Off to bed

Currently: at my parents', which explains why I'm in bed at 11p on a Saturday night.  The end of this weekend is the beginning of summer, and I can't wait to see what the summer brings.  Though I have to admit, thinking of the summer already reminds me of the inevitable fall, and that makes me melancholic for the summer I've yet to have.  Now that there's no school enforced summer vacation, the next three months always seem to go by in a flash.  At least they'll be filled with breezy dresses and flipflops.

Btw, can anyone recommend a comfortable pair of flip flops?  Ones that look good and are comfortable enough to walk miles in?  

I have a summer vacation planned in DC and NC, where I've been invited to stay at a friend's parents' beach house in NC.  I'll be living the dawsons creek life for a week.  Should be fun.

 

I survived!

The concert, it went well. 

But not the bugs.  I'm losing the bug war.  Everyday I'm discovering a new bite somewhere on my body.  Seriously, it's been everyday this week.  And yes the bites are itchy and annoying and ugly, but it's not just that that bothers me.  It's the feeling of them taking over my body.  They're sucking my delicious blood at will, and there's not much I can do about it. Like a free meal at a restaurant except I didn't eat, and have to still clean up the dirty dishes.  Stupid bugs.  They're so stealth.

Practice makes pancakes.

One of the MANY great things about having NO neighbors is the ability to practice my violin at midnight. Yes, midnight. Because tonight is the only night available to practice before the big concert.

Ok, I knew he was hiring musicians. I guess I just didn't know to what extent. I showed up (late!) to a strings only rehearsal on Sunday night, to find a sea of musicians. Of the 25 people that were there, only 5 of us were the originals. On top of that, I had been bumped up to first violins at this rehearsal, which means new and harder music. Not because I improved mind you, but only to even things out. On top of all that, he gives us two new pieces we've never seen before, and they're 5x harder than anything we've ever played. Professionals do this for a living. They can sight read on the spot. We 5 are not professionals. We need rehearsal time, and 2 rehearsals before the concert ain't gonna cut it.

By our break, I was fuming with anger. I had all these angry thoughts in my head. Mostly because I was frustrated that I couldn't play a single thing. I couldn't even pretend to fake my way through it, that's how hard it was. I didn't know why we were even there. Why we had spent all that time rehearsing and never had we seen this music. It wouldn't make a difference if the five of us originals weren't there at the concert. I was embarrassed for myself amongst all the professionals. I was sure they could hear all my wrong notes at the wrong beats. I looked and felt like an idiot, and I did not sign up to look like an idiot. I tried to tell myself that I was being a baby, that I needed to stop being a baby and get it together, that I was creating a situation in my head where there was none, and it was all I could do to stop from crying. Really, wanting to cry at a rehearsal? That's never happened.

Nevertheless, rehearsal came and went. I had several thoughts about just not playing in the concert at all, I wouldn't be missed, in fact I'd probably be helping out by not playing. But it was too late. I've already invited lots of people and told them that I was in this orchestra. And lots of people are coming. So it's too late to quit completely. The few of us discussed not playing the harder pieces, and just sitting out. But then it would look weird if everyone was playing and we weren't...

There was no time to practice between Sunday and Monday night's rehearsal. Although Monday went a little better, it wasn't by much. I still felt like an idiot and an utter failure.

So tonight I am practicing. Hoping somehow these notes will magically transform and find their way in my fingers, and then onto the fingerboard. Chances are slim, but some practice is better than no practice, right?

But i'm sleepy and getting tired. My practicing is going well. But I need at least 10 more sessions before I can feel ok about this. And I only have tonight.

Tomorrow is our dress rehearsal. Thursday is the concert.

I have NO DOUBT that this will be a great concert. No, it will probably be amazing. I mean, I should be so lucky to be playing with so many great musicians. But I admit, I'm a little bitter with this whole situation. I just want to be contributing more. And I can't. I physically can't. I don't have the skills to. And that is frustrating when I feel so strongly about the orchestra. It's becoming something I don't think I want to be a part of anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent friends.

