Warmth

The worst (or best?) thing about working from home...from the comfort of home...is that your bed gives you the stink eye all day, whenever you pass by it to go to the bathroom. It doesn't matter if you make your bed or not. If it's too neat and tidy, it wants you to jump in. If it's messy and half made, it still wants you to get in, half the work is done for you already! My bed knows that especially on days like this, when it's cold and gloomy out, it has a certain advantage. Every time I come out of the bathroom, I have to try really hard to resist the temptation. To the point where I avoid eye contact with my bed, and run out as soon as possible, like I just did 5 minutes ago. But even still...here in front of my computer, in another room, on the corner furthest away from my bed, I can still hear it behind me. Taunting me....

WTF, and now there is loud thunder outside. I think my bed knows I'm writing about it and is doing all it can to lure me back in. I will resist, because I have work to do. But let's hug it out and make up, later tonight.

What a week

This has been a jam packed week. I don't know how I could've fit in a full time job.

Monday was mostly spent recuperating from bacon poisoning. I need to remember to stay away.

Tuesday involved a yummy recuperating meal of soon tofu where I learned that the owners love my pal Hills, and hate me, a fellow asian. When I asked for refills they glared and said they'd have to charge extra. And then proceeded to hug Hills and ask if she wanted more. WTF? Sigh, such is life. It was also the annual VS fashion show that I love so much. I watched it while flipping over to the news to see what the police were up to downtown at occupy la. Is it a sign of maturity when you've outgrown half nekked models walking down the runway in elaborate angel wings? Perhaps it is...perhaps I'm growing up. This year, it just didn't do it for me as much as it did every other year in the past. Or maybe models juxtaposed with people fighting for their beliefs in non violent ways just wasn't the way to do it, because it reminded me even more that I was just sitting at home, comfortably, watching stupid models with hot yet unattainable figures talking about things I don't care about, instead of fighting out there with the good people. But the truth is, I'm a scared little kitty kat and I don't want to be pepper sprayed or arrested.

Wednesday started out lovely and normal. Around 5p I was on the phone with a friend and heard shenanigans outside my window. I figure it was the neighbor kid playing with something that happened to be banging on my window. And then as it turned from 5p to 6p, I thought, "well, this is just getting annoying and a little bit rude, don't you think?" Turns out, there was no one outside my window. It was the santa ana wind. By 7p it got crazy, and by 8p my lights were flickering. Throughout the night there were loud bangs from what I assume were things flying around. I went to bed around midnight in hopes that everything turned off would not surge the power in my little apt garage. By then the power had went out three times but quickly came back on. I couldn't sleep all night because the wind was loud and scary and crazy. I just laid there wondering just how sturdy they built my garage, and if they'd be able to find me under a collapsed rubble. And also how strong those pomegranate trees outside my bedroom was because if it fell it would come crashing on top of me. I was woken up by loud winds at 4am, and realized the power had went out again. I was tired of resetting my clocks. And then I thought about moving my car in case the palm trees I was parked under decided to fall, but figured it was too crazy outside to even attempt. Coming from OC, I am accustomed to these yearly winds, but I can't remember ever being in a wind storm this bad. I survived the night and in the morning went out to survey the damage. It looked disastrous. Palm fronds everywhere, leaves and branches everywhere, and the worst part: a large fallen treebranch crushing a car. And then I realized it was my neighbor's car! When I went to let them know, I realized she was out there as well. Everyone on our block was ok, except for their car. Poor front neighbors. The branch was so large that it blocked the whole street, and cars driving by had to turn back around. The pictures don't do it justice, because by the time I took them, some gardeners had sawed some of the branches off to clear the road. I'm just so very grateful it wasn't my car, and that no one was hurt.





Thursday consisted of meeting a new friend for lunch at a place that sells PIES. Let me repeat. A whole restaurant with just PIES. Oh yum. Unfortunately, we got there too late and there weren't many pies to choose from, so when I added an apple dessert pie on top of my mac and cheese pie to share with my pal, they said they'll give it to us for free since there was so few choices left. SWEET! Free pie! On top of that, it was exactly the type of apple pie I liked, plus they gave us wonderful ice cream on the side. I was in pie heaven. We left very full and happy. When I got back from lunch I noticed several neighborhoods without power, and by 7:30, our entire block went down. That's when I booked it outta there! Thankfully I had dinner plans and by the time I got home, the power was back on. Friends in other neighborhoods just got their power back today, that's 4 days without power!

