that I can't, but my body CAN physically do it...it just comes with some pain. Dang it mind! I'm already busy working out the rest of my body, I don't have the energy to mentally convince myself that I can do something!

Doesn't that seem counter intuitive? Cuz it sure does to me.

I just came home from a work out. It's called Cardio Barre, I've been doing it off and on for the past year or so. You'd think I'd be really good by now, but I'm not. In fact when I looked up while stretching today, I was one of 3 girls in the class whose body wasn't bending all the way down like the rest of the girls. Sigh. I don't know when I'll get there. But I'm seeing very very tiny improvements, such as, being able to touch my toes with my legs straight, and even the floor! It's kind of exciting for me, I'm not of the bendy kind.

Last week I ventured into the advance class, which I did again tonight. Whew. Talk about no no nos. No it's too hard. No i'm too tired. No it burns, I don't think it's suppose to burn like that. No I'm not really advance, I'm just trying it. All these excuses!

I wish I had the mental ability of a sports star to mentally power through it. I guess that's what the instructor is there for, to tell you that you CAN do it while I'm busy telling myself no.

But now here I am, at home, my body feeling good. I'll probably be sore for the rest of the week. But hey, I was able to touch my toes again when I got out of the shower! Which, as small as it is, is still WINNING! (I know I know, Charlie Sheen is so 3 weeks ago.)

Also, I always think about this, and it's a no duh kind of thought, but working out is really WORK! I know that's what they call it, but you know how you attach a name to something and you lose the meaning? Well the meaning definitely comes back to me when I'm working out, and in pain, and sweating like a...like a....very sweaty person. It is VERY HARD WORK! I mean, I don't even know that I work that hard at my everyday job work, something that I'm getting paid for! Instead, I'm PAYING someone else for these classes, or the gym, or training, or workout dvds. I'm PAYING someone to yell at me and put me in pain, and make me WORK! It just...it just doesn't make sense if you think too hard about it, so I try not to. These are the thoughts that come to me when I'm sweating buckets.

RANT OVER and out.

Munday

2011-04-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's like my body knows when the weekend is, and when to break down. I wasted a good weekend doing nothing particularly much other than resting on the couch and getting lots of sleep. I guess because of the strong work I did doing all that nothing, I'm feeling much better today.

So Hills helped me to realize something yesterday during brunch. I may have a chip on my shoulder. I realized that I seem to think people are against me all the time when they're really not. Like the situation with my accordion. I felt like the couple was being shady and trying to trick me, but in the end, I ended up paying what they had quoted me from day 1 (well...and plus tax). I got into a similar situation the other week as well, thinking that a friend was purposely trying to hurt me when he was just being inconsiderate really. Something of the sort. Isn't there that saying: people aren't thinking about you as much as you think, or something? Yea. That.

I'm working on crocheting a blanket for my future niece. I hope it goes ok.

Now it's time to go get ice cream wasted.

All mine.

2011-04-02T11:07:00.001-07:00

I haven't been feeling well all week, but part of me wonders if it's just a mental thing. I woke up feeling not great, but is that just from sleeping too much? You know how it gets.

I finally purchased my accordion. It's all mine now. I don't have to go back to the store ever again! (Unless something breaks) If that couple weren't older, I would think they're really shady. Well, I already do. I won't go through all that they said while I was in there, but everything they were doing seemed to be a tag team effort to pull one over me. As soon as I walked out the door I pictured them looking at each other, and giving each other a small chuckle. "We got another one!" They just make me really uncomfortable. I even had a sleepless night over this days before I went in. But that's all done now. Now it's time to practice.

30, how about 60?

2011-04-01T20:41:00.000-07:00

I just sat down with some soup and started watching Masterpiece Classic's Wuthering Heights. It's 8:30 on a Friday and I'll probably be in bed in an hour. What's happening to me.

And the answer is...

2011-03-31T18:17:00.001-07:00

I'm seriously an awful test taker.

I know I know. As an asian, you'd think I'd be good at math, a whiz with tests, A+ on everything. But that's not me. And it's even harder when there is that expectation and you don't meet it.

Today I went to take a safety training test to get into the editors guild. I've been putting it off for a while now, but finally had time today to go do it. My friend Fernando had already done it a few weeks ago. I asked him what it was like. His response was something along the lines of: Totally easy. You watch a video. Then you take the test. The test asks you things about what you watched in the video. And there's a booklet so if you don't remember you can look it up in the booklet.

As easy as that sounded, I still had my doubts, knowing my history with tests.

So I watched the video. I took the test. 27 true/false questions, and two multiple choice questions. Should've been super easy. The other guy in the room with me finished 15 min before me. I looked up questions in the booklet, just to make sure. And still. STILL, I got 3 wrong. Apparently the guy administering the test probably never had anyone get ANY wrong before, because he had to go to the back and ask what to do with my wrong answers.

In the end, all I had to do was re-read the questions and circle the right answers, which, in a T/F scenario is a no brainer. I didn't have to take it over, I didn't flunk. But boy was I embarrassed. I was reminded of the day I flunked my driving test. A different type of test, but still...embarrassment and pain.

As I walked out of the building, my head hung in shame, and I realized why I'm so bad at tests. Because of my over thinking nature!! I totally over think and over analyze the questions, putting emphasis on words like "always" and "required" when there is no emphasis needed. Especially in T/F scenarios where you don't really know what they're asking and they're just asking you to pick black or white when sometimes...sometimes things are gray!

Or maybe there is no excuse, I'm simply bad at test taking, and possibly not that bright. Could be...could be.

************

You know you're getting old when the once "peers" on American Idol when you first started watching now look like babies to you. Kids with too much makeup on. Kids who, even though they have beards, still look like kids with beards on, not adults. I'm starting to look my age. Years ago, I looked young but was told by many that I acted "mature" for my age. Now I'm just catching up, and I'm finally looking and acting my age, no longer "mature." The cute guys I'm spotting here and there were once cute, but now they're just "cute but young". What's happening to me!

Oh yea, Im turning 30, that's what.

I still haven't decided what, if anything, I'll do for my birthday this year. Every year it's been pretty casual, but this year, I keep going back and forth between doing something big and spectacular!, or not doing anything at all. There's going to be several other July birthdays and between that and my niece being born, I may just be too busy. Too busy to have a declarative 30. Also, it'll be the summer. People go away on trips and vacations during the summer...

But whatever I end up doing or not doing, at least I have a dress for it. Several dresses in fact.

Do you guys have any ideas? Rollerskating is out, because not everyone wants to skate and renting out the place will be quite pricey. I should probably do some research on viable options.

Dream when you're feeling blue.

2011-03-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I fell asleep listening to a podcast, like I do most nights. It was about a comedian who lost his daughter to cancer, but still had to get on stage and be a comedian. It was powerful, sad, and very touching. I stayed awake for all of it. And then had a really strange hour after that.

I fell into that in between moment of sleep and consciousness, and had a fantasy/dream about an encounter that I can't even fully remember now. I say fantasy because I feel like I was consciously thinking about an encounter that I would have to confront eventually, and I was just trying to figure out the best way to approach it. But I also say dream because somewhere in the middle, it took on a life of it's own and took off on it's own, like when someone blows on a dandelion and the seeds fly everywhere.

All I remember now from last night's fantadream is running into a few people at a bar, two of which were friends from high school. One was Pabs, a guy that I had just talked to earlier that day, so it made sense that he was in my dream. And he brought with him this other guy Dan, who I hadn't seen in a long long time. I remember just being able to see the back of Dan's head, but somehow still knowing it was him, you know how dreams usually work. And then I slipped out of the dream and came back into that in between, thinking, I wonder what Dan's doing now. Why have I not heard about him through the grapevine. Wouldn't it be nice to catch up with him and see what he's been up to? And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to see Dan and know about him, and the more conscious I became. I kept asking why and how in my head until I was fully awake, and finally realized or remembered that Dan had passed away years ago. It may even be ten years now.

That's why I haven't heard about him through the grapevine, why there is no news of him. I suddenly realized this in bed and felt very sad. He was a friend to everyone, and even though we didn't run in the same circle in highschool, I still thought very highly of him. In my fantadream I had such a strong urge to know about him and his current life, his girlfriends or kids, his jobs, who he still hangs out with from highschool, and the fact that he never had a chance to live a longer life like most of his peers made me very sad.

And then the other day I was in a workout class, and during our cool down, the instructor played a very familiar song. At first I got excited because it was familiar, but then I realized why it was so familiar. I had used it in S's mom's slideshow a few years ago. And as the song played while I did my cool down stretches, all these memories of that time and that day came back. And I suddenly realized that I could never casually listen to that song anymore, without having all these feelings and memories attached to it. It totally took the high out of the work out.