Oh, and on top of all that, BUGS. Bugs seem to like to come out when the weather gets warm. S has her flies, A has his moths, I have my bugs. Ones that fly and ones that crawl. My front door is next to the backyard, and whenever I've come home around dusk, there's always scary and massive swarms of something flying outside my door. Ugh, i hate swarms. And when I open my door, the flies fly in. As a result: I'm getting bug bites everywhere! Every day there's something new I'm scratching at. I just want to peel my skin off. It harkens back to the days of chicken pox, when you knew it was bad to scratch but oh boy it felt so deliciously good that you didn't care if you scratched your skin off. I have scars to this day, and yes, it was probably worth it.

Back to the practicing...who knows for how much longer.

Oh and the title? Because pancakes are tastier than perfection.

Whooooooooooo.

Oh geez.

Ms Parker and I just had the most intense last two hours together but separately. It was INTENSE. I'm still all wound up. The culprit? Grey's Anatomy, season finale. I know what you're thinking, and no, this is not 2006. I was suppose to eat my dinner and then go shower from the workout. But no, I got sucked in. It's gotten quite cheeseball and annoying the past few years, but now this is like a jolt back to life. I'm still trying to find my breath. I hope I don't have another dream now where I get shot. First Gossip Girl, then Lost, now Grey's Anatomy? What's with all the shootings? Sheesh. But seriously, all TV should take notes from this episode and jolt themselves back to life. Hint hint Lost.

Speaking of Lost...ugh. Why does the season finale have to be on the same night as our three hour rehearsal??? WHY!!! The last six years of my life, leading up to this last episode, and Ali goes and schedules one of our last rehearsals before our biggest concert yet on the SAME night. Sure I could just skip rehearsal. But then I'd feel really bad. I'm trying to get so many people to come to this concert and if I screw up because I didn't go to a rehearsal would look badly on me. Right? Right? What do to...what to do. All the Lost parties I'm missing out on. Although, Lost has been pretty disappointing lately. What do I do!!!

Well what I need to do is go shower already. Going. Gone.

Hodge Podge

I get bored when there are no new posts to read. Ahem (girls) ahem. I've resorted to putting up a new blog to keep me amused. The Sleep Talkin Man, to your left. Because he's more intelligent and hilarious asleep as I'll ever be awake.

Lately, I've been living the world of madmen. That's what usually happens when I take on a TV series through netflix: I end up living their world. It's quite dangerous, and I wouldn't recommend it, but it's oh-so-satisfying. Episode after episode with no commercial interruption. The sexiest thing I saw so far? Joan playing an accordian while singing a french ditty. It was such a great scene.







Today I learned that this year, Wimbledon has a poet in residence. At first I scoffed at the thought, thinking the british were so hoighty with their white tennis suits and now a poet? For tennis? But then I heard the poem being read by said poet, and I took everything back. The poem filled me with such delight that I shall, from henceforth, ne'er scoff at another poet in residence again!

Here's the podcast. Unfortunately the poem doesn't start until 5 minutes in, if you can skip to that part, it's worth a listening to. The way he reads the poem is so awesome. But if you can't for one reason or another, here it is in written form, though I must warn you, half the charm of it is having the poet read it. :)

The Sixth

Decided to read my back-blogs for old time's sake and came across this post.

6 weird things about me, and I couldn't think of a 6th? Boy.

How about the fact that sometimes I put my hands in my pants a la Al Bundy. It's nothing sexual, just that the part of my belly hidden by my pants is usually the warmest part and makes a good hand warmer for those cold nights. Also sometimes when I first get in bed and its still cold even underneath my blanket, and before my body has had a chance to warm up the air pockets around me, I put my hands under my butt and grab on for dear life, because again, that usually keeps my hands warm.

What can I say? I have cold extremities to take care of.

Shot!

