695?

I swear I had a post earlier this year about my 700th post, but now blogger is telling me that this one is 695? So confused.

I just spent an hour perusing the internet on a pointless project. It's amazing how much time is so easily lost on the internet.

So with all this increase of UC tuition and all the subsequent student protests...it made me think back of my college days and how there were so many protests all the time for this cause or that cause. There was a huge one I vaguely remember, the vague part being exactly what cause it was for. But I remembered it was a big deal and was in the papers and all. And all this made me wonder what happens after college? Do people give up on causes? Were we just naive children in college thinking we can change the world and have since become bitter apathetic adults? Or is it just harder to congregate as a large group without the college environment so people don't do it as much?

I'm still getting used to this "commute" to work thing, and the "not being able to come home for lunch" thing. So far, it's been alright. I get to listen to npr in the car instead of from bed. Except, my npr during the commute hour plays BBCNewshour and they tend to report on heavier subjects like aids in africa or soldiers in afghanistan or female mutilation. All very important topics to explore for sure, but just a bit much to swallow as an intro to work every morning. Does that make me a really shallow American? Well, I sure feel like one when I switch the station. Perhaps I should start listening to podcasts in the car. Any good suggestions? Oh! I should get back to my french podcasts and practiquez mon francaise dans la voiture. Ah...oui!

Still looking for a holiday getaway, though I have more than enough projects to keep me busy during the holidays. I have my reel to update, my website to redo, my sister's wedding video to put together, things to sew and learn to sew, the apartment to reorganize and decorate...you get the picture. Still, would be nice to get away somewhere. If only other places had the SH tour, I would go there and take it.

My family is very familiar with the SHLA tour since there are always so many out of town guests that want to see LA. And everyone always really enjoys my tours. (Mostly because I take them to eat yummy things and they leave happy.) So much so that I've put thought into how to make it a profitable business. The idea is to customize an LA trip catered to the person taking it. If you are young and hip, I take you on the young and hip tour. If you are of the star crazed kind I take you to see celebrity things. Eat where the celebrities eat. If you are old and have stiff joints, I don't take you on the hikes. And so on. Kind of like in India when we had our own guide for a few days. It was small and intimate and nice. (Especially when I was puking all the way up the mountain. And then all the way down the mountain. It was nice not having to share that with a bus full of strangers.) Except he didn't eat with us and that was a bit weird. I would DEFINITELY eat with my tour group. Unless they were annoying. Then I'd make an excuse to leave during meals.

Oh yes...I think that's why the tour group business idea never really panned out. If the group was cool, then it'd be a fun time for everyone involved. But if the group was annoying then I'd be stuck with annoying people for days at a time, and most times I am just not a people person. So I will scratch that off the list...again.

Bonnuit, tout le monde!

I want to punch you in the face.

Do you guys remember Being John Malcovich?  That movie blew my mind!  The idea of crawling through some magical tunnel and into someone else's head and seeing things from john's perspective was so on the money.  Sometimes I wish I could crawl into someone else's head.

So many fights and arguments are started from miscommunication.  I see it first hand all the time.  If only people could walk into the other person's mind and realize that last insult they threw at you wasn't intended to be an insult at all, and was in fact merely a way of saying I really care about you.  If only that was the case we'd save ourselves a lot of hurt feelings and misguided anger, and replace that energy into saving the earth or something of the kind.  I see it all the time, I'm guilty of it too.  

The thing with being at home is I end up seeing a lot of Chinese tv.  I don't watch it persay, I can only handle short doses.  Well today I saw this taiwanese model on the tv and as I watched her speak I had a huge urge to punch her.  Sounds harsh I know, but it's really an urge.  The strange thing was that this urge felt familiar.  Then I found out it's the same girl that is in red cliff, this Chinese movie that will be out later in December.  When I found out it was the same woman, it made sense, because I remember wanting to punch her when I saw her in the movie.