But despite all these really sad memories that seem to keep coming up, I'm glad my brain is still capable of remembering these memories. The older I get, the less I remember. I know people say that, but I'm starting to LIVE that. So thanks brain, for keeping these memories of these lovely people.

Goodbye Osaka

2011-03-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

What a stressful week it's been.

After much contemplation, I decided to not go to japan. I canceled my ticket on Thursday. I had everyone giving me their opinions. EVERYONE. And finally, when it came down to it, the travel agency via Delta gave me an out, and I took it. I'm not happy about it, I've been quite bummed all week, but what's done is done. Steve will still go, as his situation is different than mine, but now I will be here next week, and not Japan.

Instead I'm trying to think of some fun things to do, like maybe go rollerskating, or get back into salsa again. Maybe I'll try to eat as much japanese food as I can next week. Before I canceled the trip, I decided to watch Lost In Translation again to get in the japanese spirit, and when I finished it, I remembered what a crappy movie it STILL is. Also instead I'll be here when the big one is suppose to hit, sometime next week. Great.

So now it's on with the plan. Now that my holiday is out of the picture, I've got work to do. Hard work. Things to learn. Plans to make.

I just quickly looked up a trip to Chicago...it's too late to make plans. I don't do well with short notices.

It's been raining all day. I went out a few times today, but still I feel stuck. Just...stuck.

Lentils

2011-02-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

I'm making lentil soup right now and the smell is killing me. It won't be done for another 40 minutes and I hope it tastes as good as it smells.

And then my microwave just stopped working in the middle of timing my soup. Weird. I tried unplugging it and plugging it back in to reset it. But it didn't work. Maybe it couldn't handle the smell either so just gave up and committed microwave suicide.

I tried to do some research today on accordions in the hopes of purchasing one, since my rental will be ending shortly, and it doesn't seem to make sense to keep renting. But they're all so pricey. I don't know that I should be spending the money on one right now but...I really love the accordion. It just has such an awesome sound. Sigh...decisions decisions. It's kind of depressing, knowing I'll have to part with the current accordion soon, even though I know it could work better if it wasn't so old.

I've been meaning to write up the trip to vegas but just haven't gotten around to it. Luckily for me, the bff did. It really was such an awesome trip in such a short time. I hope we get to do more trips like it in the future. Maybe when her kids are old enough to babysit themselves?

Holy cow, the microwave just came back to life. Guess it wants some soup.

Black and Blue

2011-02-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

Note to self: Do not listen to Adele's new album alone, while eating a bowl of pasta. The album is fantastic, but you'll end up depressed for the rest of the week. By the way, this woman is gorgeous. Her hair and makeup is always flawless. And she's only 22. F. Kids these days.

So the accordion took an interesting turn today. I went in for a lesson, only to realize I'm paying them a lot of money to do something I can do by myself at my house, and quicker. I finished book 1 on my own the week after my first lesson. V said it takes most people 6 weeks! Ok ok sure, but, I'm already half way there. I know how to read music, play the keyboard side, it's not a huge feat to finish book 1. I spent half the lesson today showing her I can play the songs in book 1, and then the other half starting with some new tunes in book 2. But I can get these books on amazon. Go through them on my own. Without paying for an expensive lesson. First though, i need my own accordion.

It saddens me because I'm feeling like the same thing happened with skating. Taking lessons wasn't helpful anymore. I wanted more education on a faster track. Maybe I just have no patience. What if I get my own accordion and stop playing it as soon as I get it? But then again, skates and accordions are very different things. I can play the accordion any time I want, where I'd have to go to the rink to skate.

I'm having a hard time getting things done lately. I just want to veg on the couch. I blame bad reality tv. The kind that sucks you in and doesn't make you think. It doesn't help that I'm eating horribly, not exercising, getting home late from work. Yarg.

Dans mes mains

2011-02-17T09:58:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of obsessed with these videos:

They just look so good, and the people are so jcrew pretty. The thing that annoys me is that they all kind of insinuate that you'll meet a cute boy or girl when you're in a foreign land. Not that I'm against it, just that...you're putting so much added pressure to that country! Makes me want to take up french again. I wasn't too bad.

But first I must concentrate on my Japanese. Which needs lots of work. It'll be the end of march before I know it, and I've got a lot of research to do.

When I get back though, maybe it'll be time to finally think about going to France. They'd probably have some authentic french accordion sheet music there I can get. Sure sure, I've got amazon. But I'd love to say I bought it in France.

I realized that taking up the accordion is another way to get closer to my France non obsession. I call it non obsession because I'm not obsessed with all things France, no. It's just that I, like most girls, have this unrealistic romantic idea of what Paris holds based on movies like Charade and Love in the Afternoon and Moulin Rouge and Amelie. Movies that romanticize floor to ceiling doors with knobs in the middle, berets and stripey sweaters, loaves of bread that always stick out of the grocery bag next to the bunch of parsley, the the Eiffel Tower, love.

No, I'm not obsessed. I'd just like to go and experience the country for what it really is, whatever that is, and prove to my non obsessed self that it's all made up, Paris is all in my head...and in the movies.

Also, I've learned that my obsession with romantic comedies is best experienced by myself. I went to see No Strings Attached this past weekend. I invited a friend at the last minute, she couldn't make it. Thank goodness! Because 90 minutes later, I found myself crying over a scene I can't remember now, and being really embarrassed yet relieved that no one was there to witness it. Whew. What can I say, I'm just a sucker for love stories that involve period mixes. And by period, I don't mean the Victorian type, I mean the monthly type.

Tweens

2011-02-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

My hair is in the tweens. It's in an awkward stage. It doesn't want to be told what to do, it has a mind of its own. It doesn't listen to me or obey my orders. It made such a fuss this morning that three different people commented on my hair's behavior. It was really embarrassing knowing that I can't control my own hair in public. It was so cute back when it was short...but that doesn't last forever. Sigh...I can't wait til we're past this awkward tween phase.

Friday I'm off to Vegas with S to celebrate her 30th birthday. (haha, sucker!) No boys, no kids, just us girls. Should be a fantastic time. Neither of us have been in a while. We're gonna go crazy! Maybe.

New Dress!

2011-02-13T00:40:00.000-08:00

This girl is killing me.

Gurrrrrrl.

Freedom

2011-02-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

I know everyone's talking about it, but what's happening in Egypt really is so amazing. For the past few mornings, I've been waking up to historic news. One morning it was that Mubarak was going to make a speech about stepping down. All that excitement led to disappointment. Next morning I wake up to the news that he was leaving the capital, so that warranted a quick snooze. Five minutes later, I'm up as I hear he's stepped down. At work I went over to Noreen's office to discuss the good news with her and found her on the phone with her aunt in Egypt. She relayed to her aunt that I was in the office, so I took the chance and shouted congratulations over the phone. She heard me! My message reached Egypt!

Technology is amazing. Social networks are amazing. People are amazing. Huzzah!

It's been a big week. All that stuff in Egypt. Big things going down at work. The superbowl that I didn't watch. Dinner with a ginger who turned out to be chinese...

Got another few big weeks coming up, and then it's on to Japan! Still haven't received my passport in the mail...but I guess it's only been a little over a week.

Oh also, I wandered into the neighborhood accordion school last week just to ask some questions and look around. I ended up at home with a rental accordion! And I've got my first lesson tomorrow with Dave. I haven't played with the machine as much as I was hoping to this week, but hopefully I'll put it to some good use this weekend.

Until next time, please enjoy this video. I know I did. I hope to be able to do this one day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcU09xOd0aM

2011-02-05T00:42:00.000-08:00

This morning I thought I'd do something unusual and take myself out to breakfast. That's right. On a weekday. And I had a coupon so I saved myself a few dollars. Welp. It turned out to be the most expensive breakfast I've ever had. It was all going so swimmingly until I got out to my car and saw that parking ticket. I had fed the meter and everything. Turns out it was street cleaning day...AGAIN! Zut Alors. Shit.

So my friend vonne and I went over to my former coworker, now friend's house to record some doo wops for his album. It sounded fun when he proposed it, but I wasn't sure how well it'd work out, seeing how I don't think either of us have done such a thing. I did with my violin but that's a bit different. I figured we'll do one song and see how it goes. Turns out, it turned out fantastically! We had so much fun. And we bounced ideas off each other, got each other's opinions. It's truly what making music is about. We ended up going through four songs. And now he wants us back on Sunday, to do a few more. Vonne came up with a name for ourselves: The Maestro Twins. It's funny because we look nothing alike. And it'll fit with our string duo we're trying to start (even though we've only had one practice!!).

Also, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but lately I've been on the look out for an accordion. I know, it's just going to be another toy that I might get bored with in a month, if not an hour. Which is why I'm looking to just borrow one and play around with it before I invest in one. Today I think I've got the perfect solution. And it's been in my neighborhood this whole time!! I can't believe it! Will report back on this later when I get more information.

