Remnants.

Just got to my parents house.  Had a bit of a meltdown in the car thinking about it all.  I've been doing pretty good all week trying not to think about it too much but it finally caught up with me on the drive back.  

I'm afraid to leave my apartment.  Because leaving means I'll have to come back eventually and put my hand on the door knob that might be unlocked again.  I'll have to go through that same sense of panick I felt for that brief moment when you realize something is very wrong.  Constantly wondering if I've locked the door throughout the day even though I double checked it.  Preparing myself to come home to another mess.

Today I walked around the neighborhood and unconsciosly checked out every biker that passed me.  Wondering if I'd see some stranger riding my bike.  Wondering how I'd karate chop them after pushing them off my bike.  And then demanding to know where my drives are with my foot on their chest.

Ohhhh my drives.  That's the worst.  Driving back I started thinking about all my projects I don't have anymore.  I've really been putting this off, not wanting to really figure out what i have and dont have and can get back from others.  Music videos, very personal slide shows of fond memories, client projects that they may ask for someday.  My life's work.  Gone...gone. Nothing to show for what I've done all these years.  Thinking about it all makes me nauseous.  And a little hard to breathe.  And then really sad.  And my stomach hurts.

B says my work is not who I am.  While he's kind of right...it does show what I'm capable of.  All those late nights...all the blood sweat and tears.  It'll all be in the trash soon, if not already.

Ugh sorry this is such a downer.

Right now on the tv they're showing all the different ways people are celebrating new year's eve around the world.  Wherever you are tonight, I hope you're safe.  

Don't forget to lock up before going out.

Caesar

Just spent some time chatting with Caesar, the guy who changed my locks. He seems to be going through a rough time in his marriage. Actually sounds like as soon as the kids move out the marriage will be over. Which is kind of sad. What do you do when the other person doesn't trust or want to work on things? Abandon ship? Or keep trying and trying. He had some great stories though, one of which was the night he almost died.

The night Caesar almost died:
He went to visit a friend down in the bad area. This was 20 years ago when things in LA weren't as cleaned up as they are now. As he's going into his friend's apt, two big guys ask for his money. They said if you're coming into the barrio we have to take your money. Caesar said if you want it you'll have to take it off me. That's when one of them attacked, and he punched him back. Caesar goes up to his friend's apt. 20 min later, 40 guys show up, with guns and all. The friend that Caesar was visiting was friends with the leader of the gang. The leader was about to storm the apartment, break down the door. But Caesar came out before that happened. The man Caesar punched accused him of attacking with a knife, but Caesar had no knife and tried to convey that to the leader but the leader wouldn't believe him. So Caesar said, I'll show you how I did it, and the leader said ok. So the gang of 40 circled around Caesar, and they pushed the guy that Caesar punched into the circle as well. Caesar showed everyone how he punched the guy in the first place.....by punching the guy again. After seeing this, the leader shunned the guy, calling him a chicken. The gang then proceeded to buy 3 cases of bud light to share and party with Caesar, who was now free to come and go at his friend's place.

The end.

I wish I had a little animation to go with that.

I probably got way too personal with him, but he seemed like he wanted to talk, so heck. He seemed like a good guy.

Blargh.

Too tired for a bitch and moan sesh tonight. There's been enough bitching and moaning, am I right folks? Am I right?

But still...can't help wonder if all these events and incidents that keep happening are suppose to mean something. Am I suppose to extract some sort of lesson from it all? Is the universe trying to tell me something? I don't want to play the victim here but, really world, really?

Maybe this is the universe's way of fighting with me. Like play fighting, not arguing. I'm always talking about wanting to fight someone. But look, I meant that physically, not like...universally.

Or maybe it's a right of passage. After all, I never got a bah mitzvah or quinceanera or a debutant ball. I've yet to go on my walk about.

Or it could all just be a great big coincidence.

Ok ok ok, i'm bitching again.

Enough. Enough now.

I'm hungry.

...

Ok I realize no one needs minute by minute details but it's the only way to get my frustrations out.  She gave me exactly an hour and then said she had to put her kids to bed and that she would call me after that to let me know if the cd copying was working or not.  Guess what, that was an hour and a half ago.  Of course I'm not going to call her at 1:30am right now.  But if you say you're going to call and know that I've been eagerly waiting and have had an uncomfortable conversation with you already, why would you not call?  I bet she'll say she forgot or fell asleep.  She's not the only one busy, I have to work in the morning too, but I just wasted 2.5 hrs and still haven't gotten what I wanted.  Oy vey.  Really, too much to ask?  Am I just complaining? 

ARG

I am so frustrated, and getting my stuff taken is the least of my frustrations right now.

My building manager just made me cry. Luckily not while I was on the phone with her, but I hung up and was so frustrated with her that I admit, I cried.

