Stuff

Oh my goodness. My dress is for sale! Do I dare?

The doctor's office called me the other day to give me the results of my mole extraction. Turns out it is nothing, just a plain old mole. I know that should be good news...but it made me really sad. I got rid of my mole that turned out to be just what it's suppose to be, and suddenly I really miss it. Also, I really wanted to prove my mom wrong. I know that sounds morbid, not that I want anything bad to happen to me, but I almost wish something was wrong with it so I can tell everyone, "see, I did the right thing" and that I'm not just some hypochondriac. Which...I'm beginning to think I really am. I'm healthy to the max, which I should be grateful for, and I am. So I'll just leave it at that.

Tomorrow I get my stitches out and then I get on a plane for the east coast.

I also turn 30 tomorrow. Egads.

Had my birthday party on saturday, which I was close to canceling, but turned out to be a lot of fun. The warrens were able to make it out and I'm so happy I got to spend time with them! At one point someone asked me if I was already drunk, and I said no, and laurice replied that I was just high on birthday excitement, which was so true, she's so smart. And people actually showed up, which was nice, because that is always a fear when I plan anything involving just me. Anyway it was good times all around, I'm just bummed I forgot to take pictures with my camera.

Today was the first day of unemployment and so far it's going well. I actually still have a lot to do before I leave. I guess I'm not really thinking about unemployment yet, it hasn't quite hit me. I'm still on extended weekend time. But I know somewhere down the line it's going to hit me that I'm unemployed, and oh boy will that be fun. But maybe I'm just still too excited about being freeeeee!

That's all for now.

Goodbye infoMania!

Well, today is over. It was rough, ever since I woke up this morning knowing what was to come. Paper work was done, my badge and garage parking turned over, boxes of random stuff moved out of the office. Then there was a screening of our last show, which was actually a really good hilarious last show, and bossman made a speech that nearly made me cry. Then we went to the Standard rooftop to have lunch and hangout. I don't understand why that place is so popular, I feel like I need to disinfect every time I leave. Then it was back to the office to say awkward sad weird goodbyes. Needless to say, even though I left early, it was still a long day.

Yesterday I got a thank you email from bossman in the morning. I received it about 20 minutes after I had just seen him in another office. It was a nice email, but the timing of it was just weird. Things have always been weird between me and bossman, I don't know what it is. I know he likes me and respects me...on paper, but in person there's always weirdness. Like he feels uncomfortable around me. So then I try to be all casual with him which comes off weird and he probably responds to that weirdness. I don't know. Some people you just get along immediately, others will always have a lingering weirdness.

I usually stick to the east side anyway, so I won't really know if carmageddon is going to get in the way, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow how crazy it gets.

So all the crazy this week on top of this weekend is keeping me from thinking about turning 30. Haven't really had time. Having my party tomorrow night which I hope people show up for. I'm getting my stitches out and then hopping on a plane on my actual birthday, so maybe this 30 thing will totally just slip under the radar. Let's hope.

More to say, but tired for now.

Thread porn envy.

I'm so jealous of THIS girl. Not only is she pretty she's got THE dress I want. Not only is it JUST the type of dress I want, it's hand made, so it's one of a kind. Not only that, it was hand made for Zooey Deschanel. Argh. Some girls have all the luck. If any of you see a dress like this around, give this girl a HOLLA.

Bon Anniversaire

Shoot. I missed my 10 year anniversary of blogging. I've been blogging for 10 years people. Ten. Still the longest relationship I've had in my life, and yes that still sounds very sad. I feel like I should have a parade or something. I've been blogging longer than the most famous bloggers out there! It's incredible really. Too bad I haven't done much with it. Just a spew of nonsensical thoughts in my head and complaints people don't want to listen to in real life. Maybe when I'm unemployed I'll start a new blog that does something interesting. Until then...Happy Anniversary DB!

Must...Not...Scratch...