A great question...

2011-02-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

So, B and I were talking the other day, and he came up with this great question. A question that I'm not sure I know the answer to.

A few of our friends lately are pursuing things that I'm sure are dear to their hearts, but neither of us think they're doing it particularly well.

And so he posed this question:
When do you tell a loved one, whether it be a friend, a lover, a child...when do you tell them to stop pursuing their dreams?

Now at first that may seem a bit harsh. Of course you don't want to stop someone from pursuing their dreams! But let's say your child loves playing the piano. But he plays it awfully. No matter how much he practices, how much education he receives, he's just not good. And the music industry is VERY competitive.

At what point do you tell your child that they need to move on? And that maybe there's something else he should be pursuing?

Ok, that's a bit harsh, let's try another example.

Those kids on the American Idol tryouts. The ones who go in with so much confidence, and end up sounding like a screeching cat. The ones who leave crying and screaming, cursing Simon and Paula for not knowing a good thing when they see it. The ones who can't believe they didn't get to hollywood, because in their heart of hearts, they KNOW, they BELIEVE they are the next american idol. Even though they sound like death. Even thought the whole reason they GOT on the show is because they sound like death and don't know it. Sure some people are faking it to get on TV. But I think a lot of those people truly believe they can sing.

Suppose one of those people were your friends. Or me? Sure, you love me dearly. But would you let me go embarrass myself on NATIONAL TV and sing like a dead cat? Or would you sit me down and have a heart to heart? And at what point would you tell me about it?

I think if I was one of those tone deaf singers, I'd want a friend to tell me ahead of time, before I went on TV. If I had a big piece of spinach stuck in my teeth, I'd want you to tell me while we ate, before I go on an important interview. And vice versa, I would tell you if you had spinach in your teeth. Because good friends look out for each other.

But I've also had people tell me that I'll never be a working musician because I'm just not that good, and while it's true, it stung for a long time, and is probably why I have low confidence in my playing abilities.

Also, one time, I asked a lady how much a dress at her store cost. She looked at the dress and said, "Oh honey, you won't fit into that dress. It's got such a small waist." On one hand, she was probably right, and was just telling it like it is. On the other hand, maybe I wasn't buying it for me, maybe I was buying it for my tiny waist-ed sister, and her being honest just lost her a sale. (And don't call me honey, bitch!)

I guess it's a two part question: Would you say something? And at what point would you say something? When are you just "looking out" for that friend or loved one, and when are you butting in? (ok, 4 parts)

I want to say, everyone should reach for their dreams. But when that dream is not a reality, how long do you go before you quit? Do you never quit, because it's a dream? Or do you realize it's only a dream, and let it BE a dream, while you go on to pursue other things and live a different life?

Let's say your kid who is awful at the piano was a whiz at science. But he likes piano a lot more than science. When do you tell him that piano is maybe not the career path to take? And while that may seem harsh, you also don't want him wasting away his life trying to get good at the piano when he could be spending that time into doing sciency things and becoming a great scientist. So when do you tell him? 15? 30? Never?

Sigh. It's a big question I know. I'm not saying I have the answers. But I'd love to hear what you guys have to say.

Tard

2011-02-02T00:05:00.000-08:00

I've taken to calling myself "Goodjob SH", modeled after the President of Nigeria: Goodluck Jonathan. Every time I nail an edit, or finish the dishes, I feel like I've turned into Goodjob SH.

Well, Goodjob SH does it again!

I got so much done this morning. Woke up early so I could get to the post office right when they opened. I shipped off my passport renewal, here's to hoping that it gets back in time!! Then I dashed to work early for the blood drive, and got it all done and was on time to my 10am meeting. It's amazing how much you can get done when you wake up early. It's just too bad I can never wake up early.

Um....had much more to say but it's late and I'm tard. (That's southern for tired)

Committed!

2011-01-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

I did it! I bought my tickets to Japan! Which makes it so official. I'm going to Japan! I'm always nervous that something will happen right before my big trips. But it's always worked out fine. And I will be fine. I'm going to have a great time. I will. And now, on to learn some Japanese.

So, I get that the president wants to seem relatable and cool and all that, but he sure was making a lot of jokes during the state of the union speech. In fact, he tends to make many jokes throughout his duties. Like...too many. If I wanted my president to be a comedian, I would've voted for Steve Martin. But I didn't. So mr. president, stop trying so hard to be funny. Just do your job and make inspiring speeches. Please. And thank you.

There may be a small possibility that our show will get an interview with Ira Glass. Omg omg omg. Me and jomalley are in love with him, and if he came to do an interview...I don't know what we'd do. Fight each other for the chance to say hello to him? I'd love a picture too. Let's cross our fingers.

And I just discovered Pandora. I know, i know, i'm years late into this pandora business. But it's actually quite awesome.

I always think I have more to say, but I don't.

Sayonara!

I have a big zit.

2011-01-26T23:57:00.000-08:00

Pesky little thing.

Wednesday nights = late nights. It's funny how I asked for more responsibility, and that translated into staying late. But at least I can go into work late tomorrow.

C departed this morning after his week in town. I think it went rather well. I had a good time with him, and I HOPE he had a good time with me here. Hard to tell though. You're not going to tell your host you DIDN'T have fun, right? I think it was a very balanced trip. He stayed with me a few days and nights, and then at his friend's a few times. So, we got to hang out, have some quality time, and there were times I got to have my own space.

Interesting side note: I met C's friend's roommate, who is a dancer, but if I hadn't known ahead of time I wouldn't have thought it. He looked athletic, I guess. And then later I met the dancer's gf, who I immediately knew was a fellow dancer. There's just something about female dancers! Is it their confidence, their off the shoulder clothes, their funky hair? SOMETHING. It was just so immediate.

Now I'm all off track and can't remember what I was going to say. Plus I'm being distracted by the tee vee.

Tootaloo.

Blackberries.

2011-01-24T21:25:00.000-08:00

Today's odd Google search of the day: Eating too many blackberries.

I wanted to see if eating too many blackberries are bad for you. Maybe it's diarrhea inducing, or maybe I'd get antioxidant poisoning from having too much antioxidants in my system. See, we get these fruit deliveries at work. Lately there's been a lot of raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries. I got hooked on blackberries last week. I bought a box at the grocery store. Had some at work. Bought some over the weekend at the farmer's market. Had s'more at work today. I've been on a blackberry high. I feel like Violet who turned violet. So I just wanted the internet to assure me that I'd be ok. So far, I think I will be ok. But I should probably cut back anyway.

Yesterday was National Pie Day. I told C that our goal for the day was to eat pie. Guess what. It didn't happen. And then I told S about it over the phone, and felt confident that I'd go get some pie to make up for it tonight. And that didn't happen either. Instead I settled on an orange....and some blackberries. Good for me. Bad for that apple pie. I'll get you pie! And your little a la mode pal too.

The Bachelor is terrible. I can't believe I've been watching. How do these girls do this to themselves. And then all that kissing. Ugh, I need to stop watching this crazy nonsense.

So...big news of the moment: I may be going to Japan at the end of March for a week of vacation. TA DA! Coworker steve lived there for a while. His parents live there now. He's going back to visit and I'm tagging along. I was jealous when he went last time, and told myself I'd go with him the next time he went. And guess what, he's going again already. I figure now's the best time to go. I'm not getting any younger. I'd have a place to stay and a guide who speaks the language and loves ramen as much as I do. I mean really, I can't NOT go. If anything, for the sake of my taste buds, I have to go. But alas, tickets have not been bought so nothing is for certain until they are. But hopefully me putting this out there in the universe will take me a step closer to JAPAN...and noddles! Wheeeee!

Oh dear...

2011-01-22T00:51:00.001-08:00

There's signs of prettiness in the air. When did spring creep up on us? Yesterday, lunch was had out under the sun, and it felt like summer. Today, lunch was had under the shade with a slight breeze, and it felt like spring. I hope the spring blows good things my way.

I came home yesterday and found that C had gotten me flowers and arranged it on my coffee table. That was a nice surprise to come home to. And then an even better surprise to walk into my room to see a bunch of daisies on my dresser. There they are now, as I look up at them. Kathleen Kelly was right, daisies ARE the friendliest flower.

Had a great time with C tonight. Simple times are always the best times. It's always nice to have a friend you can talk to about random things to no end. Things heavy on the heart. Things that don't have to do with anything but you thought you'd share anyway. Things that remind you of other things. I think it's funny how to some people I'm a good conversationalist, and to others I'm considered really quiet. Depends on what mood I'm in I suppose. To each their own.

BTW, typing in bed makes me feel like Carrie. I need to have a string of pearls around my neck and a Mr. Big next to me, reading the New Yorker.