We have security cameras in the building. They're in the office downstairs. But she's telling me that she won't be able to get to them until the 4th when she gets back from vacation. She is physically here until tomorrow afternoon, like down the hall from me. But she has "alot of other things to do and has already taken these days off." And if she looks at them at night, it's after her work hours, and she won't get any sleep having to go through all those tapes. I mentioned calling the property owners. She said she can't give me their number (unfortunately I don't have it in my lease, i can't find it on the internet anywhere) and all they would say is for me to call her. She said the detectives will understand. Have them call me, she said. I told her I would go through the tapes myself, but she says I'm not allowed in the office, no one is. I was so frustrated with her, she was not willing to help me out in any way...not until she gets back on the 4th. She kept asking me if I understood. Of course, but I asked her, if she was in my situation and her apt was burgled, wouldn't she want to get to those tapes as soon as possible? At the end I told her to please call me when she gets back. To which she replied, "don't worry, i'm not staying there, I'll be back." Do you understand what I mean? She is so.......not there. Of course I'm not worried that she's not coming back, I was just telling her to call me.

Great, so now she just called back to tell me that she talked to the property owners and even though they said she is still free to do it on her own time, that both she and I will have a better new year holiday if she does it before she leaves. Agreed. So we are meeting up tonight to go through tapes. But right now I don't really want to see her or have to talk to her at all. And will have to thank her and be gracious later for having her take time from her sleeping hours to go through tapes.

The finger print man just got here, must go now.

Waiting to Exhale.

But not as sexily as Whitney Houston. More like an upside down Juno.

So finger print man came and went. Nice old chap with a very friendly face. He was able to get a few fingerprints, though the situation doesn't look too good. He didn't seem too excited over any one print. More like...after the door (point of entry) didn't produce much evidence, he seemed like he was just taking prints to make me feel satisfied. Not to say he did a bad job, but I just got the feeling that at one point, he was just going through a process, letting me see he was really working so I feel better. Which is fine, I mean, it is my tax dollars going to work, what's a few more prints that might turn into something. I zoned out, thinking about how it's part of this guy's job to go through something he probably sees as pointless just to show someone he was doing his job. And how many more jobs like this there are out there. Not to say he won't come in handy in a real crime scene. I'm sure they're great at those. But in a small burglary? As he was finishing up, he said, "we'll take this back and try and catch this guy." Which, I thought was sweet of him to say since I think we both knew that most likely they won't.
Also, he smelled very nice.

I've since mopped the floors to get rid of all the powder but there's still powder around to clean up. Who knew this stuff was so hard to clean? I'm so very tired but still waiting for the manager to call so that we can go through tapes. Back to cleaning I guess.
It's going to be a long night.

**********************************

Just got back from an hour of tape watching with the manager. Gonna cut this story short in case this is ever googled. I don't want to go on and on about what I really think of everything since she gave me an hour, and I know she's genuinely trying to help, so I recognize that and appreciate greatly. But we're not done. Not even close. But at the end of the hour she realized that she could just copy everything and burn it on a cd. Which is what I'm waiting on now while she puts her kids to bed. I just hope it works.

Also, after fingerprint man left, I went to my neighbors to inform them to be careful. First up was Ms Running All Day Long. Who actually opened the door this time. I knew she had just got back from work so she was still milling about, probably putting groceries away or something. She seemed happy to see me. Like, Oh, hello! Instead of, Oh, You. And when I told her what happened the first thing she asked was if I was ok. Which I thought was totally sweet of her. And as I'm standing at her doorway telling her about what happened and how to use a swiffer pole as a door jam, I'm thinking, it's really a shame that I can't stand her running, because she seems like a really sweet person and we might get along as good neighbors if it weren't for the running and me moving out soon. She was grateful that I notified her and I was happy to be of service. And her place looked nice.

Next up was Mr. Accordian player on the other side. I hear his accordion playing from time to time when I pass by his door. I think it's kind of nice really, and I've never heard it from inside my apartment. He practices the accordion more than I do my violin. Tisk tisk. It's just his loud bassy mexican music early in the mornings I can't stand. It's one thing if I actually heard the music. But all I hear is a rhythmic bass beat, which is so annoying when you're trying to sleep. I've already gone over to him one morning to tell him to turn it down in the nicest way possible, but after that I didn't think he was a fan of me, and the music seems to have started back up lately. So I wasn't surprised that when I knocked on the door the first time, he didn't come to the door. He just softened his accordion playing. So I rang the door bell. He took a really long time to get to the door but he did finally come. Once I told him what had happened he softened up and was engaging in conversation and was also glad I informed him. He had a nice smile.

Time to moooooooove.

Bigger sigh.

I miss my bike already.

I'm afraid to do more looking around because I'm afraid I'll realize that more stuff is missing.

It's just all my work....I think I can get some of it back here and there but still...all of my work...

