Remnants.

Just got to my parents house.  Had a bit of a meltdown in the car thinking about it all.  I've been doing pretty good all week trying not to think about it too much but it finally caught up with me on the drive back.  

I'm afraid to leave my apartment.  Because leaving means I'll have to come back eventually and put my hand on the door knob that might be unlocked again.  I'll have to go through that same sense of panick I felt for that brief moment when you realize something is very wrong.  Constantly wondering if I've locked the door throughout the day even though I double checked it.  Preparing myself to come home to another mess.

Today I walked around the neighborhood and unconsciosly checked out every biker that passed me.  Wondering if I'd see some stranger riding my bike.  Wondering how I'd karate chop them after pushing them off my bike.  And then demanding to know where my drives are with my foot on their chest.

Ohhhh my drives.  That's the worst.  Driving back I started thinking about all my projects I don't have anymore.  I've really been putting this off, not wanting to really figure out what i have and dont have and can get back from others.  Music videos, very personal slide shows of fond memories, client projects that they may ask for someday.  My life's work.  Gone...gone. Nothing to show for what I've done all these years.  Thinking about it all makes me nauseous.  And a little hard to breathe.  And then really sad.  And my stomach hurts.

B says my work is not who I am.  While he's kind of right...it does show what I'm capable of.  All those late nights...all the blood sweat and tears.  It'll all be in the trash soon, if not already.

Ugh sorry this is such a downer.

Right now on the tv they're showing all the different ways people are celebrating new year's eve around the world.  Wherever you are tonight, I hope you're safe.  

Don't forget to lock up before going out.

Caesar

Just spent some time chatting with Caesar, the guy who changed my locks. He seems to be going through a rough time in his marriage. Actually sounds like as soon as the kids move out the marriage will be over. Which is kind of sad. What do you do when the other person doesn't trust or want to work on things? Abandon ship? Or keep trying and trying. He had some great stories though, one of which was the night he almost died.

The night Caesar almost died:
He went to visit a friend down in the bad area. This was 20 years ago when things in LA weren't as cleaned up as they are now. As he's going into his friend's apt, two big guys ask for his money. They said if you're coming into the barrio we have to take your money. Caesar said if you want it you'll have to take it off me. That's when one of them attacked, and he punched him back. Caesar goes up to his friend's apt. 20 min later, 40 guys show up, with guns and all. The friend that Caesar was visiting was friends with the leader of the gang. The leader was about to storm the apartment, break down the door. But Caesar came out before that happened. The man Caesar punched accused him of attacking with a knife, but Caesar had no knife and tried to convey that to the leader but the leader wouldn't believe him. So Caesar said, I'll show you how I did it, and the leader said ok. So the gang of 40 circled around Caesar, and they pushed the guy that Caesar punched into the circle as well. Caesar showed everyone how he punched the guy in the first place.....by punching the guy again. After seeing this, the leader shunned the guy, calling him a chicken. The gang then proceeded to buy 3 cases of bud light to share and party with Caesar, who was now free to come and go at his friend's place.

The end.

I wish I had a little animation to go with that.

I probably got way too personal with him, but he seemed like he wanted to talk, so heck. He seemed like a good guy.

Blargh.

Too tired for a bitch and moan sesh tonight. There's been enough bitching and moaning, am I right folks? Am I right?

But still...can't help wonder if all these events and incidents that keep happening are suppose to mean something. Am I suppose to extract some sort of lesson from it all? Is the universe trying to tell me something? I don't want to play the victim here but, really world, really?

Maybe this is the universe's way of fighting with me. Like play fighting, not arguing. I'm always talking about wanting to fight someone. But look, I meant that physically, not like...universally.

Or maybe it's a right of passage. After all, I never got a bah mitzvah or quinceanera or a debutant ball. I've yet to go on my walk about.

Or it could all just be a great big coincidence.

Ok ok ok, i'm bitching again.

Enough. Enough now.

I'm hungry.

...

Ok I realize no one needs minute by minute details but it's the only way to get my frustrations out.  She gave me exactly an hour and then said she had to put her kids to bed and that she would call me after that to let me know if the cd copying was working or not.  Guess what, that was an hour and a half ago.  Of course I'm not going to call her at 1:30am right now.  But if you say you're going to call and know that I've been eagerly waiting and have had an uncomfortable conversation with you already, why would you not call?  I bet she'll say she forgot or fell asleep.  She's not the only one busy, I have to work in the morning too, but I just wasted 2.5 hrs and still haven't gotten what I wanted.  Oy vey.  Really, too much to ask?  Am I just complaining? 

ARG

I am so frustrated, and getting my stuff taken is the least of my frustrations right now.

My building manager just made me cry. Luckily not while I was on the phone with her, but I hung up and was so frustrated with her that I admit, I cried.

We have security cameras in the building. They're in the office downstairs. But she's telling me that she won't be able to get to them until the 4th when she gets back from vacation. She is physically here until tomorrow afternoon, like down the hall from me. But she has "alot of other things to do and has already taken these days off." And if she looks at them at night, it's after her work hours, and she won't get any sleep having to go through all those tapes. I mentioned calling the property owners. She said she can't give me their number (unfortunately I don't have it in my lease, i can't find it on the internet anywhere) and all they would say is for me to call her. She said the detectives will understand. Have them call me, she said. I told her I would go through the tapes myself, but she says I'm not allowed in the office, no one is. I was so frustrated with her, she was not willing to help me out in any way...not until she gets back on the 4th. She kept asking me if I understood. Of course, but I asked her, if she was in my situation and her apt was burgled, wouldn't she want to get to those tapes as soon as possible? At the end I told her to please call me when she gets back. To which she replied, "don't worry, i'm not staying there, I'll be back." Do you understand what I mean? She is so.......not there. Of course I'm not worried that she's not coming back, I was just telling her to call me.

Great, so now she just called back to tell me that she talked to the property owners and even though they said she is still free to do it on her own time, that both she and I will have a better new year holiday if she does it before she leaves. Agreed. So we are meeting up tonight to go through tapes. But right now I don't really want to see her or have to talk to her at all. And will have to thank her and be gracious later for having her take time from her sleeping hours to go through tapes.

The finger print man just got here, must go now.

Waiting to Exhale.

But not as sexily as Whitney Houston. More like an upside down Juno.

So finger print man came and went. Nice old chap with a very friendly face. He was able to get a few fingerprints, though the situation doesn't look too good. He didn't seem too excited over any one print. More like...after the door (point of entry) didn't produce much evidence, he seemed like he was just taking prints to make me feel satisfied. Not to say he did a bad job, but I just got the feeling that at one point, he was just going through a process, letting me see he was really working so I feel better. Which is fine, I mean, it is my tax dollars going to work, what's a few more prints that might turn into something. I zoned out, thinking about how it's part of this guy's job to go through something he probably sees as pointless just to show someone he was doing his job. And how many more jobs like this there are out there. Not to say he won't come in handy in a real crime scene. I'm sure they're great at those. But in a small burglary? As he was finishing up, he said, "we'll take this back and try and catch this guy." Which, I thought was sweet of him to say since I think we both knew that most likely they won't.
Also, he smelled very nice.

I've since mopped the floors to get rid of all the powder but there's still powder around to clean up. Who knew this stuff was so hard to clean? I'm so very tired but still waiting for the manager to call so that we can go through tapes. Back to cleaning I guess.
It's going to be a long night.

**********************************

Just got back from an hour of tape watching with the manager. Gonna cut this story short in case this is ever googled. I don't want to go on and on about what I really think of everything since she gave me an hour, and I know she's genuinely trying to help, so I recognize that and appreciate greatly. But we're not done. Not even close. But at the end of the hour she realized that she could just copy everything and burn it on a cd. Which is what I'm waiting on now while she puts her kids to bed. I just hope it works.

Also, after fingerprint man left, I went to my neighbors to inform them to be careful. First up was Ms Running All Day Long. Who actually opened the door this time. I knew she had just got back from work so she was still milling about, probably putting groceries away or something. She seemed happy to see me. Like, Oh, hello! Instead of, Oh, You. And when I told her what happened the first thing she asked was if I was ok. Which I thought was totally sweet of her. And as I'm standing at her doorway telling her about what happened and how to use a swiffer pole as a door jam, I'm thinking, it's really a shame that I can't stand her running, because she seems like a really sweet person and we might get along as good neighbors if it weren't for the running and me moving out soon. She was grateful that I notified her and I was happy to be of service. And her place looked nice.

Next up was Mr. Accordian player on the other side. I hear his accordion playing from time to time when I pass by his door. I think it's kind of nice really, and I've never heard it from inside my apartment. He practices the accordion more than I do my violin. Tisk tisk. It's just his loud bassy mexican music early in the mornings I can't stand. It's one thing if I actually heard the music. But all I hear is a rhythmic bass beat, which is so annoying when you're trying to sleep. I've already gone over to him one morning to tell him to turn it down in the nicest way possible, but after that I didn't think he was a fan of me, and the music seems to have started back up lately. So I wasn't surprised that when I knocked on the door the first time, he didn't come to the door. He just softened his accordion playing. So I rang the door bell. He took a really long time to get to the door but he did finally come. Once I told him what had happened he softened up and was engaging in conversation and was also glad I informed him. He had a nice smile.

Time to moooooooove.

Bigger sigh.

I miss my bike already.

I'm afraid to do more looking around because I'm afraid I'll realize that more stuff is missing.

It's just all my work....I think I can get some of it back here and there but still...all of my work...

I think the shock has subsided and now sadness is moving in.  Also anger.  Fern offered to let me stay at his place for the night but part of me is just too too tired and the other part of me just doesn't want the burgler to win.  I don't want to give him the satisfaction of scaring me out of my own place.  Even though I am just s touch concerned because what if he left the door unlocked so that he could come back and get the rest of the stuff he missed, like my computer!  He wouldve just walked in and out the front door as though he was invited.