Chicken nuggets of substance.

2011-01-20T00:57:00.000-08:00

Can you tell I have food on the brain? When do i not have food on the brain though, that's the question.

FINALLY HOME. 12 hr day followed by 14 hr day. You know how when you go talk to your boss about having more responsibilities? And then you actually get it, and you're like, oh crap, what did I do? Yea, it's kinda like that. It's a long story I'd rather not get into.

Came home to find C already fast asleep. Poor guy, I've ignored him the whole day. Hopefully it gets better the rest of the week.

The other day I was reading this blog (one which I can't remember the name of now), and the blogger was talking about new years resolutions. And how every year people resolve to do something more. Lose more weight. Eat more vegetables. Be nicer. She proposed that this year, her resolution was to just BE ENOUGH. Instead of exerting all this energy into trying to be more of a person, she suggested trying to just be you...now. Because how you are right now is enough. Because you are perfect as you are now.

I wish I can find the post because she explains it so much more eloquently than I.

I'm not sure where I stand on this matter. On one hand, what she said sounded so great. I mean for a whole year, instead of trying to diet or practice perfect or go to the gym more or be the perfect friend, what she is proposing is for me to do nothing. Doesn't that sound great? Well not nothing. She wants us to accept who we are, which I guess is a challenge in itself. But I feel like thats more a mental and emotional challenge than a physical one. What no gym? No boxes to lift? Sure, I can do that!

But on the other hand, I'm not sure I'd want to. I'm all about learning and being a better person and growing constantly. What she wants me to do basically goes against my basic beliefs, even though they sound so great in theory. But if I accept who I am and how I am now, does that mean I miss out on a year of growth? Am I held back a year? She says we've been taught from an early age (read: brainwashed, or a nicer term...influenced), and all our lives we think we have to strive to be better and more. I want to be better and more, but am I just succumbing to what I've been taught and what society wants me to do? And you know how I feel when I find out that someone's trying to get me to do something. (I do the opposite. Usually.)

Anyway, without getting too much into it...I hope I've made my case clear. But what do you guys think? What would you side with? I really want to know.

I'll try to find the post and repost it. Most likely, I'll have misunderstood her whole point when I first read it, and will have to write a retraction post sometime in the near future. So I guess look for that.

Also, I started out with chicken nuggets as my title, but added the substance midway as I wrote more substance. See what I did there? Nuggets of gold. Genius.

I wanna get chocolate wasted.

2011-01-19T20:33:00.000-08:00

Chocolate, mint and chip, caramel, vanilla, whatever. Just give it to me and I'll get wasted on it.

Pronto.

,

2011-01-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

Waiting for my laundry to finish up...otherwise I'd be in bed!

C comes into town tomorrow. May be my last night of blogging for a while.

So tmobile girl has a new polka dot dress. It's cute. Her motorbike suit and plain pink dress were nothing to write home about. Nothing will be as great as that first stripey one. But the latest polka dot one wasn't so bad.

I've been so busy all day today! Didn't have time to chat with my work BF, didn't have lunch with anyone, couldn't meet Hills for dinner...no time for my own thoughts. Thoughts like, what should I eat for dinner?

Ugh, I've got nothing. Sometimes I feel like if I don't have anything of substance to write, I shouldn't write at all. No point to waste y'all's time. Wow. Y'all's. Awesome.

Ugh. Blog fail.

Happy MLK

2011-01-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I blog, thinking that I'm practicing some sort of craft. That I'm some sort of "writer" in waiting, under wraps, who just needs a few weeks off for her big "novel" idea. And then other times I think, who am I kidding. I'm no writer. I wouldn't know where or how to begin. I just have these romantic notions of being Carrie at her apartment window, asking the big sex questions for her next column. Or Ewan McGregor as the poor penniless poet sitting by the window (again, with the windows), waiting for the courtesan Satine to walk by. But alas, there is no Mr. Big, there is no Satine, I am just another blogger among millions, with a readership of...well, I can only count them on one hand.

I think I'm heading towards a mid life crisis.

Succulent Saturday

2011-01-15T22:11:00.000-08:00

Succulent: rich in interest.

So, there.

I woke up early this morning. I hate that. Weekends are for sleeping in! This seems to happen a lot, where I can't seem to get myself out of bed on weekdays, and then when I have all the time in the world to sleep in on weekends, I wake up early. I wish that was reversed. Annoying.

So I woke up and went to a workout class, where I got my butt kicked. I'll be paying for it for the next few days I'm sure.

My bff was kind enough to drive up to me tonight for a girls night. I thought I'd take us both to a hip new restaurant. Turns out, other than the cute and friendly bartender, the food was pretty disappointing. Ugh. I hate when food disappoints me. Because it shouldn't. Food should be glorious! Instead, I had to get extra salsa to get some extra flavor. :-( And maybe the bartender was extra friendly to us, trying to divert our attention to him to make up for the bland food. It sure worked though...sigh. I'm trying not to think about it too much, because the more I think about it the madder I get. Don't mess with me and my food!!

But spending time with the bestie is always fun. :-)

It was a lovely warm day today in Los Angeles. Everyone was out enjoying the sun. I broke into a sweat walking back from brunch with an old coworker. Brunch is always fun, because when you're done, there's still so much of the day left! I gotta enjoy this weekend, cuz next week is gonna be a tough one.

I have half a cookie left I'm going to go nosh on. And S, NOW I'm craving that cupcake...the salted caramel with the pink top. Let me know how that turns out will ya?

Fast one Friday

2011-01-14T19:42:00.001-08:00

Gotta be out the door in 20, so gotta make this fast.

Friday consisted of...........business, but in a good way I guess. Let's just say I was ready to go home at 6p.

So I wasn't thinking nor paying attention last night when I got home, and parked on the wrong side of the street. I must've been in the shower when my landlord called me this morning (and probably knocked on my door to warn me), so I missed the meter maid by a mere few minutes. Uh...probably 3, according to my phone. $68 for a parking ticket!!! Egads. Whats funny was I ran into my landlord on the way back in from moving the car, and he said he tried to stall by pretending to take his key out to get into my car, but the meter maid was waiting for him to actually move the car, which he couldn't. But gosh, how nice is that? I wouldn't even have thought of that to stall. I've got it gooooood here.

I've got C coming to visit next week for a whole week from DC. I'm excited, but also a bit nervous. I don't think I've had a friend visit me for that long before. I hope we don't get sick of each other. We vacationed together last summer, but still, it's a bit different. I'm sure we'll both have a great time though.

Ok, bye-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tremendous Thursday

2011-01-13T23:29:00.000-08:00

Today, something cool happened.

All week long I've been working on this piece. This piece that was badly produced to begin with, with no forethought it seems. Something I've been chipping away at all week but not feeling like I was getting anywhere. Something that was only for the web. Something that seems to have been given to me to give me something to do, because everyone else got all the relevant, important pieces. I've been dreading showing it to the bossman all week, knowing it'd come back with major changes, or that they'd ask for something that wasn't there to begin with, or that they'd think I was bad at what I did because it was badly produced to begin with, or maybe they'd just scrap it altogether.

But finally I had to show him. So he came, he saw...and he actually liked! He made a few suggestions but nothing major, nothing that was impossible. He said it was great, good job, leaving me to have a stress free lunch. Except all throughout lunch I thought about it. At first I was excited. Goodjob SH does it again! But of course all these other thoughts crept up: He always says that, but does he mean it this time? Seems like goodjob is the only thing in his vocabulary, maybe he's just saying it so he doesn't have to deal with me. Is he saying it to appease me? To make me seem like I'm doing a good job even though they don't really have a job for me and I can be gone at any second? A few times I was going to mention it to Steve at lunch and ask him what boss man meant exactly by "goodjob." But then it sounded too much like a suspicious gf when I thought about it some more, so I didn't bring it up. To anyone at lunch. Nor to anyone back at work.

But then C came in late late in the afternoon and said she had heard bossman talking about my piece to a coworker and had said it was really cool. And that he should go see it. And she said that this was all unprompted. She hadn't asked about it, she just overheard. She knew how stupid I thought the piece was going, so she came to share the good news. Which was good news. And oh geez this all must be really boring to everyone out there.

Anyway, long story short, something nice happened at work today, which hasn't happened in a long time, which, was nice. Also I had a good lunch. But it all started with a good cup of coffee this morning. Culprit? I've been trying to switch from coffee to tea, so I've been cutting down coffee consumption, but it seems like the universe is telling me: When you start out your day with a good cup of coffee, the day goes your way. Or maybe thats what coffee wants me to think, because it knows it's losing to tea. Eh, who knows.