So, as most of you know, my sister had her baby nearly a week ago, so a week early. The due date was suppose to be today. But her having the baby last weekend was such good timing for everyone! It was a three day weekend so we had the chance to drive up and see the baby. Had it happened on a week day, or in a few weeks, it would've thrown things off. The baby is perfectly healthy, and also, it's actually very cute. I was ready for the baby to possibly not be cute, as it takes babies a few days/weeks/months to grow into their cuteness. But I can honestly say, she is ADORABLE. But maybe I'm the biased aunt. I find myself watching this 10 second video I took of her on my phone. She's not doing much, just moving her lips around or something. It could almost be a photo. But I don't know, I just keep watching it. So fascinating...babies.

Last night I went to this nerd meeting. It was an old coworker who decided to get some techy people together to talk about the new FCPX. Seeing how I'm going to be unemployed shortly, I thought it would be a good idea to go. Today, I'm regretting it. Hard. The meeting itself was fine. A lot of nerdy techy talk was thrown out there. Interesting what people had to say. I didn't have much to contribute but I got something out of it. Plus it was nice to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. BUT. We sat out on the patio with a great view of LA. And while I was trying to keep up with the nerdiness, the mosquitos attacked me. At least, I'm thinking they were mosquitos. Someone today suggested fleas. Possible, but I'm still thinking mosquitos.

I think the last time I got bitten so bad was that one dreadful night in Taiwan when a mosquito somehow got through the nets and bit me all night long. That time I counted over 100 bites. Last night, it was 25. But 25 very painful ones. I don't think people believe me when I bring it up. They think I'm being a wuss. But boy if you all could see what I see on my stomach and my legs and my arms...it's bad. Everyone i've shown pictures to have said something is wrong. It's puffy, bulgy, and making my skin very hot. I think i may have an allergic reaction to them. I've been putting creams on it all day. But I'm also afraid of disease. I looked stuff up on THE INTERNET today (BIG MISTAKE. Big. HUGE) and read that symptoms may not show up for a few days. If i die of west nile I'm going to be even more pissed off with FCPX than everyone else already is.

I iced myself with a bag of frozen fruit. (Note to self, make some ice. But the thing is, I never use ice at home! Not even during the summer!) All I can think about is how all these bites are going to leave scars that won't go away until after summer probably. Great. Wonderful. Just in time for my birthday, and JUST in time for my beach holiday where said bitten places will be on full display. At least I can cover them up for now. But I'm going to be a freak at the beach. And yes, screw that last post about me not being vain, I DO care how I look, and being covered in ugly bites was not on my beach agenda. This makes me very angry. Also, the itchiness is making me very angry. It's like I have the chicken pox all over again. Arrrrrgh.

These bites along with my stitched up arm is making me feel very broken and defeated...not to mention irritated. I can't sleep on my right side! And I'm slapping myself all day because I don't want to scratch and slapping is as close to relieving the itch as I can get. Geez, this is pathetic.

Holy Mole-y

I got my mole removed today. I have very mixed feelings about this. It doesn't help when two people who just found out have asked me why. But not just oh, why. But like....WHY?? (Yes you too S!) Don't people just get suspicious looking moles removed? Apparently not.

It's going to leave a huge scar. On one hand, I don't think I'm that vain, so the idea doesn't bother me too much. Hopefully it'll be less noticeable than the mole itself (which, I know, that hope is vain in itself). On the other hand, it doesn't help that the doctor told me it was going to leave a huge scar in this voice and face that said, ARE YOU SURE? I don't have many visible scars on me, I think it'd be cool to have one...shows that I've lived somewhat. At least that's how I'm trying to rationalize things in my head.

I want to say that I didn't remove it for cosmetic reasons. I've lived with it for a long time and have gotten used to the looks. You know how guys will sometimes look at a girl's boobs when they talk to her? Well, since I don't have much in the chest area to look at, people tend to wander their eyes over to that weird looking mole on my arm. Sure it makes me a bit self conscious sometimes, but not enough to make me want to remove it for cosmetic reasons. But maybe I'm just lying to myself. Maybe that "you're so vain" song was really about me.

