Geez, everyone and their mother knows Bernie...whats up with that?

Regrets

I know one mustn't live life full of regrets, which is why i try not to have any, but there is one in particular that has come up as of late. That is, why can't i be good on my violin. Why do i (for lack of a better word) SUCK as a musician? I always hate telling people how long i've been playing the violin when they ask. (which translates to: don't ask me how long i've played) I think its just other musicians' way of sizing you up. Cause thats what i do. But for me in particular, you can't really judge how good i am based on how many years i've been playing. It would not be an accurate measurement.

I met this guy mike on the shuttle today. He had his violin with him, which is how i started my conversation with him. From what he was telling me, he must be a great violinist. And then i got to thinking, why am i not better than i am? And the only answer i can come up with is, I'm not passionate about it. I like playing it, but there is no passion there. But does that make a difference? Does that matter? It must. I think, if i was passionate about my violin, i would practice more, i would care more, or maybe even care less about how good i am, or should be. Non lo so.

My prof. says i have to play the piece with more feeling. "It's suppose to be happy and lively!" says he. But how can i when i find the piece utterly boring. Fake my enthusiasm? I guess i will have to. But i've never been really good at faking things.

Realization #538: I don't take criticism very well. Some people do, some people don't. Sometimes i wonder how i can possibly be a vis arts major, because you're being critized all the time, constructively or otherwise. I would love to be someone else watching me when i'm being criticized by someone. I would laugh at me. I think (and i can only speculate having not actually seen myself in action) that i make this face (which i don't mean to, but my face just contorts on its own) that spells D-E-F-E-A-T. Whether i'm really hurt by the comment or not, i can always feel myself making this face uncontrollably. Anyways, i can get into this but i won't, cause you're bored. You must be, cause i am.

Ok kids, what did we learn today?

Give sh a whole day, and she'll get nothing done. Give sh 3 hours, and she'll get everything done.

Cappish?

In other news, my film is now up at www.stripedhat.com. Go there, watch it, be merry. I think I shall be updating my webpage soon, so look out for that.

And now its time for.....
Realization #259: There are people who actually read my banters, at least more than i realize.
If that is really the case, then i should use this ability to reach the masses only for good, and evil sometimes.

I wonder what it takes to get your blog up on the Blogs of Note list. Maybe just by writing about it, I will get on. And then it'd be cool to actually read this blog...
Maybe all those people have interesting things to say. Maybe i should make my blogs more interesting. But then again, this IS called Daily Banterings, and i should just adhere to my own title by bantering.

I'm starting a list called "Phrases I've heard people use which i'm going to steal because i like them so much."

1. Middle brow cretin. Ex. You fuckers, you're just a bunch of middle brow cretins. As used by JP in every class in a variety of ways.
2. Obligatory woo. Ex. Now the audience is just giving me obligatory woo's because they pity me. As used by Jimmy Kimmel after a failed joke attempt?
I think i will put this on my website, so go there for more phrases. How do you get there you say? Just click on HOME! It's right there, to your left. A little higher up. Yup. There.

As the weeks quickly pass by, I'm reminded of how quickly this quarter, my last quarter, is coming to an end. It's quite sad to know that i won't be around next quarter with all my friends. What will muirwoods do without me? Who will make drinks for the people (that is, other than cady, jen, cynthia, kate, rachel, and adry)? I know i have to move on, but whenever i have fun with my friends, i sometimes can't help but think about how much i'll miss them when i'm gone.
I'll miss the nightly parties in THE single room with Cady.
How will Kristin and I have our weekly hot saturday night dates?
Who will i go to for an answer to everything if Missy's not around?
I won't get to pretend like we're going to do school work when Stacia's around.
I won't get to be amazed by Sehan's ability to speak italian better than me even though we had the same class....damn him.
I won't be able to try to absorb Jen's intelligence by standing close to her (she still doesn't know i do this, shh.....)
I won't be able to have jam sessions with Chris.
I won't be able to hear Rudi's philosophical answers to life.
I won't be able to play a game of grass with Ephraim.
I won't be able to be amazed by Christine's ability to play violin so much better than i ever will and balancing that with her ability to make me laugh with her funny sarcasm, which I'm still working on...
I won't be able to hang out with angel, who's been gone for so long.
And of the 11 roommates i've had, Dina will always be my first.
And ken, who seems to know just about everything, and who will probably be my boss someday, where's he gonna find another partner as cool as me?
What will memory guy do if he can't quiz me on his daily orders?

Sigh.
I will miss them all. And so many others who i've come in contact with who I'll probably never see them again. Its so sad.
Sometimes i wonder if i should stay the extra quarter, and stay with my friends and what is familiar.
Like Mr. Elliot says,
"Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."