I think the shock has subsided and now sadness is moving in.  Also anger.  Fern offered to let me stay at his place for the night but part of me is just too too tired and the other part of me just doesn't want the burgler to win.  I don't want to give him the satisfaction of scaring me out of my own place.  Even though I am just s touch concerned because what if he left the door unlocked so that he could come back and get the rest of the stuff he missed, like my computer!  He wouldve just walked in and out the front door as though he was invited.

I'm so tired.  I'm oddly calm but I'm also afraid once I sleep on it I'll realize what's happened in the morning.  And also I'll have to deal with the untouchable mess outside my bedroom.  Who knows when the fingerprinters will show up.

I'm done with you 2009.  Done.

Sigh.

This has got to be one of the worst weeks ever.  

Here I am, blogging from my phone, waiting for the police to come.  It's been an hour and I've been told not to touch anything so I'm sitting on the floor, afraid to touch anything to see if anything else has been taken.  

They took all my portable hard drives.  All my work and the backup were on those.  And my expensive camera.  At least they left my computer.  They even went into my closet.  

I came home and found it odd that I didn't lock the deadbolt.  And then panicked when I thought I left the door unlocked as well.  I walked in and everything seemed fine.  Then I noticed the sliding door wide open.  It actually took me a while to figure out what happened.
Drives and camera I'll never get back, fine, whatever.  But all of my work?  Even the backups of my work.  And why aren't the police here yet they're only down the street.  I couldve walked there and back by now.  

It's just stuff, I know.  I still have my puter and my violin, thank goodness.  At least I think it's still there, I'm looking at the case right now but I'm afraid to pick it up to find it unusually light.
  
Now that he knows I have all this stuff now how do I know he won't come back for the rest?

I went to report it to the manager and her husband seemed to have no clue what to do.  She said she'd be back soon but she's not here, the cops aren't here.  

I just wanted to go to bed when I got home, not deal with this.

Let's play the at least game:
At least I still have my computer and violin
At least I wasn't here sleeping when he came (although that is still a possibility)
At least I have a roof over my head and I can go to bed tonight and start new tomorrow.
At least my car was only towed and not stolen.
At least I wasn't arrested
At least I can afford to move elsewhere
At least I still have a job to go to
At least I'm alive.

Let's end this with a funny story since the cops still aren't here yet.  So B had given me one of his hard drives to copy some stuff onto a few days ago.  He gave it to me in a large bag from the Pleasure Chest as a joke.  The drive Is now gone but they left the bag.  Shit I just realized they took my bike too.  This story isn't so funny anymore.

Goolingers

Seems like this was the year for confrontations.  Annoying next door neighbor, restaurants supposedly tipping themselves, arguments with a close friend about wrong doings...and yesterday, man who tried to cut in line.  

MWTTCIL was a big guy with a beard and long hair, kind of biker intimidating just by sheer looks alone.  There was probably three of me in him.   

So I see mwttcil talk to the group in front of us in line and thought maybe his group of three was with them. But then the man in front of us pointed to the back of the line and that's when I realized the three were not with them.  And they were not moving to the back, they just kind of lingered by us.

The thing that annoys me most was the sense of entitlement.  It doesn't matter that others had to come early to wait in line, they did not have to follow the rules.  There was just no consideration for others around them.

So when mwttcil turned to my brother and said with a chuckle, "you don't mind do you?" and my brother looked like he wasn't going to say anything, that really set me off.  Um you don't mind getting your ass to the back of the line do you?

That's when I told mr mwttcil, "actually, the line's back there."

I don't think he was expecting an answer for his rhetorical question.  He was just assuming we'd be fine with it.  Which, the idea of that pissed me off even more.
 
He then tried to get all slick and nicey nicey with me and said, "look you have your tickets already right?"
To which I answered, "yes, and the line is back there."
(The show was sold out and i was trying to cut down whatever excuse he was going to have.)  To which he said "well if you have your tickets and I have my tickets, we're all going to get in anyways right?" and then something about there's no need to be like that.  I rolled my eyes and told him again where the line was.  His group then somehow slithered behind us or we blocked him from trying to get in front of us or something, because he ended up behind us.  I still wanted him all the way to the back of the line but if the group behind us didn't care or weren't paying enough attention, then oh well for them.  Would this be considered chickening out and not following through?  

What I should've said to mr. mwttcil was, "if we're all going to get in anyway like you say, then you should have no problem going to the BACK of the line". That's what I should've said.

It would've been fun to fight him, I was ready.  More fun physically than verbally though a verbal fight is probably as far as it would have gotten.  I pictured myself jumping on his back and pulling his hair, like that scene in Princess Bride where Wesley jumps on Andre the giant's back.  A girl can dream.

But it didn't feel like it was worth it at the time to take it any further.  As long as he didn't cut in front of us then that's as far as I'll go.  I guess this is what they mean by pick and choose your battles, and lately I've been picking them all it feels like.  Even the battle with the friend that I probably should've just let go...but I just couldn't.
Looking back now, was it worth it?  If I didn't say anything I knew it would just eat away at me.  So maybe it was worth the strained relationship, who knows.