Wiley Wednesdays

2011-01-12T22:39:00.000-08:00

This awesome thing happened this morning that I can't quite talk about, but I was excited for a little bit there.

But then the day turned annoying and more annoying.

I know when I look back from the future, I'll have no idea what I'm talking about today, but for now, let's all take a moment of silence for awesome things and awesome people in the world.

Amen.

Typical tuesday

2011-01-11T23:35:00.001-08:00

You think you're an adult and oh so refined because you drink tea and coffee and wear kick ass boots. And one day snot starts streaming out of your nose at all hours of the day, and you're coughing and hacking up lungs, and suddenly you're reverted back to a five year old. A very icky, snotty five year old.

Welcome to my world ladies and gents. Hope you enjoy your stay.

Went to see a friend's movie tonight. His first directorial debut. A documentary about a race relay in Oregon. And it was great. I was so proud and so happy for him. It has slightly motivated me to start running again. Slightly. Ehhhhhh.....slightly. We'll see.

Case of the Mundays

2011-01-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

Ok. How much do we all want to go see No Strings Attached? A period mix? Genius. I don't know what it is about cheesy rom coms that I know are so unrealistic but still can't stop watching. Sigh. I went to see Black Swan by miself late Saturday night, and now am even more intrigued by Natalie Portman. She was a bit annoying in the movie, but something about her natural beauty really intrigues me.

Nothing much happened this weekend, I spent a lot of time with the family, watched a lot of movies on the couch, and just generally chilled as I tried to nurse myself back to health. I'm happy to report, the cold that I caught over the holidays has now escaped...mainly through my nose. Thank goodness.

Oh, the Arizona shooting happened this weekend. Ugh, made me sick.

I'm going through a period of general malaise. My hair is in this in between mode and being non cooperative, like all the time, I'm not happy with my job but can't seem to get out of it, I'm in a creative rut. And it's only January! Sheeshkabobs.

In other news, I'm really digging this new law that some restaurants have to abide by starting this year. If you're a restaurant with 20 or more locations in California, you have to post the food calories on the menus. Not a big deal you think, but I think it'll ultimately make a difference. I've already changed my orders based on seeing how many calories something has. A pretzel with frosting on top is not as innocent as my argumentative mind would like to think. It's amazing how good my mind is at talking itself into thinking that certain foods are totally innocent. So I'm really happy about this new law. Except it's only for chains. I wish it was for every restaurant.

And now i'm having a coughing fit, so it's time to sign off. Looks like my cold is trying to escape through my throat as well.

Oh snap.

2011-01-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today has been a most productive day. Hello new year! Emails were returned, lunch dates were had, had several important talks at work regarding my job, and got my dad a birthday present. I think one of my resolutions this year is to deal with issues sooner than later. I have this habit of putting things off, more particularly, talking to people about important topics. Especially at work. I hate when you have to talk to the boss man about stuff. I worry about it all day and make myself sick thinking about it and what to say when I should just go ahead and do it. This year, I just need to figure out how to resolve issues more quickly. I think it'll be better for my heart. I'm not sure how though...grow some balls I guess.

My dad is turning 60 this year. We got him an ergonomic chair, for all those hours he sits in front of the computer. A chair which I thought of, found, and picked up today. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, I know, I'm awesome. (This is also the only place I can brag about it, so...thanks for your patience.) It's funny to think of my dad as 60. I always thought 60 was when you're officially an old man. And yes, he is older...but he doesn't seem like a grandpa...even though he will be in about 7 months. My dad had me when he was 30 and this year, 30 years later, he'll have another little baby. Funny how these things work out.

There are some screen and lighting tests being done at work tomorrow, and I may get the opportunity to be the test dummy and get my makeup done by our makeup girl make me up for said tests. That would be neat. I hope I don't look like a hooker, I usually look like a hooker when other people do my makeup. Guess I'll have some streets to walk tomorrow. YEEHAW!

Ouchies.

2011-01-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

Is 10pm too early to go to bed on a perfectly good saturday night? :(

I've had this sharp pain at the back of my all day. It seriously feels like little people are pulling tufts of my hair really quickly every 3 minutes or so. It has not been fun. I just now tried to look it up on the internet but then stopped. Trying to diagnose yourself on the internet inevitably leads to nothing good. I've done some slight cleaning and organizing throughout the day, but mostly been reading or spacing out. I tried to do some shopping but didn't know TJs wouldn't be open today. It seemed like the city was deserted today, as I'm sure most stores were closed. Being out while everyone is in and hung over is kinda great. Except when the stores are closed!

Ok, can't stand this anymore, off to bed I go. I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow, I really have a hankering to do some skating, and tomorrow is SOUL NIGHT. Let me just say, soul night is amazing. I hope I can make it tomorrow!

I am not your sweet baboo!

2010-12-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

I love Charlie Brown. I don't know why, it's not that good, but I still love him. And his gang of peanuts. I never knew why they're called peanuts...

Back in LA. I had full intentions of going to the gym tonight. Even got dressed. Keys in my hand. Almost out the door. But I already knew I wasn't feeling well so I landed back on the couch. And now, here I am in my pjs, watching Charlie Brown attempting to read War and Peace on New Year's Eve, while Peppermint Patty waits for him. (So...everyone thought peppermint patty was a boy when you were younger, right?) Still have much to do, but this sudden onset of sickness doesn't bode well for all that stuff I have to do. A gift from Abby perhaps? More likely my body breaking down from the trip. I'm tempted to take a bath and read my book and go to bed early...but the book will most likely get wet in the bath. I don't know how other people do it. Read in the bath I mean.

Brrrrrr. It's freezing. Off I go.

Back! Kinda.

2010-12-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

I'm back to Seattle from a short stint to Vancouver, BC. However, there is no new stamp on my passport. Bummer. The passport was looking a bit bare when I leafed through it. No travels since 2007? Man, I gotta work on that. We got stopped on the way back in because my cousin declared that we were bringing in some mooncakes. Apparently eggs coming in the country is an issue. It was a minor issue, but annoying.

Vancouver was nice, we saw some sights, but mostly ate a lot and drove around. My BIL took a cool pic of me and a whale, I'll try to post when I get it. Oh, a fake whale, not a real one.

So far this trip has been nice. It's good to just hang out with my aunt and uncle and cousin, we don't see each other nearly enough. The other cousin we haven't seen as much, since he's busy with a new baby and all.

I forget every year, but inevitably, it happens every year at this time: ENGAGEMENTS. I go offline for a few days and come back to find Reese Witherspooninchili engaged, Natalie Portmaniwishiwascutelikeher pregnant AND engaged, my friend Jen engaged....I'm sure I'll find out about more in the coming weeks. Sigh. Post christmas: it's the most depressing time of the year.

I'm back late Wednesday night to my parents and after that, it's all work. I've got some work goals to work on, personal goals to work on for the new year, my sewing corner to set up, sewing book to read and study, Mockingjay to finish (no renews possible!), netflix movies to watch, insurance stuff to look into before the new year, apartment to clean and rearrange, tutorials to learn....I've got lots to do before going back to work! I can't believe these two weeks are almost over.

Every year, I tell myself I'm going to start christmas early. Give it a "good go at it" finally. Get a tree, get some twinkly lights, send out a photo card (I love photo cards, send me one if you ever make them pleeease), get everyone some good presents, make holiday cookies. But every year it comes and goes before I know it! Next year...next year fer sure.

Presenting....Presents.

2010-12-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

Some of you may or may not know...we don't do presents in the family. This isn't meant to be a pity party, it's just not something we do. We did a little bit when we were younger, but somewhere along the way we've stopped. Attempts at getting presents for the parents in subsequent years have always ended in disappointment, as they never seem to like what we get them. Sure, I really like getting presents, especially if it's something I really love or wanted. But maybe the fact that we don't do presents is why I love giving presents just as much. I really do try hard to give good presents. But along the same line, if I can't find something good for someone, I'll forgo it. I'd rather give someone something awesome rather than feeling like it's an obligation and giving them something they don't really want or need. But I'm sure everyone feels that way already.

I always dread going back to work/school after the holidays. Time when everyone shares everything that happened over the break. Including presents. Time when people list off all the cool things they got, and then ask me to share my list of treasures. And inevitably I'll have to say nothing. This answer always evokes some sort of pity sad face from the asker. And then I have to explain, we don't really do Christmas. I can't even say I'm jewish, because even the jews do gifts during Hanukkah! And also...I'm asian. I guess I could be an asian jew, I just haven't met any.

I sometimes do have exchanges between friends and this year I did get a really cool sewing book from bff S. It came with patterns for cute clothes I'd actually wear. I just hope I can execute. That'll be a good goal for next year.

But I'm way curious, what did y'all get for Christmas this year? I want to hear all about the good and the bad. Including any food. The more descriptive the better. That'll be your gift to me. Thanks!