I'm not one to usually advocate violence but it's just this deep urge I get when I watch her.  She's just so....the only word I can think of is "soft".  I know she's a model and all but this softness in her is not sexy at all.  It makes me really angry in fact (I think that's where the punching thing stems from).  

This might not be my place to say but... I just feel like if you're going to use your pretty, use it from a place of strength and confidence.  Exude it until you can't exude no more.  Don't be this soft little thing that giggles and smiles and...to me just seems so weak yet proud in the weakness.  I know it's not my place to judge who people are and how they are, I wouldn't want to be judged either but...I can't help it, the urge to punch her just washes over me when I see or hear her.  Maybe I just feel the need to toughen her up with a good punch.  Wake her up, snap her out of her softness, like a good boxing coach..  

I just feel like we're not all blessed enough to use our pretty, that's what models are for, and more power to them.  But when you're in the public eye with millions of young girls looking up to you, you can't be soft, you gotta be a bit tougher, like Tyra (even though she is way weird a lot of the time) or Heidi klum.  So I think me punching her would be a good thing for her...yea?

Speaking of models, just want to remind y'all that dec 1st is the airing of Victoria's secret annual angel fashion show.  I love this show so much and look forward to it every year, it's always quite the production.  And, you're welcome.

Stuck.

Another holiday gone, another overstuffed stomach.

Bob, the Chinese turkey was stuffed with sticky rice that tasted better than it looked. Thanks Bob, for your sacrifice.

Maybe because I grew up here, but I love that Thanksgiving was spent in a tank top, sipping iced coffee. Something about that is kind of comforting, like pie.

Speaking of pie, we got the last French Apple at Marie Calendars. Hooray! Pie has still yet to be eaten.

And so it begins, the holiday season. I feel like I was just here a few weeks ago, don't you? Next comes the buying of stuff and then the giving of the stuff and then the baking of stuff and then the eating of stuff. Lots to be done for the coming month.

Nora Ephron has been a bit disappointing, as this book isn't as good as I was hoping it would be. I have another waiting in the wings though, so don't worry dear readers.

I have this urge to write lately, but can't come up with anything (thus the lackadaisical blogs). Sometimes I get too hung up in the end result (the next great american novel) and then get performance anxiety which results in existential paralysis. So bare with me while I form my thoughts.

I need some feed back, dear readers. I'd like to know what's interesting and what's boring to read about. Thanks.

Bedtime

Funny how with a bunch of people around you it can still feel lonely.

I'm thinking of taking a trip after Xmas.  Not sure where I want to go or what I want to do exactly.  I just haven't gotten away in a while.  C suggested we go to new Orleans together but for some reason that doesn't get me excited at the moment.  Perhaps if it were spring.  Thought about maybe Vermont or Colorado, but both states involve intense coldness and nothing to do except ski, which I'm not great at.  It'd just be beautiful, but i dont need a whole week of beauty.  Thought of maybe a tropical island like Bahamas or Hawaii but those involve sitting around doing nothing.  I can't make up my mind, any one have suggestions?  Been to any of these places and have some recommendations?  Europe would be nice but not enough time to make it worth while.

Update on the new library which I had a chance to visit today: a combo of old and new books, though I'd say probably more new than old ones.  This thanksgiving will be spent reading nora ephron, and I'm eager to see whether her novels stand up to her movies.

It's nice not to have cable sometimes, as much as I feel left out when everyones talking about the latest winner of top chef.  However tonight my sister caught me up on the city, a spinoff of the hills which is a spinoff of laguna beach.  After listening to her talk about these shows I'm really glad cable is not in my life.  I'd most likely end up watching these shows if I had access, and for now I'm really glad I don't.  (though sometimes I wouldn't mind vegging out on antiques roadshow, that's the 60 yr old in me speaking.)