I'm so tired.  I'm oddly calm but I'm also afraid once I sleep on it I'll realize what's happened in the morning.  And also I'll have to deal with the untouchable mess outside my bedroom.  Who knows when the fingerprinters will show up.

I'm done with you 2009.  Done.

Sigh.

This has got to be one of the worst weeks ever.  

Here I am, blogging from my phone, waiting for the police to come.  It's been an hour and I've been told not to touch anything so I'm sitting on the floor, afraid to touch anything to see if anything else has been taken.  

They took all my portable hard drives.  All my work and the backup were on those.  And my expensive camera.  At least they left my computer.  They even went into my closet.  

I came home and found it odd that I didn't lock the deadbolt.  And then panicked when I thought I left the door unlocked as well.  I walked in and everything seemed fine.  Then I noticed the sliding door wide open.  It actually took me a while to figure out what happened.
Drives and camera I'll never get back, fine, whatever.  But all of my work?  Even the backups of my work.  And why aren't the police here yet they're only down the street.  I couldve walked there and back by now.  

It's just stuff, I know.  I still have my puter and my violin, thank goodness.  At least I think it's still there, I'm looking at the case right now but I'm afraid to pick it up to find it unusually light.
  
Now that he knows I have all this stuff now how do I know he won't come back for the rest?

I went to report it to the manager and her husband seemed to have no clue what to do.  She said she'd be back soon but she's not here, the cops aren't here.  

I just wanted to go to bed when I got home, not deal with this.

Let's play the at least game:
At least I still have my computer and violin
At least I wasn't here sleeping when he came (although that is still a possibility)
At least I have a roof over my head and I can go to bed tonight and start new tomorrow.
At least my car was only towed and not stolen.
At least I wasn't arrested
At least I can afford to move elsewhere
At least I still have a job to go to
At least I'm alive.

Let's end this with a funny story since the cops still aren't here yet.  So B had given me one of his hard drives to copy some stuff onto a few days ago.  He gave it to me in a large bag from the Pleasure Chest as a joke.  The drive Is now gone but they left the bag.  Shit I just realized they took my bike too.  This story isn't so funny anymore.

Goolingers

Seems like this was the year for confrontations.  Annoying next door neighbor, restaurants supposedly tipping themselves, arguments with a close friend about wrong doings...and yesterday, man who tried to cut in line.  

MWTTCIL was a big guy with a beard and long hair, kind of biker intimidating just by sheer looks alone.  There was probably three of me in him.   

So I see mwttcil talk to the group in front of us in line and thought maybe his group of three was with them. But then the man in front of us pointed to the back of the line and that's when I realized the three were not with them.  And they were not moving to the back, they just kind of lingered by us.

The thing that annoys me most was the sense of entitlement.  It doesn't matter that others had to come early to wait in line, they did not have to follow the rules.  There was just no consideration for others around them.

So when mwttcil turned to my brother and said with a chuckle, "you don't mind do you?" and my brother looked like he wasn't going to say anything, that really set me off.  Um you don't mind getting your ass to the back of the line do you?

That's when I told mr mwttcil, "actually, the line's back there."

I don't think he was expecting an answer for his rhetorical question.  He was just assuming we'd be fine with it.  Which, the idea of that pissed me off even more.
 
He then tried to get all slick and nicey nicey with me and said, "look you have your tickets already right?"
To which I answered, "yes, and the line is back there."
(The show was sold out and i was trying to cut down whatever excuse he was going to have.)  To which he said "well if you have your tickets and I have my tickets, we're all going to get in anyways right?" and then something about there's no need to be like that.  I rolled my eyes and told him again where the line was.  His group then somehow slithered behind us or we blocked him from trying to get in front of us or something, because he ended up behind us.  I still wanted him all the way to the back of the line but if the group behind us didn't care or weren't paying enough attention, then oh well for them.  Would this be considered chickening out and not following through?  

What I should've said to mr. mwttcil was, "if we're all going to get in anyway like you say, then you should have no problem going to the BACK of the line". That's what I should've said.

It would've been fun to fight him, I was ready.  More fun physically than verbally though a verbal fight is probably as far as it would have gotten.  I pictured myself jumping on his back and pulling his hair, like that scene in Princess Bride where Wesley jumps on Andre the giant's back.  A girl can dream.

But it didn't feel like it was worth it at the time to take it any further.  As long as he didn't cut in front of us then that's as far as I'll go.  I guess this is what they mean by pick and choose your battles, and lately I've been picking them all it feels like.  Even the battle with the friend that I probably should've just let go...but I just couldn't.
Looking back now, was it worth it?  If I didn't say anything I knew it would just eat away at me.  So maybe it was worth the strained relationship, who knows.

I might have one more battle to fight before the year's over:

Got my car towed last night and cost me $300 big ones.  Part of that was a $45 lockout fee, which they even admitted twice was for them to "break in" to put the emergency brakes down.  I never asked to have my car towed and I surely never asked to have my car broken into so that they can tow my car!!!!  Is that even legal?  If they can't tow my car due to their inability to tow said car without breaking in, isn't that just too bad for them?  Why am I paying a fee for them to 1)break into my car so that they can 2)charge me more to tow away my car?  Why?  Because they needed something to add up to $300 that's why.  It even looks like they changed the tow fee from $140 to  $160!!  Why?  To make all the fees add up to an even $300 thats why.  The 160 written down was clearly not the first number written down on the receipt.  Don't know if that one is worth fighting for though.  He could just say his hand slipped while writing.

So while I put my google fingers to work, if any one knows about the legality of breaking into a car to be towed, or know any lawyers that would know, please send it my way.  

If I could jump on the towing company's back while pulling their hair, I would.  But for now I've only got my google fingers.  Which I will now coin: "goolingers".

Square One

When I was younger I remember thinking that I would die at a young age.  Early 20s I was predicting, whether from sickness or some freak accident.  I don't know if that was just a thing you have as a kid, where you can't see far enough in the future so you just assumed death was looming around the corner, or if it was one of those sixth sense feelings I have every now and again that just never came to fruition.

In any case, I seem to have bypassed  that phase of my life and am now well into...well nearly 30, not in the greatest shape of my life but physically healthy for the most part.

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that I've made it this far.  Not that I worried too much about death when I was younger, I just figured if it happened it happened and if it didn't well it didn't.  But I guess I could've reassured my younger self about where I am now so that I could see further into the future.

Von asked me the other day where I see myself in five years and I panicked for a brief second because I didn't know and i still don't know.  

But one thing I realized today was that I don't see myself dead anymore when I think about my future.  I still can't quite picture or imagine my future but that dying young feeling has passed.  Which is good I guess.

But I still can't see myself 5 years from now.  Can you?  Even if you can't see yourself 5 years from now at least you have a pretty good idea about where you'd like to be in your life, right?  I don't think I can even say that.  

I need to do some thinking about this.  

As chris martin says:
The future's for discovering 
the space in which we're traveling.

Full speed ahead mr. zulu.    

What ho!

Been having lunches with italiano coworker F and we always learn so much from each other!

He was talking about being sick and not really knowing the protocol here with insurance and what not, and was surprised when the doctor's office told him to go into the office to see the doc. He brought up a good point: how do I get myself to the doctor's office when I can barely get out of bed? Makes sense right? So C and I asked how it's done in italy. Because we were really thinking, how else are you suppose to do it? That's just how it's done! He nonchalantly says that the doctor comes to your home. "HE DOES WHAT??" was our response. We were floored. But it totally makes sense! If you're sick and ailing why would you want to leave the house to pay for some guy to tell you to stay in bed?

And yea, I guess doctors DO make house calls here but the only ones I've ever seen are the ones on Private Practice on thursday nights. And they look expennnnnnsive. I mean come on, they have houses on the beach! But I guess if you want any doctor to make house calls, you want the good looking ones. Am I right? Am I right? Up top!

Also we got into a discussion of americans using the word "like" too freely and casually. It was interesting to see this very recently transplanted italiano use the word as much as we do. After a little research, we all learned that it stems from the beat culture in the 50s.

Also, there is a celebrated holiday in existence called, Epiphany.

I love europeans.

Which makes me think, I need to get out more. I need to be exposed to more odd holidays and language differences, foods and well...pretty much everything and anything.

2010 is the year to do so. It shall be done.

Go forth.

Happy Winter Solstice

Thank goodness today is the shortest day of the year. I'm looking to longer days ahead.

Not much to blog about lately. Mostly in a blog jam.

The opera went great. We had awesome seats, center orchestra. When it started I almost cried. It was all so exciting: great seats, the orchestra sounded fantastic, the costumes, the dancers. But then I lost the enthusiasm two hours in when act 1 finally ended and intermission was about to start. Boy people in the olden times were full of DRAMA...mmm...girrrrlfriend! Not only were they full of silly drama, they were full of repetitive silly drama. The whole thing was in italian, with subtitles at the very top on a screen. My brother was asking if their subtitles were done badly because it didn't subtitle a lot of lines and he felt like he missed stuff. Um...NOPE! I told him that the lines he didn't see subtitled on screen were the lines that they were repeating...and repeating as a duet, and repeating as a trio, and repeating as the whole chorus, and repeating again. I thought the direction was pretty good, as there were cool collapsable chair props, and lots of funny interpretations, and the actors even made fun of their own drama they were acting out. I love when things are self aware like that. Good job opera director. It was rather long, which was the only downside. I knew this would be the case, but I guess I forgot. There wasn't one in this particular opera, but from prior opera experiences, I feel like its all worth it in the end for that one really beautiful aria. Anyway, blah blah blopera.

Been sitting here now just looking around my apartment...thinking of something to write. But nothing comes to mind........nothing.

