Emosewa

Ok, I'm not going to do this too often but, if there's a place to do this, this is it.

I'm awesome. On a human level, I'm above average. On a robot level, I chart through the roof. I'm quick. I can do things fast. I work fast. I can drive fast if it wasn't against the law. I type fast. I fall asleep fast. I go to the bathroom fast. I'm not one of those take a book and linger types. I do my business and I'm out. The only thing I don't do is eat fast, but who wants to rush that anyways?

I'm good at problem solving. I think things through. I'm a good planner. I make a good party time. I'm a cheap date. I can do 20 pushups on my knees. I don't complain much. I can pick out cool clothes, majority of the time on sale. I'm a great whistler. I can make soups. I go with the flow. I seek out new adventures. I can go solo to a party without knowing anyone but the host and almost survive. I'm a good hug giver and an even better kisser. I'm good at balance (physically and metaphorically, that should be double points). I'm not afraid to admit that I love chick flicks. I'm funny, and make funny jokes most of the time (unlike some people who shall remain nameless, and makes me laugh at her jokes that aren't even funny or even sensical). I can bend my fingers back so they're perpendicular to my palm. I'm thoughtful. I think about people all the time, even the ones who have long forgotten me. I give good gifts. I'm sensitive. (To the point where sitting in Ruby's on the newport pier on a very windy day for more than 30 minutes makes me nauseous.) But this sensitivity leads me to be aware of many things around me, people feelings, the mood of the room, situation at hand. I'm a great tour guide. I can do the plank for a minute maybe more. I have soft hands. I have good follow through. I'm not a huge flake (but every now and then, things come up, yknow?). I can be silly but i'm mostly serious. I'm good at composing emails.


I'm Szu-Hua, I'm fucking awesome, and I make awesomeness happen.

Thanks for letting me indulge.

Survival of the Fittest

Well, we all survived the rapture.

Yet I'm still struggling. On an emotional level I suppose.

It's been a busy few weeks. I co-produced a concert. Yup. I did that. I was telling everyone how much I hated using that word when all I really did was help out A just a bit here and there. It sounded so fake and pretentious. But now that it's over, I look back at what I did, and F yea, I co-produced a concert. I co-produced the shit out of it.

A lot of things were out of my control and knowledge, because A had a lot of the information himself, but...but I think if I had to, I'd be really good at putting events on. I have good follow through and organizational skillz. Doing this reminded me of International Week I put on in HS, as ICC president. I held the shit out of International Week, it was the best one in many years. Fast forward a decade or so, and I think I still got it. If I had to, I'd be a good producer. It's just that I have no interest in it, it's too stressful. However, the high I felt after it was all over, after everything went so well and all the good feedback I got from everyone who loved the show, I ask myself...isn't the payoff worth all the stress leading up to it? I still don't know. And heck, if A asked me to do it again with him next year, I don't know that I can say no. Although we'd have a lot to discuss upfront, that's for sure.

I've been taking a few classes to open myself up for more opportunities. Weekend classes are hard. Sitting through a lecture is hard...especially after lunch when all the blood in your head has gone to your digestive track, and you can barely keep your eyes open, no matter how much coffee you have. But I'm hoping it's all for the better.

Tonight as Ben rang my groceries up at TJ's he asked me what was new. I had nothing for him. I said, "nothing." And then diverted the question by asking him about his upcoming move to the new place with his purty fiance. That's the problem, there's nothing new with me. In the mean time, everyone else is busy moving in with fiances and getting married and having babies. What happened? Why did everyone suddenly decide to make life changes? And when I say sudden, I mean sudden. There were years...YEARS when time passed by and I had no weddings to go to, no baby showers to say no to because I was planning another. Things were quiet for a while. And suddenly, these past few months, everyone decided to act at the same time. And I have friends of all different ages. So it's not "that time." They just all decided it was without me. WTF.

And I know, I can't just sit here on my stupid blog complaining about other people's lives. I've gotta make it happen for me, whatever it is. But it's not like putting on a concert. There's no end date in sight for whenever the show's suppose to start. Even though.... I have all the information and all the knowledge to put on the show that is my life. I don't have A getting in my way as an excuse. Hm...so maybe it is like putting on a show. If that's the case, then I'm failing hard, because I've tried so hard and it's just not happening.

Argh, this is stupid, ffwd.

I've been diagonal sleeping lately. I felt like I was wearing down the right side of my mattress so I moved to the middle, but somehow ended up on the left side but diagonal. It worked so well the first night that I've just been continuing to see what happens. I think diagonal sleeping is working wonders. I've been sleeping good and hard. Either that or I've been too tired and stressed to not sleep well. But I think it's the diagonal sleeping...I highly recommend it. First make sure you push all the pile of clothes off your bed though.