Jedi mind tricks, they are

This has been the third time that some lady has stopped me in the middle of whatever they were doing to hand me their card.  "Call me" they always say, "I do readings and I sense something about you." They've all said the same thing.  Sure they could be saying it to get my business.  But all three have just randomly stopped whatever they were doing to give me their cards.  Maybe there are just a lot of fortune tellers in the area and I just happen to run across them often.  Or maybe I DO have something about me that catches their attention.  

Could be one of many things:
1. I just look like a sucker.  Perhaps it's all over my face, out there and open for them to read.  Remember the trader joes incident?  I rest my case.

2. They can sense that I have special unlocked powers and want to help me unlock them for a one time fee.  I'm totally willing to pay for the ability to fly or move things with my mind like a Jedi.

3. Maybe I have evil spirits in me that they want to get rid of.

I'm putting my money down on #1 as the most likely.  However this has sparked some interest. Especially when there's been multiple incidents.  Could be fun.

Also the roomate is back.  And by roomate I just mean the neighbor.  For the last 2.5 weeks I have not heard a peep from her side of the wall.  But her car was still in the garage.  After a few days I figured she was propbably on vacation.  After 2 weeks I thought, my that is a long vacation, I hope she's ok.  And i started to wonder what if something had happened to her inside her apt, like maybe a pile of newspapers fell on her.  But then j reminded me that people would be looking for her by now.  Right, of course.
So I sat back and enjoyed the silence.  And I played my tv loud.  And i played my music loud, and sang songs loud.  And I didn't hear any running or loud door slamming or excess tv noise from her side and life was good.  

But then this morning I heard the loud door slam and the tv turn on and movements coming from her side.  I guess the vacation is over...for both of us.  

Hot off the press!

So I showed up at the restaurant for the 2nd time, and asked the waitress for the manager, who wasn't there again. Out on a delivery, not sure when he'll be back, is there anything I can help you with? So I thought about it and thought maybe she would be able to do something about it without me having to wait for the manager to come back. I explained the situation to her, how the waiter wrote in his own tip, and she just seemed confused so I just decided to wait. While I waited I thought about how stupid I might have sounded to her, especially when she said, "so you didn't write a tip amount?" and I firmly said "no." Ugh, and she was the familiar one too.

Anyway, I sat down to wait and was JUST about to post a comment about how silly I felt, waiting in the restaurant for the manager who wasn't there for the 2nd time, wondering when he was going to show up and exactly how long I should be waiting for him, and maybe this whole thing isn't worth all the trouble and anger when suddenly he was behind me.

"Before you even say anything, I know exactly what you're going to say and I can explain."

Apparently the waitress had gotten to him ahead of me and must've explained the situation. So he goes on to explain that this was a bank issue, and this happens all the time. When you use a debit card and don't leave a tip, the BANK automatically adds 20% to the amount for who knows what reason (he asked if I noticed it was 20%, I said YES!), but that it is a pending amount, and in a few days when the bank settles the amount, they'll take off the added 20%. Why they do this he does not know, he's had many phone calls to the bank, and had to answer to many customers about it in the past, and has had it happen to himself, but he GUARANTEED me that once the bill is not pending anymore, it'll be back to the regular amount I was charged.

Oh....um...good to know?

As soon as he was able to beat me to my answer before I even explained the situation fully to him, I realized that something else was involved, and it was not the waiter, Ramon. Sorry Ramon, for having bad thoughts about you all day. You seemed kinda nice too, and I enjoyed my latte.

So, case closed I guess! I left a little red and embarrassed for being so angry with them, but I guess now I know for future reference, and my blog audience can avoid this somewhat embarrassing situation by learning from me?

Y'know what else I learned though? I learned that across from that cafe, in what used to be an old tire/auto lot, will be the future home to a fancy cupcake shop. Oooooooooooooooooooh. I am in trouble.

So there you go kids. Thanks for all the links and support and sympathy anger, really, I truly appreciate having backup.
I'll be having a cupcake on your behalf in a few weeks. (each)

The Nerve!!!

Um....so.

The coffee i got this morning was great, it really was. But I did not tip them. Ok, so sue me, I didn't tip my coffee guy. I've never been a big fan of that cafe anyways, but I do admit they have good coffee. I vaguely remember not tipping and just signing my slip. However, if I HAD tipped, which I am admitting here I probably didn't, I probably would've written down $1.

I'm going through my receipts and expense just now and saw that they had charged me .70cents more than what was charged. And what do you know, I did the math, that is about 20%. Unfortunately I'm not very good at math, so if i HAD tipped the guy, I would've made it $1 to keep things even, I wouldn't take the time to figure out that 20% is .70 cents.

The nerve of the guy to write down his own tip!!!

Ok, I've only worked at a small coffee shop before, never really a waitress so I'll have to say I haven't worked in food service. I know it's a hard job, and when I do eat out I tip regular to fairly well, depending on things. But is it normal or a waiter's right to just write in their own tip? I took my coffee TO GO. I didn't even stay. This is why I hate that place. This plus the fact that their food is bland and their service is usually rude and horrible. But they're close and they have good coffee which is my excuse for my scant visits.

I'm not sure what to do now. It's not about the .70 cents. Who cares, it's less than a dollar. It's about the PRINCIPLE!! Is it even legal for them to write in their own tip?? So do I want to go and complain about .70cents? And lose ever going back in there again? I've never been a good complainer, even if I did talk to the manager he'd probably sense this right away and tell me to get lost. Or do I just suck it up and ignore it and keep my coffee privileges and let them get away with it? Maybe I can write a yelp review and tell everyone to stay away.

I need some thoughts from my readers, thanks.


BTW, this is my 700th post, take 2!

Reality vs My Head. Spoiler alert: Reality wins.

We used to get milk at work. 1% and half and half. For our morning cereals and coffee and whatnot. Ever since we moved, we have not gotten milk. Rumor has it that there will be no milk. So I resorted to what we do have, those little cups of creamer with the Indian on them. And by Indian i mean the native american kind and not the south asian kind. It always bugged me that these things don't have to be refrigerated. Why not? I don't know. Because it's not real dairy? I don't know what's in them really. But I don't like them in my coffee, it's just never tasted right.

This morning, I decided to go across the street to get some good coffee before heading out to work. Because last night was a late night at work and I wanted to treat myself to a cup of good coffee with real milk, the kind that has to stay in the fridge. While I was crossing the street I noticed some workers by my window. I thought they were cutting down the trees and got my hopes up but turns out they were just pulling cables (probably brought down by the trees).

As I was watching these workers pull their cables and crossing the street and thinking about my coffee, I heard my name being called. I turned around. It was the brit. We said hello and chatted for a bit. I didn't think I had much to say but I could just hear myself from inside my brain listening to myself yapping away about this and that. Nervous habit I guess. And then he had to get to work and I had my coffee to get and away we went on our separate ways.

It was not suppose to happen like this.

All the times I've imagined running into the brit, the scenario always played out better in my head than it did today. I mean, wouldn't you say that the whole milk coffee cable men story was better? I was practicing for a cool, calm, nonchalant SH. One that looked fabulously fabulous. With a long cigarette dangling from my gloved hand. Think Audrey Hepburn. And I would say things like, "How doo you diuuu." Or, "What, this old sequined ball gown? Why, I wear this when I wash the dishes at home." Instead I was surprise attacked from behind (ok, not really) and yammered on about things I can't even remember now. Of all the days to not wear my ball gown! Sigh. Such is life I guess.

Perhaps if the encounter had occurred AFTER I had my coffee I would've been a bit more prepared. But this was PRE-coffee SH. One should always let the woman have her coffee first before getting down to business! I'm just saying.

Hello? Is anyone out there?

I know everyone is very busy, especially this time of year, but I miss reading my blogs!  You know who you are.  As much as I like to talk about myself all the time, it's nice to read up on you too.

I was just leaving a comment on S's blog about how I'm trying to wear more makeup as she is trying to wear less.  I've never been a big makeup wearer, mostly chapstick until about two months ago.  Something made me start thinking that perhaps I should wear just a bit of makeup to pull myself together, look a bit more polished at the workplace rather than looking like I just crawled out of bed (which until two weeks ago I was pretty much doing).  I think it was some podcast somewhere.  I just want to look just a bit more professional and perhaps be taken a bit more seriously and maybe more my age and thought that some color on me would help.  

I'm actually liking it so far.  Somedays it looks better than others, I'm still trying to figure out where best to apply my blush so I don't look like a clown.  I don't even know if people at work really notice since it's so slight, but it does give me a bit of confidence boost when I see myself in the bathroom mirror.

Oh I think it also had something to do with color correcting at work and seeing how well it works and wanting to apply the same effect on myself.  If Brett is looking a bit pasty, I add some color to him.  I think I was feeling a bit pasty so I decided to add some color on myself with makeup.  I'm getting to the point where I'm getting bored with my look and would like to step it up a notch but I'm trying not to buy things I'll only use a few times.

I don't know where this makeup conversation is going, I'm boring myself. 

I can't work

Our servers are down at work today as is the Internet, so I've resorted to blogging from my phone.  Technology is amazing really.

So I know yesterday I was poo pooing BBC world news but today I heard the most amazing thing that made me smile from ear to ear on the way to work.  And since I have limited search abilities, I'll just have to tell you the story,  and provide the link later when I have some Internet access.

Apparently there's this guy in south England that has bought all those old red iconic english public phone booths and has decided to turn them into tiny libraries all over town!  No fees, no checking books in and out.  You leave a great book in the booth, you take a great book out the booth.  How awesome is that?!?!!!  Now I want to go to there just to check out these mini libraries.  Maybe take a book as a souvenir.  Maybe publish my blog into a book and leave it in the booth!  Genius!

I really do hope this idea works out for them, and people don't trash these booths and take them for granted.  If I had one near me I'd take really good care of it.  Maybe make some curtains for the booth.  Bring it some flowers or a plant.  The possibilities are endless.

695?