Post Party

So i didn't go with the ball gown, but went with the little black dress. It was dark inside anyways so no one really can see what's wearing who. I really debated hard core on whether to change at work or not. I brought stuff to change into, but then towards the end of the day decided maybe I shouldn't. On top of that, coworker C was sick at home today AND was not going to the party, so I had no one making me get dressed up. Not that I needed someone to make me, but there would've been no back and forth if C had been there. Finally I realized that I was wearing my holy jeans today and my change of clothes probably would look better than holy jeans. Although i do love my holy jeans. Anyway, I'm happy with the decision I made.

These past 2 weeks I've been throwing hissy fits and temper tantrums in my head. Like i try to visualize how i would physically have a temper tantrum if i had the freedom of a kid. With the arms flailing and legs kicking and all. And then the lying with my back on the ground stomping with my legs and pounding with my fists kind. I never did this as a kid of course, but it sure feels good to visualize about doing it as a grown adult. Y'all should try it. I'm sure it would've felt better if I had actually recreated my visualizations in the office. Let it all out for everyone to see. That would be very cathartic i'd imagine.

Instead I end up copping mini-attitudes to coworker B, who doesn't deserve it at all. Although tonight he said he was feeling the same way, and that I haven't been, so I don't feel so bad.

Not sure what's causing my moodiness. Mostly work I assume sprinkled with personal issues and maybe a dash of PMS? Maybe. I hate blaming everything on PMS though. They have feelings too. (Though usually the ugly kind.) But maybe I just need to do some hard workouts and get some stress and annoyance and anger out, because being sedentary for most of the day 5 days a week does nothing for stress relief.

I'm just saying.

Story of my life.

Just had a conversation with my sister discussing what to wear to the xmas party...and HOW to wear it. I suggested something and described it to her, to which she replied, "no way, don't do that, that'll be too granny looking."

Sigh.

It's starting again!

Rainy days in souther california are the best! It's so nice to fall asleep and wake up to the sound of rain. (Oh, yea except for the last two days when i've woken up to rhythmic thumping first, and THEN noticed the sound of rain being drowned out by the rhythmic thumping...she's at it again!!)

It's suppose to end tomorrow I think, but I wish it wouldn't. Rain IS our christmas here.

Note to self: return books by the 16th!

Had a chat with bff S earlier about me not having an accent really for someone who wasn't born in this country. It's because i learned the language at a young age, i guess. That made me wonder...since I learned english from My Little Ponies and Potato Head Kids and Gem...I wonder if I talk like them? That would be funny. Maybe I do have a great accent I've been after all along! The pony accent. I mean the idea is funny but it's kind of true. After the thanksgiving break, I found myself talking with a slight accent that I think I picked up from having spent so much time with my sister and her husband. But now it's gone. I wonder if I lived in France long enough that I can pick up a French accent. People make fun of madonna for her accent, but maybe you just pick it up naturally. I'd love to have an irish accent too...to go with me lucky charms. That'd be sweeeet.

Our office holiday party is Monday night, which is just the worst day to have a holiday party. Especially since we'll be busy with the year end show. The question is though...dress up to work, or don't bother? It'd be one thing if it was a weekend or a friday night...and if everyone had to go home first. But the venue is so close to work that I'm sure everyone will just go straight from work. I guess we're lucky that we're even having an offsite party. Most people these days don't even have a job to go to.

The rain is coming down pretty hard now. Time to hop in bed and enjoy before there's none left!

I feel like beige tastes.

It's too late to be blogging, but here I am.

My attempt each night to go to bed early ever since we moved has been weaker and weaker. Somehow I always find myself up PAST the time I actually should be asleep. But, c'est la vie.

The rain is finally here! I was waiting and waiting for it all day and right when I wasn't expecting it, it came. As with most things in life, I suppose. Similar to the movie I saw tonight with S...when he least expected it, plop! He went!

Nothing much to report really. I had this online fight today with a friend of mine. More like a disagreement between two opposing view points, but still, it got pretty heated and left me in such an off track state of mind. I just felt really bummed and defeated afterwards. Yes, I realize that one should never have major disagreement conversations online, but, I guess it couldn't be helped. Maybe I should've just left it alone and not rock the boat. But I didn't leave it alone, and the boat was rocked. And was it worth it? I don't know. I feel like at least I got to say some of what I wanted. But I sure don't feel better about us, I feel like there's still tension in the air. This might be boring to read now, but I hope that I can read back on this at a future date and say to myself, "wow, glad we're not still there. glad we have moved on from that awkwardness."

I'm taking my fam to the opera next week. I was surprised that my bro was on board, but I guess one should never turn down new experiences if one can help it. I think I got some pretty good seats too. The man on the phone though....he probably should not be selling tickets for the opera. (Wow, was there an earthquake just now?) Anyway, this man sounded so SOOO incredibly bored and monotone with me on the phone. It's like he was TRYING to be an opera stereotype. Really mr phone man? Really? But, I did call right when the box office opened so maybe he didn't have his coffee yet. So next week, Il Barbiere di Seviglia, center orchestra I think? Should be good.

Also, went back to the corner coffee shop this morning. Once again, Ramon made my latte. I couldn't tell if he recognized me from not tipping, from his manager telling my story, or not at all. I just really couldn't tell. But I tipped him anyways, and decided that it is really just too expensive of a latte for me to go back. Besides, we have milk at the office now. So next time I see Ramon will probably be across the street from the fancy cupcakery. Maybe they'll even have coffee there to go with my morning cupcake. I will drink to Ramon from across the street. Cin cin!

Run run reindeer...

Today was a weird day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was just cranky and annoyed. And then little things here and there throughout the day made me MORE cranky and annoyed and frustrated. I was about to blow a gasket. (Or probably just break down crying in the bathroom. Over nothing. But I went home before that had a chance of happening.) Even coworker D looked worried when I told him I was going home for the day.

Maybe that's the problem. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I looked outside a window and saw the sunset over the LA skyline and that made me really sad for some reason. It was really pretty though.

Tonight i looked on craigslist for housing swaps in different cities for the holidays...no luck. I think my place would be ideal for someone from out of town based on the location it's in. Plus every day the cupcakery looks like it's going to open sooner and sooner. If i were me and looking to visit LA i'd think i hit the jack pot staying in my place. Too bad I actually live here, and am not a tourist.

If only I can find another me on the internet...on craigslist no less! How would you ever trust someone on craigslist? What if i showed up in Paris only to find that the place didn't really exist, and I just gave up my keys to complete strangers who are partying in my apt while I'm stranded on the street? But more importantly, the idea of complete strangers staying at my place would be kind of weird. I'd worry about them going through my stuff, spilling beer on my couch. My beloved couch. But I see all these amazing places on craigslist that people are trying to swap out, and their furniture is 10x nicer than mine! How do they do it??

And yes, S, I even looked up the Holidate casting page...I'd be willing to go on TV if they can take me somewhere nice. But the application looked too vague...I only have this one week window that I'd be willing to go on TV for, and i'm sure they tape that months in advance.

The search continues I guess. I'm thinking it's a little too late to go out of the country, as I would probably need to apply for visas and whatnot. Suggestions anyone? Where's the coolest city you've been to?

And now, I leave you this:

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

I'm filled with annoyance and rage today. I just want to throw a tantrum right here in the middle of the office. I want to throw things and shout. I can't stand people today. I just want to leave.

And go far far away.

Mr Murch

Being a bit antisocial for lunch today, decided to sit at my desk. And then I got to watching this, the first 15 min are fascinating, but watch the rest if you have time.

Ugh, why is this so hard?

I need 200-4000 characters to express myself and tell people who I am. Been putting this off for weeks. Months even. Every time I come back to it I end up stalling, like now. I can write a whole entire post about how much I can't write about myself instead of writing about myself. And S, I know you've offered your services and I totally appreciate it but somehow I feel like that is cheating and false advertising somehow? Like people would not be happy if they found out. Like I should do this on my own somehow. But yet...I just can't find the words to start. I'm reminded of 6th grade when Mr. Fredstrom taught us how to write essays. He said to start with an "attention grabber." BOOBS. That's an attention grabber. But that is more visual and I need words. At least 200. This is like in college when I should've been writing my stupid essays but instead came here to blog and waste time. Except now, no one's grading my essays except me. Actually, YOU, my audience.

Ok, how about this. You guys start the first sentence for me. Y'know, like that game, where you start the first sentence of a story about SH, and she finishes it. It's a really fun game, I promise. But um...email it to me. This is embarrassing enough as it is.

Uh oh beef recall. I made some meat sauce yesterday. I hope what I used wasn't the recalled kind.

Today was a lovely day of rain, cold, and rainbows. Looking forward to the rest of this rainy week. Hope everyone stays dry and warm!

Jedi mind tricks, they are

This has been the third time that some lady has stopped me in the middle of whatever they were doing to hand me their card.  "Call me" they always say, "I do readings and I sense something about you." They've all said the same thing.  Sure they could be saying it to get my business.  But all three have just randomly stopped whatever they were doing to give me their cards.  Maybe there are just a lot of fortune tellers in the area and I just happen to run across them often.  Or maybe I DO have something about me that catches their attention.  

Could be one of many things:
1. I just look like a sucker.  Perhaps it's all over my face, out there and open for them to read.  Remember the trader joes incident?  I rest my case.

2. They can sense that I have special unlocked powers and want to help me unlock them for a one time fee.  I'm totally willing to pay for the ability to fly or move things with my mind like a Jedi.

3. Maybe I have evil spirits in me that they want to get rid of.

I'm putting my money down on #1 as the most likely.  However this has sparked some interest. Especially when there's been multiple incidents.  Could be fun.