I might have one more battle to fight before the year's over:

Got my car towed last night and cost me $300 big ones.  Part of that was a $45 lockout fee, which they even admitted twice was for them to "break in" to put the emergency brakes down.  I never asked to have my car towed and I surely never asked to have my car broken into so that they can tow my car!!!!  Is that even legal?  If they can't tow my car due to their inability to tow said car without breaking in, isn't that just too bad for them?  Why am I paying a fee for them to 1)break into my car so that they can 2)charge me more to tow away my car?  Why?  Because they needed something to add up to $300 that's why.  It even looks like they changed the tow fee from $140 to  $160!!  Why?  To make all the fees add up to an even $300 thats why.  The 160 written down was clearly not the first number written down on the receipt.  Don't know if that one is worth fighting for though.  He could just say his hand slipped while writing.

So while I put my google fingers to work, if any one knows about the legality of breaking into a car to be towed, or know any lawyers that would know, please send it my way.  

If I could jump on the towing company's back while pulling their hair, I would.  But for now I've only got my google fingers.  Which I will now coin: "goolingers".

Square One

When I was younger I remember thinking that I would die at a young age.  Early 20s I was predicting, whether from sickness or some freak accident.  I don't know if that was just a thing you have as a kid, where you can't see far enough in the future so you just assumed death was looming around the corner, or if it was one of those sixth sense feelings I have every now and again that just never came to fruition.

In any case, I seem to have bypassed  that phase of my life and am now well into...well nearly 30, not in the greatest shape of my life but physically healthy for the most part.

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that I've made it this far.  Not that I worried too much about death when I was younger, I just figured if it happened it happened and if it didn't well it didn't.  But I guess I could've reassured my younger self about where I am now so that I could see further into the future.

Von asked me the other day where I see myself in five years and I panicked for a brief second because I didn't know and i still don't know.  

But one thing I realized today was that I don't see myself dead anymore when I think about my future.  I still can't quite picture or imagine my future but that dying young feeling has passed.  Which is good I guess.

But I still can't see myself 5 years from now.  Can you?  Even if you can't see yourself 5 years from now at least you have a pretty good idea about where you'd like to be in your life, right?  I don't think I can even say that.  

I need to do some thinking about this.  

As chris martin says:
The future's for discovering 
the space in which we're traveling.

Full speed ahead mr. zulu.    

What ho!

Been having lunches with italiano coworker F and we always learn so much from each other!

He was talking about being sick and not really knowing the protocol here with insurance and what not, and was surprised when the doctor's office told him to go into the office to see the doc. He brought up a good point: how do I get myself to the doctor's office when I can barely get out of bed? Makes sense right? So C and I asked how it's done in italy. Because we were really thinking, how else are you suppose to do it? That's just how it's done! He nonchalantly says that the doctor comes to your home. "HE DOES WHAT??" was our response. We were floored. But it totally makes sense! If you're sick and ailing why would you want to leave the house to pay for some guy to tell you to stay in bed?

And yea, I guess doctors DO make house calls here but the only ones I've ever seen are the ones on Private Practice on thursday nights. And they look expennnnnnsive. I mean come on, they have houses on the beach! But I guess if you want any doctor to make house calls, you want the good looking ones. Am I right? Am I right? Up top!

Also we got into a discussion of americans using the word "like" too freely and casually. It was interesting to see this very recently transplanted italiano use the word as much as we do. After a little research, we all learned that it stems from the beat culture in the 50s.

Also, there is a celebrated holiday in existence called, Epiphany.

I love europeans.

Which makes me think, I need to get out more. I need to be exposed to more odd holidays and language differences, foods and well...pretty much everything and anything.

2010 is the year to do so. It shall be done.

Go forth.

Happy Winter Solstice

Thank goodness today is the shortest day of the year. I'm looking to longer days ahead.

Not much to blog about lately. Mostly in a blog jam.

The opera went great. We had awesome seats, center orchestra. When it started I almost cried. It was all so exciting: great seats, the orchestra sounded fantastic, the costumes, the dancers. But then I lost the enthusiasm two hours in when act 1 finally ended and intermission was about to start. Boy people in the olden times were full of DRAMA...mmm...girrrrlfriend! Not only were they full of silly drama, they were full of repetitive silly drama. The whole thing was in italian, with subtitles at the very top on a screen. My brother was asking if their subtitles were done badly because it didn't subtitle a lot of lines and he felt like he missed stuff. Um...NOPE! I told him that the lines he didn't see subtitled on screen were the lines that they were repeating...and repeating as a duet, and repeating as a trio, and repeating as the whole chorus, and repeating again. I thought the direction was pretty good, as there were cool collapsable chair props, and lots of funny interpretations, and the actors even made fun of their own drama they were acting out. I love when things are self aware like that. Good job opera director. It was rather long, which was the only downside. I knew this would be the case, but I guess I forgot. There wasn't one in this particular opera, but from prior opera experiences, I feel like its all worth it in the end for that one really beautiful aria. Anyway, blah blah blopera.