I swear I had a post earlier this year about my 700th post, but now blogger is telling me that this one is 695? So confused.

I just spent an hour perusing the internet on a pointless project. It's amazing how much time is so easily lost on the internet.

So with all this increase of UC tuition and all the subsequent student protests...it made me think back of my college days and how there were so many protests all the time for this cause or that cause. There was a huge one I vaguely remember, the vague part being exactly what cause it was for. But I remembered it was a big deal and was in the papers and all. And all this made me wonder what happens after college? Do people give up on causes? Were we just naive children in college thinking we can change the world and have since become bitter apathetic adults? Or is it just harder to congregate as a large group without the college environment so people don't do it as much?

I'm still getting used to this "commute" to work thing, and the "not being able to come home for lunch" thing. So far, it's been alright. I get to listen to npr in the car instead of from bed. Except, my npr during the commute hour plays BBCNewshour and they tend to report on heavier subjects like aids in africa or soldiers in afghanistan or female mutilation. All very important topics to explore for sure, but just a bit much to swallow as an intro to work every morning. Does that make me a really shallow American? Well, I sure feel like one when I switch the station. Perhaps I should start listening to podcasts in the car. Any good suggestions? Oh! I should get back to my french podcasts and practiquez mon francaise dans la voiture. Ah...oui!

Still looking for a holiday getaway, though I have more than enough projects to keep me busy during the holidays. I have my reel to update, my website to redo, my sister's wedding video to put together, things to sew and learn to sew, the apartment to reorganize and decorate...you get the picture. Still, would be nice to get away somewhere. If only other places had the SH tour, I would go there and take it.

My family is very familiar with the SHLA tour since there are always so many out of town guests that want to see LA. And everyone always really enjoys my tours. (Mostly because I take them to eat yummy things and they leave happy.) So much so that I've put thought into how to make it a profitable business. The idea is to customize an LA trip catered to the person taking it. If you are young and hip, I take you on the young and hip tour. If you are of the star crazed kind I take you to see celebrity things. Eat where the celebrities eat. If you are old and have stiff joints, I don't take you on the hikes. And so on. Kind of like in India when we had our own guide for a few days. It was small and intimate and nice. (Especially when I was puking all the way up the mountain. And then all the way down the mountain. It was nice not having to share that with a bus full of strangers.) Except he didn't eat with us and that was a bit weird. I would DEFINITELY eat with my tour group. Unless they were annoying. Then I'd make an excuse to leave during meals.

Oh yes...I think that's why the tour group business idea never really panned out. If the group was cool, then it'd be a fun time for everyone involved. But if the group was annoying then I'd be stuck with annoying people for days at a time, and most times I am just not a people person. So I will scratch that off the list...again.

Bonnuit, tout le monde!

I want to punch you in the face.

Do you guys remember Being John Malcovich?  That movie blew my mind!  The idea of crawling through some magical tunnel and into someone else's head and seeing things from john's perspective was so on the money.  Sometimes I wish I could crawl into someone else's head.

So many fights and arguments are started from miscommunication.  I see it first hand all the time.  If only people could walk into the other person's mind and realize that last insult they threw at you wasn't intended to be an insult at all, and was in fact merely a way of saying I really care about you.  If only that was the case we'd save ourselves a lot of hurt feelings and misguided anger, and replace that energy into saving the earth or something of the kind.  I see it all the time, I'm guilty of it too.  

The thing with being at home is I end up seeing a lot of Chinese tv.  I don't watch it persay, I can only handle short doses.  Well today I saw this taiwanese model on the tv and as I watched her speak I had a huge urge to punch her.  Sounds harsh I know, but it's really an urge.  The strange thing was that this urge felt familiar.  Then I found out it's the same girl that is in red cliff, this Chinese movie that will be out later in December.  When I found out it was the same woman, it made sense, because I remember wanting to punch her when I saw her in the movie.

I'm not one to usually advocate violence but it's just this deep urge I get when I watch her.  She's just so....the only word I can think of is "soft".  I know she's a model and all but this softness in her is not sexy at all.  It makes me really angry in fact (I think that's where the punching thing stems from).  

This might not be my place to say but... I just feel like if you're going to use your pretty, use it from a place of strength and confidence.  Exude it until you can't exude no more.  Don't be this soft little thing that giggles and smiles and...to me just seems so weak yet proud in the weakness.  I know it's not my place to judge who people are and how they are, I wouldn't want to be judged either but...I can't help it, the urge to punch her just washes over me when I see or hear her.  Maybe I just feel the need to toughen her up with a good punch.  Wake her up, snap her out of her softness, like a good boxing coach..  

I just feel like we're not all blessed enough to use our pretty, that's what models are for, and more power to them.  But when you're in the public eye with millions of young girls looking up to you, you can't be soft, you gotta be a bit tougher, like Tyra (even though she is way weird a lot of the time) or Heidi klum.  So I think me punching her would be a good thing for her...yea?

Speaking of models, just want to remind y'all that dec 1st is the airing of Victoria's secret annual angel fashion show.  I love this show so much and look forward to it every year, it's always quite the production.  And, you're welcome.

Stuck.

Another holiday gone, another overstuffed stomach.

Bob, the Chinese turkey was stuffed with sticky rice that tasted better than it looked. Thanks Bob, for your sacrifice.

Maybe because I grew up here, but I love that Thanksgiving was spent in a tank top, sipping iced coffee. Something about that is kind of comforting, like pie.

Speaking of pie, we got the last French Apple at Marie Calendars. Hooray! Pie has still yet to be eaten.

And so it begins, the holiday season. I feel like I was just here a few weeks ago, don't you? Next comes the buying of stuff and then the giving of the stuff and then the baking of stuff and then the eating of stuff. Lots to be done for the coming month.

Nora Ephron has been a bit disappointing, as this book isn't as good as I was hoping it would be. I have another waiting in the wings though, so don't worry dear readers.

I have this urge to write lately, but can't come up with anything (thus the lackadaisical blogs). Sometimes I get too hung up in the end result (the next great american novel) and then get performance anxiety which results in existential paralysis. So bare with me while I form my thoughts.

I need some feed back, dear readers. I'd like to know what's interesting and what's boring to read about. Thanks.

Bedtime

Funny how with a bunch of people around you it can still feel lonely.

I'm thinking of taking a trip after Xmas.  Not sure where I want to go or what I want to do exactly.  I just haven't gotten away in a while.  C suggested we go to new Orleans together but for some reason that doesn't get me excited at the moment.  Perhaps if it were spring.  Thought about maybe Vermont or Colorado, but both states involve intense coldness and nothing to do except ski, which I'm not great at.  It'd just be beautiful, but i dont need a whole week of beauty.  Thought of maybe a tropical island like Bahamas or Hawaii but those involve sitting around doing nothing.  I can't make up my mind, any one have suggestions?  Been to any of these places and have some recommendations?  Europe would be nice but not enough time to make it worth while.

Update on the new library which I had a chance to visit today: a combo of old and new books, though I'd say probably more new than old ones.  This thanksgiving will be spent reading nora ephron, and I'm eager to see whether her novels stand up to her movies.

It's nice not to have cable sometimes, as much as I feel left out when everyones talking about the latest winner of top chef.  However tonight my sister caught me up on the city, a spinoff of the hills which is a spinoff of laguna beach.  After listening to her talk about these shows I'm really glad cable is not in my life.  I'd most likely end up watching these shows if I had access, and for now I'm really glad I don't.  (though sometimes I wouldn't mind vegging out on antiques roadshow, that's the 60 yr old in me speaking.)

The sound of music

I should really learn not to doubt A, my conductor. Every time I think i'm done with the orchestra, we end up having a great night that makes it all worth while. Tonight went so smoothly. Our soloists: superb. The audience were a plenty. And the location! Wow. We ended up at Mel Gibson's dopleganger's huge loft down town with awesome views of the downtown skyline. I mean his living room was large enough to fit a seated orchestra of about 25, and then an audience of about 50. His bathroom had no doors, it was an open toilet, open shower, all behind this wall. Hard to explain. Definitely quite the bachelor pad but I did see his gf later on. It just all came together so nicely at the end. It always comes together nicely at the end. I always panic and doubt, I need to just learn to chiiiiiiiil. A coworker came and enthusiastically said we were "amazing," which was nice to hear. I always think these things would bore people. As I was leaving I had a brief conversation with Mr. Mel Gibson (which is what I'm calling this guy) who I thanked for letting us so graciously use his fantastic place to let us play our concert. He thanked me for playing and said we are definitely invited back. What a cool dood.

I love my dentist

I love my dentist. They are just simply the most friendly people ever. The front desk lady always remembers me, even on the phone, and today even asked if I did something different to my hair. The doc asked if I still had a job. They redid a filling that was falling out and did a minor filling on a tooth that was too exposed (guess I'm brushing too hard) and didn't charge me! I only see them twice a year and they can remember these things and be so nice, it's incredible. I really love them. I wish all my other experiences were as great as going to the dentist. Plus, another check up with no cavities when I thought for sure I had one. Turns out the tooth was just sensitive, like the rest of me...go figure.

Cheesily content.

Had a long day at work today where the internet was down all day and access to some servers were down as well. Seemed as though everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. What did we ever do before the internet? How did we ever fact check. Gather media. Download images. Send emails with attachments. How did anyone ever make a TV show without the internet????

(This btw, is rhetorical, in case A decides to send me a link to how tv shows were made before the internet. Not that I don't appreciate your links A. It's just rhetorical.)

I even had to send a virtual email by physically going up the stairs to gather my producers up one by one to ask them to come watch a cut. What?

I've been watching a lot of mad men lately, and i just wonder: what are all those secretaries doing while the men drank and smoked their days away? They're all typing away, but what are they typing up? If I were to go back in time to days of mad men, and tell them about this thing called Internet and Email and Ichat...omg, they would all giggle in my face and go back to typing on their type machines. But at least I'd probably look really cute in my 60's outfit. Being laughed at in your face isn't so bad as long as you look cute right? Super.