Doctors and Such.

2010-12-26T22:41:00.001-08:00

I've discussed this with several people already, so I'm sure some of you are wanting to know, that some doctors out there are BASTARDS.

Ok, that may be a bit harsh. But I really can't imagine making a living off of billing outrageous charges to your clients on things you didn't really do in the hopes that they don't question it and just pay for it.

As I had previously posted, I had this outrageous bill from a doctor I went to. I finally called them to ask about it. First of all, it took me two calls on two different days for someone to even call me back. And when she did, I said I had a question about the bill. She then explained the list on the bill to me without letting me ask my question first. Um...I have the bill in front of me, I don't need you to read it back to me.

And then she said that since the doctor remembers me and that I was referred by a friend, they'll take 50% off the bill. Gee thanks. I said that I never got those things on the bill done (like the xray), all I got was just a check up. She told me she'd have to talk to the doctor and can she call me back on Friday. I said I won't be around Friday. She said, ok so then Monday. And I said, can't you talk to him now? She hesitated then said ok, and then put me on hold to talk to the doctor. When she came back she said that the doctor DID get the xray done but he did it as a preventative measure on his end, "just to be safe." And then said, "so don't worry about it."

All these charges on the bill, and all of a sudden, "don't worry about it?" Uh...first of all, you did MAKE me worry about it. I couldn't sleep that first night I got the bill because that's all I was thinking about. Second of all there were all these questions about the bill I didn't get to ask. Such as, why there were two claims from them, one that was just the checkup bill, which was considered IN network, and the other outrageous bill that was under another name that was mysteriously OUT of network. Also she explained that the doctor did the xray, but I never got the chance to ask her why I was billed twice for the checkup on the two separate claims, at two different rates. And why all the lab tests I never took was on the bill. And why if they already billed me twice for the checkup, did they bill me for another "WELL CARE" which I think has to do with a baby checkup. And why they were billing me from two separate businesses in the first place. All these questions I never got to ask because she said, "don't worry about it." I had to ask her exactly just to be sure. "So I don't have to pay for any part of this bill?" She said yes. I think she realized I was on to them and had all these questions and didn't want to deal with me anymore. And I'm fine with that.

But that was just for one doctor. Another bill came through just today from the second doctor. I still have to look into it a bit more when I get back to my computer at home, but it doesn't seem as ridiculous as this first one. I still have to pay for some parts of the bill for this second doctor though, which is still annoying. But at least it didn't freak me out as much as the first.

So that's my annoying doctor story.

On a more upbeat note, my cousin has a Kinect at his house and I've been beating the whole family at Dance Central. On medium. Without the walk through. Thank you very much. Finally a game I can beat everyone else at and am semi-good at. The last time I was good at a video game was....probably Paperboy. I can't even pass level 4 on angry birds! I suck at games because honestly, I don't care much for them. Dance Central though...that's a different story. :)

Merry Christmas Y'all!

2010-12-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

Hello readers,

Hope you're all having a wonderful christmas eve, wherever you are, whenever you read this.

Side note: I'm currently in the mood for pie. But alas, we have no pie in the house. Sad face.

It came so fast, didn't it? One minute it was thanksgiving, the next, christmas eve. Sheesh. Another year over.

Even though I had most of this week off, I still found myself busy to no end. Mostly it was seeing friends. A lot of friend time. That was nice. And then after that, it was traffic. I spent a lot of time in traffic this week. A LOT. That was not nice.

Yesterday I took S and the kiddos to see Disney on Ice. It was the "Celebration" theme. I think they have a few different shows with different themes. But this one was about holidays and birthdays and different ways people "celebrate." It was a good show, very entertaining. No matter how you feel about the Disney Corporation, there's no denying that they know how to put on a good show. It was great to see the girls get so excited, but it also made me want to get back into skating. Watching all these performers do their twirls and backwards skating made me want to get right on the ice with them. The whole time I was watching them I was thinking what life would be like as a touring ice skater, and how fulfilling that must be. Sure it may be hard work. But I would be so fit! And I'd get to wear cool princess outfits at work. I'd be making so many little kids so happy. And since I'm the asian one I'd get to be Mulan all the time, which...is not as cool of a costume, but I'd get my own solos. Now that I think about it, this job would fulfill all my embarrassing adult fantasies of choreographed dancing while skating while wearing a princessy costume. Too bad I'm past my prime. Maybe I'll get back into skating in the new year.

The REASON I stopped was that I didn't feel like I was getting much out of the group lessons I was taking. I just didn't feel like I was improving or learning. There was a lady in my class that had this same issue, so she said she was going to take a private lesson. I never saw her after that so I didn't get to ask her what she thought of it. Private lessons are so expensive though...we'll see.

Also earlier in the week I met up with a friend from work who was meeting his friends for karaoke. I had no idea at the time that this was THE premier spot for karaoke. Thought it was another low key place like the places I usually go to. I got there and realized it's a rather LARGE bar. And you sing to the people in the bar. And people pay attention. You don't just fly by quietly under the radar, oh no. I tried to get another friend to come, and he wasn't interested, for this exact reason. So when I get there of course my friend made me put in a song. And it took forever but finally it was my turn. IT WAS SO NERVE WRACKING! I wasn't drinking really so I didn't have that to help me calm the nerves. I got on stage and I felt my face get all hot, I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I put them in my pockets while one held the mic. And there was a four measure song intro, so I had nothing to do except stupidly watch people watch me. And then, you think you know a song so well, inside out, back and forth like the palm of your hand, but in front of people, when you're nervous, you know NOTHING. But I finished the song, people clapped, as they do with everyone. I got high fives from the group I was with. Also a high five from the "other" asian soul singer, who later I found out, is there every night, and sings heavy soul. It was a fun time, but I ned to figure out how to present myself in front of people better, and not get so nervous and nerdy. I'd like to be cool and nonchalant, instead of scared and idiotic.

Moving on...

I'm leaving for Seattle early in the morning so I don't know how much blogging I"ll get to do in the next five days. I'm going to see my aunt/uncle/cousins, including a new baby! We'll hang out in Seattle and then drive over to Vancouver for two days. Should be a fun time. I'm awful at packing, I always want to bring EVERYTHING. I'm bringing my rain boots, because I saw that it's raining in Seattle AND Vancouver the whole time we're there. And I've learned from this last week of rains that as long as your feet and socks stay dry, being in the rain isn't too bad at all. The only downfall is that my rubber rain boots are large and clunky and take up a lot of space and are kinda hard to walk in. But I did jump in a puddle with them on the other day and didn't have a care in the world!

I spent all of this morning and afternoon cleaning my apartment and doing laundry. Also got sidetracked by Honey on cable. I'm such a sucker for choreograph dance movies that I'll even watch the bad ones. (BTW, step up 3 is now on DVD, I suggest you all watch it.) But I know when I get back, I'll have a nice clean apt to come home to with clean sheets and a clean tub to take a hot bath in (I'll need it after all that rain). Hooray!

I wish you all a merry rest of the week, and I'll meet you back here....sometime in the future.

Goodnite!

Emergence

2010-12-18T20:00:00.001-08:00

Sorry for my absence, dear readers. It's been a crazy busy week. There's been long hours at work, holiday parties, goodbye parties, and other stuff. There were some high highs this week and then some very low lows. I'm kinda ready for it to just even out a bit.

I've been having anxiety over insurance and doctors lately. It felt like every other day this week, something new developed. Even today I got a new bill. I really need to just sit down and take care of it but I'm giving myself the weekend to just do nothing about it, because really, I'm not sure what I should do about it. If anyone has extensive experience dealing with doctors bills and insurance please let me know! I need some help.

Also, in trying to help out a dear friend, I've in turn screwed things up even more. Trying to be helpful doesn't always work out I guess. It wasn't even "helping" more than it was me trying to do something nice in turn for having something nice done for me and being so appreciative of it that I remember thinking how lucky I was. And then I go screw it up. Sigh.

And then there were several moments of disappointment with people. You think someone's a friend and then you have an exchange where you are so disappointed with their actions that you wonder whether you still have things in common anymore. This actually happened a few times this week.

But amidst all that I did have some fun. I had a spur of the moment karaoke session that lasted 4 hours with some coworkers. I spent a lot of time with coworkers this week actually, with holiday parties and going away parties and just...parties. I got a $25 gift card from boss man that i'm excited to use. I was in a bad mood yesterday so went shopping after work and got 2 new dresses on sale! I've been eating some good food (too much of it though). I had a great catchup conversation with Von this morning.

So, it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't all great either. I just know that I'm tired. It was nice to sleep in today, but I'm very very tired.