Friday consisted of groceries, cooking, the museum, and more cooking. The awesomest thing about the whole day would have to be seeing this in person at the museum:


As well as this beautiful speaker cabinet made in the 1950s. It was absolutely gorgeous, unfortunately, I didn't think to take a picture of it.

Saturday involved an early wake to make a breakfast casserole that was brought to Sara's baby shower. The shower was fun, and it was even nicer to hang with her and her girls. Also, we made these ornaments while I was there that turned out FANTASTIC! They're so pretty I can't stop looking at them. It's too bad I don't have a tree to put them on. But so far, I have 3 holiday items in my apt which may just be the most holiday decorating I've ever done. I also went to a choir concert (yes, the choir that I quit months earlier) to see Vonne, and oh boy she was FANTASTIC!! Her solo had so much energy and force...I'm so proud of her and her team. I don't regret quitting, I've realized that just because I'm not good at something doesn't mean I have to stick it out til I am. Well, with some things sure, but I have to pick my battles, and this wasn't a battle I wanted to fight. Especially when I can watch my dear friend do it so much better than me!

And finally....today I went to meet a friend for brunch. We had a nice long chat and I ate way too much and had too much coffee and then stuffed myself on beignets with raspberry sauce. But we did walk it off after with a trip to a craft show that I vowed never to go back to two years ago, but figured, what the heck, I may be inspired to make some more stuff. We stopped at this booth with dresses and she pulled one out and was looking at it, and I was trying very hard not to look too hard because so many things were calling my name. But something caught my eye and it was game over. I went to try it on, it was too big. She saw me try something on so wanted to try something on as well, and oh my, her dress fit her like a glove and looked so chic on her. I asked for a smaller size, they said whatever is available is out there. And since I didn't see my size out there, I was ok to give it up. So we debated on her dress for a while and when she went to purchase, I went back just to check again if my size would happen to be there. Welp. Guess what. It was. I tried it on. It fit. So I decided to splurge. Now is not really the time for me to need a new dress nor buy one, but dammit...ladies and gentlemen, meet my new baby:


And then I come home to find out that probably because it was a local designer at a local fair, I paid only about a third of what the internet price is. SWEET! I never would have bought it for the internet price. I'm gonna wear the shit outta this dress!!!

That, dear readers, was a peek at my week. Excited to see what next week brings!

Stalling

I've come to stall.

I'm suppose to be thinking up ideas for a treatment that's voluntarily due tomorrow, and I've got nothing. Well I do have something involving a fictitious incident that our president experienced in college, but that involves research I don't have the time for. And also, I don't know how well fake stories about real people go over with crowds.

Yesterday I was poisoned by turkey bacon so today, aside from seeing some old friends visiting, I've been house bound. Which is really too bad for such a nice 80 degree fall day. I can't believe my beloved bacon would do that to me. You would think I would've learned after all these years, but still...still I forget and fall into the bacon trap. And I sure paid for it. It wasn't even that good either.

I was in a beautiful home this morning and sitting out on their deck in the nice weather surrounded by friends and kids and a stray cat made me suddenly want to buy a house so that I can have parties and invite friends over. I think I'd make a pretty fabulous party hostess. I would be the one that always had parties and gathering and people would come to see me and my house as the place to be. Then, I'd be able to integrate all my friends and create a community of friends, instead of roaming from group to group. This plan also involves buying a lot of new kitchen ware for party foods, things which my tiny kitchen does not have the room for. Something to shoot for though, definitely.

And now, my procrastination ends. Must get to work. But first...some internet surfing.

Monthly visits?

Hello old friend.

Haven't posted in a month! What's that all about?

Life. That's what it's all about. Actually no, I wish it was life that's keeping me busy! It's just work.

First up, welcome new anonymous reader! Or maybe old reader newly anonymous. Who knows, who cares. All I know is that my readership is now up to 3.5ish. Huzzah! That is news to get excited about!

But also. My TV is broken. I came home and turned it on and all I got was fuzz. My guess is that the neighbors cut something and screwed up my cable system. And yes, I think I'm getting cable from the neighbors. I'm not really all that clear about it since all my bills are included in the rent. And when I asked my landlord about the cable, he said something that I couldn't quite decipher due to his heavy accent and I was tired of asking him "what" one more time.