Also, what is it about SPIRAL mac and cheese that makes it taste better than regular mac and cheese? Everyone knows this, I mean, the spiral kind even costs MORE than the regular kind. But I just can't figure out why. More surface area to be coated with cheese? Perhaps. An irregular shape that sharpens the tongue's senses? Maybe. Ok, here is where I'd like a link...I'd really like to know. Thanks to my bff who introduced the idea of mac and cheese to me back in elementary school. As a little asian, i didn't comprehend the idea of noodles covered with bright yellow sauce. But she fed me spiral mac and cheese during our summers together and I was enlightened. Today I had some with turkey meatballs from trader joes. Delicious. Even day old microwaved spiral mac n cheese is still way better than regular mac n cheese. Why is that?

Tonight I went to hear Walter Murch speak at a group meeting too nerdy to name. I've been excited about this for a month, and boy, he did not disappoint, even with the short amount of time he had. He is just this vast wealth of information and ideas and the things he said really made the mice in my brain run really fast. HE is what I aspire to be about. I hope to meet him personally some day in a more intimate setting where I can just pick his brain and he can download all the life experiences he's had into my brain. Some exchange of that sort would be ideal. Plus he just looks very... debonaire for an older gentlemen. I hope my brain still runs like his does now when I'm his age.

Today was a long day, but getting to see Walter Murch speak made it so worthwhile. I am now happy and content.

Ergo, ego.

Sometimes when I see people not taking criticism well from me or from someone else, I just want to say to them, Chill Out, I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to help you in the area I'm criticizing you in. But as always, it's easier to dish it than to take it.

I don't take criticism well myself. I take everything as a personal attack on me and who I am, and how much I've failed (depending on how much you criticize). I can't step back and try to look at things on a bigger perspective, like I wish others would. I want so much to succeed in everything I do that I take criticism, even constructive ones, as failure.

I automatically go into attack mode ("well...you're a stupidhead!" is usually what runs through my mind). I think of all the reasons why they're wrong and how they're wrong. And then I cry and feel like a failure when I realize they're right.

It really all comes down to EGO. Yours and mine and his and hers. I really can't stand having a bruised ego. There's been times when I know I'm wrong and having to admit it is so so SOOOO hard to do. Maybe I should read some freud. Better yet, maybe there's a podcast...I have a feeling freud's gonna be a tough man to conquer.

I guess I just need to learn that it's ok to fail. When I fail it's just a chance for me to get up and do it better the next time. A second chance. How often are you given that? I guess as many times as you fail.

Also, I guess failing's not so bad. If you fail well enough, you get minor celebrity status on failblog. And....if you were the very BEST at failing, would you really be a failure?

How do you guys think you handle criticism?

Live high, live mighty, live righteously

I've been reading a few of my posts from this time last year, and feel like my latest posts haven't been my best work yet. I'm losing my touch, if i ever had it.

I want to write poetry, clever dialog, LOL jokes that make you spit out your milk through your nose, followed by a smart quip or one liner that gives the allusion of my cleverness on all levels and yet....

And yet I only write about writing them.

This time last year I was kind of in a bad place, from what I remember. This time this year, I'm in a better place, but still have not reached that peak yet. But I guess it's best to not peak at my age, since I have so many more ages to go.

Lately I've been in love with Jason Mraz. The ridiculous kind that I've never had with a real person. Probably because these crushes I have are usually on people out of my reach. You know, the unrequited kind that only leaves anguish and sorrow because it is so unrequited. Mostly this happens with celebrities/musicians and well, guys out of my league. But I told Hills about this problem knowing her love for Jason Mraz as well, and you know what she said?? She told me to quit being so Emo. Sheesh! I've never been called that before, but that explains it so clearly. I think it's something about his lyrics, he laces them with drugs or something. I'm not usually big on paying attention to lyrics, but he is so good with his words, WHICH! is obviously indicative of his hands' abilities....obviously. I just watched his performance on Conan, and it made me smile from ear to ear.

I'm all about words lately seems like. His, yours, mine. I guess I have a lot to say.

Dreams

I've been watching a lot of mad men and californication lately.  Both great shows in their own right, though I do enjoy the humor in californication more.  Funny how these two shows both started out as pilots in ny, and moved to la for production after the shows got picked up. Moving to where my work is moving in a week.  Which on one hand is exciting...I'm hoping to run into January jones or David duchvny in the elevators.  Maybe there will be more posts about celebrity sightings.  On the other hand though, I will no longer be within walking distance of work, which is a little bit sad.  No more going home at lunch for peoples court!

Speaking of work, today was a sad day as there were major bloodbath of layoffs at the company.  Exactly a year ago today, I had the same fate as some of my fellow coworkers today.  But this time around, I am safe: still in the running to become America's next top model.  I also realized that I don't get to see this side very often, the side where you have to keep working as the people around you are kicked off the island one by one.  Usually I'm on the other side, the biggest loser.  Not sure which side I like better.

Well I'm safe for now but who knows for how long.  And watching the mad men extra features last night really makes me want to work on a show of that caliber.  This guy wrote a pilot a few years ago and now he is the executive producer of a hit show.  And he has creative control.  And people like his vision.  And the people that like his vision are all the best at what they do.  Imagine that!  Having the best and therefore being the best.  Must be so fulfilling.  Someday hopefully...someday.

The next morning...

The whole apartment smells like ratatouile!  

I've refridgerated the batch, thrown out the trash, did the dishes, left the sliding door open...yet the smell lingers.  I woke up several times during the night wondering if I left the gas on.  This does not fare well...

Post Script

I just noticed that last year I had 116 posts. In 2003 I had 128. This year, I'm barely breaking 50. Need to change that. Hopefully if I post more, I can have at least 80 by the end of this year. Aiming for 100, but considering how many days there are left in the year, it might be impossible unless I double up, and that in itself seems like a cheat.

Mmm..rat...atouille!

I got the big idea to make ratatouille tonight. Ok, actually I got the idea this weekend and went shopping for the veggies and decided to make it tonight. Right now i'm waiting for the liquid to come out of the zucchini so I can drain it before I start cooking it all. Long story.

I also had a beer tonight. I'm still in the middle of it. I rarely have beer at home and when I do, its usually for guests that come over. But tonight I really felt like having one. I was almost craving it. Which is weird, because I don't really drink. Hm. Odd.

Back to the rat for now...will update when I'm done.


*************************************************************

So after 2+ hours of chopping and cooking, I now have a rather large pot of ratatouille, read: lunch and dinner for the week to come.

How is it, you might wonder?

To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. It doesn't taste quite like the ratatouille that I had a while back that someone else had made. But it doesn't taste bad either. I seem to have a more bland palette than your average jane, so things that taste good to me might not taste good to the next person. I tend not to use butter or much salt on things, though watching Julia Child has changed my mind a bit. It does sit a bit heavy in my tummy though for a pot of vegetables, perhaps I used too much oil? Or maybe I just waited too long to have my dinner, so that my window of hunger closed. Who knows. I'll be having it again tomorrow, so maybe things will be different then.

And no, I'm not trying to recreate Julie and Julia, the life turned blog turned book turned movie. Cooking something different everyday for a whole year just seems too time consuming for me. Also EXPENSIVE!! I merely remembered how surprisingly good the ratatouille I had last time was, and had a craving.

The thing about cooking as a single gal is that you end up wasting alot. Also, you make something and you end up eating it for the whole week (see the blog post on curry week, junior or senior year of college. Whoa I just went back in time trying to look for that exact post...no luck. I know its there somewhere. College was great. Le sigh...)

Where was I? Oh yea, eating stuff for a whole week, no variation, etc etc.

I did, however, finish an entire bottle of beer tonight. Usually I can only get through 2/3 of a bottle. Pathetic I know. But that's just how I roll.

Great. Now I'm tempted to go back and read my posts from college. They're quite fun and interesting. Geez, I had 2 jobs at one point! Must resist, it's late and I must get to bed. I'll save the memory lane for tomorrow.

Hm...something you might want to look into, A, whenever you're wanting a post from me...just go into my archives! They're new to you if you haven't read them. :)

I am jack's lack of style

Coworker C and i have been talking about hitting up someplace fancy ever since she broke up with the bf last week.   A few weeks ago we "went out" and hit up a place called library bar. 

(I know, what a great theme right?  I thought it'd be a nice quiet bar with good books all strewn about that you can just pick up and read whenever as you sip your gin n tonic.  Kinda like a cafe with alcohol.  Alas, that wasn't quite it.  It was loud with TVs running and the "library" part was only a wall shelf filled with books which I wasn't even sure was real.  It looked like something out of mickey's house in toon town...No matter though, C and I still chatted with each other and had a good time there.)  

This time though we wanted to step it up a bit and go a bit fancier, maybe someplace with dancing.  Now I'm not a big fan of the Hollywood clubs.  I've only been to one once and had an ok time but felt totally and completely out of place and out of my element.  So when I say dancing I'm thinking more like...a dive bar with an updated jukebox.  But C is fancier than that.  So we decided on bar lubitch, a recommendation I got from fern.
  
In preparation for this fancy night out she asked what I was going to wear, and seemed a bit disappointed when told her my plans.  So we went shopping on melrose today at lunch in search of something fun I could wear.  I really liked the first place we went to except that I didn't love anything I tried on there.  A few items were ok, but nothing screamed "buy me".  
One piece that her and the saleslady both really liked, I thought looked like a kimono on me, so I passed.

Now I understand I have a certain style that is somewhat...reserved I guess you can say, and that C is just the person to help me change things up a bit, but if I don't feel comfortable in a kimono dress, then I'll never wear it.

We go to another store and this time the saleslady was a bit too eager in selling us her stuff.  Let me just say, if you've never been shopping on melrose...the merchandise can be a bit...hooch.  Not everything...but a lot, in my opinion.  To me it's where you'd go shop if you want to hit up a Hollywood club.  But then again, not saying you can't find a nice dress to wear to church either.  