Day 30: A photograph of yourself today + 3 good things that have happened in the last 3 days

2010-12-07T00:23:00.000-08:00

So it's late and technically the next day but I had a holiday party to
go to tonight AND a birthday party so
I haven't been around. And yes I couldve just gone to bed but since
this is the last day of the challenge I figure I should do it up right.

So here's my pitcha, I tried to get my fabulous skirt today, you'd see
more of it if I had longer arms.

And three good things:
1. I have to say, as silly as this sounds, getting the skirt i am
wearing today. I love it.
2. Posting on an almost daily basis, which I think was the whole point
of this challenge. Good job challenge, you did your duty and got me
out of my blog funk.
3. I've gotten a lot more crafty than I had been. I've made some fun
things and have more in mind. And I sewed! Conquered my fear and
finally took out the machine! Yay!

Hope you enjoyed this challenge as much as I did not. Ha. Now let's
just get back to regular blogs, yea?

Day 29: A song that makes me cry (or nearly)

2010-12-05T17:57:00.001-08:00

I don't really have a song that makes me cry...

Ok, just kidding, that one was for S.

I would say THIS song.

I just watched the above video for the first time, and I don't quite get it, but still a great song anyway. I was obsessed with Katie Melua a while back and took her albums with me on my trip to India. And now whenever I hear these songs I'm reminded of India, and all the different airports I was in. I kinda like that. Anyway this song makes me especially sad.

I was lucky enough to see a free show of hers at Amoeba a few years ago, and she is GORGEOUS in person. Stunning. That along with her beautiful voice, you can't help but like her. I really don't know why she hasn't caught on here in the states. I mean, she's young, she's cute, she's got a great voice. Although, her music doesn't really sound like traditional pop. Maybe that's why. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

If you like the above song, you should also check out THIS one. The video is a bit cheesy, but the song is really good. This is one of my favorites of hers. Some of the lyrics in this song is so relatable. Hills, if you're reading, this is for you.

Day 27/28

2010-12-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

Ok ok. I'm totally failing on my 30 day challenge. My day 27 is a day late, I know.

Day 27: My dream house

I don't have a dream house. I've looked at homes and have seen ones that I liked. Even went to several nice model homes with S this afternoon. But I don't have a dream house. I wouldn't know what my dream house would look like. I don't know what my own style is. Probably nothing too modern, because even though I really like looking at modern homes that are designed well, they always seem too cold to me. Warm and cozy is my preferred style I think. What that looks like, I'm not sure.

Day 28: An art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that means something to me.

Ugh. Double fail. What kind of 30 day challenge is this? I can't wait til it's over. What if I said that I don't have an art piece that means something to me. Blargh.

Fail fail fail.

Good Night Moon.

2010-12-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

I either have a new reader, or spam is getting super smart. I used to never get spam on my blog, and then lately, they just keep coming. It's also really weird spam too. I wish blogger would do something about it. A few months ago I opened up a new email account for all my spam and email lists. One day, I got an odd email on this account. At first I thought it was one of those super smart spam emails. It was a baby announcement, letting me know a new little one just came in the world. As I read and wondered what the spam email wanted from me (deposit money into some foreign account, help some old lady with her accounts, etc), I started to realize maybe it was a real email. And by the time I got down to the bottom, where I saw several pictures of mom and baby and daddy still in the hospital, I finally realized it was NOT spam, and that the email got sent to the wrong address. Yikes! Good thing I'm not a creeper. If I found out I sent my hospital baby pictures to a stranger, I'd be a little weirded out. Wouldn't you? Which is why I really try to double check who I send emails to. Because emails cannot be unsent. The great "reply all debacle of '08" got two of my friends FIRED.

The best thing about Christmas time? Can you guess, can you guess what it is? Nope it's not the tree. Not the presents. Not the yule-tide cheer. It's the PEPPERMINT! Mint chocolate this, peppermint candy that. This is the time when peppermint comes out to play. (I type this as I have a cup of minty hot cocoa.) I love this time of year...so minty.

The worst thing about Christmas time? Engagement and car commercials. First of all, not EVERYONE gets engaged during the holidays, so stop pressuring us to! Holidays are hard enough for those who aren't ready to commit, or for those who aren't even close. For those of you who are? Put a ring on it, and then SHUT UP. Uh oh oh, oh oh oh, uh oh oh, whoa whoa whoa.

Second of all, very few people can get their significant other a new lexus or luxury car, let alone get one without discussing it with their significant other FIRST in order to keep the car a secret and wrapped up in the driveway, and on top of all that, extra large car bows are probably really hard to find. (I for one have never seen one at Target, and Target has EVERYTHING. I'm. Just. Saying. Maybe it comes with the car, from the dealership, yknow, when you want to surprise your significant other with a new luxury car without talking about it first, you'll want something to distract them from asking you stupid questions like, "can we afford this?")

In case you were wondering, I put together a most excellent outfit today. It got many compliments throughout the day. I love when two pieces I got on sale for cheap are able to layer together to make a one of a kind ensemble. Good job outfit. Looks like you'll be coming back.

Day 26: A photo that makes me angry/sad

2010-12-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

So I thought and thought and thought.

Maybe when the moment comes up I'll wonder why I didn't think of it now. But I just can't think of anything. So I thought about something else.

This is yesterday's dress. The left side makes me angry. The right side makes me sad.

Mission double complete.

Day 25: A photo that makes me happy

2010-12-01T22:33:00.000-08:00

This dress. A blast from the past. I can't find it anymore, it must be gone by now, but this dress makes me really really happy.

Crazy

2010-11-30T23:34:00.001-08:00

FYI, I'm having a really fabulous hair day. I'd like to take this moment to thank my hair for being so good.

I just finished watching the annual victoria's secret fashion show, with a glass of wine. Some really great things, but nothing was as wow as Heidi Klum's snowflake angel from a few years back. You can't tell in the picture, but she had to pull on a string to open up the snowflake. It was awesome.

Had a bit of a meltdown last night over this whole insurance business. I was just so confused and so frustrated with talking to so many different people telling me different things. I just DID NOT UNDERSTAND. And then a few things and a few internet searches made me realize maybe something is wrong with me. I made another call today and most of it is worked out I believe. But last night I was really starting to believe something was wrong with me. I just really have trouble retaining information, and then processing that information. I also have a horrible memory. Sometimes I start a conversation with a person and within a second, I can't remember what we were just talking about. And then I panic, and the more I try to remember what we were talking about two minutes ago, the more I blank out. And then people think, how can you not remember what we were talking about, we JUST were in the middle of talking about it, but I really can't. That's not normal is it? Sigh.

Day 24: My favourite book

2010-11-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

Favorites are always hard. There's always so many when it comes to books, movies, music. I feel lucky to have read so many good ones. Siddartha, An Equal Music, About a Boy, Enders Game, are some favorites. And then the authors of those books are favorites too. Siddartha and Enders Game for their spirituality. About a boy for its charm (and the fact that I also hum out loud sometimes when I get nervous). An equal music for it's beauty in writing. The End.

Day 23: Something I could never get tired of doing.

2010-11-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

I don't know, I tend to love things in the beginning and get tired of them later on. Like a toy or new clothes.

I like to check out S's 30 day challenge when I'm stuck on mine, just to get some ideas, but her life is so different than mine. She picked snuggling with her girls, and I just don't have any little ones to snuggle with.

Thing is, I get tired of a lot of things, which is why I like to keep things busy, rotate them, try new things. I eventually get tired of anything. Even eating. I would get tired of people too, which is why I enjoy my alone time. I get tired of myself even.

Maybe I'm looking too much into this, and thinking in the extreme. Or maybe there just isn't anything I wouldn't get tired of doing.

Because never is a long time.

I'm not done with you yet weekend! Don't go!

2010-11-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I'm so not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I've had a good relaxing weekend, and I wish it could last two more days. Maybe three. Actually another week would be nice.

Tomorrow is all business, starting early in the morning.

Today I finished ONE tissue holder. I made one yesterday but messed it up, so did another one today. It's going to go to C who has been blowing her nose all week last week. This has been a project in the making for a long time. I'm happy to have finally finished one and used the sewing machine a little bit. If any of my readers out there would like one, let me know! I'll make you one. I thought about just gifting you all with a surprise one, a la oprah, but then I heard that you shouldn't give made gifts to loved ones because then you get your feelings hurt when they don't use it or wear it, and they feel obligated to wear it or use it because you made it.

ALSO. I made beef bourguignon tonight. I have to say, it turned out pretty well. But it's a bit rich. I'm not feeling the greatest right now. I don't know if I ate too much or it's from all that leftover wine I had. Probably both.

It's been cold. I really love the weather, the rain last night made everything so clear and pretty today. And then the winds just blow away all the dirt. But it's cold. And I'm cold. And running low on warm sweaters. And when I tried to stock up on some warm sweaters, I couldn't find any that I liked.