I want to say that I did it for medical reasons, because it is very suspicious looking, and all the doctors who have looked at it have said that they'll have to remove it and test it to be really sure. But then again, I'm pretty positive that it is non cancerous since I've lived with it for so long. Also skin cancer doesn't run in my family...or asians really. I've already waited 10 years since the last time I almost got it removed, and I'm still perfectly healthy, so I'm sure it probably could've waited another 10 years. I'm 97% sure, so I did this for the 3% just in case? I don't know.

Basically what it came down to was that I have insurance now, and may not have as good of insurance later, when I'm unemployed. That's pretty much the main reason this all happened. Do I regret doing it? I don't think so yet. I really don't know how I feel about it. I guess we'll see when I get the stitches off and see how ugly it is. The tests for the mole will come back clear, and my mom will say I told you so, and now you have this ugly, very visible scar on you. Moms can be so in your face.

But also this was such a big deal in that I went the western medicine route. I grew up not really going to doctors. My grandparents own a pharmacy, so drugs and diagnosis never seemed to be a problem. And eastern chinese medicine has a different way of thinking. The idea of me getting this mole cut out of my body would be pretty ridiculous to the rest of my family. Or maybe just unnecessary. But what this is really about is once again, I'm stuck between east and west. I mostly grew up here so I tend to do more westernized things, but that doesn't mean the eastern ways aren't always in the back of my head, gnawing it's way out. And sometimes going back and forth wondering which one's right, or the better way is just plain exhausting. I'm exhausted.

Argh.

What happens when you get too egotistical and self absorbed and blog too early about your awesomeness? It comes back and bites you in the ass, that's what, and you end up back on the couch. I'm so tired of being sick!!!!!!!!!

And now I'm going to bed.

Finally!

I'm on fire today. I'm back at full capacity! Well, 98%, but it's close enough. I'm feeling much more like myself today. No more slumpy dumpy SH. I put on one of my favorite summer dresses today, and my hair was cooperating nicely. I made some very wise cuts in an interview today. When bossman came to take a look he agreed with all my cuts. I even got a slight pat on the back as he walked out. If we were dating,the pat would be on the "hot make out session" level. Seriously. He barely looks at me in the hallway, and sometime when I come into the room. So a pat on the back is HUGE. Also he can do it without looking at me. Anyhoo...

I also forgone (?? forwent?) my favorite show tonight, SYTYCD, in favor of a yoga class. I thought it'd be a slow easy way to get my body back into things. I'm so amazed that I missed working out. This didn't use to happen. But now I actually miss it. However, thinking yoga would be easing my body back into things was wrong. I always forget how hard yoga is.

The only not awesome thing I'm doing today is having a microwave dinner at 10:30. But we'll just skim over that yes?

Decisions decisions.

I love nyquil. I can very easily be hooked on it. Even addicted.

Last night was the first night I slept without nyquil, and boy did I not sleep well. The lack of it made me realize how well it was making me sleep. I bet one of these days we're gonna hear in the news how bad nyquil is for you, just like eggs and sugar and coffee. And then I'll have to quit. Maybe I should buy some nyquil stock. I know my bossman is on the stuff too.


This year I've been again invited to the beach house in NC by my DC friends. Timing works out pretty well because it'll be the week after my layoff. Only downside to it is that in order to meet up with them in time to drive to NC, I'd have to travel on my birthday. For the whole day! My 30th will be spent on a plane. In the air. Mostly sleeping or watching something. That doesn't seem very fun. But then again, my birthday celebrations will be the saturday before, and I'll have already had my fun. And as of now nothing's really planned on my actual birthday. I could just end up sitting around at home with no plans, in which case, I might as well be flying. Oh decisions decisions. What do you guys think?

If I do go to NC, I was thinking of maybe stopping by NYC before heading back. Thing is I don't have many close friends there other than B, and he'll be on long island, not the city. But it would be nice to hang with him for a few days on long island, he tells me it's nice there. Decisions decisions.

A, if only your wedding was a few weeks later, I'd be in the UK like THAT.