Anyway, so this saleslady is suggesting stuff here and there that was a bit too hooch for both of us. Just a bit tacky.  But there's some good stuff too so we keep looking.  C keeps asking "how bout this, how bout that" but I wasn't really into anything.  Just as we were about to leave something caught my eye and I went to pull it out and as soon as I saw it, I thought it was totally cute, though I should've just kept it to myself.  C looked at it and gave me a look.  And then I looked at it and, well, I would've given myself the same look.  

I suddenly registered what I was suggesting in this store full of hoochy mama dresses.  It was a pale blue knitted sweater...with pretty flowers on the front.

At that moment it dawned on me.  I am 60 years old!!!  I mean, it wasnt bad enough that i picked out a long sleeve sweater among a sea of lowcut tightness.  But it was knitted and had flowers!!!!  What was i thinking?

Well i was thinking that its going to get cold soon and that cute sweater would keep me warm.  What was that sweater doing in THAT store anyway?  It was trying to sabotage me that's what!  If I had found it at a different store it would've been fine.  It just didn't fit into our lunch mission of finding something fun and sexy.  Also I am 60 years old.

C and I have different styles and tastes and I'm open to new things she may throw my way but i know I'll probably stick with what's comfortable more often than not.  But she made a good point today which was, you're going to lose it as you get older, it's not going to last forever, so show it off while you still can.  She's right.  I'm going to try it.  Slowly.  Today was tough though, with the short dresses.  I like to be able to sit in all kinds of positions and not have to worry about whether im flashing someone or not...so usually that feeling leads me into jeans.  One sleeve at a time I guess...

I slammed my boyfriend's head.

This morning, I slammed open the door of the building, eagerly awaiting the warm sunshine to hit me, only to hit something...hard. When I looked down I saw a pair of legs. I turned around to see my boyfriend, lying on the building steps, his upper body behind the door. He mumbled something after I said, "oh, sorry!"

I was really not expecting him to be there.

There's this homeless guy that stands by the garage door below my bedroom window EVERYDAY. I see him every morning at work when I go upstairs to get my coffee. Sometimes I think he sees me too. Coworker Dan has taken to calling him my boyfriend. "Hey your boyfriend's out there waiting for you."

Well today I slammed his head. I think it's safe to say it's over.

Do you guys drink Yakult? In taiwan, it's a kids drink, kinda like box juice, and I grew up drinking it like candy. It was a special treat. Like chocolate milk. To my surprise, it started being sold as some sort of healthy probiotic stomach regulator drink a few years ago in the states. I laughed. But man, they are the ones laughing now. This weekend I was in the grocery store, and I saw the package of yakult and suddenly had a craving. I went to pick it up only to see the price of 3.99, and then withdrew the hand. 3.99 for a package of like...6! Are you kidding me? Do you know how tiny they are? At the asian grocery stores you can get like 8 for .99. Something ridiculous like that. It's sad that my childhood treat has been hijacked.

So just a heads up, don't get it at the regular grocery stores if you're ever having a craving. Find it at your local asian grocer.
And...you're welcome.

OMG

This is probably old and fairly general knowledge, but did you know Alan Greenspan was somewhat a student of Ayn Rand's?? He was in her collective and everything. Crazy! But probably not that crazy. I need to wiki this relationship of theirs. But heard it on the radio today and couldn't even believe there was a connection.

In other news, I think I might have a cavity. Balls.

Ho Hum

I love Ewan McG. Even though he can't do an american accent, he is still so sexy to me. In fact it kind of makes him cuter. Maybe I watched too many Long Way Down episodes. Maybe I'm always getting him confused with Peter Saaaaaaarsgard and Jude Law. Who knows. But he was damn sexy in Moulin Rouge. And a bunch of other things. I bet his kids are super cute.

There is a new library opening up in a month! I can't wait to walk through it. I wonder if the books will be new in a new library, or if there will be used books from other libraries in the LAPL system. I'm sure it'll be a mixture of both...though I'm secretly hoping the books will be on the newer side. Sure old books and used books give libraries their flavor. But man, are they dirty. Or, I assume they are. I don't want to find out by conducting my own black light research. I've taken to wiping down all my library books when I get them home with some clorox wipes. I don't want any type of dirt or germs sitting in bed with me when I read myself to sleep. But even with the wiping down they still feel dirty...maybe I just need to do a double wipe.

I know this all sounds very bougie, and very against romantic library ideals. But i can't help it, i don't like dirty.

I also hope this new library will have a good and large selection. The ones by my place are a bit scant. And I don't want to haul my ass down to the main downtown library to find what I want. Though, i probably should go again soon.

And, as if you weren't already sick of everyone else saying it today: What's with the winds?? Our power went out 3 times at work, and I gave up trying to restart my computer after the 3rd time. Let's just hope autosave is my friend in the morning. Hopefully this windy episode will alert my landlord to cut down the trees in front of my window soon. Crossing fingers...

Oh my f**ing....

This day has long been coming. I can't believe i even did it, usually i would have chickened out. But i gathered up all my courage tonight to knock on my neighbor's door.

She is so loud in the mornings! She does these workouts (kathy smith i believe, cuz i can hear it) and i can hear all this rhythmic thumping through my closed bedroom door!! So that starts at 5:45am, (8am on saturdays) for about an hour, and then she gives me some quiet while i just lie awake in my bed, unable to go back to sleep. And then! And then just when i finally fall back to sleep again, it continues at 8am where she runs in circles in her apartment, yes, INSIDE her apartment with what sounds like flip flops, so that every morning i hear this constant flapping noise through the walls. She'll do a few laps in her apt before going out into the halls, up the CONCRETE stairs, across the upstairs halls, and back in before SLAMMING her door to go to work. Every morning. Flip flops. Flap flap flap flap flap x every morning x 30min= a very annoyed me. And her loud tv too. Ugh, so annoying.

So finally i had enough this morning. Actually, saturday morning. I got dressed to go talk to her, but then figured she probably wouldn't want to be seen all sweaty and whatnot. I've ran into her in the hallways before when she's throwing out her trash and she has all this stuff all over her face. Fair enough. No woman wants to be seen a mess. So i tried to go back to sleep. But this morning...oh it was just pissing me off. To the point that i vowed to talk to her tonight after work. When she was dressed and not sweaty and presentable. So i did. Or tried.

First i paced around my apartment. Then finally i made myself go over, during what was the 2nd commercial of a commercial break of whatever show she was watching (because, yes, i can hear her commercials through my walls) so that I'm not interrupting her show. I knocked two times on her door, waiting for a long time in between knocks. I can hear through her LOUD tv what sounded like her getting dressed? So ok, i give her some time. But after a while it was obvious she was not going to answer the door, and i felt like an idiot standing in front of her door. So i wrote a note. Tried to word it so that it didn't sound rude (which was what i was trying to avoid by talking to her face to face). Knocked again, waited again, and taped the note to her door.

And now i'm blogging because i have all this nervous energy from talking myself into this ordeal. But this girl runs EVERYWHERE!

She runs to her door when she comes home from work. She runs a few laps in the apt after running to the door when she comes home from work. She runs down to the laundry room. She runs laps in the laundry room. She runs the perimeter of the garage instead of the straight shot to the laundry room. She runs to the garbage shoot. She runs EVERYWHERE! I applaud her for wanting to stay in shape, but not at the cost of my sanity! Plus running in flip flops can't be good for her feet! Why not just put some running shoes on? At least those won't be so loud.

So, i just heard her throw her trash out, and take the note off her door. I kid you not, i can hear these things. Thin walls, loud movements. Let's see if she leaves me alone in the morning.

Need some opinions. Am I asking too much in wanting peace and quiet? Or is she just crazy!! I wonder if she heard me knocking and saw me at the door with the peephole and decided to ignore me. What if i needed medical aid? A cup of sugar? I'm always friendly when i see her. I always say hi. This is the first time since she's moved in that i've tried to say anything. Why did she ignore me???? What do i do next time i run into her? Be friendly of course, but ask about the note? Pretend it never happened?

Oh yea, also i signed it as "your neighbor" instead of my name, cuz i figured maybe i can keep it vague enough for her to think its her OTHER next door neighbor, to keep her guessing and keep it down. But now when i run into her it'll be awkward....oh what an awkward situation....


NEED YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!

Today

Today, I woke up and could barely walk from my bed. Rewind: Monday I decided to do a Jillian Michaels workout video, and felt great afterwards. Yesterday I felt fine. Today though. TODAY. Sometime during the night my muscles decided to flip out on me and go bezerk and make me look like I have a stick stuck up my ass when I'm walking. It's the calves and the quads....oh...they burn.

This always happens to me. I exercise once; one video, one mile, one hip hop class, one climb. And then I'm hurting for the rest of the week. I know i probably need to work up to these sudden intensities, but I can't tell how intense I'm going until it's too late and I'm hurting a few days later. And then this throws my schedule off, and I'm out the whole week. I wish I could ask Jillian how to do this correctly and not hurt and keep going several times a week. I just want to be strong. I want arms that can punch you in the face if I have to. I want my legs to be calm and quiet after a day of sitting in a chair rather than buzzing and itching for me to take them out on a run. I want to be able to kick you in the nuts and run 5 miles away when you surprise attack me from behind. Suggestions on a good way to get into an exercise routine anyone? (And yes I warmed up.)

This pain won't fare well for Salsa class tomorrow. I may have to skip. The best thing last week was that the female instructor didn't remember me (likely), but the male one did! (surprising) We had a nice little chat while he whirled me around, like we were having coffee and scones to pass the time, instead of busting a move and working up a sweat. Because I am THAT good when I salsa with him. Sigh, too bad I might miss out tomorrow. I even practiced my hand moves, of the Sexy Hand Moves.

Not like the footsteps themselves aren't hard enough, but then they throw in these flourishes for the female arms. If you didn't know already, I have awkward arms. That's why I love pockets, they're practically a must have when I make a dress purchase. They just give that awkwardness a place to be, a home. But I digress...