Been sitting here now just looking around my apartment...thinking of something to write. But nothing comes to mind........nothing.

Post Party

So i didn't go with the ball gown, but went with the little black dress. It was dark inside anyways so no one really can see what's wearing who. I really debated hard core on whether to change at work or not. I brought stuff to change into, but then towards the end of the day decided maybe I shouldn't. On top of that, coworker C was sick at home today AND was not going to the party, so I had no one making me get dressed up. Not that I needed someone to make me, but there would've been no back and forth if C had been there. Finally I realized that I was wearing my holy jeans today and my change of clothes probably would look better than holy jeans. Although i do love my holy jeans. Anyway, I'm happy with the decision I made.

These past 2 weeks I've been throwing hissy fits and temper tantrums in my head. Like i try to visualize how i would physically have a temper tantrum if i had the freedom of a kid. With the arms flailing and legs kicking and all. And then the lying with my back on the ground stomping with my legs and pounding with my fists kind. I never did this as a kid of course, but it sure feels good to visualize about doing it as a grown adult. Y'all should try it. I'm sure it would've felt better if I had actually recreated my visualizations in the office. Let it all out for everyone to see. That would be very cathartic i'd imagine.

Instead I end up copping mini-attitudes to coworker B, who doesn't deserve it at all. Although tonight he said he was feeling the same way, and that I haven't been, so I don't feel so bad.

Not sure what's causing my moodiness. Mostly work I assume sprinkled with personal issues and maybe a dash of PMS? Maybe. I hate blaming everything on PMS though. They have feelings too. (Though usually the ugly kind.) But maybe I just need to do some hard workouts and get some stress and annoyance and anger out, because being sedentary for most of the day 5 days a week does nothing for stress relief.

I'm just saying.

Story of my life.

Just had a conversation with my sister discussing what to wear to the xmas party...and HOW to wear it. I suggested something and described it to her, to which she replied, "no way, don't do that, that'll be too granny looking."

Sigh.

It's starting again!

Rainy days in souther california are the best! It's so nice to fall asleep and wake up to the sound of rain. (Oh, yea except for the last two days when i've woken up to rhythmic thumping first, and THEN noticed the sound of rain being drowned out by the rhythmic thumping...she's at it again!!)

It's suppose to end tomorrow I think, but I wish it wouldn't. Rain IS our christmas here.

Note to self: return books by the 16th!

Had a chat with bff S earlier about me not having an accent really for someone who wasn't born in this country. It's because i learned the language at a young age, i guess. That made me wonder...since I learned english from My Little Ponies and Potato Head Kids and Gem...I wonder if I talk like them? That would be funny. Maybe I do have a great accent I've been after all along! The pony accent. I mean the idea is funny but it's kind of true. After the thanksgiving break, I found myself talking with a slight accent that I think I picked up from having spent so much time with my sister and her husband. But now it's gone. I wonder if I lived in France long enough that I can pick up a French accent. People make fun of madonna for her accent, but maybe you just pick it up naturally. I'd love to have an irish accent too...to go with me lucky charms. That'd be sweeeet.

Our office holiday party is Monday night, which is just the worst day to have a holiday party. Especially since we'll be busy with the year end show. The question is though...dress up to work, or don't bother? It'd be one thing if it was a weekend or a friday night...and if everyone had to go home first. But the venue is so close to work that I'm sure everyone will just go straight from work. I guess we're lucky that we're even having an offsite party. Most people these days don't even have a job to go to.

The rain is coming down pretty hard now. Time to hop in bed and enjoy before there's none left!

I feel like beige tastes.

It's too late to be blogging, but here I am.

My attempt each night to go to bed early ever since we moved has been weaker and weaker. Somehow I always find myself up PAST the time I actually should be asleep. But, c'est la vie.

The rain is finally here! I was waiting and waiting for it all day and right when I wasn't expecting it, it came. As with most things in life, I suppose. Similar to the movie I saw tonight with S...when he least expected it, plop! He went!

Nothing much to report really. I had this online fight today with a friend of mine. More like a disagreement between two opposing view points, but still, it got pretty heated and left me in such an off track state of mind. I just felt really bummed and defeated afterwards. Yes, I realize that one should never have major disagreement conversations online, but, I guess it couldn't be helped. Maybe I should've just left it alone and not rock the boat. But I didn't leave it alone, and the boat was rocked. And was it worth it? I don't know. I feel like at least I got to say some of what I wanted. But I sure don't feel better about us, I feel like there's still tension in the air. This might be boring to read now, but I hope that I can read back on this at a future date and say to myself, "wow, glad we're not still there. glad we have moved on from that awkwardness."

