Who does Zach Braff think he is?? Just because he wrote a script for Natalie Portman, and actually casted Natalie Portman in said script, doesn't mean he has the right to date Natalie Portman on the first shot!!! Sure we all love him in scrubbs, and sure he might be a brilliant writer and first time director, but that does not mean that he can just go and date Natalie Portman! It all seems too easy...And what about my boy milo?? I guess that moment we shared on New York Street meant nothing to him, since he's now dating Alexis Bledel, his gilmore girls COSTAR! I thought we really had something that day- him looking all good standing there, me looking all good in the blazer driving that matching blue cart...We made eye contact for goodness sakes! Does that not mean anything to anyone anymore? I almost crashed that cart and the passengers on board because of him, and what does he do? He goes and dates a costar. Yea, whatever.

Is this some sort of new kabbalah-esque train that i should be jumping on? Is hollywood trying to tell me that, IF i write a script, and direct a movie from said script, not to mention star in the movie of said script that i directed, i'll end up dating my hot costar? Yes, if hollywood could talk, i believe thats what it would be trying to tell me. I shall now go spread this gospel throughout the land.

From henceforth, all ye who wisheth to date hot celebrities may do so by joining a WB drama or writing your own feature film with said celebrity in mind. It worked for Zach, it worked for Milo, it'll work for you too. All you have to do is buy a $50 green sweatband and wear it on thy head for continuing prosperity and date-ability, for we are all out of those expensive red strings.