Not only are these hand moves hard for me to refine, they have an element of sexiness to them that my awkward arms can't quite achieve. It's like when I tried hip hop and realized that my hips "just don't move that way." (Yknow, that "ahhhz...push it...push it good" kind of way. You know.) Arm-in-arm-out-past-shoulder-point-finger-slide-down. Too many things to think about to be sexy and slinky come hither arms. But...I'm working on it. It's just too embarrasing to work on in class, so I have to do it at home by myself, but then practicing isn't really practicing when you don't have a real partner getting in your way. Fiddle dee dee.

Today I had a great hair day. It was awesome.

Today I came home late from a long day at work, and still made myself dinner rather than just ordering take out. Yay me.

Today after pressing very few buttons to make an awesome edit, I realized that I am a sharp shooter. Fast too.

Today wasn't the greatest day that I've ever known, but it was way better than yesterday, so i'm grateful for that.

Come fly with me...

...or Falcon, either one.

Another day, another night of blogging from bed. I should really quit this bad habit.

Today I felt humiliated not once, but twice by technology. I really love you technology but the way we rely on you for the useless things in our lives just makes me feel really sad about the human race...and myself, for going along with the human race. Specifically, fb. There, I admitted it. I can't even spell it out by name. You know what I'm talking about, S. I'm going to hang my head in shame now, for even letting it get to me.

On the bright side of things...I'm getting my own show...on the web. I know you're thinking, who doesn't have their own show on the web these days? But since I work in tv, I'm hoping my show will stand out just a little more. At least I'm hoping. For now it's started out as a joke (actually has to do with my recent blog entry about the scary movie) but I'm hoping I can draw out this joke and make something out of it.
Actually I've always been quite serious about it but when I talk about it people end up finding it funny. And yes the haha kind of funny (no pun intended), instead of taking it seriously. Even though this will deviate from what i originally envisioned the show to be (since 7th grade), I really hope that it goes somewhere, does something, has a following. It's just up to me to figure it out what and how. But also I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't go anywhere and was merely a one time joke. I guess we'll see.

I miss the rain...it was like an old friend, popping in to say a quick hello. I was hoping it would have stayed the weekend. We could've had tea together...

A coworker has decided to take the next 2 months to travel, and boss man approved it. Which means he'll be coming back to a job, safe and secure. I AM SO JEALOUS. And yea sure, since he's doing it, I could probably request the same thing, it's like he opened the gates for all of us, but still...I can't and won't. His reasoning was that nothing was keeping him here; he recently broke up with the gf, he still doesn't have a ton of friends here, and now, work is allowing him to come back. He feels like he's still young, gotta go see the world before he has to settle down. I agree with him completely. But as much as I'd love to drop everything, it's just not my nature. I'm a terrible traveler: I get sick so easily (car, motion, viruses, food). Im a girlie girl in that I'd need my stuff with me. Also I'm not one to venture out on my own. As much as I want to believe that I'm an independent woman, traveling is not something I'd want to do alone. What good is seeing old ruins and eating fine foods if you can't share it with someone else? If i travelled alone, I'd probably spend the entire time blogging in my head to someone that didn't exist! I should have studied abroad back in college, but not like I could've afforded it back then! I'm just jealous that coworker is able to do something I'm too scared to do myself. But good for him, I'm happy for him, though it leaves us in a sucky situation at work.

Oh it's so great when you're ready to go to bed and the sheets are cold and there's the sound of rain outside!  Apparently everyone's been waiting for this rain for a while, people can't stop talking about it.  Yes, including me.

I saw An Education tonight which was really good.  Finally a movie that doesn't make me hang my head in shame!  It's got a cute girl obsessed with Paris and she wears cute outfits from the 50s.  My kind of flick!  Movies like this give me hope in doing what I do.

It also made me really miss British things.  I've never been an anglophile like an old coworker of mine who just wanted to move to London and marry an englishman while listening to Brit pop all the time.  I've always thought it was a bit ridiculous, to badmouth and give up your own culture because you were so mad about another.  

But tonight watching this movie made me miss British things that I got to experience for a short while.   Like the British accents of children and women that I always loved to hear, PG tips, the F word with gordan Ramsey, weird words we never use here, answering a question with a question, and antiques roadshow, the BBC version.  I hope I'm lucky enough to experience all this again in the future, but for now I'm just grateful I was even able to get a glimpse.  

There's been a few blasts from the pasts lately which make me wonder what people's true perceptions of me are after spending large quantities of time with me in one sitting.  I don't just mean a hang out here and there but I mean real quantities of time.  The kind where you find out what really makes a person tick or the deepest secrets you don't tell other people.  I always feel like I start off pretty strong but then lose steam somewhere along the way and become this boring person who has nothing interesting to give...

I have this fear of being too serious and boring.  It's not a fear really more like it's something that's followed me all my life.  And so I try extra hard to get rid of it only to find out that I can't because that's just the way I am.  And I guess the fear really just stems from feeling like I'll be stuck with this stigma for the rest of my life.  Hm...I'll try this another day, I don't know where this is going really.

I'm a SURVIVOR!

What?
I'm not gon' give up
What?
I'm not gon' stop
What?
I'm gon' work harder!!!


Yay!! I survived. I'm still alive, and had an ok 2nd night of sleep last night without TOO many nightmares. The first night I had major nightmares...where Brett was shoveling rats down his shirts and I could literally feel them crawling on my body in my sleep. Ugh. And also the movie just kept replaying and creeping into my thoughts during sleep. That is one sneaky movie. NEVER AGAIN.

Just got home from a night with a wonderful man, Mr. Mraz. He was lovely as usual, but I wasn't digging the new goatee. What I love about him is that aside from talent just poring out of his pores, he also has such a positive attitude and outlook on everything. He is all about saving the world, creating community, love, all that lovey dovey stuff. If i didn't love him so much I'd think he was faking it, but I don't think that kind of attitude is something you can fake for too long. There are moments when he is playing or singing so intensely that I have to look away from him...because it's unbearable. I just can't handle watching him when he gets all that intensity in him. It's just too beautiful to look at.

OMG. I'm starting to sound like Bella. Good lord. Moving on.

It's suppose to rain next week. I can't wait to try out my rubber boots! (Yes, to protect me from the long trek i have to make to work. You never know what kinds of puddles could be lurking about from here to...across....the...street...)

Ok, someone tell me who told Scarlett Johanssen she could sing. I mean, ALLOWED to sing. She is awful, and what is Pete doing anywhere near her? Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she should sing! Seriously. ScarJo, please, do us all a favor and just stick to what you do best: Marble Columns. I'll even allow porcelain fountains. This one or that one or this one or that one. BUT NOT SINGING. Thanks.

Must not...fall...asleep.......

So.  Night 2 of blogging from bed.  But tonight it's because I'm afraid of going to sleep.  The trouble with being single is that you go to bed alone- there's no boogieman protection.  I seriously need one tonight.

The trouble started earlier this week when an email at work went out about how good the movie "paranormal activities" was suppose to be.  And then Brett announced that he was going to a screening of it at the paramont lot.  I asked if I could come along since i havent been back on the lot in forever, and its always fun to catch a screening there, no matter how bad the movie is, and since this one was suppose to be good, i thought it would be fun.  But alas, he already had his +1.

Apparently it was my lucky (or maybe unlucky) day since Ellen bailed at the last minute and I ended up going with Brett.

We both knew it was a scary movie but we were both totally and utterly unprepared.  I don't know what we were thinking...

Actually I was thinking of a completely different movie.  Note to self for next time: watch actual trailer of scary movie before bugging someone to take you to a screening.  Actually no, new note: get your scary movie titles right!!!!

I thought we were going to watch some movie with milla jovovich that was suppose to be scary but would turn out to be laughably funny.  After an hour of the movie with no milla anywhere close in sight, I still thought to myself "wow, how are they going to introduce her this late in the game?". Uh...I am so stoopid.  

Towards the climax of the movie, yes the part where I was shitting in my pants and covering my eyes, I was thinking "wow this must be a weird new way of marketing films...to put milla in the trailer and not even use her?". Boy I am so stoopid.  

It wasn't until after the movie that I realized that I thought I was seeing a completely different movie.  Yes after Brett informed me, "uh...milla jovovich isn't in this movie.".    Oh.
  
Seriously people.  There is absolutely no need for people to see this movie.  Not to say it wasn't well done.  It was actually a really good scary movie.   (says the girl who is afraid to fall asleep).  Who likes scary movies anyways?  Unless you're the type of person that likes to torment themselves.

So now, I'm in bed, so very tired but afraid to sleep.  I've already watched my gossip girl DVDs, lived through blaire and chuck's little games for a few hours, caught the late night oprah (today it was about hoarders)...and I'm tired and want to sleep!!!

I wonder if brett's having any luck sleeping.  His gf isn't home for boogieman protection either so he said he was gonna go home and "watch the shit out of finding nemo."  I told him the only Disney movie I have at home was...Monsters Inc!!!!!   Agh.

So for now, I'm blogging and listening to Jason mraz.  Thinking of puppies and flowers and raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

Speaking of MR. AZ, Hills and I will be seeing his lovely face Saturday night, at the bowl!  I'm so excited, we've been waiting for this concert for a really long time.  I know most guys can't stand his music but he is really just oh so talented and just so much better LIVE than on his lame poppy over-produced sellout albums.  Ok sorry I didn't mean that.  It's just that I know he is so much better than his albums... But I guess if you want to go world wide, you have to suck it up sometimes and make albums that sell.  And when you're famous people will pay to see your live shows and see how good you really are...?  Man I'm glad I'm not in the music biz.
Though I don't know how much better my industry is...but that introspective career blog shall be saved for another day when I'm not typing with my thumbs.

What else...

Oh my bff and hubs bought a house today.  What an adult thing to do.  Nevermind the fact that they've been married and have two kids-but they're REALLY adults now.  Maybe not just the house but the whole adult package with marriage and kids.  It's like picture day and picking how many pictures you want.  