The sound of music

I should really learn not to doubt A, my conductor. Every time I think i'm done with the orchestra, we end up having a great night that makes it all worth while. Tonight went so smoothly. Our soloists: superb. The audience were a plenty. And the location! Wow. We ended up at Mel Gibson's dopleganger's huge loft down town with awesome views of the downtown skyline. I mean his living room was large enough to fit a seated orchestra of about 25, and then an audience of about 50. His bathroom had no doors, it was an open toilet, open shower, all behind this wall. Hard to explain. Definitely quite the bachelor pad but I did see his gf later on. It just all came together so nicely at the end. It always comes together nicely at the end. I always panic and doubt, I need to just learn to chiiiiiiiil. A coworker came and enthusiastically said we were "amazing," which was nice to hear. I always think these things would bore people. As I was leaving I had a brief conversation with Mr. Mel Gibson (which is what I'm calling this guy) who I thanked for letting us so graciously use his fantastic place to let us play our concert. He thanked me for playing and said we are definitely invited back. What a cool dood.

I love my dentist

I love my dentist. They are just simply the most friendly people ever. The front desk lady always remembers me, even on the phone, and today even asked if I did something different to my hair. The doc asked if I still had a job. They redid a filling that was falling out and did a minor filling on a tooth that was too exposed (guess I'm brushing too hard) and didn't charge me! I only see them twice a year and they can remember these things and be so nice, it's incredible. I really love them. I wish all my other experiences were as great as going to the dentist. Plus, another check up with no cavities when I thought for sure I had one. Turns out the tooth was just sensitive, like the rest of me...go figure.

Cheesily content.

Had a long day at work today where the internet was down all day and access to some servers were down as well. Seemed as though everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. What did we ever do before the internet? How did we ever fact check. Gather media. Download images. Send emails with attachments. How did anyone ever make a TV show without the internet????

(This btw, is rhetorical, in case A decides to send me a link to how tv shows were made before the internet. Not that I don't appreciate your links A. It's just rhetorical.)

I even had to send a virtual email by physically going up the stairs to gather my producers up one by one to ask them to come watch a cut. What?

I've been watching a lot of mad men lately, and i just wonder: what are all those secretaries doing while the men drank and smoked their days away? They're all typing away, but what are they typing up? If I were to go back in time to days of mad men, and tell them about this thing called Internet and Email and Ichat...omg, they would all giggle in my face and go back to typing on their type machines. But at least I'd probably look really cute in my 60's outfit. Being laughed at in your face isn't so bad as long as you look cute right? Super.

Also, what is it about SPIRAL mac and cheese that makes it taste better than regular mac and cheese? Everyone knows this, I mean, the spiral kind even costs MORE than the regular kind. But I just can't figure out why. More surface area to be coated with cheese? Perhaps. An irregular shape that sharpens the tongue's senses? Maybe. Ok, here is where I'd like a link...I'd really like to know. Thanks to my bff who introduced the idea of mac and cheese to me back in elementary school. As a little asian, i didn't comprehend the idea of noodles covered with bright yellow sauce. But she fed me spiral mac and cheese during our summers together and I was enlightened. Today I had some with turkey meatballs from trader joes. Delicious. Even day old microwaved spiral mac n cheese is still way better than regular mac n cheese. Why is that?

Tonight I went to hear Walter Murch speak at a group meeting too nerdy to name. I've been excited about this for a month, and boy, he did not disappoint, even with the short amount of time he had. He is just this vast wealth of information and ideas and the things he said really made the mice in my brain run really fast. HE is what I aspire to be about. I hope to meet him personally some day in a more intimate setting where I can just pick his brain and he can download all the life experiences he's had into my brain. Some exchange of that sort would be ideal. Plus he just looks very... debonaire for an older gentlemen. I hope my brain still runs like his does now when I'm his age.

Today was a long day, but getting to see Walter Murch speak made it so worthwhile. I am now happy and content.

Ergo, ego.

Sometimes when I see people not taking criticism well from me or from someone else, I just want to say to them, Chill Out, I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to help you in the area I'm criticizing you in. But as always, it's easier to dish it than to take it.