So now I don't have tv. Which isn't that horrible because I'd like to think I don't watch that much tv anyway. But I did use it for white noise. And now....silence. Oh the silence. Sure I can use the radio or turn on some music, but I actually WANT to pay attention to those things. I want to LISTEN to my music. I want to pay ATTENTION to the radio or podcasts. I can't just tune those things out like I can with TV noise. I hope this situation fixes itself but judging by the look of the fuzz...I have a good feeling it's gone for good.

I just finished watching An Affair to Remember and it is just as good as they say! And I always thought sleepless in seattle ruined that movie for me but they really didn't! Or maybe I just remembered it wrong. But it was highly enjoyable. One thing that struck me while watching this...and possible spoiler alert coming up even though...I don't think it spoils the ending...

So my beef with romantic comedies is that they always fall in love too quickly. One kiss. One night. One look, and BAM, they're getting married. I know most movies are 2 hours or less so there's not much time to see the progression of a couple's love (except for maybe When Harry Met Sally, that movie did this excellently), but! It's always still too fast for me. So when Nicky asks Terry to marry him, per usual, I was thinking, what! Already! But then she said she'll have to think about it. And something in the way she said that line made me suddenly understand. At one time marriage for people was this...this thing to be done. Sure you have to have some affection in there for each other, but mostly marriage was an arrangement. None of this lovey dovey love at first sight I can't live without you psychotic love that we've built it up to be. It was just a "ok let's do this thing" thing. Like asking someone to go away on vacation with you...but for the rest of your life. The main point is to relax and have fun, and sure you'll have disagreements along the way, but you'll have to find a way to resolve them pretty quickly because you have to travel with this person for the rest of your vacation and you don't want to ruin the vacation...

Wow that was a pretty deep analogy I just came up with there. I just come up with the best things sometimes. Good job brain.

I don't know if the prior point made any sense, but my point is that I kinda get it now. So whereas all this time I've been thinking that rom coms are getting it wrong by jumping the marriage gun too quickly, it's ME that's been getting it wrong. Maybe it is that easy. S, feel free to weigh in here.


I should mention that work has been stressing me out quite a bit, making me feel like I'm not as good at what I do as I thought I was. And sure it's a learning process and all that, but I just want to be the best. Right away. All the time. But i'm getting bored even mentioning this topic so maybe I'll save it for another day.

And lastly, I've been told to write. (Not me personally, just in general, I'm in the creative world, I should constantly be writing my own thing if I want to get noticed.) I've been told that it's the one thing that everyone knows how to do, and it's something that we do everyday. I always tell people and myself, I'm not the poor penniless writah, I'm more the crazy sitah player, I'll leave the writing to Ewan Mcgreggor who pines away at his typewritah for the beautiful Satine. And then I come on my blog and say it's good writing practice while outside I tell people I don't write. It's a weird mindfuck I pull on myself. So enough of that. Yes I write. I'm not a writer by profession. But I do write. And I will be writing more. (Right after I go find some books on how to write.) And then I'll be just like everyone else at starbucks...laptop open, working on the latest draft of my "script". It's gonna be grand!

Be all that you can be. -G.I. Joe

It's been an interesting past few days. My dear friends got married. I hung out with my sister and her baby. Oh, and my dress came in! (Got the pink, and though it fits, it's a bit too tight. I either need to lose some inches or give it to someone else. Not worth sending back to the UK.)

I was surprised at how social I was at the second wedding on Saturday. Maybe because I was on my own and had the freedom to do whatever I felt like. Or maybe because I actually knew some people there and was excited about catching up. Maybe the people were just friendly and my type of people so we all clicked. There were a couple times where I ended up sitting by myself at the table because the other people I had met were busy being social or going to the bathroom or something. But I felt totally ok with just sitting there by myself and just enjoying the moment. I'm not always ok, sometimes I feel like a big loser sitting by myself, other times I feel totally fine and empowered. This was one of those fine moments. Except someone will always come up to me and ask why I'm sitting by myself. As though it's such a horrible awful thing to sit by yourself. People need to learn that being alone is sometimes not such a bad thing.