They chose package A: the marriage the kids the house and ten 8x11's.  For now I seem to have chosen package D: five wallets, no boogieman protection, and years away from being adult enough to order package A.  
But yknow, I think I can only handle 5 wallets for now anyway.  And guess what S?  You're getting all 5 of them to put on the walls of your new place!  One for each room.  Yay!  
Congrats to you both, I couldn't be happier for you guys.  (do I get a room there too??)

Ok kids.  Enough of this silliness.  It's time for bed.  (who am i kidding, its really because my batteries are dying).

Wish me luck, I hope I make it through the night.

I really don't want to make a habit of blogging from my phone but it's just a hand thing to do when you don't have a laptop nor a tv in your bedroom and the phone is just so within reach.

I've been listening to a lot of Savage Love podcasts in bed since I've been sick.  It's a lot like loveline but he takes more time.  Also I think some of the questions are a deeper level of xxx than loveline, if that makes any sense.
It's pretty interesting to listen to, though I don't always agree with what dan has to say.  He's very much against monogamy. And although some part of me agrees with his logic, the other part of me wants to believe he's wrong.  Well ok, he's not AGAINST it, he just doesn't believe that humans are meant to be monogamous.

I know that the world is just too big for me to have only ONE "the one", and if I do meet "the one" it would be one of a handful, with the rest of the handful spread out all over the world.  But what if I'm only really compatible with 100 people in the world?  100 is a rather large number, I don't think I even know that many people, but in the scope of things...100 is merely an ant in the hay stack of our world of 2.5 billion!  And what if 50 of them are just milling about in say, Detroit, all clustered up together as ants like to do.  That cuts my chances of meeting that ONE by half!  (Because really, I'll never go to Detroit, who goes there for fun?)

I don't know what point I'm trying to make.  I guess it's just that I feel like, unless I'm constantly travelling the world and meeting new people everyday, it's not very likely that I'll meet my one in 100 just sitting here idle.  Idle as in living in one area.  But people do it everyday.  Dozens of people are hooking up in the greater Los Angeles area every day!  (or so says the slutty chick on those late night commercials.). And by hooking up I mean having meaningful relationships, THE ONE relationships.  So it must be possible.  But doing the numbers make it seem so improbable...

The trouble with staying home from work...

1. You end up watching TV shows on DVDs non stop, getting sucked into the lives of characters that you'd never hang out with (though secretly wish you did). A couple years ago this happened with Sex and the City, where I started to believe I was Carrie (ok fine, I still do). This year I'm living the upper east side life via Blair and Serena. The only thing is that this time, I know I'm not either of them, but I'm starting to believe I'm living life in the nyc. XOXO

2. You end up bored and paranoid, scouring the internet for swine flu information, only to find that you have all the symptoms. Ah, good old internet. What did we do before the internet days when we couldn't self diagnose our illnesses?

3. You miss hang outs and parties because you can't spend too much time on things that don't involve laying or sitting down.

4. You end up making lame lists on your blog.

5. You listen to way too many hours of the Savage Love podcast, which, isn't exactly trouble, but might be when you realize you can't quit it.

6. You see too much coverage of the Letterman extortion scandal.

That's all for now.

What the face?

Hello, 700th post. Welcome.

I was thinking yesterday how with the cooler weather, it's really starting to feel like fall, something in me was feeling something familiar, and it made me happy...Until I realized that I mistook that familiarity of the "warmth of fall" with the "ugh-ness of sickness". Well, here it is, the first sickness of fall. Thanks for visiting, but you weren't invited, so let's get on with it, eh?

The other day I was trying to explain something to B over the phone and couldn't quite get my point across. It's this cloud of thought sitting in my head that I can't seem to put into speech. And since I can't even think clearly right now, there's really no point of me bringing it up. Except to say that I'm horrible at speaking. Not speech making, but everyday speak. It's really hard a lot of times for my brain to send the proper messages to my lips to get the right words out. If you've met me, you will most likely have experienced this at some time during our interactions. I apologize for my blubbering on. Perhaps I just have to practice more. Or read more (which I've been trying to do). I just really wish I was eloquent in my speech. I use to blame this on the fact that I wasn't born in this country, and didn't spend the first 6 (and very FORMATIVE, mind you!!) years speaking English, but I think I've been here long enough to not be able to use that as an excuse anymore. Darn.

I need me a Henry Higgins. If only Henry Higgins came in a handy iphone app. I'm off to look for one, but in the meantime, I'm looking for book suggestions. Something along the lines of Time Traveler's Wife, Life of Pi, An Equal Music? No no, I take that back. Something more difficult, something where I can expand my speech abilities. Suggestions welcome, and thank you in advance.

Hairy Business

I had a kernel of panic earlier while I sat in the theater. I realized that if I had waited 2 more months to cut my hair, I could've had a rockin' costume for Halloween: Amy Winehouse. It would've been perfect, I have the outfit, the tats, the shoes, the whole shabang. And then i realized that I HAD the hair, which was key to the costume, and now it's gone. Gone. Just like that.

Sigh.

I tried to make myself feel better my telling myself that I don't do anything for Halloween anyways, the last time I dressed up was years ago.

But this year could've been the year that i had a rockin costume!!! Dang it. I jumped the gun, yet again.

I don't miss my hair all that much, other than the way it used to look. Now i feel like a tomboy. I hope it grows out quickly.

The thing about blogs...

Last night, in an attempt to be less secretive and more open about myself, I told a few coworkers over some delicious hipster sausages that I do indeed have a blog. This was after their rant about how blogs are narcissistic and really, who would want to read about what you have to say? "If you're my friend I"ll just talk to you, I don't need to read about it," I think was one of the arguments.

And yes, while I would have to agree that the whole notion of a blog is a bit self absorbed, at the same time, I'm wondering, What's wrong with being a bit self absorbed once in a while? It's not like you're shoveling it down people's throats. It's not a direct email or phone call to any one in particular. You get to talk about yourself as much as you want, and people can read it when they feel like it, at their "leisure." That's right, because reading my blog should be done at your leisure.

I brought up the blog NOT because they were vilifying blogs ("making fun of" was more like it), and I felt like I had to shut them up, or defend my blog. Like I said, they had some pretty valid points. I brought it up merely because I wanted to contribute to the conversation and what better way to do so than to admit that yes, I am an active participant.

It's always a bit awkward bringing up the blog. But whenever you do, the inevitable "what's your blog called" is asked. Let me just say, I bring it up to let people know that "this is something I do," and not necessarily to passive aggressively ask them to read it in a roundabout way. I really have no preference whether I want to let people read my blog or not. It's just that...I'd rather not know about you reading my blog. Once I know who my audience is, I start writing (and editing) according to the audience, and then I feel like I can't be myself and write all the things I want. You think I'm secretive now, wait til I get a real following! By that time, the blog will cease to exist.

Besides, it's the age of the internet. If people like said coworkers were really curious and wanted to read my blog, they could just do a simple search. You don't even have to be a stalker to know how to do that.

What I should have said to those naysaying blog bottom-dwellers was this:
My blog allows me to write my thoughts down, and how I'm feeling at any given time. It's as much for myself as it is for other people; it's a record of the little things that go on in my little life, and once in a while, I enjoy going back in time and remembering those little moments, because we take so much of it for granted. It also helps me to keep what little writing chops I have up, because I need to work on my other skills in order to keep my sanity during work.

I love my blog, and I'm glad I started it up all those years ago, despite even my own skepticism at the beginning. GO ME.

ME. ME. ME. ME. ME.

Because it's MY blog.

Thank you for reading.

Random Rants #473

Wow, I just came home to hear a loud noise at my window. I thought maybe it was thunder, another earthquake, someone throwing something against my window. But nope. I learned from the news that it was a sonic boom caused by the landing of a space shuttle in bakersfield. And suddenly I had this moment of amazement at the world. That i could hear such a loud sound from so far away, that something humans created could go faster than the speed of sound, that there's so many amazing things that go on in the world every minute that I have no clue about.

Multitasking. I recently read an article about a guy who decided to monotask (?) for a whole month. It was an interesting read, something I'm *thinking* about doing. I say this as I'm blogging with the news on loudly in the background. Can't concentrate...big changes in weekend weather...must focus on point. What was my point?

More later.

September Falls

I love how the taste of nectarines always remind me of summer. I had this thought today as i bit into one, and realized that it was already september, and that summer is over, and where did the last 9 months go?

And now fall is upon us (though you'd never guess it from the heat and all the fires). Time for back to school, warm beverages, and things to die. How...convenient.

I realized today that i am now at 10 inches. Finally, I can cut off my hair. But now that I'm at my goal, i'm having second thoughts. I mean, I'd love to have my short hair back, not to have to deal with shedding, less time shampooing, less time drying. But i feel like my 10 has been with me for some years now and parting will be tough. If only i can be sure that i'd get a great cut, but then again, i'm never happy with cuts. I need some time to mull it over.

I just watched gray gardens, the new hbo version, and it was great, and fascinating, and beautiful...but also very depressing. It was a very dark type of sad.

I need something different and new. Something to differentiate then and now. The perfect thing would be a fantastic new haircut, but the hair's not ready to be cut yet, it's still cooking in the oven. Too bad. I have big plans for this new hairdo of mine. Big plans. HUGE. I have to go shopping now.

No, I really do. Ok, no, i don't really. But i'm afraid that's what i'll end up doing in search of this something new. I'll just end up buying that something new. Maybe i'll draw a picture. Make a pretty painting.

Also, i'm really tired of being nice. Nice gets you nowhere in life.

Maybe i'll get a yogurt.

The Shop Around the Corner

Finally watched this tonight and realized that
1. Meg Ryan's adorableness in You've Got Mail is only a rehashed version of Margaret Sullivan's own adorable quirks. Down to the very minute details. Now does this make Meg Ryan a really good actress? Or is she just another Gucci knockoff from Canal St???
I'm not sure.