Also the roomate is back.  And by roomate I just mean the neighbor.  For the last 2.5 weeks I have not heard a peep from her side of the wall.  But her car was still in the garage.  After a few days I figured she was propbably on vacation.  After 2 weeks I thought, my that is a long vacation, I hope she's ok.  And i started to wonder what if something had happened to her inside her apt, like maybe a pile of newspapers fell on her.  But then j reminded me that people would be looking for her by now.  Right, of course.
So I sat back and enjoyed the silence.  And I played my tv loud.  And i played my music loud, and sang songs loud.  And I didn't hear any running or loud door slamming or excess tv noise from her side and life was good.  

But then this morning I heard the loud door slam and the tv turn on and movements coming from her side.  I guess the vacation is over...for both of us.  

Hot off the press!

So I showed up at the restaurant for the 2nd time, and asked the waitress for the manager, who wasn't there again. Out on a delivery, not sure when he'll be back, is there anything I can help you with? So I thought about it and thought maybe she would be able to do something about it without me having to wait for the manager to come back. I explained the situation to her, how the waiter wrote in his own tip, and she just seemed confused so I just decided to wait. While I waited I thought about how stupid I might have sounded to her, especially when she said, "so you didn't write a tip amount?" and I firmly said "no." Ugh, and she was the familiar one too.

Anyway, I sat down to wait and was JUST about to post a comment about how silly I felt, waiting in the restaurant for the manager who wasn't there for the 2nd time, wondering when he was going to show up and exactly how long I should be waiting for him, and maybe this whole thing isn't worth all the trouble and anger when suddenly he was behind me.

"Before you even say anything, I know exactly what you're going to say and I can explain."

Apparently the waitress had gotten to him ahead of me and must've explained the situation. So he goes on to explain that this was a bank issue, and this happens all the time. When you use a debit card and don't leave a tip, the BANK automatically adds 20% to the amount for who knows what reason (he asked if I noticed it was 20%, I said YES!), but that it is a pending amount, and in a few days when the bank settles the amount, they'll take off the added 20%. Why they do this he does not know, he's had many phone calls to the bank, and had to answer to many customers about it in the past, and has had it happen to himself, but he GUARANTEED me that once the bill is not pending anymore, it'll be back to the regular amount I was charged.

Oh....um...good to know?

As soon as he was able to beat me to my answer before I even explained the situation fully to him, I realized that something else was involved, and it was not the waiter, Ramon. Sorry Ramon, for having bad thoughts about you all day. You seemed kinda nice too, and I enjoyed my latte.

So, case closed I guess! I left a little red and embarrassed for being so angry with them, but I guess now I know for future reference, and my blog audience can avoid this somewhat embarrassing situation by learning from me?

Y'know what else I learned though? I learned that across from that cafe, in what used to be an old tire/auto lot, will be the future home to a fancy cupcake shop. Oooooooooooooooooooh. I am in trouble.

So there you go kids. Thanks for all the links and support and sympathy anger, really, I truly appreciate having backup.
I'll be having a cupcake on your behalf in a few weeks. (each)

The Nerve!!!

Um....so.

The coffee i got this morning was great, it really was. But I did not tip them. Ok, so sue me, I didn't tip my coffee guy. I've never been a big fan of that cafe anyways, but I do admit they have good coffee. I vaguely remember not tipping and just signing my slip. However, if I HAD tipped, which I am admitting here I probably didn't, I probably would've written down $1.

I'm going through my receipts and expense just now and saw that they had charged me .70cents more than what was charged. And what do you know, I did the math, that is about 20%. Unfortunately I'm not very good at math, so if i HAD tipped the guy, I would've made it $1 to keep things even, I wouldn't take the time to figure out that 20% is .70 cents.

The nerve of the guy to write down his own tip!!!

Ok, I've only worked at a small coffee shop before, never really a waitress so I'll have to say I haven't worked in food service. I know it's a hard job, and when I do eat out I tip regular to fairly well, depending on things. But is it normal or a waiter's right to just write in their own tip? I took my coffee TO GO. I didn't even stay. This is why I hate that place. This plus the fact that their food is bland and their service is usually rude and horrible. But they're close and they have good coffee which is my excuse for my scant visits.

I'm not sure what to do now. It's not about the .70 cents. Who cares, it's less than a dollar. It's about the PRINCIPLE!! Is it even legal for them to write in their own tip?? So do I want to go and complain about .70cents? And lose ever going back in there again? I've never been a good complainer, even if I did talk to the manager he'd probably sense this right away and tell me to get lost. Or do I just suck it up and ignore it and keep my coffee privileges and let them get away with it? Maybe I can write a yelp review and tell everyone to stay away.

I need some thoughts from my readers, thanks.


BTW, this is my 700th post, take 2!

Reality vs My Head. Spoiler alert: Reality wins.

We used to get milk at work. 1% and half and half. For our morning cereals and coffee and whatnot. Ever since we moved, we have not gotten milk. Rumor has it that there will be no milk. So I resorted to what we do have, those little cups of creamer with the Indian on them. And by Indian i mean the native american kind and not the south asian kind. It always bugged me that these things don't have to be refrigerated. Why not? I don't know. Because it's not real dairy? I don't know what's in them really. But I don't like them in my coffee, it's just never tasted right.

This morning, I decided to go across the street to get some good coffee before heading out to work. Because last night was a late night at work and I wanted to treat myself to a cup of good coffee with real milk, the kind that has to stay in the fridge. While I was crossing the street I noticed some workers by my window. I thought they were cutting down the trees and got my hopes up but turns out they were just pulling cables (probably brought down by the trees).

As I was watching these workers pull their cables and crossing the street and thinking about my coffee, I heard my name being called. I turned around. It was the brit. We said hello and chatted for a bit. I didn't think I had much to say but I could just hear myself from inside my brain listening to myself yapping away about this and that. Nervous habit I guess. And then he had to get to work and I had my coffee to get and away we went on our separate ways.

It was not suppose to happen like this.

All the times I've imagined running into the brit, the scenario always played out better in my head than it did today. I mean, wouldn't you say that the whole milk coffee cable men story was better? I was practicing for a cool, calm, nonchalant SH. One that looked fabulously fabulous. With a long cigarette dangling from my gloved hand. Think Audrey Hepburn. And I would say things like, "How doo you diuuu." Or, "What, this old sequined ball gown? Why, I wear this when I wash the dishes at home." Instead I was surprise attacked from behind (ok, not really) and yammered on about things I can't even remember now. Of all the days to not wear my ball gown! Sigh. Such is life I guess.

Perhaps if the encounter had occurred AFTER I had my coffee I would've been a bit more prepared. But this was PRE-coffee SH. One should always let the woman have her coffee first before getting down to business! I'm just saying.

Hello? Is anyone out there?

I know everyone is very busy, especially this time of year, but I miss reading my blogs!  You know who you are.  As much as I like to talk about myself all the time, it's nice to read up on you too.

I was just leaving a comment on S's blog about how I'm trying to wear more makeup as she is trying to wear less.  I've never been a big makeup wearer, mostly chapstick until about two months ago.  Something made me start thinking that perhaps I should wear just a bit of makeup to pull myself together, look a bit more polished at the workplace rather than looking like I just crawled out of bed (which until two weeks ago I was pretty much doing).  I think it was some podcast somewhere.  I just want to look just a bit more professional and perhaps be taken a bit more seriously and maybe more my age and thought that some color on me would help.  

I'm actually liking it so far.  Somedays it looks better than others, I'm still trying to figure out where best to apply my blush so I don't look like a clown.  I don't even know if people at work really notice since it's so slight, but it does give me a bit of confidence boost when I see myself in the bathroom mirror.

Oh I think it also had something to do with color correcting at work and seeing how well it works and wanting to apply the same effect on myself.  If Brett is looking a bit pasty, I add some color to him.  I think I was feeling a bit pasty so I decided to add some color on myself with makeup.  I'm getting to the point where I'm getting bored with my look and would like to step it up a notch but I'm trying not to buy things I'll only use a few times.

I don't know where this makeup conversation is going, I'm boring myself. 

I can't work

Our servers are down at work today as is the Internet, so I've resorted to blogging from my phone.  Technology is amazing really.

So I know yesterday I was poo pooing BBC world news but today I heard the most amazing thing that made me smile from ear to ear on the way to work.  And since I have limited search abilities, I'll just have to tell you the story,  and provide the link later when I have some Internet access.

Apparently there's this guy in south England that has bought all those old red iconic english public phone booths and has decided to turn them into tiny libraries all over town!  No fees, no checking books in and out.  You leave a great book in the booth, you take a great book out the booth.  How awesome is that?!?!!!  Now I want to go to there just to check out these mini libraries.  Maybe take a book as a souvenir.  Maybe publish my blog into a book and leave it in the booth!  Genius!

I really do hope this idea works out for them, and people don't trash these booths and take them for granted.  If I had one near me I'd take really good care of it.  Maybe make some curtains for the booth.  Bring it some flowers or a plant.  The possibilities are endless.

695?

I swear I had a post earlier this year about my 700th post, but now blogger is telling me that this one is 695? So confused.

I just spent an hour perusing the internet on a pointless project. It's amazing how much time is so easily lost on the internet.

So with all this increase of UC tuition and all the subsequent student protests...it made me think back of my college days and how there were so many protests all the time for this cause or that cause. There was a huge one I vaguely remember, the vague part being exactly what cause it was for. But I remembered it was a big deal and was in the papers and all. And all this made me wonder what happens after college? Do people give up on causes? Were we just naive children in college thinking we can change the world and have since become bitter apathetic adults? Or is it just harder to congregate as a large group without the college environment so people don't do it as much?

I'm still getting used to this "commute" to work thing, and the "not being able to come home for lunch" thing. So far, it's been alright. I get to listen to npr in the car instead of from bed. Except, my npr during the commute hour plays BBCNewshour and they tend to report on heavier subjects like aids in africa or soldiers in afghanistan or female mutilation. All very important topics to explore for sure, but just a bit much to swallow as an intro to work every morning. Does that make me a really shallow American? Well, I sure feel like one when I switch the station. Perhaps I should start listening to podcasts in the car. Any good suggestions? Oh! I should get back to my french podcasts and practiquez mon francaise dans la voiture. Ah...oui!