I felt like I was pretty on fire with the social thing on saturday. I'm often not, and can be quite the Daria. And though I enjoy having my Daria moments, I think I'm a better person when I am being social (the genuine kind, not the fake obligatory kind) and making real connections with people, so I will strive to be that every time I'm in a social setting now. I won't always achieve it, and that will be ok, because sometimes I really do love being Daria (she got her own show didn't she?), but I'm going to try and make a bigger effort to be the best of myself at most times. Except Sundays. I rest on Sundays and go bad.

Speaking of Sundays...I didn't drive my car all day Sunday and came out on Monday very late morning to find a note on my car that read: Don't park in my driveway. I took a look and the butt of my car WAS indeed blocking part of my neighbor's driveway. I'm usually not so careless, but let's just say I came home a bit late Saturday night and did not notice my bad parking. I felt bad about it because it was like that for over a day, and if it had happened to me, I would've been VERY annoyed at whoever owned the car. Maybe even called to have it towed. I also felt like I had been reprimanded for drawing on the walls or something. So since then I made a vow to NOT park on that neighbor's curb. Because I knew that once my neighbor saw me with my car, and saw my asian-ness, he or she was going to blame it on that, rather than my one evening of carelessness.

So tonight as I was going to my car, I saw that neighbor out on his driveway, sweeping. At first I was just going to avoid him, avoid all eye contact, and just hop in the car and drive fast. But then we made eye contact and we waved to each other, friendly neighborly like. And by then I didn't feel like I could just ignore it, so I said, "sorry about my car the other day." And instead of going off on me about how bad of a car parker I was, the neighbor guy apologized back, and said he didn't realize it was my car. "It's just that there's very little room to move already and with the car...." I stopped him and said I understood completely and it was my fault entirely and that I was very sorry and it won't happen again. He was so nice about it, that it made me love my neighborhood even more. Neighborly issues happen all the time and we resolved it like the grown ups we are. And he said he "didn't realize it was my car" as though, if he had realized, he wouldn't have left the note. All in all, I was feeling uneasy about the situation for the past few days, and I'm glad things resolved the way they did.

Ugh, boring, who cares right?

I'm also trying to make myself go to bed earlier so I wake up earlier, but it's tough. It's tough when you don't want to go to bed and find all these things to do instead of going to bed.

But again. Who cares. Talk about snore and a half.

I can't handle all this 9/11 stuff.

I'm not complaining, it's all just so overwhelming. There's this constant lump in the back of my throat whenever I hear a story. It's all over the tv and radio, there's no getting away from it.

And I get that 9/10/11 is a cool date, but did my friends really have to pick the day before the 10th 9/11 anniversary to get married? Just seems like too much going on for one weekend. It'll be hard to be in celebratory mode when everyone else is in commemorating a really horrible event mode.

Yesterday while I ran errands, I finally noticed it. It was hard for me to read something far away! I had a hard time focusing, and everything just looked blurry. I thought, "What is going on?" and then realized what WAS going on and thought "Oh, so this is how it starts." And then a few minutes later, the optometrist called and said my glasses were ready. Seriously, I kid you not. Funny how the world works sometimes. I tried the glasses on a few times yesterday and did NOT like them. I think it made my eyes hurt. I felt like I was looking through a side view mirror that was held up to my nose, where everything is closer than it seems. It was weird.

Thursday

Went out with some friends tonight but called it an early night since I wasn't feeling well. Really body? Are we back to the sicknesses again? I need to start taking some vitamins I guess. But I hear they're just a waste of money, and they don't do anything. Hills is taking some b vitamins, maybe I'll try that. Need to get my immune system in tip top shape.

Speaking of tonight, it was freezing out tonight. Sure, it's September. But I was JUST getting used to this summer thing, I'm not ready for it to go away yet.

I spent most of today with an old colleague who I was a bit nervous about not having much to talk about with but we spent about 6 hours together today! And I didn't even get the chance to use her pool! Seems like I spend more time with people that I wouldn't otherwise while I'm unemployed, which is actually Pretty Cool.

Choir rehearsal was....well, it was pretty fun actually. VERY INTIMIDATING. Especially since I was sitting next to vonne without thinking about how seating is based on groups, just like in orchestra. Duh. So I was sitting in the soprano section, without knowing whether I was a soprano or alto or what. Most of it I was able to get through, but there were those high notes I couldn't hit. I think I may have to move sections, but I'd hate to leave vonne, especially since she's the soprano section leader!!