2. The way James Stewart speaks reminds me of a recent movie I saw with Nick Cage. Why I was even close to a nick cage movie, i don't know, must've been work related. Down to the very lip thing they both do! Ugh. Yet another Gucci knockoff? Except Nick's Gucci knockoff would be found in the final clearance bins of wal-mart. Take that cage!

Finally

I'm so so glad my friends and colleagues are finally home. It was so nice to see their homecoming, especially seeing euna reunited with her daughter. Her life has always amazed me, and now having gone through that it amazes me even more. I can't imagine being away from such a cute kid for so long. I'm not a sappy one, but just seeing her hold on to her daughter for dear life makes me tear up. It's just so weird to think that i know people on the breaking news...

She called in on speakerphone today and hearing her tired voice made me want to cry. It also made me want to give her a really big hug, but not let go for a while. And then I thought about all those other people who might want to give her a hug as well when she comes back and thinking how much more tired she'll be after that. She just looked so thin and pale and just...tired on tv.

And then, as hollywood would have it, all the news goes to paula abdul leaving AI. After all the emotions and intensities and happiness...all those feelings are followed by paula. I really don't know how to feel about that.

Thriller

The other day I was driving with my window down and suddenly heard a car pull up next to me, blasting MJ. Without even looking over, I half rolled my eyes, thinking, "It's been weeks since the funeral, people are still trying to make a statement by blasting it out of their cars?"

So I keep driving, and slowing down at the next stoplight, I heard the music faintly again...but this time I notice that the car next to me is...a ja-goo-ar. A jag, really? So i pull up some more to try and catch a glimpse of the punk behind the wheel, blasting that loud "Thriller" through open widows and was surprised to find...an old man. Like...OLD. LIke balding 80 year old-ish man.

Somehow that made me smile, and I gave him a mental a-ok for blasting music out of his car.

The beginnings of my 28th year has been an interesting one so far. Well, no exciting incidents, more like "mentally interesting." I don't know if it's my surroundings, the direction of my career, the people i'm with, or just......just....dare i say it? Has the countdown began?

Oh dear, I've said it.

This is what they say happens, the switch goes off, and...I think it's happening? Is my switch going off?

Lately I've just been wondering what it's all for. You work so hard and get so far and...for what? Money to buy yourself a lovely aqua dress with buttons and pockets? Yes, that's very nice. But then what?

Perhaps I'm just bored at work, bored with life, so I think about these things. I don't know that having a husband and kids would make me less bored. (probably more stressed than i want to be!)

I just want to be used to my full potential and I guess I don't know what that is. I feel the need to make and create and be really good at something.

I'll let you know when I figure it out. In the meantime, I'll continue to shuffle in diagonal I guess.

PS- HA! I just heard a car blasting MJ out my window. Maybe the old man heard me and decided to drive by my apartment!

Gee...

Hi there,
It's been a while. Lots has happened, the biggest one being MJ's death I suppose. I know it's all over the news now but still, after almost a week it's still so surreal. You can't drive anywhere without passing by a car blasting MJ hits with the windows down. Parties and concerts all pay some sort of tribute to him. I don't think I can say what I want to say without repeating what everyone else has said already. Perhaps I'll expand on my thoughts about MJ in a later post.

Too tired now. Will expand on thoughts at a later time. Just wanted to let you know I'm still around and still haven't forgotten about you. And no my thoughts haven't been elsewhere like Twitter or anything. Just been preoccupied with life. Say, don't we have an epic anniversary coming up? I'll treat you to something nice.

Band Wagon

OMG, why did the "cythia-nixon-is-a-lesbian-and-married" wagon never pick me up until a few days ago? And why, when i got on this wagon, was everyone else already sitting inside comfortably for years and wondering where I was all this time? WHY??

It really explains so much though.

Man alive!

Move Over Ira

Ok, don't move too far. Just scooch over a little bit, and make room for my newest unavailable crush, Steve Martin.

What can this man NOT do? He's funny. He's charming. He's an award winning actor. He's an eloquent writer, of both screen and songs. He's a banjo player. He's got lovely hair. He's quite the renaissance man!

I never think I'd want to meet any celebrities in person, for fear of having nothing to say to them, but I'd love to meet Mr. Martin. I'd ask about his inspiration for Shopgirl. I would've dated him in Roxanne, despite the nose sitch. I'd ask him to sing me an original song. And then I'd swoon...right into his arms.

Welcome Steve Martin. Congrats on becoming my latest man crush.

Close second? JJ Abrams.

Random Rants

I love shopping during lunch. Not that I even need to BUY anything, I just love the freedom of taking an hour during the school/work day to indulge in something that's only reserved for the weekends. And the best part? There's NO ONE TO STOP ME!!

There's no class to be absent to, no teacher who will call my mom, the boss (yes the one who replied to my email today saying he's gone for a swim at the ymca at 4:30pm) could care less. The hour (or maybe a bit more) is completely mine! It's such a thrill. Being an adult is rad.

Also, am planning to dress as Amy Winehouse to a party with the brit. After a trial run this weekend, I was a little disappointed, as I looked less like amy winehouse, and more like an asian whorehouse!! (you like that? i come up with these things ON THE SPOT people!) I'm even trying to hook up the tattoos. We'll see how that goes. Also trying to find the perfect winehouse outfit that has 60% personality accuracy, 20% comfort, 15% sexy, and 5% trashy. Just a pinch of trash, for accuracy reasons. But maybe that would fall under the 60%? Eh. I already gave up on the accent, as mine is so horrible its laughable. If anyone has any suggestions please sent them my way.

Ugh, i'm such an eeeediot.

Just got back from Trader Joes, where I almost got myself into a bad situation.

It went down like this:

I park and get out of my car, only to be approach by a fast talking man. Said something about being able to fix the dents on my car...his shop was just down the street. Already I knew this was a bad situation, and should just be on my way, but no. I let him talk. He said he did a job just like it a week ago and still had the same paint left. He could do it while i shopped. He'd do it for cheap. (um...how many warning signs do i need, really?) So i asked him how much, he said $50. Other people have quoted me much higher prices for the same job before, so I was kind of surprised. Still, let me remind you this was in the middle of the TJ parking lot.

So he explained that his shop was just down the street, he was in need of some cash so he would do it for cheap, he got this bottle of liquid and started wiping it on my dent, "see, just like that, it'll come off, i'll do it while you shop. if you don't like the job you don't have to pay me." On and on. Finally, i kinda just gave in and said ok. Here's the worst part: he said that i could just pop the trunk of my car and he'd get the dent out with his rubber mallot. And i was going to let him. I didn't feel comfortable about it, but for some reason I said ok. Ugh. Dumb dumb. As soon as i said ok (hesitantly) he went to his truck (parked in the middle of the parking lot lane) to get his tools. I stood there thinking.

And then! From across my car, i heard a "miss...miss!" This lady in a bmw was sticking her head out of the car, probably saw the whole thing, and she said in a low voice to me "don't do it miss. don't do it." That was all I needed.

Fast talking man (Tony) then came back to my car with his mallot and solutions, ready to get to work, and I said, sorry, but I'm not going to do it. He looked devastated. "What happened?" he said. "I just changed my mind, thanks though." And I started walking away. "How about $40? What changed your mind? What happened? I can do it while you shop!" I politely declined again, and then walked away and went into the store.

I was a bit shaken up by the whole event that i couldn't concentrate on shopping once i got inside TJs. If it weren't for that lady, i would've left my trunk open with a stranger in the parking lot and paid him money for doing who knows what. I don't know what I was thinking!!!

Ok, i know what i was thinking. I was thinking, the economy's shit, everyone's trying to make money anyway they can, he sounded kind of desperate, I'd help him out and let him work on my car for some cash. But...probably not the way to help someone. Everything about that incident made me uncomfortable, yet I almost did it. But my thinking is always, benefit of the doubt, which is probably stupid and naive....sigh.

I'm so glad that lady was there to intercept. Lots of other people probably witness the situation, but kept on minding their own business. I probably would have too. But good thing she was there to talk me out of it. THANK YOU BLOND BMW LADY! Thank you for saving me from my own idiocy.

Swine?

Yesterday started out fine until I was in the car driving. I thought my blazer was maybe too tight so i took it off. Turns out it wasn't my blazer, my shoulders were just aching on their own. That's when I knew...I was sick. It's weird to have your body being attacked and you completely aware of it. Waking up this morning wasn't any better, I ended up sleeping the day away. What a waste of a perfectly good sunday! One minute you're fine, the next minute a whole sunday's gone. The brit was kind enough to inform me of a deadly flu going around in mexico, one that i had no idea was happening. I thought nothing of it, until I woke up and watched the 5pm world news. It was everywhere: Swine Flu!

Ok, What are the chances of me getting sick out of no where the same weekend that a killer epidemic is going around? Paranoid me then goes to stop the Brit's promised visit, one that would've brought me some needed necessities (aka ice cream?). Despite dreams of ice cream, i didn't want to pass on whatever I had. He also assured me i didn't have the swine flu, but...

I'm sorry Ms. Montana, I am fo reeeeal

Geez, I just can't get away from Hannah Montana these days. I come home after a long day, and turn on my TV to see her on American Idol.

Now, i always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she's a poppy disney product. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have talent, right? Wrong. I know, i know. Everyone could've told me that. But still....I gave her the benefit of the doubt. After seeing her sing live on AI just now...her nasally annoying manly voice...it's awful. Yes, i've realized the error of my ways.

Nothing left to do now except to shuffle away in diagonal...

Banter #428

Sometimes i don't get myself. I don't get why i'm so lacking in girlieness, yet at the same time can't stay away from it.

I was assigned to edit the review of the Hannah Montana movie at work this week, I think mostly because the other two male editors would've gone crazy. Thing is...I didn't protest too much. I even had the chance to go watch the movie and expense it but sadly...I knew no one would even consider going with me. I thought about kidnapping some kids so I didn't look like the weird adult going to a showing of Hannah Montana at 10:30pm. Too bad S's kids are too young. (Or are they? Is Abs too young for HM? Is she? Is she?) I ran out of time this weekend anyway, but I'm embarrassed that i was trying to even plan it on Friday.

