Holy Crap!

2.5 months later am I only realizing that I've forgotten about my own anniversary. My own 6 year anniversary! I can't believe it. The thought didn't even come up. Not even close. I'm sorry blog. I've been doing shitty things like this to you lately. I know I've apologized before. But happy belated birthday anyways. At least we celebrated your 500th post with cake and ice cream.

What? We didn't?!?

Well. Well I'll just have to go make that up to you right now!

I am in love with aphorisms! And more specifically, chiasmus. This is a wonderful exciting discovery which i hope to share more of in the future. It's so fitting for a blog, too. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to communicate solely through aphorisms, like how people communicate with their hands. I'll be spitting them out one after another. That would be awesome. For now, I am just a young grasshopper, learning the ways of aphorisms.

Wow, my 500th post. If this was a TV show, you'd be watching the cast cutting an enormous cake while the credits rolled right now. I've always wondered if there was enough cake for the audience to have a piece too. But the credits never rolled long enough for me to find out.

So this is not a TV show. It is just my blog. Read by an audience of less than 10, but more like 4. So thanks for being here. If i had cake, there would be enough for y'all.

There's so much I want to write about tonight, to get out of my system. But it's really hard for me to expose myself on a blog such as this. Also the reason why this is not a TV show. Though, some of the things that go on in my head makes for good TV. At least I think so. And you've been privy to it. Just read the archives.

Instead, I'll write about something I just thought of at this moment. Something I'm slapping my hand to my forehead for doing. Or rather, not doing. My friend steven moved away today. We've been trying to get together before he left, but it just didn't happen. I told myself to call him today, and the day happened and I totally forgot. And now he's gone. He's such a great guy and we've just kinda lost touch in the past year or so, but there were always the occasional emails or calls. We shared a love for pie and the bookstore. He had an infectious smile and bought shirts he never wore. He was one of the first friends I made when I came out here. Steven, I know you don't read this, but I'm sorry I'm such a bonehead. I'll miss you.

This month in my Working Mother magazine:

Get over your guilt: Why it's time to let go.

as well as

Catch it early: Is your daughter anorexic?


Egads. It's tough being a working mom.

It's beginning to get cold. Yesterday was the first day of fall, and what a beautiful day it was (or so it seemed from our 16th story windows). I love this time of year. I'm getting ready for my heavy blanket, warm sweaters, and hot soupy ramen noodles. (Ok, who am i kidding, i eat that stuff year round. But it tastes better when its cold.)

Speaking of marshmallows: Mallomars. H introduced me to them at the C a few years ago, when she came back from her trip to NY. Back then, I ate in wonder at this cookie that was so befitting of me. So I took another. And another. I've recently forgotten about them until about a week ago. And suddenly I'm having this craving. I don't know why they only sell these on the east coast. Maybe the warmer weather here makes for unsatisfactory marshmallow conditions? But still. There's ways around it. I know you can get them online, but I need a local store where I can just walk in any day and get my fix. I told H about my craving, and that it was her fault because she introduced them to me, like some sort of drug pusher doing business. She laughed and said her mom will send some. Oh happiness. I cannot wait. Next time I go to the east coast, I will leave as myself, but return as a mule...A MULE OF MALLOMARS. muahahaha.

Now the thing I'm not sure about is whether they're all over the east coast, or just in NYC, where H got them, or maybe in select states of the west coast as well? Would they be available in Dallas? Chicago? Seattle? Miami? Beuller? Beuller? I need to do some more research, but your help is kindly appreciated.

Anyone know where I can find a mini skulls and bones patch?

I have a hole in my shoes. My very simple, black canvas flats that I got from target 2 years ago. The left shoe has a hole right where my pinky toe is, so very often, my pinky likes to peep out for some sun. I really like these simple shoes and I don't think its quite their time to go yet. But at the same time, everyone also likes to point out that i have a hole in my shoe, plus its probably not work appropriate now with the hole. Many have already told me, "Those are very basic shoes, I bet you can find them anywhere." Wrong people, wrong! I cannot find them anywhere. They were so last last season.

