Andrew was kind enough this weekend to point out that I can't PLAN on becoming more spontaneous.
Andrew sucks.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.
FUCK!!!!
I was sent the scariest email last night. I couldn't just have gone to bed without checking my mail-nooooo, I had to check it.
Big mistake.
Big. HUGE.
I literally jumped out of my seat and screamed (well, not really, but if i knew how to scream, it would've been a scream.)
Even cady sitting next to me thought something was wrong with me.
If any of you get an email that says "Stare at the door" don't do it.
I have to say though, it was clever.
But shit.
I've never been that scared in my life. It was one of those experiences you get only once in a blue moon. I think the fact that it was late at night, and i was already a little paranoid made it that much scarier. Those of you who have seen it, maybe its not that scary to you.
But shit.
It was for me. It makes me want to look at it again to see if maybe its not that scary afterall. Maybe it just caught me off-guard. But i think i know better than to venture back there.
SHIT.

Hello...everyone.
My name is Szu-Hua...
...and i'm addicted to wafers.
I would be what the specialists call, a "waferholic," a term given to those like me with a special predisposition to any wafer, or wafer-like substance. If you want to save yourself from this sick disease, do not attempt to come near me, for i will offer you this magical wafer, and soon, you too, will be under the powers of the wafer.
BEWARE OF THE WAFER. It will only cause you more harm than good.
Take my advice, and let me help you, help me help you.
That is all.
:-)

Are you there world?
It's me, SH.
hehe.

So, here i am again. i just want to take this opportunity to thank all of those who come and visit my website, whoever you are.
What news do i have for thee? Well, not much. I have finished yet another CD, this one is called, SH's Therapy. Why such a name you ask? Well, its simple. Sometimes i get these bouts of fury and rage, and this newest compilation helps me release my anger, sort of like anger management-SH style, if you will. It starts with a slow but intense warmup with Queen, and then gets into the hard core (and some not so hard core) songs with strong lyrics, or songs that i know the all lyrics to. This allows me to belt out whatever frustrations i have through song. And finally, it ends with a cool down with Christina Aguilera. Yes, that is correct. Christina Aguilera. It is quite a nice compilation, although definitely not meant for everyone, unlike my previous compilations of coffee music. Although, i do have to say, java jams vol. 3 bombed quite awfully. Sara has the only copy in circulation- a "bootleg" if you will- and you can ask her about it. For those of you who are just joining my daily banterings for the first time, you will see that i am quite serious about my cd compilations. They are SERIOUS business. Seriously.
That is all. :-)

Hellllllloooooooooo Missy!
Hahaha.

it is late.
i am not asleep.
a deep voice from within in urges me to surrender and go to bed.
i must not.

goodnight.

argh....i hate when you hold the door open for people, and they just walk through and say nothing, not even holding the door for themselves, as if you were the doorman that was meant to be there to open the door for them. the noive.

i'm currently finishing up java jams vol. 3. (yes, i went from vol. 1 straight to vol. 3. i'm still collecting and gathering material for vol. 2) also in the middle of working on rage and fury. this one will be good. i always try to make them the best ever, but it is always difficult. putting a cd together is harder than it sounds. very few people understand that putting a good cd together is a craft that requires patience and skill. first you have to find a unifying theme for the cd. this theme is the general mood of the cd. and you have to stick to this mood...no detering from it. thats hard. then you have to find the songs that go along with the theme. you have to think about when, where and under what circumstances the cd will perform at its best. sometimes there will be times when you'll want to put a song you really like on the cd, but that doesn't quite fit in with the theme. thats the hard part. thats when you have to relinquish the urge and just move on. i try to find unique songs, or different versions of a song. sometimes the original is better, sometimes the remake or acoustic version is better. thats when its easy. but then there are times when both versions are good, and you have to choose between the two. thats when its hard. last you have to think of a title. the title has to be able to sum up all the amazing songs on the cd in a few words (which is difficult) so that if a stranger were to pick it up, she'd know exactly what she was getting. putting together these compilations are tough.

so the new year begins...
how is it 2002 already? a couple years ago i thought to myself, golly, by the time the olympics roll around, i'll be 20...i'm going to be so old!! and here i am, 20 years old. good god, i'm going to be 30 soon! where does the time fly?

i found out a couple days ago that daniel malloy passed away. i've known this guy since 3rd grade. first day of third grade- we had just moved to california, and i didn't know ANYONE- i sit down in an empty seat towards the back of the room, only to have jason abner say to me, "that seat's been saved." I was devastated. i didn't know anyone, and to top it off, i get booted out of the first seat i sit down in. turns out he had saved it for daniel malloy. i can't say that we were good friends. in fact, i don't even think i can label us as friends. not that we were enemies, just that we never talked to each other much. i mean, in elementary school, everyone in your little class of 30 was a friend. so i guess in a sense, we were friends in elementary school, just cause we were in the same class together. come to think of it, i think he was in my same class from 3rd to 6th grade.

but then came jr high. o that dreaded jr high. i hated it. jr. high was when everyone broke off into little groups. dan went into his group, and i in mine. and high school came, and we never had any classes together so i never saw him. him and his group of friends were in the "cool" group, so i was always intimidated. its funny how this guy that you've had a class with all throughout elementary school suddenly became too daunting to talk to by the time high school rolled around. funny how that happens.

i knew a guy that used to live around the corner from my house, isaac garza. we were friends up to high school. for some reason, once high school rolled around, we just stopped talking. he had his group, i had mine. it was always wierd seeing him around school. its was always, do i say hi? or not? what if i say hi and he doesn't? or, what do i do? i think i usually went with the half smile or the rude nothing at all. i don't remember having a conversation with him in high school, even though i've known him since 3rd grade. even though he lived around the corner. we just didn't talk. but at the first homecoming game after high school, i saw isaac, and he saw me. we said hi and made small talk as if that whole ignoring each other during high school thing didn't happen. it was wierd. i asked about him, he asked about me. it was as if we were dear friends that had not seen each other in ages, when in reality, it had only been months. isaac has since moved from his house i believe. i don't see him around anymore. funny how high school does that to people.

anyway, my whole point behind this isaac story is that he is similar to dan. we weren't enemies, but we simply didn't talk enough to have any kind of a friendship. but i have fond memories of dan. he was always very funny. and i believe a genuinely kind hearted person. i don't know a single person that can come right out and say, i don't like daniel malloy, he was liked by everyone. pablo tells me there were uncontrollable emotions at his funeral. i wouldn't doubt it. i wish i can sit here and say that we were good friends, but i can't. all i can say is that he will be greatly missed by all who knew him.