Stuff

Oh my goodness. My dress is for sale! Do I dare?

The doctor's office called me the other day to give me the results of my mole extraction. Turns out it is nothing, just a plain old mole. I know that should be good news...but it made me really sad. I got rid of my mole that turned out to be just what it's suppose to be, and suddenly I really miss it. Also, I really wanted to prove my mom wrong. I know that sounds morbid, not that I want anything bad to happen to me, but I almost wish something was wrong with it so I can tell everyone, "see, I did the right thing" and that I'm not just some hypochondriac. Which...I'm beginning to think I really am. I'm healthy to the max, which I should be grateful for, and I am. So I'll just leave it at that.

Tomorrow I get my stitches out and then I get on a plane for the east coast.

I also turn 30 tomorrow. Egads.

Had my birthday party on saturday, which I was close to canceling, but turned out to be a lot of fun. The warrens were able to make it out and I'm so happy I got to spend time with them! At one point someone asked me if I was already drunk, and I said no, and laurice replied that I was just high on birthday excitement, which was so true, she's so smart. And people actually showed up, which was nice, because that is always a fear when I plan anything involving just me. Anyway it was good times all around, I'm just bummed I forgot to take pictures with my camera.

Today was the first day of unemployment and so far it's going well. I actually still have a lot to do before I leave. I guess I'm not really thinking about unemployment yet, it hasn't quite hit me. I'm still on extended weekend time. But I know somewhere down the line it's going to hit me that I'm unemployed, and oh boy will that be fun. But maybe I'm just still too excited about being freeeeee!

That's all for now.

Goodbye infoMania!

Well, today is over. It was rough, ever since I woke up this morning knowing what was to come. Paper work was done, my badge and garage parking turned over, boxes of random stuff moved out of the office. Then there was a screening of our last show, which was actually a really good hilarious last show, and bossman made a speech that nearly made me cry. Then we went to the Standard rooftop to have lunch and hangout. I don't understand why that place is so popular, I feel like I need to disinfect every time I leave. Then it was back to the office to say awkward sad weird goodbyes. Needless to say, even though I left early, it was still a long day.

Yesterday I got a thank you email from bossman in the morning. I received it about 20 minutes after I had just seen him in another office. It was a nice email, but the timing of it was just weird. Things have always been weird between me and bossman, I don't know what it is. I know he likes me and respects me...on paper, but in person there's always weirdness. Like he feels uncomfortable around me. So then I try to be all casual with him which comes off weird and he probably responds to that weirdness. I don't know. Some people you just get along immediately, others will always have a lingering weirdness.

I usually stick to the east side anyway, so I won't really know if carmageddon is going to get in the way, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow how crazy it gets.

So all the crazy this week on top of this weekend is keeping me from thinking about turning 30. Haven't really had time. Having my party tomorrow night which I hope people show up for. I'm getting my stitches out and then hopping on a plane on my actual birthday, so maybe this 30 thing will totally just slip under the radar. Let's hope.

More to say, but tired for now.

Thread porn envy.

I'm so jealous of THIS girl. Not only is she pretty she's got THE dress I want. Not only is it JUST the type of dress I want, it's hand made, so it's one of a kind. Not only that, it was hand made for Zooey Deschanel. Argh. Some girls have all the luck. If any of you see a dress like this around, give this girl a HOLLA.

Bon Anniversaire

Shoot. I missed my 10 year anniversary of blogging. I've been blogging for 10 years people. Ten. Still the longest relationship I've had in my life, and yes that still sounds very sad. I feel like I should have a parade or something. I've been blogging longer than the most famous bloggers out there! It's incredible really. Too bad I haven't done much with it. Just a spew of nonsensical thoughts in my head and complaints people don't want to listen to in real life. Maybe when I'm unemployed I'll start a new blog that does something interesting. Until then...Happy Anniversary DB!

Must...Not...Scratch...

So, as most of you know, my sister had her baby nearly a week ago, so a week early. The due date was suppose to be today. But her having the baby last weekend was such good timing for everyone! It was a three day weekend so we had the chance to drive up and see the baby. Had it happened on a week day, or in a few weeks, it would've thrown things off. The baby is perfectly healthy, and also, it's actually very cute. I was ready for the baby to possibly not be cute, as it takes babies a few days/weeks/months to grow into their cuteness. But I can honestly say, she is ADORABLE. But maybe I'm the biased aunt. I find myself watching this 10 second video I took of her on my phone. She's not doing much, just moving her lips around or something. It could almost be a photo. But I don't know, I just keep watching it. So fascinating...babies.