Which is why I think a mini patch would do just the trick. But it can't be any patch. It has to be the right patch. It has to be skull and bones.

I was just at the grocery store, where this lady approached me out of nowhere, and asked me if I would like to get my fortune read, as she had picked up good energy from me. Now, she wasn't just soliciting everyone, she was actually grocery shopping with what seemed like her mother, and while she waited for her mother, I happened to walk by her, and that's when she asked me. I said no thank you, though as i walked away i wondered if she really did pick up good energy, or if it was just some pickup line she uses on all her potential clients? And, if i didn't possess this so called "good energy," would she still have wanted to read my fortune? Who knows.

Lately, I've been wondering about the outside life. As in, life outside the entertainment industry. I'm always curious as to how people outside of this industry spend their weekends, or in their spare time. Aside from the regular 9-5 job, it seems like everyone in LA always has some project they're working on. Whether its their latest script, that short film to edit, preparation for the next short, acting class, band practice, orchestra rehearsal, singing lessons, dance class....on and on and on. Like today, I drove by these three kids (ok, not kids, they're like my age) on the sidewalk, with a very fancy camera in hand, probably shooting some comedy. They're working on a sunday, like most of us do. So, let's say I was a dentist in Kentucky. Imagine all the free time I'd have on the weekends!

No no, I take that back, I guess its not true. I guess it's not just us here in this industry, everyone has some sort of side project they're perpetually working on. Takes away from the lull of the work week, I guess. I don't know what I was thinking.

I guess I was just thinking about how nice it would be to lounge around on the weekends and do whatever I want. And yes, I'm free to do that. In fact, from time to time, i DO do that. But how nice would it be to be able to do that without having this constant nagging feeling in the back of my head telling me: what are you doing lounging about when you have x, y, z to do??? But that probably goes for everyone, eh?

I'm giving myself 15 min. of blog time before i set off to engulf myself in a few hours of work.

I don't know what it is with me and cravings. When I crave something, I must have it right away. I crave lemon bars, so I make them. I had the sudden urge to watch this movie I loaned to a friend, so I had him bring it back. I had a craving for pho, so I had pho. If i have an idea for an art project, I must start it right away, even though its 10pm and all the supply stores are closed. I guess I just need instant gratification?

This morning, I got out of my car and saw a couple walking towards me, holding hands. I suddenly had an urge to have my hand held. Whenever I read people write about this or that "wave" of something "washing over them," I always think, yes yes yes, blah blah blah you crazy writer, just get to the point. Ok, now I get the point. I apologize to all crazy writers with waves. This morning when I saw the couple, I felt the "wave" of something "wash over me." It was a longing to have my hand held, nothing more, nothing less. I could've just walked up to them, and put my hand into his, or hers. But then that would've been weird, right?

Currently: sudden case of the sniffles.

Just had to get up and get a tissue after that sentence. Hopefully these sniffles are just on holiday in my nose, and will be on their merry way again soon. Hopefully by tomorrow. By the time i wake up. You hear that sniffles!!

The apartment is in a state of shambles from a week of neglect, and a prior week's full of stuff in preparation for a shower. Stuff will hopefully be returned to their proper origins this weekend.

I received a phone book in front of my door two days ago. Came at a weird time since C had just recently asked, "Who uses phone books anymore when there's the internet?" To which I replied, "Lots of people! Especially for businesses, like when you're at the dentist and you want a pizza..." Shortly thereafter, I realized that perhaps not many people have the sudden urge to order pizza when they're at the dentist. They're most likely to do so when they get home.

So fast forward a week, and I get this phone book on my door step. One with the same information I can get on google. One that, along with its brothers and sisters, could have saved an entire forest of trees. So I'm left with a dilemma. Trash the freshly printed, unopened, still-in-plastic-bag (again! useless packaging!), already-killed-a-tree book that I'm never going to use again? Or keep it around so at least this already made useless thing of a book can feel like it had some sort of purpose? Perhaps I'll have small guests over someday that will need to sit on one. Perhaps my world will befall on some disaster where the only way to keep warm will be to burn things. Or my internet will be down one day and I'll really need to order pizza. Actually, no, I never order pizza. Sigh, what to do?