Still looking for a holiday getaway, though I have more than enough projects to keep me busy during the holidays. I have my reel to update, my website to redo, my sister's wedding video to put together, things to sew and learn to sew, the apartment to reorganize and decorate...you get the picture. Still, would be nice to get away somewhere. If only other places had the SH tour, I would go there and take it.

My family is very familiar with the SHLA tour since there are always so many out of town guests that want to see LA. And everyone always really enjoys my tours. (Mostly because I take them to eat yummy things and they leave happy.) So much so that I've put thought into how to make it a profitable business. The idea is to customize an LA trip catered to the person taking it. If you are young and hip, I take you on the young and hip tour. If you are of the star crazed kind I take you to see celebrity things. Eat where the celebrities eat. If you are old and have stiff joints, I don't take you on the hikes. And so on. Kind of like in India when we had our own guide for a few days. It was small and intimate and nice. (Especially when I was puking all the way up the mountain. And then all the way down the mountain. It was nice not having to share that with a bus full of strangers.) Except he didn't eat with us and that was a bit weird. I would DEFINITELY eat with my tour group. Unless they were annoying. Then I'd make an excuse to leave during meals.

Oh yes...I think that's why the tour group business idea never really panned out. If the group was cool, then it'd be a fun time for everyone involved. But if the group was annoying then I'd be stuck with annoying people for days at a time, and most times I am just not a people person. So I will scratch that off the list...again.

Bonnuit, tout le monde!

I want to punch you in the face.

Do you guys remember Being John Malcovich?  That movie blew my mind!  The idea of crawling through some magical tunnel and into someone else's head and seeing things from john's perspective was so on the money.  Sometimes I wish I could crawl into someone else's head.

So many fights and arguments are started from miscommunication.  I see it first hand all the time.  If only people could walk into the other person's mind and realize that last insult they threw at you wasn't intended to be an insult at all, and was in fact merely a way of saying I really care about you.  If only that was the case we'd save ourselves a lot of hurt feelings and misguided anger, and replace that energy into saving the earth or something of the kind.  I see it all the time, I'm guilty of it too.  

The thing with being at home is I end up seeing a lot of Chinese tv.  I don't watch it persay, I can only handle short doses.  Well today I saw this taiwanese model on the tv and as I watched her speak I had a huge urge to punch her.  Sounds harsh I know, but it's really an urge.  The strange thing was that this urge felt familiar.  Then I found out it's the same girl that is in red cliff, this Chinese movie that will be out later in December.  When I found out it was the same woman, it made sense, because I remember wanting to punch her when I saw her in the movie.

I'm not one to usually advocate violence but it's just this deep urge I get when I watch her.  She's just so....the only word I can think of is "soft".  I know she's a model and all but this softness in her is not sexy at all.  It makes me really angry in fact (I think that's where the punching thing stems from).  

This might not be my place to say but... I just feel like if you're going to use your pretty, use it from a place of strength and confidence.  Exude it until you can't exude no more.  Don't be this soft little thing that giggles and smiles and...to me just seems so weak yet proud in the weakness.  I know it's not my place to judge who people are and how they are, I wouldn't want to be judged either but...I can't help it, the urge to punch her just washes over me when I see or hear her.  Maybe I just feel the need to toughen her up with a good punch.  Wake her up, snap her out of her softness, like a good boxing coach..  

I just feel like we're not all blessed enough to use our pretty, that's what models are for, and more power to them.  But when you're in the public eye with millions of young girls looking up to you, you can't be soft, you gotta be a bit tougher, like Tyra (even though she is way weird a lot of the time) or Heidi klum.  So I think me punching her would be a good thing for her...yea?

Speaking of models, just want to remind y'all that dec 1st is the airing of Victoria's secret annual angel fashion show.  I love this show so much and look forward to it every year, it's always quite the production.  And, you're welcome.

Stuck.

Another holiday gone, another overstuffed stomach.

Bob, the Chinese turkey was stuffed with sticky rice that tasted better than it looked. Thanks Bob, for your sacrifice.

Maybe because I grew up here, but I love that Thanksgiving was spent in a tank top, sipping iced coffee. Something about that is kind of comforting, like pie.

Speaking of pie, we got the last French Apple at Marie Calendars. Hooray! Pie has still yet to be eaten.

And so it begins, the holiday season. I feel like I was just here a few weeks ago, don't you? Next comes the buying of stuff and then the giving of the stuff and then the baking of stuff and then the eating of stuff. Lots to be done for the coming month.

Nora Ephron has been a bit disappointing, as this book isn't as good as I was hoping it would be. I have another waiting in the wings though, so don't worry dear readers.

I have this urge to write lately, but can't come up with anything (thus the lackadaisical blogs). Sometimes I get too hung up in the end result (the next great american novel) and then get performance anxiety which results in existential paralysis. So bare with me while I form my thoughts.

I need some feed back, dear readers. I'd like to know what's interesting and what's boring to read about. Thanks.

Bedtime

Funny how with a bunch of people around you it can still feel lonely.

I'm thinking of taking a trip after Xmas.  Not sure where I want to go or what I want to do exactly.  I just haven't gotten away in a while.  C suggested we go to new Orleans together but for some reason that doesn't get me excited at the moment.  Perhaps if it were spring.  Thought about maybe Vermont or Colorado, but both states involve intense coldness and nothing to do except ski, which I'm not great at.  It'd just be beautiful, but i dont need a whole week of beauty.  Thought of maybe a tropical island like Bahamas or Hawaii but those involve sitting around doing nothing.  I can't make up my mind, any one have suggestions?  Been to any of these places and have some recommendations?  Europe would be nice but not enough time to make it worth while.

Update on the new library which I had a chance to visit today: a combo of old and new books, though I'd say probably more new than old ones.  This thanksgiving will be spent reading nora ephron, and I'm eager to see whether her novels stand up to her movies.

It's nice not to have cable sometimes, as much as I feel left out when everyones talking about the latest winner of top chef.  However tonight my sister caught me up on the city, a spinoff of the hills which is a spinoff of laguna beach.  After listening to her talk about these shows I'm really glad cable is not in my life.  I'd most likely end up watching these shows if I had access, and for now I'm really glad I don't.  (though sometimes I wouldn't mind vegging out on antiques roadshow, that's the 60 yr old in me speaking.)

The sound of music

I should really learn not to doubt A, my conductor. Every time I think i'm done with the orchestra, we end up having a great night that makes it all worth while. Tonight went so smoothly. Our soloists: superb. The audience were a plenty. And the location! Wow. We ended up at Mel Gibson's dopleganger's huge loft down town with awesome views of the downtown skyline. I mean his living room was large enough to fit a seated orchestra of about 25, and then an audience of about 50. His bathroom had no doors, it was an open toilet, open shower, all behind this wall. Hard to explain. Definitely quite the bachelor pad but I did see his gf later on. It just all came together so nicely at the end. It always comes together nicely at the end. I always panic and doubt, I need to just learn to chiiiiiiiil. A coworker came and enthusiastically said we were "amazing," which was nice to hear. I always think these things would bore people. As I was leaving I had a brief conversation with Mr. Mel Gibson (which is what I'm calling this guy) who I thanked for letting us so graciously use his fantastic place to let us play our concert. He thanked me for playing and said we are definitely invited back. What a cool dood.

I love my dentist

I love my dentist. They are just simply the most friendly people ever. The front desk lady always remembers me, even on the phone, and today even asked if I did something different to my hair. The doc asked if I still had a job. They redid a filling that was falling out and did a minor filling on a tooth that was too exposed (guess I'm brushing too hard) and didn't charge me! I only see them twice a year and they can remember these things and be so nice, it's incredible. I really love them. I wish all my other experiences were as great as going to the dentist. Plus, another check up with no cavities when I thought for sure I had one. Turns out the tooth was just sensitive, like the rest of me...go figure.

Cheesily content.

Had a long day at work today where the internet was down all day and access to some servers were down as well. Seemed as though everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. What did we ever do before the internet? How did we ever fact check. Gather media. Download images. Send emails with attachments. How did anyone ever make a TV show without the internet????

(This btw, is rhetorical, in case A decides to send me a link to how tv shows were made before the internet. Not that I don't appreciate your links A. It's just rhetorical.)

I even had to send a virtual email by physically going up the stairs to gather my producers up one by one to ask them to come watch a cut. What?

I've been watching a lot of mad men lately, and i just wonder: what are all those secretaries doing while the men drank and smoked their days away? They're all typing away, but what are they typing up? If I were to go back in time to days of mad men, and tell them about this thing called Internet and Email and Ichat...omg, they would all giggle in my face and go back to typing on their type machines. But at least I'd probably look really cute in my 60's outfit. Being laughed at in your face isn't so bad as long as you look cute right? Super.

Also, what is it about SPIRAL mac and cheese that makes it taste better than regular mac and cheese? Everyone knows this, I mean, the spiral kind even costs MORE than the regular kind. But I just can't figure out why. More surface area to be coated with cheese? Perhaps. An irregular shape that sharpens the tongue's senses? Maybe. Ok, here is where I'd like a link...I'd really like to know. Thanks to my bff who introduced the idea of mac and cheese to me back in elementary school. As a little asian, i didn't comprehend the idea of noodles covered with bright yellow sauce. But she fed me spiral mac and cheese during our summers together and I was enlightened. Today I had some with turkey meatballs from trader joes. Delicious. Even day old microwaved spiral mac n cheese is still way better than regular mac n cheese. Why is that?