Maybe I'll plan a trip for Paris in the fall...Decisions decisions.

I'm off to celebrate Father's day with the fam. I've been so horizontal for the past few days that being vertical takes a lot out of me. Let's hope I make it!

What are the odds?

Ok ok ok. The universe is being nice to me because I'm sick.

Last night I spent some time scouring the internet for that red dress from the previous post. I saw it on zooey d in a promo for her new show, and knew I had seen it somewhere. And yes, just because zooey wore it, now I had to have it. Problem is, it's a few months old so it's no longer available at the store. But ebay always has some left overs and I was tempted to splurge on it just so I can try it on to see what it looks like. But then I'd have to deal with whether or not it fits and if it didn't fit then what? I knew that was foolish so I let the idea go.

Today I'm feeling a bit better and thought I'd get out the house a bit and run some errands. (I looked at my door several times yesterday but never made it out of the house. Can you believe that? A whole day in my pjs. I haven't done that in forever.) So while running my errands I thought I'd just pop into my favorite store for a quick lookey, just to satiate my thread thirst when suddenly, what do I see on the sale rack? THAT RED DRESS! On sale! The only one of it's kind left. Someone must've returned it recently. The size was questionable, but I go try it on just to see. The zipper is a bit hard to maneuver, but it fits...it actually fits. What are the odds of me finding that (no longer available) dress in the store on the sale rack, in a size that actually fits?

However, truth be told, even on sale it's a bit pricey for someone like me, who has enough pretty dresses, who will soon be jobless and really shouldn't be spending unnecessary dough on non essential items, who will probably wear it once because she has no one to take her out to nice places where such dresses are needed, and so on. I'll most likely wear it around the house for a bit, and return it in a few days. Maybe have it brighten another sick girl's day. But for now I'm swooning over my lucky find. (But I'm also physically swooning because I think I had too much physical activity and my body wasn't ready for it.)

Thanks for letting me indulge. I know out of my three readers, only one will actually care about this post. Sometimes I think about turning this into a clothing blog. Because sometimes I think I have an addiction that should be addressed. The thoughts I was having about this dress last night surely wasn't healthy. And today's find is really like finding a bag of pot on the ground and looking around to see who dropped it but not finding anyone and then taking it home with the shades drawn and smoking all of it at once before someone comes looking for it wanting it back. Kinda like that high. I know I shouldn't have bought it but I took it home with me anyway. But there's already enough of those clothing blogs out there so maybe I won't, and you'll just have to put up with these posts every once in a while.

Le Sigh...

So bored.

Not only did I get a layoff this week, I also received a cold/flu from my boss. OH JOY!

Monday and Tuesday we were holed up in my small windowless edit bay working on a promo, he sitting behind me, sniffling and hacking, talking on the phone to his wife about what kind of soup he wanted. All the while me thinking...hm...this can't be good. Then Tuesday for lunch I suddenly wasn't hungry. NOW WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?? And it's hitting me hard today. I'm itching to get a workout in but don't want to wreck my body. I have errands to run and can't seem to get off the couch. I've only watched half a movie so far but I'm already tired of movie watching. Thank goodness my favorite show is on right now, that'll keep me busy for an hour or so. But I've got shit to do! Ugh, being sick is such a waste of time. Boss man didn't go into work today. I only went in for a few hours. But he's emailing us about being in bed and having matso ball soup and all this time I'm wishing my wife would bring me some matso ball soup in bed. Hmph.

Clothes. I'm currently obsessed with clothes and all things pretty. Must be the coming summer and longer days. I haven't put up any thread porn in a while...so hold on...

Ok, technical difficulties, I won't be showing any today.

Insomnia

I was in bed. Then woke myself up with some weird arm movement. Then started thinking about a bunch of things and finally ended up just getting up and getting on the computey. I don't do this very much. But I've got lots on my mind.