After throwing this bridal shower, I've come to the realization that I may turn out to be one of those evil brides if I ever plan my own wedding. I was easily agitated, tired from running to this store and that store, and stressed out all week. The pimples on my face are still around, laughing in my face...that is, MY face, that surface which they are currently so attached to, and have been all week. Thus, no wedding. Simple!

Over the weekend I had my first encounter of: "When's it your turn?" Ugh. I wanted to punch him. But it came from my older cousin. So I wouldn't have gotten away with it. Had to do the polite, haha-laugh-it-off bit. I feel as though that will get old real soon. Reeeeeal soon. As in, it's already old. Puh-lease. Just save me from kicking you in the face, and don't ask me such questions.

Oh orchestra...how I love thee. Let me count the ways....

1. no outwardly annoying types yet.
2. awesome music, challenging, yet playable.
3. i love my violin
4. all that counting and paying attention really works my brain. in a good way. and you know how hard it is to work my brain...

*Correction on previous post: I'm 26, not 25. Shit. I'm already slipping.

I'm not a competitor by any means. But when it comes to certain things, especially things that don't really matter, I find myself competing even when my competitors aren't the least aware that we're competition. I guess in this way (this way as in, the they-don't-know-we're-in-competition way), I've got a leg up! Today I found myself thinking about this girl I went to HS with, thinking about everything she accomplished in school, and gee golly, look at her now. I started comparing all the things that shes done, and all the things that i've done, even though- we don't talk to each other. I have no idea what goes on in her life. And vice versa. And I find myself competing and comparing secretly with people all the time. "She has nicer hair, but at least I have bangs. Ha! Take that, girl on the street I'll never meet!" And so on.

What is that all about?

I just need to chill out and remember that my life is pretty darn good. I always forget that. Why is that so easily forgotten? Especially in this world of drunk driving, jail, rehab, and bombed comebacks (sorry, just had to add that), the life I have is pretty darn good. In my 25 years I haven't been to jail yet (though, knock on wood and wait til i get this unending traffic violation resolved...), the only drug i'm currently doped up on is Nyquil (knocks you out, wake up refreshed!), and and...wait for it wait for it......

And i've got my bangs.

So...really. Life is good.

Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a preachy blog. I just found my mind drifting about this person or that person and comparing myself to them that I needed to take this time and reassure and remind myself of my awesome-ness.

Therefore, dear reader. Please please please take this moment to think of three reasons why you're awesome as well. Put it in my comments so everyone else can see, because everyone should. I promise I won't compare my awesomeness to yours.



Really, you're just cheating yourself and the world if you don't do this. Besides, nobody reads this blog except for you anyways. ;-)

Conversation recently heard though my open window:

Guy 1: ...that girl? She's a married woman!
Guy 2: Dood! Did you ask her out?
Guy 1: Yea!


Didn't get to hear the rest of the conversation. The things I hear with the window open. People also like to sing as they walk by my window. Sometimes they're good. Mostly they're not.

Thank goodness for nyquil.

Currently: Pondering going out for ice cream, but that would mean getting dressed. Been holed up in the apt all day, scantily clad, joined by a broken AC and one small fan. Nonetheless, I still got alot accomplished. Of course, not as much as I wanted, but still has been a productive day. Debating whether to take another shower before bed. In the background: bad weight loss reality TV, not even the good one. Can't stand it, so lame, will turn off. Almost forgot, popsicles in fridge. On top of beer. Beer: cold. Me: hot. Apt: oven. Can't complete full sentences...

Yes. Yes I can.

I could go be more productive and hot, or I could just go sit in front of the fan, subject myself to more bad summer tv. Oh boy, the choices.

Bangs have been put away under these circumstances. They could never hack such weather. Ha. Sorry, anonymous, for there will be no pictures of them tonight! I hope you cry yourself to sleep!

Gotta go, beer and popsicle are waiting for me to kill them off. It's gonna be grand.