Tonight I went to hear Walter Murch speak at a group meeting too nerdy to name. I've been excited about this for a month, and boy, he did not disappoint, even with the short amount of time he had. He is just this vast wealth of information and ideas and the things he said really made the mice in my brain run really fast. HE is what I aspire to be about. I hope to meet him personally some day in a more intimate setting where I can just pick his brain and he can download all the life experiences he's had into my brain. Some exchange of that sort would be ideal. Plus he just looks very... debonaire for an older gentlemen. I hope my brain still runs like his does now when I'm his age.

Today was a long day, but getting to see Walter Murch speak made it so worthwhile. I am now happy and content.

Ergo, ego.

Sometimes when I see people not taking criticism well from me or from someone else, I just want to say to them, Chill Out, I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to help you in the area I'm criticizing you in. But as always, it's easier to dish it than to take it.

I don't take criticism well myself. I take everything as a personal attack on me and who I am, and how much I've failed (depending on how much you criticize). I can't step back and try to look at things on a bigger perspective, like I wish others would. I want so much to succeed in everything I do that I take criticism, even constructive ones, as failure.

I automatically go into attack mode ("well...you're a stupidhead!" is usually what runs through my mind). I think of all the reasons why they're wrong and how they're wrong. And then I cry and feel like a failure when I realize they're right.

It really all comes down to EGO. Yours and mine and his and hers. I really can't stand having a bruised ego. There's been times when I know I'm wrong and having to admit it is so so SOOOO hard to do. Maybe I should read some freud. Better yet, maybe there's a podcast...I have a feeling freud's gonna be a tough man to conquer.

I guess I just need to learn that it's ok to fail. When I fail it's just a chance for me to get up and do it better the next time. A second chance. How often are you given that? I guess as many times as you fail.

Also, I guess failing's not so bad. If you fail well enough, you get minor celebrity status on failblog. And....if you were the very BEST at failing, would you really be a failure?

How do you guys think you handle criticism?

Live high, live mighty, live righteously

I've been reading a few of my posts from this time last year, and feel like my latest posts haven't been my best work yet. I'm losing my touch, if i ever had it.

I want to write poetry, clever dialog, LOL jokes that make you spit out your milk through your nose, followed by a smart quip or one liner that gives the allusion of my cleverness on all levels and yet....

And yet I only write about writing them.

This time last year I was kind of in a bad place, from what I remember. This time this year, I'm in a better place, but still have not reached that peak yet. But I guess it's best to not peak at my age, since I have so many more ages to go.

Lately I've been in love with Jason Mraz. The ridiculous kind that I've never had with a real person. Probably because these crushes I have are usually on people out of my reach. You know, the unrequited kind that only leaves anguish and sorrow because it is so unrequited. Mostly this happens with celebrities/musicians and well, guys out of my league. But I told Hills about this problem knowing her love for Jason Mraz as well, and you know what she said?? She told me to quit being so Emo. Sheesh! I've never been called that before, but that explains it so clearly. I think it's something about his lyrics, he laces them with drugs or something. I'm not usually big on paying attention to lyrics, but he is so good with his words, WHICH! is obviously indicative of his hands' abilities....obviously. I just watched his performance on Conan, and it made me smile from ear to ear.

I'm all about words lately seems like. His, yours, mine. I guess I have a lot to say.

Dreams

I've been watching a lot of mad men and californication lately.  Both great shows in their own right, though I do enjoy the humor in californication more.  Funny how these two shows both started out as pilots in ny, and moved to la for production after the shows got picked up. Moving to where my work is moving in a week.  Which on one hand is exciting...I'm hoping to run into January jones or David duchvny in the elevators.  Maybe there will be more posts about celebrity sightings.  On the other hand though, I will no longer be within walking distance of work, which is a little bit sad.  No more going home at lunch for peoples court!

Speaking of work, today was a sad day as there were major bloodbath of layoffs at the company.  Exactly a year ago today, I had the same fate as some of my fellow coworkers today.  But this time around, I am safe: still in the running to become America's next top model.  I also realized that I don't get to see this side very often, the side where you have to keep working as the people around you are kicked off the island one by one.  Usually I'm on the other side, the biggest loser.  Not sure which side I like better.

Well I'm safe for now but who knows for how long.  And watching the mad men extra features last night really makes me want to work on a show of that caliber.  This guy wrote a pilot a few years ago and now he is the executive producer of a hit show.  And he has creative control.  And people like his vision.  And the people that like his vision are all the best at what they do.  Imagine that!  Having the best and therefore being the best.  Must be so fulfilling.  Someday hopefully...someday.

The next morning...

The whole apartment smells like ratatouile!  

I've refridgerated the batch, thrown out the trash, did the dishes, left the sliding door open...yet the smell lingers.  I woke up several times during the night wondering if I left the gas on.  This does not fare well...

Post Script

I just noticed that last year I had 116 posts. In 2003 I had 128. This year, I'm barely breaking 50. Need to change that. Hopefully if I post more, I can have at least 80 by the end of this year. Aiming for 100, but considering how many days there are left in the year, it might be impossible unless I double up, and that in itself seems like a cheat.

Mmm..rat...atouille!

I got the big idea to make ratatouille tonight. Ok, actually I got the idea this weekend and went shopping for the veggies and decided to make it tonight. Right now i'm waiting for the liquid to come out of the zucchini so I can drain it before I start cooking it all. Long story.

I also had a beer tonight. I'm still in the middle of it. I rarely have beer at home and when I do, its usually for guests that come over. But tonight I really felt like having one. I was almost craving it. Which is weird, because I don't really drink. Hm. Odd.

Back to the rat for now...will update when I'm done.


*************************************************************

So after 2+ hours of chopping and cooking, I now have a rather large pot of ratatouille, read: lunch and dinner for the week to come.

How is it, you might wonder?

To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. It doesn't taste quite like the ratatouille that I had a while back that someone else had made. But it doesn't taste bad either. I seem to have a more bland palette than your average jane, so things that taste good to me might not taste good to the next person. I tend not to use butter or much salt on things, though watching Julia Child has changed my mind a bit. It does sit a bit heavy in my tummy though for a pot of vegetables, perhaps I used too much oil? Or maybe I just waited too long to have my dinner, so that my window of hunger closed. Who knows. I'll be having it again tomorrow, so maybe things will be different then.

And no, I'm not trying to recreate Julie and Julia, the life turned blog turned book turned movie. Cooking something different everyday for a whole year just seems too time consuming for me. Also EXPENSIVE!! I merely remembered how surprisingly good the ratatouille I had last time was, and had a craving.

The thing about cooking as a single gal is that you end up wasting alot. Also, you make something and you end up eating it for the whole week (see the blog post on curry week, junior or senior year of college. Whoa I just went back in time trying to look for that exact post...no luck. I know its there somewhere. College was great. Le sigh...)

Where was I? Oh yea, eating stuff for a whole week, no variation, etc etc.

I did, however, finish an entire bottle of beer tonight. Usually I can only get through 2/3 of a bottle. Pathetic I know. But that's just how I roll.

Great. Now I'm tempted to go back and read my posts from college. They're quite fun and interesting. Geez, I had 2 jobs at one point! Must resist, it's late and I must get to bed. I'll save the memory lane for tomorrow.

Hm...something you might want to look into, A, whenever you're wanting a post from me...just go into my archives! They're new to you if you haven't read them. :)

I am jack's lack of style

Coworker C and i have been talking about hitting up someplace fancy ever since she broke up with the bf last week.   A few weeks ago we "went out" and hit up a place called library bar. 

(I know, what a great theme right?  I thought it'd be a nice quiet bar with good books all strewn about that you can just pick up and read whenever as you sip your gin n tonic.  Kinda like a cafe with alcohol.  Alas, that wasn't quite it.  It was loud with TVs running and the "library" part was only a wall shelf filled with books which I wasn't even sure was real.  It looked like something out of mickey's house in toon town...No matter though, C and I still chatted with each other and had a good time there.)  

This time though we wanted to step it up a bit and go a bit fancier, maybe someplace with dancing.  Now I'm not a big fan of the Hollywood clubs.  I've only been to one once and had an ok time but felt totally and completely out of place and out of my element.  So when I say dancing I'm thinking more like...a dive bar with an updated jukebox.  But C is fancier than that.  So we decided on bar lubitch, a recommendation I got from fern.
  
In preparation for this fancy night out she asked what I was going to wear, and seemed a bit disappointed when told her my plans.  So we went shopping on melrose today at lunch in search of something fun I could wear.  I really liked the first place we went to except that I didn't love anything I tried on there.  A few items were ok, but nothing screamed "buy me".  
One piece that her and the saleslady both really liked, I thought looked like a kimono on me, so I passed.

Now I understand I have a certain style that is somewhat...reserved I guess you can say, and that C is just the person to help me change things up a bit, but if I don't feel comfortable in a kimono dress, then I'll never wear it.

We go to another store and this time the saleslady was a bit too eager in selling us her stuff.  Let me just say, if you've never been shopping on melrose...the merchandise can be a bit...hooch.  Not everything...but a lot, in my opinion.  To me it's where you'd go shop if you want to hit up a Hollywood club.  But then again, not saying you can't find a nice dress to wear to church either.  

Anyway, so this saleslady is suggesting stuff here and there that was a bit too hooch for both of us. Just a bit tacky.  But there's some good stuff too so we keep looking.  C keeps asking "how bout this, how bout that" but I wasn't really into anything.  Just as we were about to leave something caught my eye and I went to pull it out and as soon as I saw it, I thought it was totally cute, though I should've just kept it to myself.  C looked at it and gave me a look.  And then I looked at it and, well, I would've given myself the same look.  

I suddenly registered what I was suggesting in this store full of hoochy mama dresses.  It was a pale blue knitted sweater...with pretty flowers on the front.

At that moment it dawned on me.  I am 60 years old!!!  I mean, it wasnt bad enough that i picked out a long sleeve sweater among a sea of lowcut tightness.  But it was knitted and had flowers!!!!  What was i thinking?