Seriously! How old am I? And I still watch HM and/or followed by The Suite Life of Zack and Cody?? (Only on saturdays, when I somehow can't find the remote.) And I don't even have a kid to blame it on.

Not to say I'm a tom boy or anything. I love my dresses and skirts and pretty pretty princesses. But everyone who has been to my place always comments on the lack of "a woman's touch." Or how about the fact that I have about a dozen skirts in my closet right now but always end up with jeans and my tennies. It's like i really try to be a girly girl, but comfort always overpowers the effort. Sigh.

Also, this is more for S, but...I'm knee deep in Twilight, thoroughly enjoying it...but....it kinda freaks me out when I read it right before bed. After i turn out the lights I end up suffocating myself in my blankets, only because I'm afraid that someone is watching me. The same thing happened when I was listening to Coast to Coast before bed, (thinking aliens would know that i'm on to them by listening to the program so they'd come after me first) and I finally had to give that up. I'm eager to read it tonight, though the brightly colored Cosmo magazine next to me seems like an option as well. Definitely wouldn't be more mind stimulating (who cares about 50 fun things to do bare-assed), but would create less anxiety in bed. What to do what to do. **Side note, I saw a vampire on People's Court yesterday during lunch. Seriously. He was pretending to be a property owner being sued by some lame renter. Judge Marilyn didn't seem to notice...but he's not foolin me. Nope.

PS

There has been no major decisions made on the name change. It probably won't happen unless I move far away anyways. However, I have been toying with the idea of "VIOLET" in case that day does come. My favorite color, a flower, and just a pretty name in general. I probably don't look like one...but play around with it...let it sink into your head while you look at me next time. Oh, and plus it has the letter V, which is missing from my current name, with its collection of odd letters towards the back of the alphabet. I dunno...plus you can make lots of scrabble words out of it, which you really can't with my current name (flash back to 3rd or 4th grade activity where you're suppose to make as many words out of your name....I couldn't come up with many and the teacher agreed. THE TEACHER AGREED!!! How many times does the teacher agree with a 3rd/4th grader? Yea...)

QUEUE

You know it's been a while since you've posted if blogger asks you to sign in...

It's been a busy jungle out there. That's all i have to say about that.

I do have to say though, that fellow reader, Mrs Warren, has got me hooked on Twilight. Yup, Twilight. I even took it to work with me today for those long render times i sometimes have to wait for. In fact...i'm wondering why i'm spending time blogging now instead of reading...hm....

I'm torn though, because thanks to a tip from Mr/Ms Anonymous, I have now come into my possession: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which a fellow male coworker was happy to let me borrow. The best thing about this book? Illustrations! They're pretty rad. The issue at hand though, is whether to read this book in conjunction with the next book in the Twilight series, New Moon? Or breakup the vampire romance series in favor of zombies romance.

Vampires or zombies....vampires or zombies....hmmm....it's a toss up.

ON TOP OF ALL THAT! I still have my lovely Golden Gate book that was really good too, which i've since put aside for the coming of Twilight.

My netflix queue is feeling a bit neglected as well. I've got Australia coming next, but first i've got to watch these other two i have. And, i'm behind on LOST and 30Rock.

Not enough time in the day I tell ya...

Case of the elephants.

Boy, i haven't had time to do anything lately. The apartment's a mess, the tulips have died, my clothes are strewn about, i can barely find this keyboard i'm typing on. I can't wait til the day when i have nothing to do. When i can just sleep all day and wake up and eat and then go sleep some more.

But in all this busy-ness, i have had time to think. And this thought randomly popped into my head yesterday as i was driving into topanga canyon:

Carrie Bradshaw loves designer labels. But her wedding dress...the dress she ended up marrying Mr. Big in, was purposely a no name label. It just doesn't make sense! Or maybe it made some writer sense, something like, "when it comes to love you don't need labels." And I just couldn't get this thought out of my head at that moment. Why would the writers do that. They must've had a reason. Did they talk about it in the movie? Was it in the dvd commentary? I can't remember now, and I couldn't remember yesterday either. And i didn't know who to call to find out because I don't know anyone who loves the show as much as I do, who would care enough to know what the answer to that was in order to give me the answer and not think it was silly. Because i need to know, dammit.

Or i should just rent the movie again. I never need an excuse to watch a little carrie. (Which, btw, they stopped showing at midnight on the cw...without notice. This made me sad and a little angry.)

Omg omg

This huge thing just happened at work, but i can't talk about it. Or better yet, I shouldn't. But, OMG. I hope my friend is ok.

That which we call a rose...

Every once in a while, i seek out the opinions and advice of my readers. Things like, what color klean kanteen should I get? But today, dear readers, i come to you with an important matter.

My mom sent me an email recently about changing my name. I just now got stuck in a long conversation on the phone with her in best buy. She seems to think that I should have an aka name, one that i introduce myself as. Usually i shrug off her crazy ideas, but this time it's not so crazy.

"Hell, nice to meet you, I'm Sam."

(Think less of Who's the Boss, and more of Country Bear Jamboree)


Now before you think this is a crazy idea as well, try to put yourself in my shoes. I've often felt like people (teachers, employers, new acquaintances, hot crushes) have passed me off because they couldn't pronounce, remember, read my name correctly. And to save themselves the embarrassment of getting my name wrong, it's just easier to ignore me altogether. I've been through enough of these to know the signs. And sometimes it makes me a little self conscious. This hurt me a lot as a first grader at the local library in new jersey, when I should've gotten a prize for a reading program and instead went to my sister...long story.

Anyway, the idea of changing my name is not so crazy, because well, people just don't seem to get it sometimes, and often I'm one of those people too. Which is why whenever someone has an unusual name, I try to make it a point to remember.

But! The counterpoints.
When people do take the time to get to know me, they often love my name. It's unsual, it's unique (but it's very hard to spell...don't forget the dash). I wrote my college essay all about sticking true to my name, and to change it now would seem like i'm going backwards...like my college is going to evoke my diploma or something. And all the important people already know me as my current name, to change it now would be to change into a completely different person! It'd be easy if i was moving across the country, starting a new life. Changing a name wouldn't be so bad. But i'm not. And i'm probably going to stick around here a while...

Sure, it's easy to say, screw the ignorant people who can't remember you. Who say your name wrong even after you've said it for them 3 times already. Why do I have to change something about me to suit the rest of the world? Sure, it's easy to say that. I wish I was strong enough to carry it out. But when you actually live it it's a different story.

The funny thing about this is that my mom thinks my current name is too androgynous. It's too vague on a resume whether i'm a guy or a girl. I told her it works to my advantage...if people think i'm a guy and i get called for an interview because of it then even better, right? She didn't seem to agree. Little does she know that the name sam is pretty androgynous as well...but let's not bring that up.

Maybe I just don't make good first impressions. Maybe if i had a more memorable personality it wouldn't matter that my name isn't so memorable...

What do you think dear readers? If I were to do this it wouldn't be an overnight thing...it'd probably be pretty gradual...but still i wouldn't know how that would work. My first inclination is to dismiss it, and carry out my life spelling my name for everyone. But again...my mom does have some good points that I agree with.

Good think i'm having this identity crisis now, as opposed to later when i'm having my midlife crisis. One at a time, right?

Work is killing me.

I'm exhausted, and I can't seem to catch up on the weekends. I miss long deep sweet sleep. Last night I went to bed thinking about the horrors that awaited me this week, and had a mini nervous breakdown. I then ended up dreaming about working the whole night, and couldn't get into deep sleep all night. I woke up exhausted. I feel like an old woman. I feel like I LOOK like an old woman. Withered and weathered. I'm in a frump slump. Even today in my nice bow tie sweater I felt frumpy. I need to go to the gym, and some new clothes. Maybe some heels. But even the mere thought of heels exhausts me right now. Oh no...this is not good. I can't afford to be an old woman at my age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much needed post...

It's way past the time I want to be in bed but...I had some things to post about...three...from what I remember.

1. I started reading this new book from my used collection, and realized it had an inscription in it! I was so excited! It wasn't the most exciting of inscriptions though, but at least the book is good. The inscription says:

August 1991
Kathy - (the bestest drama coach)
Something to remember SF by. Congratulations on your show. Wishing you lifelong success.
Love, Jennifer

My question is, why would you ever sell a book that someone wrote an inscription to you...in? How is Kathy ever going to remember SF without this book? Lucky for her that SF is pretty unforgettable. But still. I'd always keep inscribed books. At least ones to me. I wonder if Kathy even read the book...

2. I saw my favorite character from my favorite show at coffee bean during my lunch break on friday, further proving the fact that this show and I have it in the stars...together. Whatever that means. Favorite character other than Rob of course, but he is new, and she is permanent. I saw her right away when i walked in, and turned around and gave steve my "omg" eyes, which he didn't catch on to and just gave me a weird look back. So I turned to gawk at her again, not really sure if it was her because she looked a little different, but then the barista called "Lucy" and she picked it up, and that validated my suspicions. I love star gazing at the grove! Of course...no one around knew who she was. Heck, at my age, I shouldn't really know who she is. But still, I love her character on the show.

3. How did daylight savings time get past me this year? It totally crept up unbeknownst to me until this morning, when a friend who was suppose to come over at 10am called me at 9am, already parking her car outside. Technology is so tricky...our cell phones were way ahead of the game and had adjusted the time for me, as well as her. She had no idea it was day light savings either! There was a long minute of confusion after I hung up with her, looked at my clock radio, looked at my phone, back at the clock radio, wondered if power had gone out in the middle of the night for an hour, back at the phone, then out the window, back at the clock radio....you get the idea. I was a confused and groggy bear this morning.

And then I turned into an angry bear after realizing I just lost an hour and didn't even have time to prepare for it!

And that, dear readers, are your three things I needed to post today. Thanks for reading.