Bangs.

That's been the topic of conversation this week. I got some bangs last weekend. I don't know that I've ever gotten so many compliments on something before. Who knew? Who knew that if i revert back to my look from freshman year (thats highschool, not college), that I'd get so much positive feed back? In fact, so much that I'm a little bit jealous of the bangs. It's just hair, big deal, why do THEY get so much attention? What about me?? ME ME ME! No one cares about lil' old SH now that new bangs are in town.

SH made dinner!
Who cares, let's look at her bangs.

SH had to stay at work late.
But how are the bangs holding up to the stress?

SH banged (no pun intended) her head on the low tree branch.
Are the bangs OK??

SH is down on the ground crying in pain.
Stop writhing so much SH, we can't see the bangs.


Sigh.
"With great bangs come great responsibility. It is only to be used for Good, and big foreheads. Nothing else." - a wise dood


That's it for this post. Next post, I will attempt sarcasm.

So the other day i was in the grove parking lot, circling around, trying to find parking. I finally followed a lady who was going to her car, only to turn the corner, and see that another car was waiting in the vicinity.

Now what are the rules on parking spots? Do I get it because I followed her? Or do they get it because they're waiting right next to where she parked?

In any case, had it been a family of 3 or more, or even a cute looking couple, I would've just let them have it without giving it a second thought (even though i'd been circling around and around for a while). Instead....it was a white top down bmw. With two girls in it. Two 18-ish rich snobby girls who were dressed like they looked snobby. And while the lady pulled out, it was me vs. them. And they won. They took the spot. Partly because I'm a pushover, and partly because there's two of their snobby little asses, and I was only one. And yes, even in their short shorts and long hair, the two of them could've kicked my ass. Ugh. I hate these situations. i know this is prejudiced, but i hate when priviliged people get what they want. It's like they won. And I hate it when they win.

I wish i could've pulled a Kathy Bates ala Fried Green Tomatoes. In fact, while we waited for the lady to pull out, during the minutes when there was a staring show down between me and the girls, I thought about pulling the Kathy Bates. But...again, two of them, one of me. And I'm not as old as Kathy Bates was in the movie, I don't know that I'm more insured than the girls.

Ugh, things like this piss me off. Especially when I pass by the same girls in my cirlcle around the parking lot for the Xth time, who now have gotten out of their BMW and is now putting their designer sunglasses on and tossing their gucci bags over their shoulders.

What is a girl to do? Nothing. Keep looking for the next empty spot.

Just finished up adding some ram to my computer. I feel like such a cool nerd. Hooray for ram!!

Word of the night: Offen Bach. Not sometimes Bach. But Offen Bach. hahahahahahha. awesome.

So, final word on HSM. You should definitely see it......................IF you are between the ages of 5 and 12! If you don't fall between that...or within a year or two, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT touch it with a ten foot pole. And this is coming from someone who often acts as though she is between the ages of 5 and 12 (but...more like a mature 13). I'll let the teeny bops have Zack Efron. I've got bigger fish to fry.

Mmm...fish........fried.........

Whoa whoa.

Why didn't anyone inform me?? Apparently, I'm a working mom. Today I received the Aug/Sept issue of Working Mothers. It wasn't even a mistake, it had my full name and address printed on it and everything. Geez, time flies. Suddenly I'm getting married, having kids, and working on m career all at the same time, without knowing it. I wonder if my kids resent me for working a full time job? I know my dead plants do. Muahahaha.

Haven't had time to flip through it yet, but it IS the back to school issue. That's huge for moms, isn't it?

I wonder if they have any "easy packed lunch" ideas in this issue. I always try to steal those from Good Morning America segments, or random articles on the net around this time of year, and apply them when making my own grown up lunch. Except...these easy lunch ideas always involve some sort of carrot sticks or string cheese combo...both of which I hate. Why can't they ever be: Insert Ho-Ho, snack-sized Flaming Hot Cheetos, V-8 Splash with mini vodka bottle into lunch bag, shake well, serves 1? Easy peasy, ready in 2 minutes.