Well i was thinking that its going to get cold soon and that cute sweater would keep me warm.  What was that sweater doing in THAT store anyway?  It was trying to sabotage me that's what!  If I had found it at a different store it would've been fine.  It just didn't fit into our lunch mission of finding something fun and sexy.  Also I am 60 years old.

C and I have different styles and tastes and I'm open to new things she may throw my way but i know I'll probably stick with what's comfortable more often than not.  But she made a good point today which was, you're going to lose it as you get older, it's not going to last forever, so show it off while you still can.  She's right.  I'm going to try it.  Slowly.  Today was tough though, with the short dresses.  I like to be able to sit in all kinds of positions and not have to worry about whether im flashing someone or not...so usually that feeling leads me into jeans.  One sleeve at a time I guess...

I slammed my boyfriend's head.

This morning, I slammed open the door of the building, eagerly awaiting the warm sunshine to hit me, only to hit something...hard. When I looked down I saw a pair of legs. I turned around to see my boyfriend, lying on the building steps, his upper body behind the door. He mumbled something after I said, "oh, sorry!"

I was really not expecting him to be there.

There's this homeless guy that stands by the garage door below my bedroom window EVERYDAY. I see him every morning at work when I go upstairs to get my coffee. Sometimes I think he sees me too. Coworker Dan has taken to calling him my boyfriend. "Hey your boyfriend's out there waiting for you."

Well today I slammed his head. I think it's safe to say it's over.

Do you guys drink Yakult? In taiwan, it's a kids drink, kinda like box juice, and I grew up drinking it like candy. It was a special treat. Like chocolate milk. To my surprise, it started being sold as some sort of healthy probiotic stomach regulator drink a few years ago in the states. I laughed. But man, they are the ones laughing now. This weekend I was in the grocery store, and I saw the package of yakult and suddenly had a craving. I went to pick it up only to see the price of 3.99, and then withdrew the hand. 3.99 for a package of like...6! Are you kidding me? Do you know how tiny they are? At the asian grocery stores you can get like 8 for .99. Something ridiculous like that. It's sad that my childhood treat has been hijacked.

So just a heads up, don't get it at the regular grocery stores if you're ever having a craving. Find it at your local asian grocer.
And...you're welcome.

OMG

This is probably old and fairly general knowledge, but did you know Alan Greenspan was somewhat a student of Ayn Rand's?? He was in her collective and everything. Crazy! But probably not that crazy. I need to wiki this relationship of theirs. But heard it on the radio today and couldn't even believe there was a connection.

In other news, I think I might have a cavity. Balls.

Ho Hum

I love Ewan McG. Even though he can't do an american accent, he is still so sexy to me. In fact it kind of makes him cuter. Maybe I watched too many Long Way Down episodes. Maybe I'm always getting him confused with Peter Saaaaaaarsgard and Jude Law. Who knows. But he was damn sexy in Moulin Rouge. And a bunch of other things. I bet his kids are super cute.

There is a new library opening up in a month! I can't wait to walk through it. I wonder if the books will be new in a new library, or if there will be used books from other libraries in the LAPL system. I'm sure it'll be a mixture of both...though I'm secretly hoping the books will be on the newer side. Sure old books and used books give libraries their flavor. But man, are they dirty. Or, I assume they are. I don't want to find out by conducting my own black light research. I've taken to wiping down all my library books when I get them home with some clorox wipes. I don't want any type of dirt or germs sitting in bed with me when I read myself to sleep. But even with the wiping down they still feel dirty...maybe I just need to do a double wipe.

I know this all sounds very bougie, and very against romantic library ideals. But i can't help it, i don't like dirty.

I also hope this new library will have a good and large selection. The ones by my place are a bit scant. And I don't want to haul my ass down to the main downtown library to find what I want. Though, i probably should go again soon.

And, as if you weren't already sick of everyone else saying it today: What's with the winds?? Our power went out 3 times at work, and I gave up trying to restart my computer after the 3rd time. Let's just hope autosave is my friend in the morning. Hopefully this windy episode will alert my landlord to cut down the trees in front of my window soon. Crossing fingers...

Oh my f**ing....

This day has long been coming. I can't believe i even did it, usually i would have chickened out. But i gathered up all my courage tonight to knock on my neighbor's door.

She is so loud in the mornings! She does these workouts (kathy smith i believe, cuz i can hear it) and i can hear all this rhythmic thumping through my closed bedroom door!! So that starts at 5:45am, (8am on saturdays) for about an hour, and then she gives me some quiet while i just lie awake in my bed, unable to go back to sleep. And then! And then just when i finally fall back to sleep again, it continues at 8am where she runs in circles in her apartment, yes, INSIDE her apartment with what sounds like flip flops, so that every morning i hear this constant flapping noise through the walls. She'll do a few laps in her apt before going out into the halls, up the CONCRETE stairs, across the upstairs halls, and back in before SLAMMING her door to go to work. Every morning. Flip flops. Flap flap flap flap flap x every morning x 30min= a very annoyed me. And her loud tv too. Ugh, so annoying.

So finally i had enough this morning. Actually, saturday morning. I got dressed to go talk to her, but then figured she probably wouldn't want to be seen all sweaty and whatnot. I've ran into her in the hallways before when she's throwing out her trash and she has all this stuff all over her face. Fair enough. No woman wants to be seen a mess. So i tried to go back to sleep. But this morning...oh it was just pissing me off. To the point that i vowed to talk to her tonight after work. When she was dressed and not sweaty and presentable. So i did. Or tried.

First i paced around my apartment. Then finally i made myself go over, during what was the 2nd commercial of a commercial break of whatever show she was watching (because, yes, i can hear her commercials through my walls) so that I'm not interrupting her show. I knocked two times on her door, waiting for a long time in between knocks. I can hear through her LOUD tv what sounded like her getting dressed? So ok, i give her some time. But after a while it was obvious she was not going to answer the door, and i felt like an idiot standing in front of her door. So i wrote a note. Tried to word it so that it didn't sound rude (which was what i was trying to avoid by talking to her face to face). Knocked again, waited again, and taped the note to her door.

And now i'm blogging because i have all this nervous energy from talking myself into this ordeal. But this girl runs EVERYWHERE!

She runs to her door when she comes home from work. She runs a few laps in the apt after running to the door when she comes home from work. She runs down to the laundry room. She runs laps in the laundry room. She runs the perimeter of the garage instead of the straight shot to the laundry room. She runs to the garbage shoot. She runs EVERYWHERE! I applaud her for wanting to stay in shape, but not at the cost of my sanity! Plus running in flip flops can't be good for her feet! Why not just put some running shoes on? At least those won't be so loud.

So, i just heard her throw her trash out, and take the note off her door. I kid you not, i can hear these things. Thin walls, loud movements. Let's see if she leaves me alone in the morning.

Need some opinions. Am I asking too much in wanting peace and quiet? Or is she just crazy!! I wonder if she heard me knocking and saw me at the door with the peephole and decided to ignore me. What if i needed medical aid? A cup of sugar? I'm always friendly when i see her. I always say hi. This is the first time since she's moved in that i've tried to say anything. Why did she ignore me???? What do i do next time i run into her? Be friendly of course, but ask about the note? Pretend it never happened?

Oh yea, also i signed it as "your neighbor" instead of my name, cuz i figured maybe i can keep it vague enough for her to think its her OTHER next door neighbor, to keep her guessing and keep it down. But now when i run into her it'll be awkward....oh what an awkward situation....


NEED YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!

Today

Today, I woke up and could barely walk from my bed. Rewind: Monday I decided to do a Jillian Michaels workout video, and felt great afterwards. Yesterday I felt fine. Today though. TODAY. Sometime during the night my muscles decided to flip out on me and go bezerk and make me look like I have a stick stuck up my ass when I'm walking. It's the calves and the quads....oh...they burn.

This always happens to me. I exercise once; one video, one mile, one hip hop class, one climb. And then I'm hurting for the rest of the week. I know i probably need to work up to these sudden intensities, but I can't tell how intense I'm going until it's too late and I'm hurting a few days later. And then this throws my schedule off, and I'm out the whole week. I wish I could ask Jillian how to do this correctly and not hurt and keep going several times a week. I just want to be strong. I want arms that can punch you in the face if I have to. I want my legs to be calm and quiet after a day of sitting in a chair rather than buzzing and itching for me to take them out on a run. I want to be able to kick you in the nuts and run 5 miles away when you surprise attack me from behind. Suggestions on a good way to get into an exercise routine anyone? (And yes I warmed up.)

This pain won't fare well for Salsa class tomorrow. I may have to skip. The best thing last week was that the female instructor didn't remember me (likely), but the male one did! (surprising) We had a nice little chat while he whirled me around, like we were having coffee and scones to pass the time, instead of busting a move and working up a sweat. Because I am THAT good when I salsa with him. Sigh, too bad I might miss out tomorrow. I even practiced my hand moves, of the Sexy Hand Moves.

Not like the footsteps themselves aren't hard enough, but then they throw in these flourishes for the female arms. If you didn't know already, I have awkward arms. That's why I love pockets, they're practically a must have when I make a dress purchase. They just give that awkwardness a place to be, a home. But I digress...

Not only are these hand moves hard for me to refine, they have an element of sexiness to them that my awkward arms can't quite achieve. It's like when I tried hip hop and realized that my hips "just don't move that way." (Yknow, that "ahhhz...push it...push it good" kind of way. You know.) Arm-in-arm-out-past-shoulder-point-finger-slide-down. Too many things to think about to be sexy and slinky come hither arms. But...I'm working on it. It's just too embarrasing to work on in class, so I have to do it at home by myself, but then practicing isn't really practicing when you don't have a real partner getting in your way. Fiddle dee dee.

Today I had a great hair day. It was awesome.

Today I came home late from a long day at work, and still made myself dinner rather than just ordering take out. Yay me.