Going to bed now, to sleep off this...whatever it is. Maybe I'm just dehydrated from the day?

Which Color?

Help! Readers, I'm in love with this dress and it comes in so many colors that I can't decide! I have narrowed it down to the following colors, but there were so much more! I think I may go with the pink.


Poppy


Pink


Mustard



Sage


Coral


Champagne

-00-

I got glasses today.

Went to get an eye exam before my insurance ran out and it turns out I have astigmatism in my right eye, AND I'm near sighted. All pretty minor, but got the glasses just for kicks. Ok, not for kicks, but just for driving and the movies I guess. But I'm really disappointed in my right eye, I really am. All this time I thought my eyes were perfect, but it turns out, my left eye is picking up the slack! Stupid lazy right eye.

Had a nice long lunch with my pal Vonne afterward and it was nice to catch up. At the end of our visit, she casually said she had choir practice tonight, and that I should come. And I said, um.....well......ok! I never did choir in school or on the side or anything, so I'm a bit nervous. But I am trying to practice saying "YES" to things that might intimidate me. Besides, I'm just checking it out, no commitment until the 4th rehearsal. Whew.

And now Bryan Williams is giving me permission to go wild on chocolate. Must. Find. Chocolate.

Stuffing.

Apparently I need to blog more.

I just haven't been hearing the blog voice inside my head lately. Although I do hear the other voice in a british accent that likes to tell me what to do. Funny how my british accent sounds so spot on in my head and then so awful once it comes out of my mouth....

Even now....

I've got two weddings to attend to in two weeks. I guess the date 9-10-11 is pretty coveted, as I know lots of other people are getting married that day as well. It's such a bummer to have two weddings to attend on the same day, as you can't do both. Seems like I'd enjoy them both more if they were spread out and say, on dates of their own? The plan was to at least catch each couple when they get married, at their moment of coming together. That way I can go to a ceremony in the morning, and catch the second ceremony later on in the day, even though it means missing out on the first wedding's reception. But then everyone says the reception is the main event, and now I'm feeling really bad for having to miss out on the first's reception. Balls.

This unemployment thing is going ok, though time is just floating by while it seems like nothing is really happening. I've got this project I'm working on that seems never ending, and I'm tired of it, I just want it to STOP. And the other parts of my days are filled with...I don't know what else. Errands, lunches, intentions. I actually have a lot of random things I need to have done and off my plate.

I attended a bachelorette party this weekend, and forgot my bikini bottoms at the hotel. No, it wasn't THAT crazy, I just forgot to take them with me. And now housekeeping won't call me back and I know they're just bottoms but I really want them back! Because now I'm down another bathing suit, and a good suit is hard to come by.

I've also been having crazy weird dreams and eating poorly lately. They're probably related.

I'm doing my best to keep my house neat and tidy, because I really like it when things are neat and tidy. However, I can't seem to get rid of this box of STUFF I have. Random little odds and ends in there that I don't know what to do with yet don't quite want to give away.

How is it that I'm unemployed and have all these things I have/want to do but can't seem to find the time to do them? How does that happen?

Oh, and the movie Burlesque is not so bad, and summer finally decided to show up to the party.

Sara took me to see IRIS last week for my birthday, and it was fantastic. It seems like there's always a moment in every cirque du soleil show that makes me want to cry. Something about the costumes and the music all doing their thing at the same time overwhelms me I guess. Hm...I just realized I went to see my first CdS show with her and now how many years later we are still seeing them together. It was with the French club, and I'm still obsessed with all things French.

Speaking of french, that Joseph guy from 500 days of Summer speaks a sexy french. I was at the bowl last night and he came out and did a few french numbers that drove all the girls crazy. The real frenchies behind us were NOT having any of it though. I believe what they were saying sounded something like "are you fucking kidding me" but then again their french accents were hard to decipher.

So france didn't happen before 30. Quel dommage. Maybe it'll happen before 40. Here's to wishing on a star.

Hump Day

Hello old friend.

Since I've been back from vacation, everything's been a whirlwind. Better busy than bored I guess.

I've been a bit down lately so I took myself to the movies today. I really enjoy going to the movies by myself. I saw The Help btw, which was really fantastic. As good as the book, and as true to the book as can be. Wasn't disappointed at all. Afterward I went window shopping. I know I joke about this but there's definitely a serious link between happiness and pretty clothes for me. Must be the increase of endorphins or something sensical like that. It's almost like a drug addiction. Of course now that I'm unemployed I can't really justify buying expensive clothes. But sometimes, just touching, or trying something on is enough for me. Oh and apparently, fall is here.