I'm taking my fam to the opera next week. I was surprised that my bro was on board, but I guess one should never turn down new experiences if one can help it. I think I got some pretty good seats too. The man on the phone though....he probably should not be selling tickets for the opera. (Wow, was there an earthquake just now?) Anyway, this man sounded so SOOO incredibly bored and monotone with me on the phone. It's like he was TRYING to be an opera stereotype. Really mr phone man? Really? But, I did call right when the box office opened so maybe he didn't have his coffee yet. So next week, Il Barbiere di Seviglia, center orchestra I think? Should be good.

Also, went back to the corner coffee shop this morning. Once again, Ramon made my latte. I couldn't tell if he recognized me from not tipping, from his manager telling my story, or not at all. I just really couldn't tell. But I tipped him anyways, and decided that it is really just too expensive of a latte for me to go back. Besides, we have milk at the office now. So next time I see Ramon will probably be across the street from the fancy cupcakery. Maybe they'll even have coffee there to go with my morning cupcake. I will drink to Ramon from across the street. Cin cin!

Run run reindeer...

Today was a weird day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was just cranky and annoyed. And then little things here and there throughout the day made me MORE cranky and annoyed and frustrated. I was about to blow a gasket. (Or probably just break down crying in the bathroom. Over nothing. But I went home before that had a chance of happening.) Even coworker D looked worried when I told him I was going home for the day.

Maybe that's the problem. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I looked outside a window and saw the sunset over the LA skyline and that made me really sad for some reason. It was really pretty though.

Tonight i looked on craigslist for housing swaps in different cities for the holidays...no luck. I think my place would be ideal for someone from out of town based on the location it's in. Plus every day the cupcakery looks like it's going to open sooner and sooner. If i were me and looking to visit LA i'd think i hit the jack pot staying in my place. Too bad I actually live here, and am not a tourist.

If only I can find another me on the internet...on craigslist no less! How would you ever trust someone on craigslist? What if i showed up in Paris only to find that the place didn't really exist, and I just gave up my keys to complete strangers who are partying in my apt while I'm stranded on the street? But more importantly, the idea of complete strangers staying at my place would be kind of weird. I'd worry about them going through my stuff, spilling beer on my couch. My beloved couch. But I see all these amazing places on craigslist that people are trying to swap out, and their furniture is 10x nicer than mine! How do they do it??

And yes, S, I even looked up the Holidate casting page...I'd be willing to go on TV if they can take me somewhere nice. But the application looked too vague...I only have this one week window that I'd be willing to go on TV for, and i'm sure they tape that months in advance.

The search continues I guess. I'm thinking it's a little too late to go out of the country, as I would probably need to apply for visas and whatnot. Suggestions anyone? Where's the coolest city you've been to?

And now, I leave you this:

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

I'm filled with annoyance and rage today. I just want to throw a tantrum right here in the middle of the office. I want to throw things and shout. I can't stand people today. I just want to leave.

And go far far away.

Mr Murch

Being a bit antisocial for lunch today, decided to sit at my desk. And then I got to watching this, the first 15 min are fascinating, but watch the rest if you have time.

Ugh, why is this so hard?

I need 200-4000 characters to express myself and tell people who I am. Been putting this off for weeks. Months even. Every time I come back to it I end up stalling, like now. I can write a whole entire post about how much I can't write about myself instead of writing about myself. And S, I know you've offered your services and I totally appreciate it but somehow I feel like that is cheating and false advertising somehow? Like people would not be happy if they found out. Like I should do this on my own somehow. But yet...I just can't find the words to start. I'm reminded of 6th grade when Mr. Fredstrom taught us how to write essays. He said to start with an "attention grabber." BOOBS. That's an attention grabber. But that is more visual and I need words. At least 200. This is like in college when I should've been writing my stupid essays but instead came here to blog and waste time. Except now, no one's grading my essays except me. Actually, YOU, my audience.

Ok, how about this. You guys start the first sentence for me. Y'know, like that game, where you start the first sentence of a story about SH, and she finishes it. It's a really fun game, I promise. But um...email it to me. This is embarrassing enough as it is.

Uh oh beef recall. I made some meat sauce yesterday. I hope what I used wasn't the recalled kind.

Today was a lovely day of rain, cold, and rainbows. Looking forward to the rest of this rainy week. Hope everyone stays dry and warm!

Jedi mind tricks, they are

This has been the third time that some lady has stopped me in the middle of whatever they were doing to hand me their card.  "Call me" they always say, "I do readings and I sense something about you." They've all said the same thing.  Sure they could be saying it to get my business.  But all three have just randomly stopped whatever they were doing to give me their cards.  Maybe there are just a lot of fortune tellers in the area and I just happen to run across them often.  Or maybe I DO have something about me that catches their attention.  