For my birthday this year, I'm losing my job. Just found out today that the show is getting canceled and we have a month left. I don't think this came as a surprise to anyone, we all saw it coming, but it's still a bit sad. And every once in a while, I'll have forgotten that I'm losing my job and then suddenly remember, and have a mini panic attack. It's fine, it's fine. I've been wanting out for a long time, and have been hoping for this for a while as well. But now it's finally here (well a month to go) and I'm getting mini panic attacks. Mostly because I'm realizing I haven't been as prepared for this end as I should've been. Shame on me. I'm usually so prepared.

The baby shower is finally out of the way and I feel like I can finally take a breather, but this news puts me back in the hot seat, blogging at 2am in the morning. Wondering, will I ever meet someone who is my equal? Will I ever speak french well enough to have a conversation with someone? Should I travel or try to step it up a bit in my career by going backwards? And how is it that I keep spending money on wedding presents and bridal showers and baby stuff on other people and when will the madness end?

You know, usual things like that.

I think this is when people start drinking. You're up at 2am, your mind is going in circles, you just need something to quiet the nerves. But I'm too lazy right now to have a beer. I'm too lazy to be a drunk. That is the epitome of low.

The shower went well but never again do I want to host something for that many people and that many kids. Good grief. We got locked out of the place until 45 minutes before people were suppose to show up, when my BIL finally somehow broke in. There were just too many people to handle. And most of the little candy pacifiers I spent hours making broke in transit, I threw them out tonight.

Also is it weird that I'm craving coffee right now? Not for the jolt, because I certainly don't need that, but I sure do like the taste.

Ok i'm out. Gonna try this sleeping thing one more time.

Calgon take me away!

I know in a previous post I mentioned i don't complain much.  Well this isn't one of those days.  I'm bloated and agitated.  Sure you can call it pms, but then I'd have to punch you in the face.  Right now I'm wishing I had someone in bed with me.  So that I can complain about how bloated and agitated I am.  Because no one will put up with those kinds of complaints unless they're in bed with you trying to go to sleep and can't get away.  Or unless you blog about it so that your readers will have to put up with it.  Perhaps that's why you have so few readers....

Kaboom

My head's about to explode from information overload. On top of that, I'm sooooo so so tired. Might have to skip the diagonal sleeping tonight, and just sleep. And Swarren is right, diagonal sleeping DOES confuse you in the middle of the night when you wake up, but I think that's why it works so well for me. I'm a confused mess when I wake up in the middle of the night, which makes my brain work more which makes it more tired, which makes me sleep harder.

I'm on the last 3 days of my 3 class series. I'm loving this last one, the instructor is awesome. I've taken a class with him before and he just knows SO MUCH INFORMATION. SO much. But I'm not used to so much thinking and overloading my brain. It's really hard work. Makes me wonder if I could actually go back to school and if I would actually retain all that information if I did. But good information makes me really happy. Maybe I am a robot.

Once or twice a week I go to this exercise class. It's mostly all girls all the time. I don't usually notice rings but the other day, while I was in a weird position with sweat dripping out of me, I looked for something to focus on to quiet the pain...and my eyes landed on some girl's engagement ring. Annoyed, I looked away to the girl next to her, who ALSO had a ring. Ugh. And then just to check, I looked at the girl next next to her, and she too had a ring. Suddenly I felt like the world was against me, and I found the focus I needed.

Just random things here and there for today. My current focus now is the baby shower. Once I get that out of the way I can finally enjoy the beginning of summer.

Emosewa

Ok, I'm not going to do this too often but, if there's a place to do this, this is it.

I'm awesome. On a human level, I'm above average. On a robot level, I chart through the roof. I'm quick. I can do things fast. I work fast. I can drive fast if it wasn't against the law. I type fast. I fall asleep fast. I go to the bathroom fast. I'm not one of those take a book and linger types. I do my business and I'm out. The only thing I don't do is eat fast, but who wants to rush that anyways?