The bugs totally ravaged my body this summer. My feet look diseased from all the bug bites that have turned my skin dead. My stomach looks like moldy cheese from all the scars. Since fall seems to be here early, I might as well call it a day on this summer, start a new next year.

Among all the things going on, I do have something to look forward to. A while back I applied for this mentorship program and yesterday I went and had an interview with the people in charge. It went well I think. The more they explained the program, the more I wanted to be in it. It'll be something nice and new for me. Here's to hoping I get in, and that I haven't jinxed myself by talking about it.

Ugh am I still talking?

Stuff

Oh my goodness. My dress is for sale! Do I dare?

The doctor's office called me the other day to give me the results of my mole extraction. Turns out it is nothing, just a plain old mole. I know that should be good news...but it made me really sad. I got rid of my mole that turned out to be just what it's suppose to be, and suddenly I really miss it. Also, I really wanted to prove my mom wrong. I know that sounds morbid, not that I want anything bad to happen to me, but I almost wish something was wrong with it so I can tell everyone, "see, I did the right thing" and that I'm not just some hypochondriac. Which...I'm beginning to think I really am. I'm healthy to the max, which I should be grateful for, and I am. So I'll just leave it at that.

Tomorrow I get my stitches out and then I get on a plane for the east coast.

I also turn 30 tomorrow. Egads.

Had my birthday party on saturday, which I was close to canceling, but turned out to be a lot of fun. The warrens were able to make it out and I'm so happy I got to spend time with them! At one point someone asked me if I was already drunk, and I said no, and laurice replied that I was just high on birthday excitement, which was so true, she's so smart. And people actually showed up, which was nice, because that is always a fear when I plan anything involving just me. Anyway it was good times all around, I'm just bummed I forgot to take pictures with my camera.

Today was the first day of unemployment and so far it's going well. I actually still have a lot to do before I leave. I guess I'm not really thinking about unemployment yet, it hasn't quite hit me. I'm still on extended weekend time. But I know somewhere down the line it's going to hit me that I'm unemployed, and oh boy will that be fun. But maybe I'm just still too excited about being freeeeee!

That's all for now.

Goodbye infoMania!

Well, today is over. It was rough, ever since I woke up this morning knowing what was to come. Paper work was done, my badge and garage parking turned over, boxes of random stuff moved out of the office. Then there was a screening of our last show, which was actually a really good hilarious last show, and bossman made a speech that nearly made me cry. Then we went to the Standard rooftop to have lunch and hangout. I don't understand why that place is so popular, I feel like I need to disinfect every time I leave. Then it was back to the office to say awkward sad weird goodbyes. Needless to say, even though I left early, it was still a long day.

Yesterday I got a thank you email from bossman in the morning. I received it about 20 minutes after I had just seen him in another office. It was a nice email, but the timing of it was just weird. Things have always been weird between me and bossman, I don't know what it is. I know he likes me and respects me...on paper, but in person there's always weirdness. Like he feels uncomfortable around me. So then I try to be all casual with him which comes off weird and he probably responds to that weirdness. I don't know. Some people you just get along immediately, others will always have a lingering weirdness.

I usually stick to the east side anyway, so I won't really know if carmageddon is going to get in the way, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow how crazy it gets.

So all the crazy this week on top of this weekend is keeping me from thinking about turning 30. Haven't really had time. Having my party tomorrow night which I hope people show up for. I'm getting my stitches out and then hopping on a plane on my actual birthday, so maybe this 30 thing will totally just slip under the radar. Let's hope.

More to say, but tired for now.

Thread porn envy.

I'm so jealous of THIS girl. Not only is she pretty she's got THE dress I want. Not only is it JUST the type of dress I want, it's hand made, so it's one of a kind. Not only that, it was hand made for Zooey Deschanel. Argh. Some girls have all the luck. If any of you see a dress like this around, give this girl a HOLLA.