Last nght I had a dream that I was shot.  I looked down and saw a hole in my right chest, with strings of skin attached.  At first I was very nonchalant about it, and I remember thinking, good thing it didn't go through the left side through my heart, otherwise I'd be dead.  And then I thought, wow, it doesn't hurt, maybe I am in shock, no wonder people in movies can always get up after they're shot.  As soon as I had that thought though, the shock must've worn off, because then I panicked and started not being able to breathe well.  My dad and my aunt were there and were going to take me to the hospital.  I remember having a thought about calling the ambulance since that's how it's usually done, but then thought hitching a ride with my dad and aunt would be more affordable.  I love that I'm still trying to save money when I'm dying.  But then my aunt said it will take them 45minutes to get ready cuz they had to shower and whatnot.  So i laid there trying to breathe through my pain, again wondering whether we should call an ambulance.  And then I must've moved on to another dream.  It was bizarre and I remember really feeling like I couldn't breathe.  And then in the morning I remembered that I watched Chuck get shot on Gossip Girl last night.  And that explained everything.  

Music in the air

Been busy tying to help my conductor friend promote our upcoming concert.  Last week I went to artwalk to pass out flyers to people on the street.  This is a much tougher job than it sounds.  I tried to play up the "cute girl" factor by smiling at people as I passed stuff out.  A lot of times it didn't work.  Some were really drunk or just happy to be out on the streets.  Those people made me feel better because they took a flyer.  For the most part though, people don't want to be given trash that they'll just throw out anyway, so it was a long night of rejection after rejection. However I found myself discriminating against people as I passed out flyers:
"This couple looks nice, they'll want to come."
"this punk kid with his punk friends will not come"
"this elderly couple will want to come"
"this guy looks smart, he'll want to come"
"that guy looks mean, he won't come"
"that girl looks trashy, she won't come"
And so forth.  I felt bad for doing so, but did it anyway.  I also got made fun of and felt like a total loser.  Sigh.  I'll never look at flyer passer outers the same again!  They're just doing their job.  Anyways, those of you living in the area shouldve gotten an invite.  I hope you can come!

Also, Kat Von D will be there.  Not that I'm a huge fan or know much about her except for her name.  I looked at her bio the other day for this whole promo process and realized that she is only 27!  This whole time I thought she was...35-40.  But wow she is younger than me!  And has her own show and business and more.  She's done so well for being so young, how did she do it?  Makes me feel like a chump, really.  Not that I should be comparing myself to someone I don't know, or anyone else for that matter, but here we are, and I am.  Sigh.

Also, I most likely will still have my job at the end of the week.  Not that the rumor doesn't still exist, just that...I don't think it's happening.  Safe for another little while.      

Thirsty Crow

So a show at work (Supernews!) was cancelled today, which meant that about 20 people got laid off. I didn't really feel anything at work, I guess too busy with this week's show and not knowing what to say to the comrades without sounding trite. After work we all met at this bar, and it was as I was saying goodbye that I felt really sad. I was just starting to make friends with some of these guys, fellow colleagues who, because they were on the other side of the building, I never really got to hang out with much, other than at lunch time sometimes. They will be missed.

Also, while at the bar, I get a text from MB who says werd on the street is that our show might be next NEXT week. Oh great. Why can't they do these things all together? Why must they prolong the inevitable? Anyway, just rumors for now, but MB seems to know some people who have some inside information, so...I best start preparing.

Also, this bar, which used to be this quaint little bar with skunk families has now been transformed into a hip...oh i don't know....men's loungey type of place, allowing them to charge $12-$15 drinks, and make people wait in line. They say it's for capacity reasons, but I raise my eyebrow at them. My $12 mint julep was a disappointment, as it was too stiff, WAY too stiff. So it's THAT type of place.

There was a run in with a few blasts from the past there, and along with my future looming, no more like dangling, it's been a weird night.

Meh.

So I finally did the 5k today, what a great event.  Didn't exactly run the entire thing...after all it was a runwalk so I ran and walked.  Hopefully I can somewhat keep it up but these shin splints don't seem to want to leave me alone.  My legs still hurt, hours later.  I think it's the build up of lactic acid.  I don't know how to get rid of it other than to sleep it off and hope that it's better in the morning.