It would be so easy to change my mind. But then i'm reminded that life must go on.

It's wierd when you run into your professors on campus when theres no one else around. Somehow eye contact is made, and everything becomes really awkward. This has happened to me twice, today being one of them.

The first time this happened was early morning, before an 8am class. I was coming from one direction and my professor the other. I quickly realized we were about to converge on the same path towards class, and thus, slowed down my pace. But that didn't work, cause soon i was walking behind him and he probably sensed me there. So we said hellos and ended up walking together to class. Boy that was awkward professor moment #1. First of all, i knew things about his private life that he didn't even know i knew. And because of this knowledge, i didn't particularly look up to this professor even though he seemed like a nice guy. (This knowledge also kept me from paying attention in the class because i just couldn't respect him knowing the things that i knew, therefore i didn't do that well in the class where others may have excelled. Now, you maybe be saying that maybe SH just slacked off or didn't work that hard in the class. That may be the case, but i still think the first reason had something to do with my inattentiveness.)

Anyway.

So today i had awkward professor moment #2, but this time i actually really like this professor. He's this awesome musician who is just so incredibly into what he's teaching and is one of those professors who really wants you to learn what he's trying to teach you. So, again, we were about to converge on the same path, made eye contact, and then said our hellos.

"Are you in my class?" he asks. Yes. He recognizes me!

So, i tend to blurt out stupid irrelevant things when i'm nervous around people, and seeing how i was in this wierd situation, I stupidly blurted out,
"Yea, so i tried going to your office hours yesterday but i couldn't find the room."
Now, after replaying the situation over in my head, i've come to realize that that was a piece of information he really didn't need to know. He had mentioned about 25 people went to his office hours last week. Apparently, they're smart enough to find it. (But i swear, i circled the building so many times and couldn't find it.) So then he's like, "well, where are you going? I can show you right now." And since we were going in the same direction anyways, i followed him to his office. He actually asked for my name, which I wouldn't be surprised if he asks for again, but I thought it was cool he did. And then, you know, walking to his office is more awkward time with him, so i again stupidly blurted out this book I read that I wanted to tell him about because it slightly related to what we are learning in class. Man, can we say nerd? So we get to his office and he's like, ok thanks for the book recommendation. And as i'm leaving, i was thinking what a stupid thing that just was cause i really doubt he remembers the author's name or the title. Not that he's incapable of remembering, just that i didn't make it sound interesting enough for him to care (cause the book is about aliens and the future, and even as i was describing the book to him, i realized i sounded so childish, talking about aliens and whatnot, but it's suuuch a good book!)
So goes the end of awkward professor moment #2. But i can happily say that #2 went better than #1 because I genuinely love this guy and his excitement and energy he has in class.

Maybe i can think of more intelligent things to say to him in the future.

Over and out.

j'ai eu un idee interressant: si je parle comme ceci, il n'y a pas un personne qui comprends! Mais, pas parce que j'ecrive en une langue different, mais parce que ma grammaire est trop horrible que ne personne peut comprends!

anche, ho fame, devo andare a letto....ora!

It's cool that Superbowl is in SD this year, but man....i feel so confined. I'm afraid to go anywhere this weekend in fear of huge crowds and traffic wherever i go. What if i have a sushi deli craving this weekend? I won't be able to just casually drive downtown. (mmmm..sushi deli....dammit!) I've been seeing lots of limos around lately, and i always wonder who's in it. The two teams come to san diego but stay in la jolla, where both hotels are only minutes away from our apt. And it's kinda exciting to know that somewhere in town, gwen stefani, sting, and the "greatest zinger in zee wurld" is lurking about. This weekend should be interesting.

Ok, theres been talk that i don't post enough anymore (or at all rather), so here i am, once again.

You know that scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie's teacher assigns the class a theme? And then Ralphie goes into this fantasy where his teacher is grading all their themes and is just mortified with everyone's boring themes and is just about to give up when, whats this? she gets to Ralphie's theme, and she's reading about his Red Ryder bebe gun, and its the greatest thing she's ever read, and she stands up and announces to the whole class what a great theme little Ralphie has written, and writes "A+++++++++" on the board, while everyone in the class is cheering Ralphie on.

Sometimes i think i'm a little like Ralphie. I let my imagination get too carried away, to the point where i start believing that my fantasies would actually come true, that I would write the greatest theme in the world, and that my classmates would actually carry me on their shoulders and parade me about the classroom.

It's funny cause it's true.

And man.....i love when they play that movie for 24 hours straight on TNT or whatever channel it is the week before xmas.