Oh it's so great when you're ready to go to bed and the sheets are cold and there's the sound of rain outside!  Apparently everyone's been waiting for this rain for a while, people can't stop talking about it.  Yes, including me.

I saw An Education tonight which was really good.  Finally a movie that doesn't make me hang my head in shame!  It's got a cute girl obsessed with Paris and she wears cute outfits from the 50s.  My kind of flick!  Movies like this give me hope in doing what I do.

It also made me really miss British things.  I've never been an anglophile like an old coworker of mine who just wanted to move to London and marry an englishman while listening to Brit pop all the time.  I've always thought it was a bit ridiculous, to badmouth and give up your own culture because you were so mad about another.  

But tonight watching this movie made me miss British things that I got to experience for a short while.   Like the British accents of children and women that I always loved to hear, PG tips, the F word with gordan Ramsey, weird words we never use here, answering a question with a question, and antiques roadshow, the BBC version.  I hope I'm lucky enough to experience all this again in the future, but for now I'm just grateful I was even able to get a glimpse.  

There's been a few blasts from the pasts lately which make me wonder what people's true perceptions of me are after spending large quantities of time with me in one sitting.  I don't just mean a hang out here and there but I mean real quantities of time.  The kind where you find out what really makes a person tick or the deepest secrets you don't tell other people.  I always feel like I start off pretty strong but then lose steam somewhere along the way and become this boring person who has nothing interesting to give...

I have this fear of being too serious and boring.  It's not a fear really more like it's something that's followed me all my life.  And so I try extra hard to get rid of it only to find out that I can't because that's just the way I am.  And I guess the fear really just stems from feeling like I'll be stuck with this stigma for the rest of my life.  Hm...I'll try this another day, I don't know where this is going really.