Today after pressing very few buttons to make an awesome edit, I realized that I am a sharp shooter. Fast too.

Today wasn't the greatest day that I've ever known, but it was way better than yesterday, so i'm grateful for that.

Come fly with me...

...or Falcon, either one.

Another day, another night of blogging from bed. I should really quit this bad habit.

Today I felt humiliated not once, but twice by technology. I really love you technology but the way we rely on you for the useless things in our lives just makes me feel really sad about the human race...and myself, for going along with the human race. Specifically, fb. There, I admitted it. I can't even spell it out by name. You know what I'm talking about, S. I'm going to hang my head in shame now, for even letting it get to me.

On the bright side of things...I'm getting my own show...on the web. I know you're thinking, who doesn't have their own show on the web these days? But since I work in tv, I'm hoping my show will stand out just a little more. At least I'm hoping. For now it's started out as a joke (actually has to do with my recent blog entry about the scary movie) but I'm hoping I can draw out this joke and make something out of it.
Actually I've always been quite serious about it but when I talk about it people end up finding it funny. And yes the haha kind of funny (no pun intended), instead of taking it seriously. Even though this will deviate from what i originally envisioned the show to be (since 7th grade), I really hope that it goes somewhere, does something, has a following. It's just up to me to figure it out what and how. But also I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't go anywhere and was merely a one time joke. I guess we'll see.

I miss the rain...it was like an old friend, popping in to say a quick hello. I was hoping it would have stayed the weekend. We could've had tea together...

A coworker has decided to take the next 2 months to travel, and boss man approved it. Which means he'll be coming back to a job, safe and secure. I AM SO JEALOUS. And yea sure, since he's doing it, I could probably request the same thing, it's like he opened the gates for all of us, but still...I can't and won't. His reasoning was that nothing was keeping him here; he recently broke up with the gf, he still doesn't have a ton of friends here, and now, work is allowing him to come back. He feels like he's still young, gotta go see the world before he has to settle down. I agree with him completely. But as much as I'd love to drop everything, it's just not my nature. I'm a terrible traveler: I get sick so easily (car, motion, viruses, food). Im a girlie girl in that I'd need my stuff with me. Also I'm not one to venture out on my own. As much as I want to believe that I'm an independent woman, traveling is not something I'd want to do alone. What good is seeing old ruins and eating fine foods if you can't share it with someone else? If i travelled alone, I'd probably spend the entire time blogging in my head to someone that didn't exist! I should have studied abroad back in college, but not like I could've afforded it back then! I'm just jealous that coworker is able to do something I'm too scared to do myself. But good for him, I'm happy for him, though it leaves us in a sucky situation at work.

Oh it's so great when you're ready to go to bed and the sheets are cold and there's the sound of rain outside!  Apparently everyone's been waiting for this rain for a while, people can't stop talking about it.  Yes, including me.

I saw An Education tonight which was really good.  Finally a movie that doesn't make me hang my head in shame!  It's got a cute girl obsessed with Paris and she wears cute outfits from the 50s.  My kind of flick!  Movies like this give me hope in doing what I do.

It also made me really miss British things.  I've never been an anglophile like an old coworker of mine who just wanted to move to London and marry an englishman while listening to Brit pop all the time.  I've always thought it was a bit ridiculous, to badmouth and give up your own culture because you were so mad about another.  

But tonight watching this movie made me miss British things that I got to experience for a short while.   Like the British accents of children and women that I always loved to hear, PG tips, the F word with gordan Ramsey, weird words we never use here, answering a question with a question, and antiques roadshow, the BBC version.  I hope I'm lucky enough to experience all this again in the future, but for now I'm just grateful I was even able to get a glimpse.  

There's been a few blasts from the pasts lately which make me wonder what people's true perceptions of me are after spending large quantities of time with me in one sitting.  I don't just mean a hang out here and there but I mean real quantities of time.  The kind where you find out what really makes a person tick or the deepest secrets you don't tell other people.  I always feel like I start off pretty strong but then lose steam somewhere along the way and become this boring person who has nothing interesting to give...

I have this fear of being too serious and boring.  It's not a fear really more like it's something that's followed me all my life.  And so I try extra hard to get rid of it only to find out that I can't because that's just the way I am.  And I guess the fear really just stems from feeling like I'll be stuck with this stigma for the rest of my life.  Hm...I'll try this another day, I don't know where this is going really.

I'm a SURVIVOR!

What?
I'm not gon' give up
What?
I'm not gon' stop
What?
I'm gon' work harder!!!


Yay!! I survived. I'm still alive, and had an ok 2nd night of sleep last night without TOO many nightmares. The first night I had major nightmares...where Brett was shoveling rats down his shirts and I could literally feel them crawling on my body in my sleep. Ugh. And also the movie just kept replaying and creeping into my thoughts during sleep. That is one sneaky movie. NEVER AGAIN.

Just got home from a night with a wonderful man, Mr. Mraz. He was lovely as usual, but I wasn't digging the new goatee. What I love about him is that aside from talent just poring out of his pores, he also has such a positive attitude and outlook on everything. He is all about saving the world, creating community, love, all that lovey dovey stuff. If i didn't love him so much I'd think he was faking it, but I don't think that kind of attitude is something you can fake for too long. There are moments when he is playing or singing so intensely that I have to look away from him...because it's unbearable. I just can't handle watching him when he gets all that intensity in him. It's just too beautiful to look at.

OMG. I'm starting to sound like Bella. Good lord. Moving on.

It's suppose to rain next week. I can't wait to try out my rubber boots! (Yes, to protect me from the long trek i have to make to work. You never know what kinds of puddles could be lurking about from here to...across....the...street...)

Ok, someone tell me who told Scarlett Johanssen she could sing. I mean, ALLOWED to sing. She is awful, and what is Pete doing anywhere near her? Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she should sing! Seriously. ScarJo, please, do us all a favor and just stick to what you do best: Marble Columns. I'll even allow porcelain fountains. This one or that one or this one or that one. BUT NOT SINGING. Thanks.

Must not...fall...asleep.......

So.  Night 2 of blogging from bed.  But tonight it's because I'm afraid of going to sleep.  The trouble with being single is that you go to bed alone- there's no boogieman protection.  I seriously need one tonight.

The trouble started earlier this week when an email at work went out about how good the movie "paranormal activities" was suppose to be.  And then Brett announced that he was going to a screening of it at the paramont lot.  I asked if I could come along since i havent been back on the lot in forever, and its always fun to catch a screening there, no matter how bad the movie is, and since this one was suppose to be good, i thought it would be fun.  But alas, he already had his +1.

Apparently it was my lucky (or maybe unlucky) day since Ellen bailed at the last minute and I ended up going with Brett.

We both knew it was a scary movie but we were both totally and utterly unprepared.  I don't know what we were thinking...

Actually I was thinking of a completely different movie.  Note to self for next time: watch actual trailer of scary movie before bugging someone to take you to a screening.  Actually no, new note: get your scary movie titles right!!!!

I thought we were going to watch some movie with milla jovovich that was suppose to be scary but would turn out to be laughably funny.  After an hour of the movie with no milla anywhere close in sight, I still thought to myself "wow, how are they going to introduce her this late in the game?". Uh...I am so stoopid.  

Towards the climax of the movie, yes the part where I was shitting in my pants and covering my eyes, I was thinking "wow this must be a weird new way of marketing films...to put milla in the trailer and not even use her?". Boy I am so stoopid.  

It wasn't until after the movie that I realized that I thought I was seeing a completely different movie.  Yes after Brett informed me, "uh...milla jovovich isn't in this movie.".    Oh.
  
Seriously people.  There is absolutely no need for people to see this movie.  Not to say it wasn't well done.  It was actually a really good scary movie.   (says the girl who is afraid to fall asleep).  Who likes scary movies anyways?  Unless you're the type of person that likes to torment themselves.

So now, I'm in bed, so very tired but afraid to sleep.  I've already watched my gossip girl DVDs, lived through blaire and chuck's little games for a few hours, caught the late night oprah (today it was about hoarders)...and I'm tired and want to sleep!!!

I wonder if brett's having any luck sleeping.  His gf isn't home for boogieman protection either so he said he was gonna go home and "watch the shit out of finding nemo."  I told him the only Disney movie I have at home was...Monsters Inc!!!!!   Agh.

So for now, I'm blogging and listening to Jason mraz.  Thinking of puppies and flowers and raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Speaking of MR. AZ, Hills and I will be seeing his lovely face Saturday night, at the bowl!  I'm so excited, we've been waiting for this concert for a really long time.  I know most guys can't stand his music but he is really just oh so talented and just so much better LIVE than on his lame poppy over-produced sellout albums.  Ok sorry I didn't mean that.  It's just that I know he is so much better than his albums... But I guess if you want to go world wide, you have to suck it up sometimes and make albums that sell.  And when you're famous people will pay to see your live shows and see how good you really are...?  Man I'm glad I'm not in the music biz.
Though I don't know how much better my industry is...but that introspective career blog shall be saved for another day when I'm not typing with my thumbs.

What else...

Oh my bff and hubs bought a house today.  What an adult thing to do.  Nevermind the fact that they've been married and have two kids-but they're REALLY adults now.  Maybe not just the house but the whole adult package with marriage and kids.  It's like picture day and picking how many pictures you want.  

They chose package A: the marriage the kids the house and ten 8x11's.  For now I seem to have chosen package D: five wallets, no boogieman protection, and years away from being adult enough to order package A.  
But yknow, I think I can only handle 5 wallets for now anyway.  And guess what S?  You're getting all 5 of them to put on the walls of your new place!  One for each room.  Yay!  
Congrats to you both, I couldn't be happier for you guys.  (do I get a room there too??)

Ok kids.  Enough of this silliness.  It's time for bed.  (who am i kidding, its really because my batteries are dying).

Wish me luck, I hope I make it through the night.