The world seems troubled lately.  Earthquakes and volcanoes and oilspills and mine blasts and countries needing bailouts.  Or maybe it's not that it's more troubled than before, it's just that I'm paying more attention these days.  Who knows.

Been thinking about getting braces lately, for my very crooked bottom teeth.  Ever since I got my wisdom teeth out, they've be getting more and more crooked.  I talked to my dentist about it the other day.  Of course they're all for it, more business for them.  It's a low prority right now, just giving it some thought.  Oh and the dentist asked if I've been going to the beach a lot since I looked really tanned apparently.  I said no.

Ugh, boring.  I have nothing of Interest to blog about.  Just that all the spicy Ginger ale is gone and I need to restock.   

Shenanigans.

I don't know if i'm just in a weird mood or if this is hilarity, but I can't stop laughing to the point where I am crying. I've been taking deep breaths and thinking it's really not that funny it's all just in my head but i can't!! I can't stop laughing!

And i'm suppose to be asleep!! I have a 5k to runwalk tomorrow. But i'm all giggly and crying. How the F is it 11pm? Oh this is going to hurt in the morning.

Here's the culprit.

Baby beluga in the deep blue sea...

I keep hearing about the oil spill and it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it everyday.  I try and imagine that I'm a giant, and with a pinch of my fingers, this problem would not have lasted as long as it has.  I wish I could see the ROV footage in the ocean to see how hard it really is to stop the oil from spilling, because when I imagine it in my head, it doesn't seem like it should be that hard.  But I'm sure it is.  A, you must have some knowledge and thoughts on this whole situation doing what you do.  Will you share with the classroom please?  

Random Tuesdays

Been trying to do some cooking lately. Last week there was a pasta dish w salmon that turned out FANTASTICALLY. Sunday there was the fish stew that wasn't bad. Tonight I made a frittata in preparation of Mother's Day. Wanted to try out the recipe before I put it into action, and good thing I did. Turns out, I don't really like smoke salmon as much as I was hoping I would. And it was just meh ok, nothing spectacular that I would feed to the family, let alone critical mom. So much for that. On to the next! Except now I still have about 8oz of smoked salmon that I don't know what to do with. Maybe I'll take it to work and feed it to the sharks. Sigh...the sad thing with being single is all the wasted food.

I'm very happy with myself though. These are all turning out ok, I haven't made anything that wasn't somewhat tasty. I'm finally starting to finish up a whole thing of garlic, rather than one or two cloves a month. Good job, SH. Well done.

Finally got myself some spicy ginger ale. Delicious, as it was the first time. I went to Galco's, this place that has tons of different kinds of specialty sodas. I also picked up two bottles of Mint Julep and a Mr. Qcumber. I was so disappointed with the Mint Julep. The salesman even promised that I would really like it, since I told him I'm a big fan of mint. But when I opened it up, it tasted like toothpaste. Toothpaste and mouthwash. Sigh, what a let down. I ended up giving the second bottle of it to B, who seemed to really enjoy the first half of the bottle that I couldn't finish. Mr. Q I've had before, so I know I will like that one. I think I'll be going back to galco's more often now. They even have a rose petal soda that only they carry. I'd be interested to try that. Today I gave a bottle of the spicy ginger ale to a coworker as a thank you gift, in lieu of service charges I didn't have to pay since he went to pick up our concert tickets at the box office. He seemed very excited. Everyone wins. Hooray for spicy ginger ale!

Today was the first day since I started that I didn't go skating. Had to stay at work late, and also wasn't feeling well from an odd beverage I drank in the morning to celebrate Brett's webby award win. He bought some sort of jungle juice that was 12% proof that smelled like grape soda but tasted much worse. I only had a small tiny sip, and it made me feel horrible for the rest of the day. I thought some lunch and food in my stomach would help, it didn't. I thought lots of fluids would help, it didn't. Even now, I still have a slight headache. Whatever was in this can, I will never touch again.

Nevermore.

And now I'm off to bed to sleep off this ache. I bid thee adieu.