A great question...

So, B and I were talking the other day, and he came up with this great question. A question that I'm not sure I know the answer to.

A few of our friends lately are pursuing things that I'm sure are dear to their hearts, but neither of us think they're doing it particularly well.

And so he posed this question:
When do you tell a loved one, whether it be a friend, a lover, a child...when do you tell them to stop pursuing their dreams?

Now at first that may seem a bit harsh. Of course you don't want to stop someone from pursuing their dreams! But let's say your child loves playing the piano. But he plays it awfully. No matter how much he practices, how much education he receives, he's just not good. And the music industry is VERY competitive.

At what point do you tell your child that they need to move on? And that maybe there's something else he should be pursuing?

Ok, that's a bit harsh, let's try another example.

Those kids on the American Idol tryouts. The ones who go in with so much confidence, and end up sounding like a screeching cat. The ones who leave crying and screaming, cursing Simon and Paula for not knowing a good thing when they see it. The ones who can't believe they didn't get to hollywood, because in their heart of hearts, they KNOW, they BELIEVE they are the next american idol. Even though they sound like death. Even thought the whole reason they GOT on the show is because they sound like death and don't know it. Sure some people are faking it to get on TV. But I think a lot of those people truly believe they can sing.

Suppose one of those people were your friends. Or me? Sure, you love me dearly. But would you let me go embarrass myself on NATIONAL TV and sing like a dead cat? Or would you sit me down and have a heart to heart? And at what point would you tell me about it?

I think if I was one of those tone deaf singers, I'd want a friend to tell me ahead of time, before I went on TV. If I had a big piece of spinach stuck in my teeth, I'd want you to tell me while we ate, before I go on an important interview. And vice versa, I would tell you if you had spinach in your teeth. Because good friends look out for each other.

But I've also had people tell me that I'll never be a working musician because I'm just not that good, and while it's true, it stung for a long time, and is probably why I have low confidence in my playing abilities.

Also, one time, I asked a lady how much a dress at her store cost. She looked at the dress and said, "Oh honey, you won't fit into that dress. It's got such a small waist." On one hand, she was probably right, and was just telling it like it is. On the other hand, maybe I wasn't buying it for me, maybe I was buying it for my tiny waist-ed sister, and her being honest just lost her a sale. (And don't call me honey, bitch!)

I guess it's a two part question: Would you say something? And at what point would you say something? When are you just "looking out" for that friend or loved one, and when are you butting in? (ok, 4 parts)

I want to say, everyone should reach for their dreams. But when that dream is not a reality, how long do you go before you quit? Do you never quit, because it's a dream? Or do you realize it's only a dream, and let it BE a dream, while you go on to pursue other things and live a different life?

Let's say your kid who is awful at the piano was a whiz at science. But he likes piano a lot more than science. When do you tell him that piano is maybe not the career path to take? And while that may seem harsh, you also don't want him wasting away his life trying to get good at the piano when he could be spending that time into doing sciency things and becoming a great scientist. So when do you tell him? 15? 30? Never?

Sigh. It's a big question I know. I'm not saying I have the answers. But I'd love to hear what you guys have to say.