Could be one of many things:
1. I just look like a sucker.  Perhaps it's all over my face, out there and open for them to read.  Remember the trader joes incident?  I rest my case.

2. They can sense that I have special unlocked powers and want to help me unlock them for a one time fee.  I'm totally willing to pay for the ability to fly or move things with my mind like a Jedi.

3. Maybe I have evil spirits in me that they want to get rid of.

I'm putting my money down on #1 as the most likely.  However this has sparked some interest. Especially when there's been multiple incidents.  Could be fun.

Also the roomate is back.  And by roomate I just mean the neighbor.  For the last 2.5 weeks I have not heard a peep from her side of the wall.  But her car was still in the garage.  After a few days I figured she was propbably on vacation.  After 2 weeks I thought, my that is a long vacation, I hope she's ok.  And i started to wonder what if something had happened to her inside her apt, like maybe a pile of newspapers fell on her.  But then j reminded me that people would be looking for her by now.  Right, of course.
So I sat back and enjoyed the silence.  And I played my tv loud.  And i played my music loud, and sang songs loud.  And I didn't hear any running or loud door slamming or excess tv noise from her side and life was good.  

But then this morning I heard the loud door slam and the tv turn on and movements coming from her side.  I guess the vacation is over...for both of us.  

Hot off the press!

So I showed up at the restaurant for the 2nd time, and asked the waitress for the manager, who wasn't there again. Out on a delivery, not sure when he'll be back, is there anything I can help you with? So I thought about it and thought maybe she would be able to do something about it without me having to wait for the manager to come back. I explained the situation to her, how the waiter wrote in his own tip, and she just seemed confused so I just decided to wait. While I waited I thought about how stupid I might have sounded to her, especially when she said, "so you didn't write a tip amount?" and I firmly said "no." Ugh, and she was the familiar one too.

Anyway, I sat down to wait and was JUST about to post a comment about how silly I felt, waiting in the restaurant for the manager who wasn't there for the 2nd time, wondering when he was going to show up and exactly how long I should be waiting for him, and maybe this whole thing isn't worth all the trouble and anger when suddenly he was behind me.

"Before you even say anything, I know exactly what you're going to say and I can explain."

Apparently the waitress had gotten to him ahead of me and must've explained the situation. So he goes on to explain that this was a bank issue, and this happens all the time. When you use a debit card and don't leave a tip, the BANK automatically adds 20% to the amount for who knows what reason (he asked if I noticed it was 20%, I said YES!), but that it is a pending amount, and in a few days when the bank settles the amount, they'll take off the added 20%. Why they do this he does not know, he's had many phone calls to the bank, and had to answer to many customers about it in the past, and has had it happen to himself, but he GUARANTEED me that once the bill is not pending anymore, it'll be back to the regular amount I was charged.

Oh....um...good to know?

As soon as he was able to beat me to my answer before I even explained the situation fully to him, I realized that something else was involved, and it was not the waiter, Ramon. Sorry Ramon, for having bad thoughts about you all day. You seemed kinda nice too, and I enjoyed my latte.

So, case closed I guess! I left a little red and embarrassed for being so angry with them, but I guess now I know for future reference, and my blog audience can avoid this somewhat embarrassing situation by learning from me?

Y'know what else I learned though? I learned that across from that cafe, in what used to be an old tire/auto lot, will be the future home to a fancy cupcake shop. Oooooooooooooooooooh. I am in trouble.

So there you go kids. Thanks for all the links and support and sympathy anger, really, I truly appreciate having backup.
I'll be having a cupcake on your behalf in a few weeks. (each)

The Nerve!!!

Um....so.

The coffee i got this morning was great, it really was. But I did not tip them. Ok, so sue me, I didn't tip my coffee guy. I've never been a big fan of that cafe anyways, but I do admit they have good coffee. I vaguely remember not tipping and just signing my slip. However, if I HAD tipped, which I am admitting here I probably didn't, I probably would've written down $1.

I'm going through my receipts and expense just now and saw that they had charged me .70cents more than what was charged. And what do you know, I did the math, that is about 20%. Unfortunately I'm not very good at math, so if i HAD tipped the guy, I would've made it $1 to keep things even, I wouldn't take the time to figure out that 20% is .70 cents.

The nerve of the guy to write down his own tip!!!

Ok, I've only worked at a small coffee shop before, never really a waitress so I'll have to say I haven't worked in food service. I know it's a hard job, and when I do eat out I tip regular to fairly well, depending on things. But is it normal or a waiter's right to just write in their own tip? I took my coffee TO GO. I didn't even stay. This is why I hate that place. This plus the fact that their food is bland and their service is usually rude and horrible. But they're close and they have good coffee which is my excuse for my scant visits.