Bon Anniversaire

Shoot. I missed my 10 year anniversary of blogging. I've been blogging for 10 years people. Ten. Still the longest relationship I've had in my life, and yes that still sounds very sad. I feel like I should have a parade or something. I've been blogging longer than the most famous bloggers out there! It's incredible really. Too bad I haven't done much with it. Just a spew of nonsensical thoughts in my head and complaints people don't want to listen to in real life. Maybe when I'm unemployed I'll start a new blog that does something interesting. Until then...Happy Anniversary DB!

Must...Not...Scratch...

So, as most of you know, my sister had her baby nearly a week ago, so a week early. The due date was suppose to be today. But her having the baby last weekend was such good timing for everyone! It was a three day weekend so we had the chance to drive up and see the baby. Had it happened on a week day, or in a few weeks, it would've thrown things off. The baby is perfectly healthy, and also, it's actually very cute. I was ready for the baby to possibly not be cute, as it takes babies a few days/weeks/months to grow into their cuteness. But I can honestly say, she is ADORABLE. But maybe I'm the biased aunt. I find myself watching this 10 second video I took of her on my phone. She's not doing much, just moving her lips around or something. It could almost be a photo. But I don't know, I just keep watching it. So fascinating...babies.

Last night I went to this nerd meeting. It was an old coworker who decided to get some techy people together to talk about the new FCPX. Seeing how I'm going to be unemployed shortly, I thought it would be a good idea to go. Today, I'm regretting it. Hard. The meeting itself was fine. A lot of nerdy techy talk was thrown out there. Interesting what people had to say. I didn't have much to contribute but I got something out of it. Plus it was nice to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. BUT. We sat out on the patio with a great view of LA. And while I was trying to keep up with the nerdiness, the mosquitos attacked me. At least, I'm thinking they were mosquitos. Someone today suggested fleas. Possible, but I'm still thinking mosquitos.

I think the last time I got bitten so bad was that one dreadful night in Taiwan when a mosquito somehow got through the nets and bit me all night long. That time I counted over 100 bites. Last night, it was 25. But 25 very painful ones. I don't think people believe me when I bring it up. They think I'm being a wuss. But boy if you all could see what I see on my stomach and my legs and my arms...it's bad. Everyone i've shown pictures to have said something is wrong. It's puffy, bulgy, and making my skin very hot. I think i may have an allergic reaction to them. I've been putting creams on it all day. But I'm also afraid of disease. I looked stuff up on THE INTERNET today (BIG MISTAKE. Big. HUGE) and read that symptoms may not show up for a few days. If i die of west nile I'm going to be even more pissed off with FCPX than everyone else already is.

I iced myself with a bag of frozen fruit. (Note to self, make some ice. But the thing is, I never use ice at home! Not even during the summer!) All I can think about is how all these bites are going to leave scars that won't go away until after summer probably. Great. Wonderful. Just in time for my birthday, and JUST in time for my beach holiday where said bitten places will be on full display. At least I can cover them up for now. But I'm going to be a freak at the beach. And yes, screw that last post about me not being vain, I DO care how I look, and being covered in ugly bites was not on my beach agenda. This makes me very angry. Also, the itchiness is making me very angry. It's like I have the chicken pox all over again. Arrrrrgh.

These bites along with my stitched up arm is making me feel very broken and defeated...not to mention irritated. I can't sleep on my right side! And I'm slapping myself all day because I don't want to scratch and slapping is as close to relieving the itch as I can get. Geez, this is pathetic.

Holy Mole-y

I got my mole removed today. I have very mixed feelings about this. It doesn't help when two people who just found out have asked me why. But not just oh, why. But like....WHY?? (Yes you too S!) Don't people just get suspicious looking moles removed? Apparently not.

It's going to leave a huge scar. On one hand, I don't think I'm that vain, so the idea doesn't bother me too much. Hopefully it'll be less noticeable than the mole itself (which, I know, that hope is vain in itself). On the other hand, it doesn't help that the doctor told me it was going to leave a huge scar in this voice and face that said, ARE YOU SURE? I don't have many visible scars on me, I think it'd be cool to have one...shows that I've lived somewhat. At least that's how I'm trying to rationalize things in my head.

I want to say that I didn't remove it for cosmetic reasons. I've lived with it for a long time and have gotten used to the looks. You know how guys will sometimes look at a girl's boobs when they talk to her? Well, since I don't have much in the chest area to look at, people tend to wander their eyes over to that weird looking mole on my arm. Sure it makes me a bit self conscious sometimes, but not enough to make me want to remove it for cosmetic reasons. But maybe I'm just lying to myself. Maybe that "you're so vain" song was really about me.