I don't take criticism well myself. I take everything as a personal attack on me and who I am, and how much I've failed (depending on how much you criticize). I can't step back and try to look at things on a bigger perspective, like I wish others would. I want so much to succeed in everything I do that I take criticism, even constructive ones, as failure.

I automatically go into attack mode ("well...you're a stupidhead!" is usually what runs through my mind). I think of all the reasons why they're wrong and how they're wrong. And then I cry and feel like a failure when I realize they're right.

It really all comes down to EGO. Yours and mine and his and hers. I really can't stand having a bruised ego. There's been times when I know I'm wrong and having to admit it is so so SOOOO hard to do. Maybe I should read some freud. Better yet, maybe there's a podcast...I have a feeling freud's gonna be a tough man to conquer.

I guess I just need to learn that it's ok to fail. When I fail it's just a chance for me to get up and do it better the next time. A second chance. How often are you given that? I guess as many times as you fail.

Also, I guess failing's not so bad. If you fail well enough, you get minor celebrity status on failblog. And....if you were the very BEST at failing, would you really be a failure?

How do you guys think you handle criticism?

Live high, live mighty, live righteously

I've been reading a few of my posts from this time last year, and feel like my latest posts haven't been my best work yet. I'm losing my touch, if i ever had it.

I want to write poetry, clever dialog, LOL jokes that make you spit out your milk through your nose, followed by a smart quip or one liner that gives the allusion of my cleverness on all levels and yet....

And yet I only write about writing them.

This time last year I was kind of in a bad place, from what I remember. This time this year, I'm in a better place, but still have not reached that peak yet. But I guess it's best to not peak at my age, since I have so many more ages to go.

Lately I've been in love with Jason Mraz. The ridiculous kind that I've never had with a real person. Probably because these crushes I have are usually on people out of my reach. You know, the unrequited kind that only leaves anguish and sorrow because it is so unrequited. Mostly this happens with celebrities/musicians and well, guys out of my league. But I told Hills about this problem knowing her love for Jason Mraz as well, and you know what she said?? She told me to quit being so Emo. Sheesh! I've never been called that before, but that explains it so clearly. I think it's something about his lyrics, he laces them with drugs or something. I'm not usually big on paying attention to lyrics, but he is so good with his words, WHICH! is obviously indicative of his hands' abilities....obviously. I just watched his performance on Conan, and it made me smile from ear to ear.

I'm all about words lately seems like. His, yours, mine. I guess I have a lot to say.

Dreams

I've been watching a lot of mad men and californication lately.  Both great shows in their own right, though I do enjoy the humor in californication more.  Funny how these two shows both started out as pilots in ny, and moved to la for production after the shows got picked up. Moving to where my work is moving in a week.  Which on one hand is exciting...I'm hoping to run into January jones or David duchvny in the elevators.  Maybe there will be more posts about celebrity sightings.  On the other hand though, I will no longer be within walking distance of work, which is a little bit sad.  No more going home at lunch for peoples court!

Speaking of work, today was a sad day as there were major bloodbath of layoffs at the company.  Exactly a year ago today, I had the same fate as some of my fellow coworkers today.  But this time around, I am safe: still in the running to become America's next top model.  I also realized that I don't get to see this side very often, the side where you have to keep working as the people around you are kicked off the island one by one.  Usually I'm on the other side, the biggest loser.  Not sure which side I like better.

Well I'm safe for now but who knows for how long.  And watching the mad men extra features last night really makes me want to work on a show of that caliber.  This guy wrote a pilot a few years ago and now he is the executive producer of a hit show.  And he has creative control.  And people like his vision.  And the people that like his vision are all the best at what they do.  Imagine that!  Having the best and therefore being the best.  Must be so fulfilling.  Someday hopefully...someday.

The next morning...

The whole apartment smells like ratatouile!  

I've refridgerated the batch, thrown out the trash, did the dishes, left the sliding door open...yet the smell lingers.  I woke up several times during the night wondering if I left the gas on.  This does not fare well...