I'm not sure what to do now. It's not about the .70 cents. Who cares, it's less than a dollar. It's about the PRINCIPLE!! Is it even legal for them to write in their own tip?? So do I want to go and complain about .70cents? And lose ever going back in there again? I've never been a good complainer, even if I did talk to the manager he'd probably sense this right away and tell me to get lost. Or do I just suck it up and ignore it and keep my coffee privileges and let them get away with it? Maybe I can write a yelp review and tell everyone to stay away.

I need some thoughts from my readers, thanks.


BTW, this is my 700th post, take 2!

Reality vs My Head. Spoiler alert: Reality wins.

We used to get milk at work. 1% and half and half. For our morning cereals and coffee and whatnot. Ever since we moved, we have not gotten milk. Rumor has it that there will be no milk. So I resorted to what we do have, those little cups of creamer with the Indian on them. And by Indian i mean the native american kind and not the south asian kind. It always bugged me that these things don't have to be refrigerated. Why not? I don't know. Because it's not real dairy? I don't know what's in them really. But I don't like them in my coffee, it's just never tasted right.

This morning, I decided to go across the street to get some good coffee before heading out to work. Because last night was a late night at work and I wanted to treat myself to a cup of good coffee with real milk, the kind that has to stay in the fridge. While I was crossing the street I noticed some workers by my window. I thought they were cutting down the trees and got my hopes up but turns out they were just pulling cables (probably brought down by the trees).

As I was watching these workers pull their cables and crossing the street and thinking about my coffee, I heard my name being called. I turned around. It was the brit. We said hello and chatted for a bit. I didn't think I had much to say but I could just hear myself from inside my brain listening to myself yapping away about this and that. Nervous habit I guess. And then he had to get to work and I had my coffee to get and away we went on our separate ways.

It was not suppose to happen like this.

All the times I've imagined running into the brit, the scenario always played out better in my head than it did today. I mean, wouldn't you say that the whole milk coffee cable men story was better? I was practicing for a cool, calm, nonchalant SH. One that looked fabulously fabulous. With a long cigarette dangling from my gloved hand. Think Audrey Hepburn. And I would say things like, "How doo you diuuu." Or, "What, this old sequined ball gown? Why, I wear this when I wash the dishes at home." Instead I was surprise attacked from behind (ok, not really) and yammered on about things I can't even remember now. Of all the days to not wear my ball gown! Sigh. Such is life I guess.

Perhaps if the encounter had occurred AFTER I had my coffee I would've been a bit more prepared. But this was PRE-coffee SH. One should always let the woman have her coffee first before getting down to business! I'm just saying.

Hello? Is anyone out there?

I know everyone is very busy, especially this time of year, but I miss reading my blogs!  You know who you are.  As much as I like to talk about myself all the time, it's nice to read up on you too.

I was just leaving a comment on S's blog about how I'm trying to wear more makeup as she is trying to wear less.  I've never been a big makeup wearer, mostly chapstick until about two months ago.  Something made me start thinking that perhaps I should wear just a bit of makeup to pull myself together, look a bit more polished at the workplace rather than looking like I just crawled out of bed (which until two weeks ago I was pretty much doing).  I think it was some podcast somewhere.  I just want to look just a bit more professional and perhaps be taken a bit more seriously and maybe more my age and thought that some color on me would help.  

I'm actually liking it so far.  Somedays it looks better than others, I'm still trying to figure out where best to apply my blush so I don't look like a clown.  I don't even know if people at work really notice since it's so slight, but it does give me a bit of confidence boost when I see myself in the bathroom mirror.

Oh I think it also had something to do with color correcting at work and seeing how well it works and wanting to apply the same effect on myself.  If Brett is looking a bit pasty, I add some color to him.  I think I was feeling a bit pasty so I decided to add some color on myself with makeup.  I'm getting to the point where I'm getting bored with my look and would like to step it up a notch but I'm trying not to buy things I'll only use a few times.

I don't know where this makeup conversation is going, I'm boring myself. 

I can't work

Our servers are down at work today as is the Internet, so I've resorted to blogging from my phone.  Technology is amazing really.

So I know yesterday I was poo pooing BBC world news but today I heard the most amazing thing that made me smile from ear to ear on the way to work.  And since I have limited search abilities, I'll just have to tell you the story,  and provide the link later when I have some Internet access.

Apparently there's this guy in south England that has bought all those old red iconic english public phone booths and has decided to turn them into tiny libraries all over town!  No fees, no checking books in and out.  You leave a great book in the booth, you take a great book out the booth.  How awesome is that?!?!!!  Now I want to go to there just to check out these mini libraries.  Maybe take a book as a souvenir.  Maybe publish my blog into a book and leave it in the booth!  Genius!

I really do hope this idea works out for them, and people don't trash these booths and take them for granted.  If I had one near me I'd take really good care of it.  Maybe make some curtains for the booth.  Bring it some flowers or a plant.  The possibilities are endless.