I'm good at problem solving. I think things through. I'm a good planner. I make a good party time. I'm a cheap date. I can do 20 pushups on my knees. I don't complain much. I can pick out cool clothes, majority of the time on sale. I'm a great whistler. I can make soups. I go with the flow. I seek out new adventures. I can go solo to a party without knowing anyone but the host and almost survive. I'm a good hug giver and an even better kisser. I'm good at balance (physically and metaphorically, that should be double points). I'm not afraid to admit that I love chick flicks. I'm funny, and make funny jokes most of the time (unlike some people who shall remain nameless, and makes me laugh at her jokes that aren't even funny or even sensical). I can bend my fingers back so they're perpendicular to my palm. I'm thoughtful. I think about people all the time, even the ones who have long forgotten me. I give good gifts. I'm sensitive. (To the point where sitting in Ruby's on the newport pier on a very windy day for more than 30 minutes makes me nauseous.) But this sensitivity leads me to be aware of many things around me, people feelings, the mood of the room, situation at hand. I'm a great tour guide. I can do the plank for a minute maybe more. I have soft hands. I have good follow through. I'm not a huge flake (but every now and then, things come up, yknow?). I can be silly but i'm mostly serious. I'm good at composing emails.


I'm Szu-Hua, I'm fucking awesome, and I make awesomeness happen.

Thanks for letting me indulge.

Survival of the Fittest

Well, we all survived the rapture.

Yet I'm still struggling. On an emotional level I suppose.

It's been a busy few weeks. I co-produced a concert. Yup. I did that. I was telling everyone how much I hated using that word when all I really did was help out A just a bit here and there. It sounded so fake and pretentious. But now that it's over, I look back at what I did, and F yea, I co-produced a concert. I co-produced the shit out of it.

A lot of things were out of my control and knowledge, because A had a lot of the information himself, but...but I think if I had to, I'd be really good at putting events on. I have good follow through and organizational skillz. Doing this reminded me of International Week I put on in HS, as ICC president. I held the shit out of International Week, it was the best one in many years. Fast forward a decade or so, and I think I still got it. If I had to, I'd be a good producer. It's just that I have no interest in it, it's too stressful. However, the high I felt after it was all over, after everything went so well and all the good feedback I got from everyone who loved the show, I ask myself...isn't the payoff worth all the stress leading up to it? I still don't know. And heck, if A asked me to do it again with him next year, I don't know that I can say no. Although we'd have a lot to discuss upfront, that's for sure.

I've been taking a few classes to open myself up for more opportunities. Weekend classes are hard. Sitting through a lecture is hard...especially after lunch when all the blood in your head has gone to your digestive track, and you can barely keep your eyes open, no matter how much coffee you have. But I'm hoping it's all for the better.

Tonight as Ben rang my groceries up at TJ's he asked me what was new. I had nothing for him. I said, "nothing." And then diverted the question by asking him about his upcoming move to the new place with his purty fiance. That's the problem, there's nothing new with me. In the mean time, everyone else is busy moving in with fiances and getting married and having babies. What happened? Why did everyone suddenly decide to make life changes? And when I say sudden, I mean sudden. There were years...YEARS when time passed by and I had no weddings to go to, no baby showers to say no to because I was planning another. Things were quiet for a while. And suddenly, these past few months, everyone decided to act at the same time. And I have friends of all different ages. So it's not "that time." They just all decided it was without me. WTF.

And I know, I can't just sit here on my stupid blog complaining about other people's lives. I've gotta make it happen for me, whatever it is. But it's not like putting on a concert. There's no end date in sight for whenever the show's suppose to start. Even though.... I have all the information and all the knowledge to put on the show that is my life. I don't have A getting in my way as an excuse. Hm...so maybe it is like putting on a show. If that's the case, then I'm failing hard, because I've tried so hard and it's just not happening.

Argh, this is stupid, ffwd.

I've been diagonal sleeping lately. I felt like I was wearing down the right side of my mattress so I moved to the middle, but somehow ended up on the left side but diagonal. It worked so well the first night that I've just been continuing to see what happens. I think diagonal sleeping is working wonders. I've been sleeping good and hard. Either that or I've been too tired and stressed to not sleep well. But I think it's the diagonal sleeping...I highly recommend it. First make sure you push all the pile of clothes off your bed though.