Post Script

I just noticed that last year I had 116 posts. In 2003 I had 128. This year, I'm barely breaking 50. Need to change that. Hopefully if I post more, I can have at least 80 by the end of this year. Aiming for 100, but considering how many days there are left in the year, it might be impossible unless I double up, and that in itself seems like a cheat.

Mmm..rat...atouille!

I got the big idea to make ratatouille tonight. Ok, actually I got the idea this weekend and went shopping for the veggies and decided to make it tonight. Right now i'm waiting for the liquid to come out of the zucchini so I can drain it before I start cooking it all. Long story.

I also had a beer tonight. I'm still in the middle of it. I rarely have beer at home and when I do, its usually for guests that come over. But tonight I really felt like having one. I was almost craving it. Which is weird, because I don't really drink. Hm. Odd.

Back to the rat for now...will update when I'm done.


*************************************************************

So after 2+ hours of chopping and cooking, I now have a rather large pot of ratatouille, read: lunch and dinner for the week to come.

How is it, you might wonder?

To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. It doesn't taste quite like the ratatouille that I had a while back that someone else had made. But it doesn't taste bad either. I seem to have a more bland palette than your average jane, so things that taste good to me might not taste good to the next person. I tend not to use butter or much salt on things, though watching Julia Child has changed my mind a bit. It does sit a bit heavy in my tummy though for a pot of vegetables, perhaps I used too much oil? Or maybe I just waited too long to have my dinner, so that my window of hunger closed. Who knows. I'll be having it again tomorrow, so maybe things will be different then.

And no, I'm not trying to recreate Julie and Julia, the life turned blog turned book turned movie. Cooking something different everyday for a whole year just seems too time consuming for me. Also EXPENSIVE!! I merely remembered how surprisingly good the ratatouille I had last time was, and had a craving.

The thing about cooking as a single gal is that you end up wasting alot. Also, you make something and you end up eating it for the whole week (see the blog post on curry week, junior or senior year of college. Whoa I just went back in time trying to look for that exact post...no luck. I know its there somewhere. College was great. Le sigh...)

Where was I? Oh yea, eating stuff for a whole week, no variation, etc etc.

I did, however, finish an entire bottle of beer tonight. Usually I can only get through 2/3 of a bottle. Pathetic I know. But that's just how I roll.

Great. Now I'm tempted to go back and read my posts from college. They're quite fun and interesting. Geez, I had 2 jobs at one point! Must resist, it's late and I must get to bed. I'll save the memory lane for tomorrow.

Hm...something you might want to look into, A, whenever you're wanting a post from me...just go into my archives! They're new to you if you haven't read them. :)

I am jack's lack of style

Coworker C and i have been talking about hitting up someplace fancy ever since she broke up with the bf last week.   A few weeks ago we "went out" and hit up a place called library bar. 

(I know, what a great theme right?  I thought it'd be a nice quiet bar with good books all strewn about that you can just pick up and read whenever as you sip your gin n tonic.  Kinda like a cafe with alcohol.  Alas, that wasn't quite it.  It was loud with TVs running and the "library" part was only a wall shelf filled with books which I wasn't even sure was real.  It looked like something out of mickey's house in toon town...No matter though, C and I still chatted with each other and had a good time there.)  

This time though we wanted to step it up a bit and go a bit fancier, maybe someplace with dancing.  Now I'm not a big fan of the Hollywood clubs.  I've only been to one once and had an ok time but felt totally and completely out of place and out of my element.  So when I say dancing I'm thinking more like...a dive bar with an updated jukebox.  But C is fancier than that.  So we decided on bar lubitch, a recommendation I got from fern.
  
In preparation for this fancy night out she asked what I was going to wear, and seemed a bit disappointed when told her my plans.  So we went shopping on melrose today at lunch in search of something fun I could wear.  I really liked the first place we went to except that I didn't love anything I tried on there.  A few items were ok, but nothing screamed "buy me".  
One piece that her and the saleslady both really liked, I thought looked like a kimono on me, so I passed.