I want to say that I did it for medical reasons, because it is very suspicious looking, and all the doctors who have looked at it have said that they'll have to remove it and test it to be really sure. But then again, I'm pretty positive that it is non cancerous since I've lived with it for so long. Also skin cancer doesn't run in my family...or asians really. I've already waited 10 years since the last time I almost got it removed, and I'm still perfectly healthy, so I'm sure it probably could've waited another 10 years. I'm 97% sure, so I did this for the 3% just in case? I don't know.

Basically what it came down to was that I have insurance now, and may not have as good of insurance later, when I'm unemployed. That's pretty much the main reason this all happened. Do I regret doing it? I don't think so yet. I really don't know how I feel about it. I guess we'll see when I get the stitches off and see how ugly it is. The tests for the mole will come back clear, and my mom will say I told you so, and now you have this ugly, very visible scar on you. Moms can be so in your face.

But also this was such a big deal in that I went the western medicine route. I grew up not really going to doctors. My grandparents own a pharmacy, so drugs and diagnosis never seemed to be a problem. And eastern chinese medicine has a different way of thinking. The idea of me getting this mole cut out of my body would be pretty ridiculous to the rest of my family. Or maybe just unnecessary. But what this is really about is once again, I'm stuck between east and west. I mostly grew up here so I tend to do more westernized things, but that doesn't mean the eastern ways aren't always in the back of my head, gnawing it's way out. And sometimes going back and forth wondering which one's right, or the better way is just plain exhausting. I'm exhausted.

Argh.

What happens when you get too egotistical and self absorbed and blog too early about your awesomeness? It comes back and bites you in the ass, that's what, and you end up back on the couch. I'm so tired of being sick!!!!!!!!!

And now I'm going to bed.

Finally!

I'm on fire today. I'm back at full capacity! Well, 98%, but it's close enough. I'm feeling much more like myself today. No more slumpy dumpy SH. I put on one of my favorite summer dresses today, and my hair was cooperating nicely. I made some very wise cuts in an interview today. When bossman came to take a look he agreed with all my cuts. I even got a slight pat on the back as he walked out. If we were dating,the pat would be on the "hot make out session" level. Seriously. He barely looks at me in the hallway, and sometime when I come into the room. So a pat on the back is HUGE. Also he can do it without looking at me. Anyhoo...

I also forgone (?? forwent?) my favorite show tonight, SYTYCD, in favor of a yoga class. I thought it'd be a slow easy way to get my body back into things. I'm so amazed that I missed working out. This didn't use to happen. But now I actually miss it. However, thinking yoga would be easing my body back into things was wrong. I always forget how hard yoga is.

The only not awesome thing I'm doing today is having a microwave dinner at 10:30. But we'll just skim over that yes?

Decisions decisions.

I love nyquil. I can very easily be hooked on it. Even addicted.

Last night was the first night I slept without nyquil, and boy did I not sleep well. The lack of it made me realize how well it was making me sleep. I bet one of these days we're gonna hear in the news how bad nyquil is for you, just like eggs and sugar and coffee. And then I'll have to quit. Maybe I should buy some nyquil stock. I know my bossman is on the stuff too.


This year I've been again invited to the beach house in NC by my DC friends. Timing works out pretty well because it'll be the week after my layoff. Only downside to it is that in order to meet up with them in time to drive to NC, I'd have to travel on my birthday. For the whole day! My 30th will be spent on a plane. In the air. Mostly sleeping or watching something. That doesn't seem very fun. But then again, my birthday celebrations will be the saturday before, and I'll have already had my fun. And as of now nothing's really planned on my actual birthday. I could just end up sitting around at home with no plans, in which case, I might as well be flying. Oh decisions decisions. What do you guys think?

If I do go to NC, I was thinking of maybe stopping by NYC before heading back. Thing is I don't have many close friends there other than B, and he'll be on long island, not the city. But it would be nice to hang with him for a few days on long island, he tells me it's nice there. Decisions decisions.

A, if only your wedding was a few weeks later, I'd be in the UK like THAT.

Maybe I'll plan a trip for Paris in the fall...Decisions decisions.

I'm off to celebrate Father's day with the fam. I've been so horizontal for the past few days that being vertical takes a lot out of me. Let's hope I make it!