Wedding Bells

I don't know what it is and why it is, but I'm getting more and more excited about this royal wedding. Nothing crazy, I just want to see it go down. I'm not going to stay up late to watch it, but I still want to see it. Something about royalty, a pretty wife (who is doing her own makeup, wha?), and well...prince william. We had a thing when I was a kid. Yup. I just didn't tell him about it, he doesn't need to be bothered with such things. Mmmhmm.

I guess it's the whole rags to riches story. Not that kate's family was poor. No...I know what it is. It's the meeting the love of your life in college. I'm almost 30 and haven't met the love of my life, but they met in school! On top of all that, meeting a celebrity. And on top of that, a ROYAL celebrity. A person that a whole entire country knows of. Knows the history of. Knows the nitty gritty ugly scandalous history of. Not that I covet that. But it's something, don't you think? It's such a big thing.

Oh, and I kinda DO want to stay up til 1am to watch it. But I have class in the early morning. Sigh.

Finally!

Me and my bf, under one roof.

He was with another woman, I was by myself. We were surrounded by hundreds of people, but I still had myself a grand ol time.

Steve was interviewing Tina F. tonight downtown, and lots of people showed up. It was a great show, and even though I love tina, seeing her live and seeing her speak made me love her even more. So much more. She is a woman I'd like to be. Smart, funny, creative, powerful. She got a bigger applause than steve!

He was funny, she was funny. He asked good questions, and she gave insightful answers.

One thing i noticed was that...they're not as close as I thought they would be. They've worked together so much, but on stage tonight, they practically seemed like strangers. I thought they'd be the best of friends, or at least have that mentor/mentee relationship, with lots of inside jokes and whatnot, but she seemed kinda stiff and nervous around him, and he around her. There was just no warm familiarity there. Also at the end, when they stood up, she went in for a hug, and he held out his hand to shake it, so then she shook his hand. I caught that awkward moment, and felt very awkward for them.

Also the sound on stage wasn't working so well. There were issues with the mics, he asked to have the monitors turned up, they couldn't really hear the audience questions on stage. So there was definitely a technical issue. But it also made me wonder...

Was it a technical thing, or is he just simply an old man and can't hear as well as he used to? Because he seriously missed a lot of things that Tina was saying, a lot of funny things she said that we were laughing about in the audience he didn't seem to quite catch on to. Also, the technical issues may have led to this too but...well...

Was it the audio issues, or is he maybe a bit of a jerk? Some of the things he said and his demeanor just made me...love him a little less. Perhaps he's just done this too many times. He's heard all these standard dumb questions that audiences ask when they're trying to impress him. Because I can get short with people too if I feel like they're being slow or asking dumb questions, I've been there, I get it. Or maybe he was throwing a mini tantrum because people cheered for tina much louder than they did for him, and he's trying to show everyone how cool he is even though he's crying on the inside. I don't know. Whatever it is, he seemed a bit out of sorts tonight. But then again, I don't know the guy, I only know him from the tv. Maybe a dash of jerkiness is how he lives his real life.

I'm trying not to let this let down of who steve really may be get in to my head too much. After all, everyone can have an off night. Instead I'll just focus on how great he looked. Very dapper. Very gentleman-like. Great black rimmed glasses to compliment his gray suit and pink tie. Also, he was funny. We all love a man who knows how to be funny, right?

All in all, a great night.

Another tough workout today. I love that moment when you do that last rep and then sink into the floor for your cool down. Those few minutes make it all worth while. That time when your body and muscles are slowly coming out of the shock you just put them through for the last 55 minutes. I can hear those tingling muscles asking me "Whoa. SH. What was that you just did to us?" It's a pretty cool feeling. That, and limping back to my car hoping my legs won't give before I get to the door. Awesome.

I'm not digging the shows on the CW anymore. I think it's a sign of growth.

Good grief charlie brown, I'm too tired for anything. Going to watch some conspiracy movies in bed.