Now I understand I have a certain style that is somewhat...reserved I guess you can say, and that C is just the person to help me change things up a bit, but if I don't feel comfortable in a kimono dress, then I'll never wear it.

We go to another store and this time the saleslady was a bit too eager in selling us her stuff.  Let me just say, if you've never been shopping on melrose...the merchandise can be a bit...hooch.  Not everything...but a lot, in my opinion.  To me it's where you'd go shop if you want to hit up a Hollywood club.  But then again, not saying you can't find a nice dress to wear to church either.  

Anyway, so this saleslady is suggesting stuff here and there that was a bit too hooch for both of us. Just a bit tacky.  But there's some good stuff too so we keep looking.  C keeps asking "how bout this, how bout that" but I wasn't really into anything.  Just as we were about to leave something caught my eye and I went to pull it out and as soon as I saw it, I thought it was totally cute, though I should've just kept it to myself.  C looked at it and gave me a look.  And then I looked at it and, well, I would've given myself the same look.  

I suddenly registered what I was suggesting in this store full of hoochy mama dresses.  It was a pale blue knitted sweater...with pretty flowers on the front.

At that moment it dawned on me.  I am 60 years old!!!  I mean, it wasnt bad enough that i picked out a long sleeve sweater among a sea of lowcut tightness.  But it was knitted and had flowers!!!!  What was i thinking?

Well i was thinking that its going to get cold soon and that cute sweater would keep me warm.  What was that sweater doing in THAT store anyway?  It was trying to sabotage me that's what!  If I had found it at a different store it would've been fine.  It just didn't fit into our lunch mission of finding something fun and sexy.  Also I am 60 years old.

C and I have different styles and tastes and I'm open to new things she may throw my way but i know I'll probably stick with what's comfortable more often than not.  But she made a good point today which was, you're going to lose it as you get older, it's not going to last forever, so show it off while you still can.  She's right.  I'm going to try it.  Slowly.  Today was tough though, with the short dresses.  I like to be able to sit in all kinds of positions and not have to worry about whether im flashing someone or not...so usually that feeling leads me into jeans.  One sleeve at a time I guess...

I slammed my boyfriend's head.

This morning, I slammed open the door of the building, eagerly awaiting the warm sunshine to hit me, only to hit something...hard. When I looked down I saw a pair of legs. I turned around to see my boyfriend, lying on the building steps, his upper body behind the door. He mumbled something after I said, "oh, sorry!"

I was really not expecting him to be there.

There's this homeless guy that stands by the garage door below my bedroom window EVERYDAY. I see him every morning at work when I go upstairs to get my coffee. Sometimes I think he sees me too. Coworker Dan has taken to calling him my boyfriend. "Hey your boyfriend's out there waiting for you."

Well today I slammed his head. I think it's safe to say it's over.

Do you guys drink Yakult? In taiwan, it's a kids drink, kinda like box juice, and I grew up drinking it like candy. It was a special treat. Like chocolate milk. To my surprise, it started being sold as some sort of healthy probiotic stomach regulator drink a few years ago in the states. I laughed. But man, they are the ones laughing now. This weekend I was in the grocery store, and I saw the package of yakult and suddenly had a craving. I went to pick it up only to see the price of 3.99, and then withdrew the hand. 3.99 for a package of like...6! Are you kidding me? Do you know how tiny they are? At the asian grocery stores you can get like 8 for .99. Something ridiculous like that. It's sad that my childhood treat has been hijacked.

So just a heads up, don't get it at the regular grocery stores if you're ever having a craving. Find it at your local asian grocer.
And...you're welcome.

OMG

This is probably old and fairly general knowledge, but did you know Alan Greenspan was somewhat a student of Ayn Rand's?? He was in her collective and everything. Crazy! But probably not that crazy. I need to wiki this relationship of theirs. But heard it on the radio today and couldn't even believe there was a connection.

In other news, I think I might have a cavity. Balls.