Last night I went to this nerd meeting. It was an old coworker who decided to get some techy people together to talk about the new FCPX. Seeing how I'm going to be unemployed shortly, I thought it would be a good idea to go. Today, I'm regretting it. Hard. The meeting itself was fine. A lot of nerdy techy talk was thrown out there. Interesting what people had to say. I didn't have much to contribute but I got something out of it. Plus it was nice to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. BUT. We sat out on the patio with a great view of LA. And while I was trying to keep up with the nerdiness, the mosquitos attacked me. At least, I'm thinking they were mosquitos. Someone today suggested fleas. Possible, but I'm still thinking mosquitos.

I think the last time I got bitten so bad was that one dreadful night in Taiwan when a mosquito somehow got through the nets and bit me all night long. That time I counted over 100 bites. Last night, it was 25. But 25 very painful ones. I don't think people believe me when I bring it up. They think I'm being a wuss. But boy if you all could see what I see on my stomach and my legs and my arms...it's bad. Everyone i've shown pictures to have said something is wrong. It's puffy, bulgy, and making my skin very hot. I think i may have an allergic reaction to them. I've been putting creams on it all day. But I'm also afraid of disease. I looked stuff up on THE INTERNET today (BIG MISTAKE. Big. HUGE) and read that symptoms may not show up for a few days. If i die of west nile I'm going to be even more pissed off with FCPX than everyone else already is.

I iced myself with a bag of frozen fruit. (Note to self, make some ice. But the thing is, I never use ice at home! Not even during the summer!) All I can think about is how all these bites are going to leave scars that won't go away until after summer probably. Great. Wonderful. Just in time for my birthday, and JUST in time for my beach holiday where said bitten places will be on full display. At least I can cover them up for now. But I'm going to be a freak at the beach. And yes, screw that last post about me not being vain, I DO care how I look, and being covered in ugly bites was not on my beach agenda. This makes me very angry. Also, the itchiness is making me very angry. It's like I have the chicken pox all over again. Arrrrrgh.

These bites along with my stitched up arm is making me feel very broken and defeated...not to mention irritated. I can't sleep on my right side! And I'm slapping myself all day because I don't want to scratch and slapping is as close to relieving the itch as I can get. Geez, this is pathetic.

Holy Mole-y

I got my mole removed today. I have very mixed feelings about this. It doesn't help when two people who just found out have asked me why. But not just oh, why. But like....WHY?? (Yes you too S!) Don't people just get suspicious looking moles removed? Apparently not.

It's going to leave a huge scar. On one hand, I don't think I'm that vain, so the idea doesn't bother me too much. Hopefully it'll be less noticeable than the mole itself (which, I know, that hope is vain in itself). On the other hand, it doesn't help that the doctor told me it was going to leave a huge scar in this voice and face that said, ARE YOU SURE? I don't have many visible scars on me, I think it'd be cool to have one...shows that I've lived somewhat. At least that's how I'm trying to rationalize things in my head.

I want to say that I didn't remove it for cosmetic reasons. I've lived with it for a long time and have gotten used to the looks. You know how guys will sometimes look at a girl's boobs when they talk to her? Well, since I don't have much in the chest area to look at, people tend to wander their eyes over to that weird looking mole on my arm. Sure it makes me a bit self conscious sometimes, but not enough to make me want to remove it for cosmetic reasons. But maybe I'm just lying to myself. Maybe that "you're so vain" song was really about me.

I want to say that I did it for medical reasons, because it is very suspicious looking, and all the doctors who have looked at it have said that they'll have to remove it and test it to be really sure. But then again, I'm pretty positive that it is non cancerous since I've lived with it for so long. Also skin cancer doesn't run in my family...or asians really. I've already waited 10 years since the last time I almost got it removed, and I'm still perfectly healthy, so I'm sure it probably could've waited another 10 years. I'm 97% sure, so I did this for the 3% just in case? I don't know.

Basically what it came down to was that I have insurance now, and may not have as good of insurance later, when I'm unemployed. That's pretty much the main reason this all happened. Do I regret doing it? I don't think so yet. I really don't know how I feel about it. I guess we'll see when I get the stitches off and see how ugly it is. The tests for the mole will come back clear, and my mom will say I told you so, and now you have this ugly, very visible scar on you. Moms can be so in your face.

But also this was such a big deal in that I went the western medicine route. I grew up not really going to doctors. My grandparents own a pharmacy, so drugs and diagnosis never seemed to be a problem. And eastern chinese medicine has a different way of thinking. The idea of me getting this mole cut out of my body would be pretty ridiculous to the rest of my family. Or maybe just unnecessary. But what this is really about is once again, I'm stuck between east and west. I mostly grew up here so I tend to do more westernized things, but that doesn't mean the eastern ways aren't always in the back of my head, gnawing it's way out. And sometimes going back and forth wondering which one's right, or the better way is just plain exhausting. I'm exhausted.