Leslie Nielson passed away today. Sad. I am serious, and don't call me shirley!

Ok ok ok. I'm pushing away the inevitable. I need to go get ready for the week. Prepare mentally, emotionally, physically. Go put away my stew. It's going to smell of stew when I'm asleep tonight.

Nom nom nom.

Day 22: My celebrity crush.

2010-11-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

Oh this one's easy. Steve Martin. He sings, he acts, he writes, he plays banjo, he's funny. He does all this with such skill and grace and charm. Who wouldn't have a crush on him? Nuff said.

Hello handsome.

Another saturday night...

2010-11-27T22:56:00.000-08:00

I've been quite the internet surfer this holiday weekend. Looking for new recipes to make and useful crafts to do. I guess when I'm not getting my needs met at work, I gotta get it from somewhere, right?

I was at the library the other day and came across this martha stewart magazine with the most amazing looking dish that I just wanted to eat right then and there. Turns out it was beef bourguignon. Never had it but I keep hearing about it. So I found a recipe, bought everything I needed, and realized I don't have a dutch oven. DANG! Since I have all the ingredients I'll still have to go through with it, but I don't know how it will turn out now. But the nice thing is I may have some left over beef to make me a beef soup after. Hooray. I love soups in the wintertime.

Thanksgiving was a bit untraditional this year. We spent the night at the new Marriott downtown. Instead of turkey (which no one in my family particularly enjoys), we went and had sushi in little tokyo. Apparently, there are many japanese who don't like turkey either, as the sushi place was pretty full. We walked around the empty downtown area, drove around, and just hung out. It was nice.

I'm not looking forward to Monday. On wednesday I went to the doctor to get my back checked out and it turned into this ordeal that took all afternoon. So on Monday, I still have to go get an xray just to be sure, which I'll have to pay for myself. There goes a chunk of change into the annoyance of this accident I never asked for.

I also asked the doc about my heart palpitations, just to be sure, and she did an ekg on me and asked me questions and took some blood for tests. She also said she'd like me to wear a heart monitor for a week. I'm waiting for the monitoring company to call me so I can tell them: Thanks but no thanks. I really wanted her to just say, there's not much wrong with you, you're fine. And it turned into this...thing. She asked me if I was stressed, major changes in life, changed jobs lately and I said no, but later I realized, I kinda did, and it was way stressful and frustrating for me during that time. There were times at work where I felt like I was going to explode. But the heart palpitations seemed to have lasted beyond that and maybe even started before. Kind of hard to remember now. In hindsight, I should've told her yes when she asked about the job thing and this whole thing would've blown over. She would've just diagnosed it as anxiety rather than a real heart condition. Though, I think she's going through the whole thing just to be safe, even though I'm sure she knows its just anxiety. How do I know? She prescribed some xanax and told me to take them when I feel the heart palpitations to see if I feel better. I got them, but don't think I'll be taking them. Anxiety, really?

What's funny is that after the accident, I haven't had the heart palpitations much anymore. I remember having them on Friday, and after the accident Saturday night, they were gone. It's as though the accident scared them out of me.

Anyway, everything was just such a mess Wednesday afternoon. I think overall I'm fine, but I just need to get through some annoying and costly steps.

So going through this whole thing, I've realized, actually, more like just confirmed, that I'm really slow on picking up on procedural things. Despite the fact that this new doctor spoke really softly and had a thick accent, I was having a hard time comprehending the things she was saying to me. What I had to do, and when to call, etc. I was just so confused at the doctors. And then I had to call the insurance people to ask them something and was continually confused, and had to ask several times. The lady finally spoke to me slowly and as though I was a kid, and I did not appreciate that. And THEN I was on the phone with my mom trying to explain things to her and that took forever too, with much confusion. The afternoon was very unproductive.

This got me thinking. What if there was a website for procedural things? Like a wiki where you can look up certain situations. It would be called, "What to do when:" and there'd be a searchable function. You can search for things like: car accident. It would take you to a page where what happens is listed step by step, very CLEARLY.

1. Call the police.
(Steps 2-5)
6. Call insurance company.
8. Get an xray.

I know situations are different for different people. But it'd be helpful to read a general idea of what should happen. What you need to look out for, questions to ask. It'd be so helpful!

Other topics I'm thinking of:
When you go into labor
Renting your first apartment
Signing up for bank accounts
Buying your first car
Buying your first home

I don't know whether to make it publicly contributed like wiki, or just have 1 author (me or someone else). Maybe I'd call the project: FIRSTS. First baby, first accident, first apartment. Steps. I like have steps to follow. I'm sure other people would too.

What do you guys think? Would something like this work? Would it be helpful? Is there already something like this (other than searching the internet)?

Idk, idea in progress...

Day 21: Five of my biggest pet peeves

2010-11-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

1. People not doing what they say they're going to do, no matter how minor. Flakes. I'm guilty of this sometimes too but I really try my best do stick to what I say I'm going to do.

2. When my nails get too long and I realize I'm typing with my nails rather than the pads of my fingers. I hate that. Like right now.

3. When people are continually late. I know, I know, again, I'm guilty of it too. Key word is "continually." I know that traffic and other things come up. But I stress over it when I'm late. Whereas I think some people don't even think twice about it.

4. Adult acting child actors. I can't stand that they're speaking as though they're 40, when they're 7. It's annoying and sad at the same time. However, there are a few kids who I've seen speak really eloquently, and are speaking from the heart and not trying to prove to people they're 40. Case by case basis, I guess.

5. People who continually don't let you finish your thought or sentence. Those who just cut in thinking that their opinion is more important than yours and just have to let you know...by interrupting what you have to say. Again, key word is "continually."

Argh. I didn't like this topic, it's aggravating me thinking about my pet peeves.

Day 20: My worst habit.

2010-11-26T18:30:00.001-08:00

Boy. This 30 day challenge is super tough. I should've looked at all the assignments before I signed up.

Hm...I don't know what my worst habit is. Not making my bed everyday? Hitting the snooze button multiple times? Take your pick.

Day 19: A picture of me last year and now and how have you changed since then?

2010-11-25T11:32:00.001-08:00

I know, I know. I failed to post this yesterday. And I'm going to double fail because I don't have a pic of me last year and this year, and I can't think of how I've changed, because I don't think anything has changed, which is depressing, so I'm going to skip this post for now and maybe come back to it later.

Day 18: A photo of somewhere I've been to.

2010-11-24T18:43:00.000-08:00

Taj Mahal, India. It was a good time, I wouldn't mind going back. I was so sick when I was there, I don't think I got to fully enjoy it. I don't have any pictures of myself in front of it, I think that's all with the BIL. But I like this one I took because all the other ones look like generic postcards that you've all probably seen. At least this one is framed somewhat interestingly, albeit a bit crooked.

ETC 2

2010-11-23T23:16:00.001-08:00

I'm kinda nervous about my doctor's appointment tomorrow. My back is feeling much better, and less sore, I wonder if I should be going at all. I'll have to tell the doctor there's not much wrong with me, but could she check me out anyway? Ugh, lame. It's a bit too late to cancel the appointment. It's probably still good to get it checked out. We'll see.

I've been scouring design sites lately. Looking for useful projects, creative projects, inspiration. It's amazing how much time you can spend just surfing the internet.

Saturday is Small Business Saturday. I wish I had a small business that everyone can come shop at. Or even online shop at. That'd be cool.

Day 17: A photo of something that means a lot to me.

2010-11-23T19:01:00.000-08:00

Nuff said.

ETC

2010-11-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

It went from cold to freezing cold. I've been freezing cold for the past few days. It's not helping my back since whenever I get cold I tense up my whole body.

Today I talked to an insurance agent in the morning, researched auto mechanics and a new doctor. The doctor a friend had recommended didn't have appointments until january and february! So I made an appointment with another doctor for wednesday. Then I left work early to go to the auto mechanic, where a very nice Gary was extremely helpful and nice about what I had to do an talked to me about renting cars. Overall it was a productive day.

And as I left the mechanic's, I was feeling quite good about myself, and I realized, as much of a bummer as this whole situation is, I feel like this is part of my growing process. They say you're not a TRUE Angelino until you get into an accident. Not only am I an angelino now, I'm also a more experienced individual. Next time this happens to someone, maybe I can help them through it.

Go me, rockstar.

Day 16: What's in my purse?

2010-11-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

Usually I have the following: wallet, phone, keys, sunglasses. In a side pocket, I have a stack of business cards, in case I ever randomly fall into a networking environment. In an inner pocket, I have regular chapstick, and a stick of burts bees chapstick with a bit of color. Sometimes I have a pack of mints. I have a rather large purse for the amount of things I put in it. But I like that I can always fit a book into my purse, even large ones from the library. Whee.